Hey Locke!

I've been gaming several years and have been enjoying 2 very successful years. I've had several different girls to see at once and lots of new ones cycling through. I've had a lot of long term casuals and made some great friends as well. The interactions and rapport have been great. I get along very well with all of them. I've recently started noticing that nothing has moved towards a relationship. I am a bit concerned why that is.

In my years before gaming I was pretty natural and dated pretty girls but one at a time. I had a certain mind set towards dating and women were willing to commit to me. Now I attract many more but I think Ive given off 'too much' of a carefree just looking for fun attitude.

I went out with my favorite girl the other night. I went to kiss her. She said, "Im kinda seeing someone. I cant do that anymore." i obliged and dropped her home. We chatted the next day. She said other guy is 'nothing serious...but she wouldnt want him kissing other girls'. Followed with 'Im a great guy and she loves spending time with me'. Did she not totally shut the door w/ those comments or give me the friend talk? I do like her and Im in new territory dealing with this situation.

I was baffled. 6 months ago we hooked up and she said, "as long as we can see other people". Why the different stance between me and other guy? Because we started off with different personas? She realized she wants more from dating and I never presented myself as an option for that? I'm not neccessarily looking for a gf but I dont want to exclude myself from consideration on their end.

Am I thinking too much? I only recently, months after starting w/ this girl, began to look at this. I can understand this previously when I didnt care for a relationship.

Hope to hear your opinions.

Thanks!

_________________
Intergalactic Purveyor of Funk
www.facebook.com/Charlie.Neptune
-For hire: CharlieNeptune@gmail.com

yo yo chucky nep,

I'm gonna offer a different interpretation of your situation. When things aren't progressing after a period of hooking up I see it not as a failure of game but a possible failure of a specific type of qualification. I'll explain:

Typically, we qualify ladyfolk in three dimensions: Their physical appearance, their personality, and their character (body, mind, and SOUL). The first one is readily apparent to us, whereas the latter two are generally revealed to us a posteriori. BUT, there is an insidious fourth dimension that is often ignored: Time. Specifically, at the time that you meet a woman, what ELSE is going on in her life?


For a woman, interest level is often an all or nothing proposition. Woman are essentially serial monogamists, and tend to fixate on one object of their affections at a time. When a woman has high interest in a particular guy, she's off the market to others for all intensive purposes, regardless of her "official" relationship status. In other words, if you catch her at a bad time, there's little you can do.

Consequently, an open-type relationship doesn't really benefit women. For her to suggest such an arrangement up front leads me to believe that you caught her at a time where she already had high interest in a guy that had refused to commit to her.

In these kinds of triangles, the pickup artist is at a disadvantage, because the task becomes not only to attract her, but to break the bonds of a previously/currently held high interest level in a third party. I don't know that this is possible for ANYONE. I am, however, confident that you have 100% the right attitude with the carefree, taking it slow vibe, and the fact that you easily attract women implies that many WILL seek a relationship with you. Consider this as a necessary process of filtering out the crazies.

After a period of hooking up, a relationship flows naturally from an increase in comfort and trust. Women don't compartmentalize love and sex like we do--all you have to do is continue to play it cool and a relationship will follow in most situations. I would regard any talk on her part that she "isn't looking for a boyfriend" as a red flag, indicating some unchecked baggage. Put that bitty on the "no-fly" list!

Don't worry about coming off as too carefree--as long as you continually reward her for compliance and don't reject her trust-building attempts, you're all good.


Now, getting back to your situation, the pendulum will eventually return and TIME will be on YOUR side. Chances are, things will fall through with the other guy, or he will become less of a challenge and she will lose interest in a such a stable target. The door is ALWAYS open, because 'friendzone' is rarely permanent. If you've attracted her once, you can attract her again (although you may not want to).

Go 'no contact' on her for a while, and eventually she'll cave and start calling you to hang out. Then, you flip the script on HER and tell HER you don't know if you should hang out with her because you've been seeing this other girl.... and she gets jealous really easily. Make her PROMISE that she won't try to seduce you (note: 'jealousy' plotlines don't work with all girls and should be reserved for 'hail mary' plays, but they are CATNIP to girls that need drama). Then, go on wit yo bad self!

--------

The reason I am so confident that this is NOT a failure of game is because I have had the privilege to watch Charlie Neptune in field and he has SERIOUS game. I've seen him pull some downright BEAUTIFUL girls, and his calibration is so fluid that one would suspect he was a natural. He was kind enough to break it down for me after the sarge and analyze his every move with exceptional clarity--truly a learning experience. I highly recommend him as an instructor to all you NYC folks, and look forward to reading more of his articles.

