Need some help with this one. We've been through a lot, my last post on the subject did help. Time for another one.

Quick history, my last post cemented that my wife is not everything I want. She is some of what I want, but not all of it. I settled. It hasn't been enjoyable for either of us because of that. We've both gone back and forth between wanting out, wanting in, to work on it, etc. Here is where I am at now, and the question I face:

I've told my wife what it is I want. I've done my homework, she knows my love languages, knows my personality, knows what I want/need to feel like I want to feel. In a nutshell, sexually, I am a fan. She's a great mom to the kids, sweet girl. A good one. That's the good, that I like. What she isn't is strong, powerful, my equal. After doing my personality homework, it's common that guys like me desire an equal. My wife is very passive, reserved, S type personality. Introverted, low self esteem. That I don't like. She is not quick witted, not strong enough to stand up and give me healthy debate, and that is not attractive to me. I win every argument or conversation and lead the entire relationship. That's great when I take us in a good direction, when good decisions are made, I own the responsibility and reward. When I make a bad decision or mistake, I own the misery, no one to share the success or failure with who truly understands the reasoning behind the decisions.

We are separated, have been for 5 months. She now says she wants me to help her become more confident, strong, my equal. We have kids, and a lot of life invested. I'm not fully over the idea of my marriage ending, but I'm far enough along that it doesn't scare me anymore, and I don't feel real close to her anymore. Little animosity, but little preference as well. I'm guarded about reengaging and "helping" her change. Looking for thoughts on whether this is a good idea or not and why.

Man this is all up to you, personally I'd give it a shot as kids are involved, but if you do and nothing changes for you move on. Good luck

I am willing to risk extra heartache for her, and myself, if more time and effort is put forth, so long as I feel there is potential reward. I am just struggling with the dilemma of whether or not I can help her, and if if it's reasonable to think that people can change because of someone else.

I am a subscriber to the idea that people can change, but only if they truly want to, and that comes from within and is done by the person themselves. In a nutshell, I think I can change, if I want to, and it doesn't require help from others. If I need help from others, I would question myself as to whether or not I am changing for myself, because I want to, or because someone else wants me to.

Looking for comments on why you would or would not be willing to ask/help a woman change if she wasn't everything you wanted. I'd prefer to get this right both for her, and myself.

coming from a family that, the parents "stayed together for the kids" lots of fighting involved, caused the kids to be introverted. marriage should never be only about the kids. Thats just an excuse that society plants on us. If you are not happy you can't fake it.

You can still be there for kids without living together. Kids will learn one day that people come in and out of their lives in a split second. As long as your there for them when they need you, you don't have to be married