Hi guys

9 months with my GF. LDR. About 2 hours with plane. We see each other every 2/3 weeks for a couple of days. Sometimes we can meet for a whole week: depends on my job. She's still a student.

What i feel?
In short: i feel a deep personal connection with her. I really really like her personality. I can easily say she must be the sweatets and BEST girlfriend you can imagine. She is deeply in love with me, and shows this every day again. I trust her 100%, she trusts me 100%.
However....
my physical attraction thowards her isn't 100%. I WAS really attracted to her, when i got to know her. As the relationship continued, she was suffering from the distance, her studies, and other stuff. She lost weight, and sometimes.. frankly she doesn't look attractive at all anymore... That's part of the story

The other part is that she is not the most sexy woman you can imagine. I'm talking about clothes, about fashion, about the way a girl/woman act. She is unbelievably CUTE, but she isn't SEXY. I rarely get turned on completey. While other woman (just by wearing sexy clothes) can do.

I feel myself looking to other woman, much more than i should be.

I also feel that i'm doubting about this relationship. But every time i'm thinking to break up, i just can't imagine a world without her. In addition: I KNOW FOR SURE i will never, ever find a better GF than she is. And i know for sure that my next gf will be maybe sexier, but never she will have that lovely personality as she has.

Of course, due to the distance, we need to make plans. And it's difficult doubting about the raltionship, knowing that she is planning to move abroad and leave everything she has for me.


What should i do?

Thanks guys.

Honestly if are thinking of braking up with her you probably should.

Attraction will be a big deal down the line. It takes more than love for a successful relationship, keeping attraction is a big deal. I know you love her, but do you have a feeling your settling a little looks-wise? If you do, then the best thing is to break up. 9 months isn't that long, you haven't invested anything really, imagine waking up next to her after 5 years and realizing you've been fantasizing about other girls for the past 3 years and you don't even wanna have sex with her anymore because she doesn't really turn you on. Let her go before she makes the move, actually, the sooner the better.
Here goes the melodramatic drivel as some say: Listen to your heart.
In my experience, if the question about breaking up pops up into the mind, the answer is usually yes. You know it in your gut. It doesn't mean you have to lose her forever, you really can stay friends. Maybe not immediately, but down the line it's perfectly possible. I can proudly say I have the best ex in the world. We're such good friends and I trust her so much that she has access to my bank account in her country so she can wire me the money that I get there. It's a story similar to yours, except it lasted way too long. I totally feel you man. But you know it in your gut you should end it.

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

well. believe me, ive done it. same thing. my ex is one of the loveablest person you can imagine, but i wasnt into her, like really into her ever. she was my first. I was 12 years together with her and most of the time I was wondering if the feeling i was missing would come to me. I made her happy and I liked it. I hoped maybe it will come to me in time.... we have two kids. but eventually I left her. because I was missing the real thing all the time. I was sad most of the time, always looking at some other girls. I wasnt happy. It took 10 years to understand. you can and will find a person that suits you and your chemistry. you can make a decision now, later it will be a heavyweight decision.

Feel like i need more input on this one.

Maybe some further comments.

My GF is mentally very very bad. She has problems within her family and is suffering a lot from exams, the long distance relationship, etc. She feels all the time inferior to others and feels guilty of being bad. Of course, those feelings make the situation only worse.

Due to her mental problems, she changed fysically. She lost weight and is (too) slim.

She is in nowhere the girl like i've met her, and like i've fallen in love with. She was pretty, cute and happy. Now she turned into a sad, suffering person.

This is going on for months and months. Every time i hope things will change, and she can be the girl like she was. But nothing really changes.

I lost my attraction thowards her on a physical level. Sex is sometimes hard, and sometimes it creates troubles.

Sometimes i lose my patience for talking through all the misery and problems she has. She is now seeking again professional help.

I don't know whether i can cope with this. My life currently is quite stable: i have a job and earn quite a good amount of money.

But i do not have any friends apart from her. I am a very lonely person in general - i don't like too much social contact.

I am not bad with girls though. I am also quite an attractive guy. But i'm just not social. Hence i don't have friends in the moment.

Actually, i have no one out there except my current GF. But she isn't giving me pleasure and fun.

On the other hand, she is latently supporting me. She is the one i can talk too about my stuff, about what is going on in my life. She is the only one.

I feel like i should break up. But two things prevent me from doing so

(i) the fact that she would lose somebody who supports her. I am afraid things would be too much for her. I don't want to think in worst case scenarios, but if ever happened something, my life will be a misery.

(ii) the fact that i'm completely anti-social and would be all alone. the only support i have would be gone.


Please some additional comments.

Thanks a lot

A.

Oh man, that's a very tough situation. I don't have a good advice on this one. I only know one thing, taking responsibility for somebody else's life at the expense of your emotional and mental wellbeing is not good. I'm not sure you're helping her with this. I'm sure she loves your support, but it will never be enough to solve her problems. It's good she's seeking help, maybe there will be some progress with the counseling. Have you tried telling her how you feel? I don't know man, maybe you can talk about the effects of her behavior on your relationship. Maybe you could downgrade your relationship back to friendship, assure her you'll be there for her, but SPAM it's too much for you to deal with the situation. Again, 9 months isn't so long, she must have some life outside you. I'm not even worried about you here, I'm sure you can make friends and meet girls. I don't know your gf, I don't know if she's prone to self-injury, but I think there is very little chance she would do something bad to herself. But you know her, so you can judge that. This is very unhealthy for you. Being with somebody out of pity or fear is not what a relationship should be about. Just my 2 cents, I know it's really tough to leave her.

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Thanks for your reply.

Concerning the "staying friends". I have already proposed that. She literally said:

"i can't. Only when a lot of time has passed it would be possibile". Didn't expect otherwise.