HB9.5 with a Boyfriend caught us in bed together! Help.



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PostPosted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 3:54 pm 
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Some of your texts are cringe worthy and way too lovey dovey stuff.
I think they're terrible, but that's from my point of view, maybe they are befitting if you really both feel that stuff -still I wouldn't make it so explicit but that's me-.

You repeat you love her but will stay away but then don't follow up with actions.
Very un-manly and indecisive.


But anyway, that will not matter so much as it seems you're leaving soon.
And the guy can't kill you at distance unless he get hold of a long distance rocket or he can pull some strings with the local European mafia, both options seeming pretty unlikely :).
So cheer up.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 4:20 pm 
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Some of your texts are cringe worthy and way too lovey dovey stuff.
I think they're terrible, but that's from my point of view, maybe they are befitting if you really both feel that stuff -still I wouldn't make it so explicit but that's me-.

You repeat you love her but will stay away but then don't follow up with actions.
Very un-manly and indecisive.


But anyway, that will not matter so much as it seems you're leaving soon.
And the guy can't kill you at distance unless he get hold of a long distance rocket or he can pull some strings with the local European mafia, both options seeming pretty unlikely :).
So cheer up.

The text are fine, in the context, she is already more invested in him than he is in her. So does not matter what he writes, he is being vulnerable...

Again if you are gaming a girl those text cringe worth it, but is not the case in this scenario/context.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 12:08 am 
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Mate I can't lie that was the most entertaining post I've read on here! The only thing that would have made it better is if you KO'ed the needy ass bf when he hit you . This is my view of it go to Europe have a rockn time come back see if she's straightend herself out because you don't wanna be in that if she hasn't. If she has and you think you wanna be with her proceed with caution. If not fck it mate you've got a fckin awesome story. If it were me I would move on even if she has straightened out. I'd say go to europe rock n roll don't contact her at all well you're there run game meet women make some more crazy stories that'll help you forget about her when you get back you'll realize sh-t there's a lot more women out there then just her. Anyway good luck mate hope that helps a bit


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 12:28 am 
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Quote:
You two idiots are really fucking up her life. The boyfriend in one corner threatening to do all sorts to her if she doesn't stay with him and you, all needy and love struck in the other corner. If she really loved you she'd be with you. Who the hell cares what her stupid, bullying boyfriend does? Why don't you just macho your way into her house and bring her to where you live for good, contact the police and make sure they're there when she gets the rest of her stuff and stick a restraining order on the jealous cunt.
So close to doing that.

She just came over, she told me that she was with him last night and he was asking her a lot of questions about me and she says its so hard to lie. She said he "wants to kill you, honestly".

When she said that i really got scared, something dropped inside of me.

I realized fuck, i cant see this girl, i acted as if i wasn't phased. She started looking at me saying "you are so


attractive i like you so much", started taking off my clothes and i was like fuck. I actually zoned out for a second, i asked a bit about him (dont give a fuck if it not alpha), i said and youre okay with being with a dude who wants to kill me. She said well he probably wont find you, (except we have fucking class together this week), i said will he be there, she said probably. Got even more scared, she started taking off her clothes, i realized fuck what the fuck is going on. I was so quiet and she was starting to say "why arent you saying anything to me". I had sex with her right then cuz she got me hard in the moment but my head was somewhere els,e which made her even more into me. Now im shitting myself. I know some of you are laughing or like wtf, this guy deserves to die.

But how should I handle this guy, i was thinking of messaging him, telling him i know his name and i have warned the police if he touches me he is gone to jail or if anyone does. I said to her i might message him, she said no dont ever.

I didnt send her that message but she said why didnt u write one, i said i did write a lil one, she said send it to me now (she is going to dinner with him and his parents). I said no maybe tomorrow, she said okay good call.

She isn't being smart, not deleting my texts or some shit and its like i feel like she is maybe wanting to get caught again i dont know how fucked that is. The guy is phycho and im scared.