Hey Locke, love the page, fills a major void in the usual PU material.

Heres my issue. I had a serious case of oneitis for a girl, and on the night I decided to "make my move" she spent the whole time chasing a PUA friend of mine. Since then I have managed to turn it around and am now in the early stages of a relationship with her. However it always seems to be me who instigates things and I am doing all the chasing. She mentioned in passing that she never instigates anything and this would be congruent with her personailty, but I cant stop thinking of the energy she put into chasing my friend around the bar yet wont go to anywhere near as much effort for me. Is this just because I set the frame of me being the chaser, or is she just killing time with me? Is there any way to amp up the investment levels on her part?

Thanks for any help, this situation is getting to me a bit and Im guessing the last thing I should do is confront her about it.

Sorry, if this is not a proper question to ask here. I've been around this PUAforum but couldn't find the right place for discussion on matters related to "getting her back". I've read all the stickys of Relationships forum and decided that since this isn't for guys who aren't in a realtionships, this must be a wrong place. But where to go? Lounge seems to be about (pre-relationship) game.

Dear Locke,

I have written a longer post in its own thread, but I thought I would seek advice from you specifically as well. I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible.

I was in a LTR for 3.5 years. We were in the same place for 2 years and the last 4-5 months we have been long distance as a result of my student visa expiring. My ex broke up with me last week saying she wanted to “start her life” (triggerred by her attending her friend’s wedding) and needed space.

Frankly my behavior tended to suggest that getting back together in the same place was not a priority (and by extension, moving in together, getting married, starting a family—which is what I’ve assumed she meant). In fact I realise now that I was making moves to go the other direction.

Moreover, I made it clear that I did not love living where she lives. I’m not ready to give up on our relationship, and having given it much thought and I am fully willing to move back there, provided she would at the very least be willing to give it a shot. I also now know of a way in which I could legally work in her country.

I intend to give it a cooling off period of three more weeks without initiating contact.

My questions are:

1. What is your advice as to how I might be able to convince her that my outlook has legitimately changed? I am working on an appearance change to complement, hoping it will lend some legitimacy (and improve confidence generally).

2. Given that we are long distance from one another, is a confrontation about the possibility of reconcilliation something that I should work up to by a series of phone calls? Going on a series of dates is impracticable given the distance. Any suggestions here would be appreciated.

3. What is your opinion of these “Get your ex back” plans such as TW Jackson’s “The Magic of Making Up” and Dr. George Karanastasis - How To Get Her Back For Good?

Thanks,

Jpow

I'm back now gentleman. I will try and boost up my response ratio.

I have to get to work, but I'll respond soon.

Cheers and good luck out there!

_________________
[color=red:7c51ae7520]email is a better option: thelockestar@gmail.com[/color:7c51ae7520][/size:7c51ae7520]

Dear Locke,
I have a problem I was hoping you could help me with.
This is the situation (it's long, but try to keep it up )

1) [Some background story]:

I'm in a LTR right now, on the fourth month.
It's really serious, and we have a really balanced relationship -
with me as the Alpha.

When we were dating (before our LTR), she suddenly slept with a guy
- and I cutted the contact to her: In 5 months!
We had only dated two times then, but I got really pissed and cutted the contact
to her.
In the five months she fell more and more in love with me,
and I ended up giving her another chance (because we wasn't that serious,
when she slept with the other guy - only dated two times, not had sex or anything, just kissed once).
Now we are in the LTR.

Allright, now I will explain a bit of the "roles", so it's easier to understand the situation.

2) [So, here is the roles]:

The ex-lover:
He is dissing my GF alot
(telling people alot of lies about her and so on), and he have alot of attitude
- but in a very complicated way (you never know when he is ironic or real),
so it attracts many girls - and also my girlfriend at that time..

What I've been doing:
I've told my GF that I have a really big problem with this guy, and I have thought about kicking his ass (she is responding very respectful about me saying that).
I've also told her, that I trust her, and I know that all he is saying is lies about her!

My GF:
She have been a bit attracted to the ex-lover, but when she slept with him,
it was because she missed me (I was at a boardingschool that time, so I was not home very often).
She were crying all the time we had cutted the contact. Now she is very very happy to be together with me, but she hates when I bring up the subject about the ex-lover.
She says that it is past time, and we should not focus on that anymore!

