Sup guys, weird situation here...

been with my gf about 7 months, we're doing long distance, its going ok.

however i think i like her more than she likes me, this is, as you know, not good. particularly in a LDR in which slight problems become big problems very quickly!

so i find myself needing advice on how to turn down my care towards her. or at least make it seem from her end as though i do not care so much.

anyway, im not sure if this makes sense but its a pretty basic question

cheers for the assistance all

el rubia

Don't answer your txts right away (wait 30mins-1hour), say 'no' from time to time, go out with your friends, hit on other women, get busy doing other stuff... important stuff, try to convince yourself that if she dumped you tomorrow, you wouldn't give a fuck. Once you start believing this, you'll be on your way.

At least you understand how important it is to care LESS in the context of a relationship. In any relationship, whoever cares LESS has MORE power.

You're having difficulty with it because in an LDR, the dynamic is skewed in favor of the girl. Attention (the male reinforcer) is being given w/o sex; and the constant anxiety that she might be unfaithful will always be there.

In a regular relationship, being less available immediately makes you care less - or at least gives off the impression that you do. In a LDR this effect is largely mitigated because the girl can assume the absence of attention is a result of your DISTANCE - she won't actually feel the "pull" in push/pull. Adding to this, there's always the chance that if you become "too unavailable" in an LDR, she will fall into the arms of a more charming man.

If you want to squash your desperation in an LDR; you have to have other options. Just KNOWING that you CAN get someone else in case your relationship doesn't workout changes your entire outlook. Stay out of Oneitis and avoid dependency. Don't get lazy because you have a girlfriend, beta backsliding is exactly why guys often hit slumps after they get shafted in their LDRs.

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My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

What Hakuna said. With any other relationship, caring less is the way to go. LDR's are tricky. You could appear apathetic, but the truth of the matter is she knows how invested you are, because you wouldn't be doing LD otherwise.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

[quote="Richard Pryor"]Don't answer your txts right away (wait 30mins-1hour), say 'no' from time to time, go out with your friends, hit on other women, get busy doing other stuff... important stuff, try to convince yourself that if she dumped you tomorrow, you wouldn't give a fuck. Once you start believing this, you'll be on your way.[/quote]

I'd go with this. You've just gotta make sure that you have a social life to fall back on if the worst came to the worst. It will make you feel more comfortable.

this sounds like the usual advice we always get, but if you can find a hobby or something that has nothing to do with a relationship, and truly enjoy it, she will see that you care about your own life as much as hers. When she calls, talk to her about how much fun you have been having with it, and she will start trying to prove that she is worth more effort than you're new hobby or pastime.

As others said, it is very important that you care less than the other one.

For having been in a LDR for a while, I must admit that everything went in my favor as long as I showed her that I went out, and made sure I could get her jealous within a couple of minutes. Not necessarily by saying that I saw a gorgeous girl, but simple things like "Oh, I saw that girl who really looked like my ex", or "that girl I talked to you about who had those awesome sex tricks I taught you".

The day a girl sees she has the power in the relationship, she WILL take advantage of you, and the fact that you are on the hook. Mark my words: she will hurt you, either by not knowing it, but most probably voluntarily to make sure she has the advantage. And that's when you have to show her you're not hers for the fun, and make sure you stop absolutely all contact.

Just a final word, don't make my mistake and forget about PUA, sarging, approaching and overall seducing. Because when she hurts you, you have to build your self-esteem up again. Not always very easy.