Bro I read the original post but I didn't realize the potential seriousness of the situation. I was in the exact boat a few yrs back girl I was dating broke up with her bf he a was a jealous motherf_cker anyway I walked her to her door not knowing he was waiting beside the house he comes out I quick look for an escape route that's always best no safe one, I do not wanna turn my back to this guy as he's already stated he plans to kill me, then I make a major mistake not being fully aware of my surroundings I back into a car I am cornered he reaches for his pocket at this point I have to react with EXTREME force being a boxer for 10yrs I know how to handle myself. I hit him with everything but the kitchen sink knocked him clean out and got away safe. He had a knife too. The reason I am sharing my experience is because I don't wish that on anyone. I didn't know this guy was gonna come after me. You have the advantage of knowing what this guy is saying/thinking if you think he is a danger or a threat to your safety by all f-cking means report him to the authorities the last thing u want is for you or the girl to get hurt. I don't know how serious of a threat this guy poses I've only skimmed through the posts but after seeing this one I felt obligated to share my experience in hopes that you don't have one of the same nature. Good luck mate


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 3:22 am 
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Nothing happened with the guy. We had class and we chilled for a bit and spoke. Even though it felt different then other times, maybe because its not the same as before. Before there was hope, or a a possibility of a future, now its just... sex. We had sex again. Good sex, but not as passionate.

Is there anything I can do to get her wanting me again like before.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 8:17 am 
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Hey guys,

With a death in the family, something made me open my eyes and realize life is fucking short. I dont want to have this crazy guy after and your stories did make me think a lot, also, if he catches me again with her or knows im in the picture he will realize what he did last time wasnt enough.

I didnt talk to her all day, but called her later and spoke normally. I asked her about her and bf, and she said he still yells at her, freaks out at her and wanted her parents to yell at her for the shit that broke in her house (they didn't).

Anyways, I told her that this whole time none of us have made a decision and we have just been going along with it, and that after all this we still haven't stopped and its time to make a decision, and i want her to do it because she is the one who needs to do what is right because i am not the one in a relationship. (I knew how this was going to play out). I asked her, have you choosen him, are you going to stay with him? She said yes, for now. And i said, right (thinking of the 'for now'). I told her that now i want her to tell me that it is over between me and her because she made the decision, and that she needs to focus on her bf because its the right thing to do. It was an emotional talk, with everything going on today and the death i was quite sentimental. Anyways, she did it, and i said im happy that she made a decision and she is strong enough to do it, and that i wish her the best. She asked if she can text me, i said do as you want.

As soon as we hung up, these are the texts that followed:
-"you hung up on me. I said i love you and always will and always am here for you no matter what"
-"Can i come over after work on friday and see you."
-"Hearing you cry broke me i cant stop thinking and crying myself"
-"the last thing i wanted to do was hurt you that wasn't my intentions. i didn't mean to fall in love with you while i was in a relationship. it just happened. and i'm glad it did. i wish right now i could make the easy choice to be with you and do allllll those things u listed on the phone. because thinking of that i want to do all those things so badly. but something is keeping me from doing that its ok i know i am being stupid staying with someone that doesn't appreciate me as much as you do or doesn't bully me but the history with him and everything i have gone theough with him is still keeping me holding on by a thread. you hve made me do the unthinkable and fall in love so fast and i seriously thank you for that. today i was thinking about you sooo much and it pains me that i cant fully give you myself. i have wondered what it would be like to not have to sneak around or avoid goig to places. i feel like if you an i werent meant to be which i fucking do so badly that we will find each other again one day. i hate to say that now but i believe it. maybe a month from now maybe somewhere down the future but i know u were meant to be in my life. thats why i did what i did with you. i felt it was right. every moment i shared with you, every time me made love it got better and deeper with passion. i don't want u to think that u are second or that im shared its not fair. it's not fair to you to someone i love very deeply. i know i will regret my decision right now but hopefully in time i will realize my mistakes and that u will foce me a chance to prove my full love for you. i don't know how i will ever stop loving you or talking to you i don't rhink that will ever happen"
-"talk to me"
-"do you know what keeps running through my mind. when we watched the notebook. and she chooses him and leaves everything behind. i imagine me running up to your door the door that i went through 2 months ago that changed my life, telling you i want to be only yours, leaving him. goinf upstairs to make the best love of our lives for hours, days. not leaving the bedroom, being naked, laying on you being together. i never have expressed so much with a boy my deepest feelings. i seeiously have been thinking of that scenario since we watched the movie. wondering what it would be like and feel like for you to fully show me your true feelings and not hold anything back. sorry for all the long texts but i have to say this to you it's been on my mind and i wanted to share what i was thinking with you"

What you think of the messages? (they are all from her, i didnt reply to any)

I havent replied to any of the messages. Do You think I should? Did I do the right thing?
Maybe this was a stupid idea as I leave soon anyways to Europe for four months, the thing is I wanted to be left with respect and a guy who isn't played. Maybe she wasn't playing me though? I do however want her to be mine. And i feel like if i go back on this decision I look weak, but I do want to see her Friday for the sex. What do you guys suggest and think? also when i am gone for four months how do i play this?.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 1:52 pm 
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And they say WOMEN love DRAMA? GEESH! LMAO!

