One hell of a situation, need the best help I can get.



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PostPosted: Sun Oct 23, 2011 7:31 pm 
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Well, Ive had a wonderfull relationship for 2 years with a great girl, she was crazy about me and I always seemed to control the relationship.
I used to be her whole world, she didnt have much friends because she only liked to hang out with me, and I didnt do same, I had many friends that I used to see while not seeing her and she used to come along sometimes (when she didnt want to stay home alone).

The thing is, I went on a trip with my family for a month, and when I came back everything has changed.
While I was gone my girl has started going out with my friends on a daily basis, and spent a LOT of time with them.
So when I came back, I found out that my girl has become best friends with a few of my best friends, and more than that, she told me she has a crush on one of them and he has a crush on her.
So, while saying that, she broke up with me, saying that she still has feelings for me, but not as much as she used to have, and besides, she cant be with me while feeling those things for my friend.
I could notice she does care less about me, and she does love me less because she cared less about the things I did and said, she actually didnt have a hard time braking up with me (before I went on the trip she would have never done that!).

So now Im in a messed up situation:
First of all, I do want my girl back, but I can also get over her if I wanted too.

The thing is, Ive been through break ups, and Im usually so good at recovering, Im just hanging out with my friends and meet another woman while forgetting my ex.

BUT THE BIG THING IS:
I cant hang with my friends anymore because she now hangs out with them!!
I tried to be OK with that and hang out with my friends while she is too, but Im getting all wierd, seeing her flirting with my friend that she has a crush on, that makes it harder to either get her back or getting over her.

I do not have other friend to hang with, all of my friends go out together, and I also cant ask them not to hang out with my ex anymore because she is the best friend of them by now.

My friends DO care about me, and if we hang out alone we're having a good time, but when my ex comes along I cant control myself and Im acting all wierd and BETA-LIKE.

Hope you see this situation as a challenge like I do, and help me out!


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 23, 2011 7:50 pm 
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First off, how old are the both of you?

If your friends really cared about you, they wouldn't be flirting with your girlfriend and choosing her over you.

You need to man up and let them know that this is not OK. Any of them who don't have your back need to be removed from your life. Honestly, are those the kind of people you want as friends?

By trying to be OK with everything, you are just being a doormat for everyone to walk all over you. You have just been royally fucked over by your gf and your friends...what self-respecting man would ever be OK with that?! You need to stand up for yourself. Not standing up for yourself could be a reason why your gf is now with one of your friends instead of you.

Also, you say you do want your girl back? That comes from the rejection and humiliation you are feeling. Think rationally for a moment. Why the hell would you want to get back together with a girl who dumped you for your friend?!

Go make new friends and meet new women. Get rid of the shitty people in your life who don't respect you.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 23, 2011 8:03 pm 
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Thank you for responding.

We both are 20, and I am currently unemployed so it is hard for me to meet new friends right now, its either sticking with them or staying home alone.

Dont get me wrong! I know best about being a doormat, I have plenty of experience, and I am not a doormat for these guys!

They are good friend, and they do not flirt with my ex, its only her flirting with them.

She flirt with them because shes an attention-addict, and thats about it.

I want my girl back because we had the best relationship, I can gurantee you that, and she dumped me only because shes confused.

Listen, I know her best, she is not the kind who play games, in fact, she never played a single game with me. However, games work best on her! when I dont answer my phone for 1 day she goes nuts and misses me, if I could only spend a week with my friends alone, she would get crazy about me and beg me to take her back. The thing is, I cant spend time with my friends because they both care a lot about both of us. They dont want to go out with me alone, leaving her home alone and vice versa, but when we both go out with them its all wierd and Im acting beta-like, destroing all the value I had in her mind.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 23, 2011 8:14 pm 
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I remember every time a girl screwed me over. I always used to rationalize her behavior and try to defend her too.

I even told people "she's just confused." But, the truth is, we aren't trying to convince the other people of that, we are trying to convince ourselves. We want to believe that this is just some kind of phase she is going through and soon her confusion will be lifted and she will come running back after realizing what a fool she had been.

Your friends don't want to go out with you and leave her home alone?! Come on, man! What the hell kind of excuse is that? Real friends know that you are going through some difficult shit right now and they should be there for you, taking you out, and doing anything they can to help you get through it. Instead, they are making it more difficult for you. And you are allowing it.

And it's not just her flirting with them. You said in your first post that she had a crush on one of them and he had a crush back. That is mutual.

I can also tell you that if she was just an attention-addict who liked to flirt, she wouldn't have to break up with you in order to satisfy her flirting needs.

Here is another thing I can tell you. Your friends made the first move. Your friend had a crush on your gf the entire time. Then when you went on your month long trip, he took advantage of your absence and used that as an opportunity to make a move on your girl. They invited her out, not because they felt bad that she was home alone, but because they wanted her.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 23, 2011 8:30 pm 
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I agree with every word you say, especially the last paragraph, I do think he had a thing for her, and made his move while I was gone.

The thing is, she is going through a break up as well, dont forget it, so they feel bad for her too and invite her when we go out.

This friend who has a crush on her is a good friend, and he will never do anything with her, and neither will she, trust me, its just that they both have feelings and its making my girl love me less.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 23, 2011 8:35 pm 
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Its hard for me to express myself well..

I do wanna get over her, I guess I dont really want her back.

Nothing is easier for me than a break-up, I've had plenty of them and my friends are my cure, its just that now my ex is best friends with them so they wont let her stay home alone after a break-up, and that just screws me, I cant get over her while she's there when Im with my friends!


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 11:04 pm 
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You have to confront that friend. Tell him the situation what you told here. That she has a crush for him etc.

He is your friend, he should chose you above any girl or fuck off.

If i where in your shoes, i'd talk to the one who she has a crush on, and tell him, you are totally not comfortable with the situation, becuase you can't get over her, when she's always there.

He should understand. If he doesn't you'll have to put him aside, since he's not a genuine friend.

Better, when you are alone with all of your friends (not her), Throw it in the group, say you totally feel akward with the whole situation, of her being with you guys. Big chance you get the group at your side.


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