Hey bro, in all honesty the best advice I can give you is to just -relax-, that right there is huge. I went thru the SAME exact thing you are going thru a few months ago, I got insecure as fuck about my relationship out of nowhere and I was too overbearing on my girl.

She backed off hard and I went even crazier.. I was constantly asking her questions, accusing her of things, and asking her why she doesnt act like she used to towards me...probably exactly the same feelings you are going thru, it was bad, and worst part is you realize what you are doing wrong and you know its wrong. It got to a point where she said "look if this continues, I might need to take a step back from this"

I knew I was doomed, I was on this forum everyday asking for help just like yourself and driving myself mad. What saved me...I had plans to visit her soon, and when I did...something changed and when I got there I was cool calm collective and confident. It threw her for a loop, she could sense it and see it and all of our negative feelings went away and I made sure the whole time I was there to make it amazing for her...just making the best impressions I could and do the opposite of what I had been doing.

The whole time she was clingy and needy as fuck and it made me act as if i didnt care because I was so happy and confident after that...and it saved me. Honestly man just RELAX and for now keep doing what you are doing...I cant give you any step by step plan that is guranteed to work. For me it was visiting her and acting confident and showing her I was still that man she first met...I think in your situation you changed too drastically like I did and they dont like that. Your relationship may or may not be doomed but all I can tell you is DONT OVERTHINK THINGS and RELAX, think of how you used to act and try and apply that.

Girls love to laugh they love having fun, they like cool calm confident guys and right now that is not you, just remeber that.

Hey,

I could use some advice.

You know the whole story about her being distant and before that she use to be super amazing in the words she said and how she showed it.

She told me she wants me forever and then she backed off.

Today we were on SPAM, she was texting her other friends whilst we were talking and I wanted her full attention because we dont talk much. Anyways, we started talking and it was good, but I was the one initiating contact and telling her cute things in which her replies were good like "your so cute", "you know I love you".

We got on the topic of the future, (fuck - my bad), because she was telling me that she is trying to find a balance of what is right, spend time with friends, family, talk to her boyfriend, when before she use to focus on me a lot and say the sweetest things. I think its just an excuse all this for her lack of contact and showing affection.

Anyways finally on SPAM she said, after I said the "forever thing" i put my guard up, and I dont want to be restricted. I was like, "you mean to one guy", and she was like, noo not at all, I don t ever think of any other guys, you should know that 100% (i believe her). She said she realized how serious the things are that she said and she wants to figure out what she wants.

On SPAM i started getting confused and a bit sad so i shut of my camera and told her I will give her space to figure it out, and she said uhh you dont have to distance from me, im fine. I said no its okay, ill give you space (expecting her to say no no baby), she says "okay fine", i say uhh okay. I say okay well dont you want to talk about it, and she says, well you are going to give me time so i guess i am going to figure out what that means.

Her battery died in that moment cuz she had 10% from the beginning of the call.

I messaged on her SPAM saying, just know i love you. She replied saying "i love you too, have a good tuesday x"

I dont want to distance from her, maybe this was all my fault, some serious beta shit. What do you suggest I do, should i message her? write her a letter? contact her chillly and just apologize? what do you think?

I want her back to how it was

WTF is wrong with you? You ask for advice but dont listen to any of it. What hapened to not telling her "I LOVE YOU" all the fkn time. Your situation is NOT different just becacuse it is long distance. I don't know how a guy can be so beta in a LONG DISTANCE relationship but you take the cake.
That you won't listen to.
She backed off because your not supposed to take a Woman seriously when she says those things. You took her seriously and freaked her out.
Her interest level is low. You keep FORCING interest from her, because you are so needy, and it makes you feel better for a while, but deep down you know something is wrong. FORCED interest from a woman does not count! Saying I LOVE YOU just to hear her say it back is NEEDY.
Again, FORCING her interest, because you NEED it, otherwise you FREAK OUT.
Translation: "Talking to you Whysoskinny has dropped drastically on my list of priorities because you are so needy and i know that even if i DONT talk to you, you will still be there wanting and needing me."
She was trying to win you over back then, then she won you, she will move on soon, to somebody who isnt so easy/needy.
Again, you have SCARED this girl with how SERIOUS you are about her. She is freaking out and now thinks she has to make the choice between FULL ON HARDCORE FOREVER relationship (with needy old you) or FREEDOM... She said it herself! Read what you just wrote! She realized how SERIOUS things are. You are being way too INTENSE. Honestly your borederline creepy, like, stalk her if she dumps you type stuff. No offense man but thats just how i see it.
You are kind of half assed trying to implement what we have told you here, but its just coming accross as you freaking out and getting upset because you are so needy. You CANNOT HALF ASS follow the advice given here. It HAS TO BE 100%.
Translation: "I was so worried that i wouldnt hear from her again that i told her i loved her so that she would tell me she loved me back and i would feel better about myself".
Translation: "I am too needy and outcome dependant to distance myself from this girl. I NEED HER.

Distancing yourself from this girl is the ONLY thing that can bring her back but you refuse to do that.