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 4:25 pm 
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And they say WOMEN love DRAMA? GEESH! LMAO!

^ that! stop feeding this guy already, he has enough advise, this is becoming borderline trollish... it Reminds me of paramount.


here is by a guru cosy(cost of success)
Quote:
Here is a not too uncommon sticking point for guys that get into a bit of a rut.
The symptom of an underlying issue expresses itself in three ways.
Ego - They will ignore all advice that will help them improve
Facade - They will charm people with flickers of success, and dangle it like a carrot, decieving the reader into a trap
Trap - They will pull the carrot away, in order that the reader, advisor, then feels as SHITTILY as they do

They do these three repetitively and with mathmatical precision.

They bait a person into empathising with their seemingly "familiar" condition, only to then later reveal it is a ruse and make themselves "mr special" and act like the condition is no longer universal but unsolveable because of THEIR context (which they elaborate on only if it suits the bait and switch model). Then lastly, engaged and titilated by peoples responses, they then ignore any helpful threads, they instead purposely highlight what helps strengthen their bait and switch plan, ignoring any genuine advice as "out of context here and irrelevant".

~~~

The core reality is that they are uncomfortable with their living conditions. We've all been there.
So they are trying to rationalise why they are not internally flawed, by highlighting external conditions that can take the blame.

The issue is thusly a low sense of self worth, that they are trying to bolster up via an external means.
They are notoriously good at making stuff about themselves, but horrible at leadership, because all their ideas on how to have fun involve a group telling them how not flawed they are.

~~~

How a guy gets out of this is self determination. And actually finding that condition to be insulting to his character.
He desires to NOT be seen as a leech, and so pulls his shit together. And mends his bait and switch behaviour.



How to mend bait and switch behaviour?
You've gotta learn to create new frames for talking about your troubles. Instead of saying "this is why it doesn't work" (expert of failure), try to learn to "make a step forwards" every time you are given a piece of advice to "pay back the favor".

If you get 50 responses, you go out and you don't let those words go without some support, backing and balls on your part.

~~~

When you stop bait, switching and ignoring, and start returning the favor, you will gain a deeper and more positive attitude, and you won't need as much validation, because you'll bring some to the table.



You cannot seduce women, if your idea of fun is self medication. You can only lead people if you have the determination to pay it back and then some, when people give you something to work with.

Additional:
We all bait, switch and ignore to some degree, and thats ok. But just make sure to manage it so it doesn't get out of control, otherwise, THAT will be your go to thing... And when its your go to thing, you are in some serious trouble until you stop the habit and get back on the road again, if only because you have given up on giving back value.

If you have the habit, then I wish you all the best, good luck with it

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 5:53 pm 
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lol Skills. Im just updating my thread as people asked me to keep them up to date, and im curious about the advice on how my situation has developed. Not "trolling".


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 5:58 pm 
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Woke up to this text:
"okay, im having a hard time right now. Havent heard from you and i want to know how ur doing. Summer time sadness also keeps playing on the radio and i started to tear up. I miss us and the way we were. Please tell me!"

Should I ever reply or just ignore this girl?


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 8:17 pm 
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Ignore Skills, keep us up to date! At this point though I say stop asking for advice and just do whatever you feel, you will be gone soon anyway so you might as well lay it all on the line! GL


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 8:42 pm 
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Ignore Skills, keep us up to date! At this point though I say stop asking for advice and just do whatever you feel, you will be gone soon anyway so you might as well lay it all on the line! GL
Yeah man i was surprised skills said that.

Lay it all on the line, meaning you would forget her or what?? Because ive put it on the line and asked her to be mine. She choose him.

Now she is sending these texts.

The question is, to hit it or not hit it before i leave


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 9:04 pm 
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I am not 'trolling'. I know you guys have given me advice.

I don't think I cannot contact her, i know soon i will be gone, and i wont even get to see her, i feel like whilst i am here i should meet up with her


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 9:39 pm 
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I never said she wants you. I said the opposite. She had a clear choice, dump the dude and be with you. She rejected you.

Why you want to get sloppy seconds from her bf I do not know. The right decision is clear. Cut contact and wait for her to come to you, fuck women while you wait, and if you're involved with someone else by the time she does, then she's too late.

She's just using you as a backup plan for when life sucks ass with her bf. It probably feels different because she didn't choose you and now you know that you're a supplement to her, not the center.

Best of luck, I fear you'll need it.
After re reading everything i think this is the case


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:11 pm 
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No matter what you do, don't hit it, let her feel the loss.


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