I realized I fucked up, I was hoping you could tell me what I do in the short term to fix this. Do I back off, or do I message her and apologize and explain.

I just want it to how it was, what do you think?

Ok, all the frustration coming from you and coming from others on this board at your inability to do this right is because you are not internalizing what we are saying to you. Its difficult, likely impossible, to act like you arent needy when in fact you are. I know this from experience. I knew I shouldnt act like you did and I did when my ex was growing distant, I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway, just like you are doing. You have not internalized the mindset that you are more important and worthy than this girl. Right now, this girls feelings are dictating your happiness and your self-worth. Getting her back in this state is damn near impossible. Get off this thread and go read the threads on self-esteem/natural game, etc, because you need to understand these things at a deeper level. Asking us what you should in every situation or in every response is not going to cut it, because were not gonna be there when you SPAM/text whatever. Your urge to text her or say things like "I love you" so she will say it back is too strong for any of us through an online forum to counteract. Don't talk to her until you have read something on the topic of self-esteem/natural game and you feel something click. Then you will no longer feel the need to ask us a question at every turn.

- The person who cares least holds the power in the relationship. Right now, you are getting owned.
- DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT believe anything she says just because she says it -- like "i never think of other guys, I only want to be with you" Please.
- Recognize that everyone looks out for their self-interest and her self-interest is to have sex with an attractive guy--- that is a guy who values himself and does not seek validation from others. You are seeking validation from her at every turn.

Continue down this path of showing her that you will always be there, and she will say she wants a "break" and then fuck another guy. I'm not trying to be harsh, but this is what will happen, especially in a long distance relationship. It may take the agony you will go through when she does this to realize it, but you will figure it out eventually (hopefully) and you will be better for it. I hope for your sake it doesn't come to that.

Good luck.

Thought of a better way to explain this:

You come to us with a needy question -- "How do i get her back to how it was"
We tell you you are needy and to stop being needy.
You recognize you are needy and act "non-needy" towards her for an interaction or two.
But then you go right back to acting needy. Why? Because you are needy.

So the crux of the issue is that you ARE needy. Not that you are ACTING needy. So we need to broach the topic of why are you needy?

Why do guys start acting needy around their girlfriends or seeking validation from anyone? Because their self-worth doesnt come from inside, it comes from others. You are "needy" because you need that validation from others, so what does that say about you? It says that you are a worthless person who nothing to offer so he seeks the validation of others to make himself feel good about himself. Hone in on this and destroy this mechanism in your mind and you will have success. You might even recognize you don't want her anymore. There are numerous topics/books/etc on this. Start reading immediately.

any good posts in this forum you can point me out to just to get me started?

do you think she will leave me.

Lmfao... Honestly, sometimes I wonder if we get trolled. We told this dude exactly what to do, and what not to do, and he does the exact opposite.

I love how you told her you'd distance yourself... (do you also show your cards when you play poker?)

And then when you tell her you'll distance yourself, you come running back to her just a few seconds after by saying you love her. LOL.

_________________
Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

I honestly dont know what to do. How do I fix this, I know I fucked up. Honestly.

I just want to get it back to how it was. Thats all. I think im going to message her "I dont want to play games, I cant with you, have a good day"

You can't read up to not be needy. That's like reading a book to not have low self esteem. Same way you can read up on AA, think "yeah, it's foolish to be scared of approaching" when your in your living room, but as soon as you see a girl somewhere, the AA kicks in. You can read on techniques so you won't appear needy and recover, but few weeks in your neediness is gonna be back. Your mind may logically accept the concepts and principles but it will not change. Let the relationship run it's course, be needy if you have to. When things end, hopefully you will find internal validation over time from experiences, hobbies and passions that are bigger than any woman. Then you won't be needy.

The very question you ask how to fix this is disgusting. You have a deep personal problem. Instead of focusing on improving YOURSELF you want to keep this GIRL. Focusing on a girl before yourself= needy.
PS- Fixing yourself to fix a relationship = needy too.

Man, either you are really trolling or just a lost case!

You are going in circles over and over again, one time happy, one time sad. If you keep on asking for advice while you are NOT following any of them, how do you want to be taken serious?

You keep on telling her shit like "ill give you space... but dont you want to talk about it?" WTFF!!!!
If you keep on being "there" for her, you will just end up as her friend. You want that? Then keep on enjoying your emotional roller coaster.

The ONLY way to save this is to CUT all contact IMMEDIATELY and NOT answer her!!!
You said yourself you'd give her space, now be a MAN and stick to your words! Wake up and get a life!

Seriously, if you were my friend I'd give you the biggest slap ever known to mankind.

I sincerely hope NO ONE will give you any more advice, because you are just fooling all of us!

A good guide on how to be less needy. Read it:

http://www.francoseduction.com/neediness-management-2/

Cut all contact immediately, move on. This is over.

I went through a similar thing in a LDR, I managed to get her back but it took NOT TALKING TO HER, banging other girls and moving on.

Franco is a fucking legend. One of the best seducers I have read by far..