But I can't really ignore it, because of this:

3) [Situation up to problem]:

SO, 3 nights ago he called her and asked what she was doing.
It was very random, because they hadn't spoke to each other since they slept together.
She was sleeping, so she told him, and then he said "Okay, goodbye then".
Luckily I was sleeping over, so she woke me up, and told me that he had called.
I told her that I hated that guy, and she should find out why he was calling her.
My first thought when she told me he had called was:
"He is seeing her as a booty-call" - so I also told her so and she got really pissed at HIM.

Next day she called him and asked why the fuck he was calling last night,
and he responded with this:

"Hey, I was just in the neighbourhood last night,
and remembered that you were living here, so I just wanted to take a smoke with you and you'r boyfriend. You'r still together, right? He's a nice guy!"

Of course he was lying, we hate each other (how I know he hates me - a friend. Yeah, I got insiders )
- but as said, he is very complicated, so you get confused if he is ironic or real
- and so did my GF!

She hang up on him, and told me all what he said to her.
I responded with "I'm gonna talk with that guy!".

4) [Problem]:
I've talked alot with my GF, and we have the same meening about him
(both hate him, and think that he just should meddle around our relationship.
She also knows that he hates me now).
- but still, I think that I have to handle him in front of my GF, 'cause otherwise I'm feeling out-alphaed - because he can do whatever he wants and still I'm only reacting to my GF.

I have not talked with him yet, and I've told my GF that I don't wanna have anything to do with him............
I'd thought about going "cave-man" on him (beating his ass), but I don't know if it's a very good solution?

Oh,
Btw., bonus-info:
When me and my girl were dating, I was chilling a bit together with the ex-lover, because we have common friends.
We had a very "Gentlemen-relationship" to each other, but could also have some fun together.
So he knew what was going on between me and her, before he slept with her.


I hope you have time to give some constructive feedback!

Respect,

LB.

P.S. sorry for my bad English

Dear Locke,

Im in a pseudorelationship at the moment and Ill try to give you a good history without taking too long so bear with me on weak details. A year ago I had a thing with this girl but we could never get on the same wavelength, (first week she tried to contact me non stop but I too busy to give her any attention, second week she was tired of trying and apparently some snake told her I hooked up with a girl so when I tried it she couldnt trust me enough for a relationship and she ended up getting back together with her ex.

Last week she called me and was extremely interested in me telling me how she really wanted to chill and when I finally did she refered to it as a first date. So everything is really good, Ive seen her twice after that for small meal because Ive been busy but weve been in contact non stop (talking on phone, facebook, txt)

Finally she tells me that she wants to "take it slower". And the main question I have for you is What do you reckon she meant by this and what should I do about it to maintain this relationship? The following information will hopefully help answer the question becuase Im in shambles at the moment.

She says she just came out of a relationship with her ex 3 weeks ago. She also made it clear that because of our thing last year she doesnt quite trust me yet because of my "reputation" of going to alot of parties and hooking up with different drunk girls" . She says that she really likes me and has a ton of fun with me but she doesnt want to rush it (i.e. acknoledge the terms boyrfriend/girlfriend or say were dating but calling it a relationship) yet she wants to be exclusive. What should I make of all this is what should I do about it?

I can also sense she doesnt want to tell people we're going out yet Is this a problem?. It should be noted weve only really had this thing going for about 4-5 days now. Theres this big club party friday that she keeps begging me to come with her and Im assuming its so that she wants me to make a move (is this an accurate assumtion?). Shes also really into the idea of this movie date where it is just the two of us since the last time there were a few people that came so we didnt get much alone time.

She feels im putting pressure on her to start being a serious relationship because I really don't see the point in waiting but I dont want to look needy. She clearly had the intention of going out as she initiated with the first date before I even had a chance to. So I really dont know wat to make of her uncertainties. My biggest fear is that sumthing has changed in the way she feels but I dont have much proof of this. I stopped txting her for litterally 12 hours and she asked if I was mad at her so i think her interest is still there ahah.

The questions in bold are really the things I need to know. And an overall guidance of what I should think about the situation and how I should procede.

Should I try to make a stronger move tomorrow night?
Should I have the one on one movie night with her?
Should I distance myself for a few days to make her realise how much she wants an actually commitment?
Should I continue the way it's going?

I really appreciate it.[/b]

Dear Locke,

I'm on a LDR. How do i maintain a healthy relationship?
I currently talk with her everyday, with phone/msn, is it too much?
She is very hooked on me, she lives 2000 km away from me.
I want it to be very serious relationship, i think im gonna go far with her.

Thanks.. I mostly know how to handle this LDR.. But there are some issues still

I know many question, anything will help. thanks!!!

Dear Locke:
I am not really seeking advice here as far as game
I just want to know if (given my description below) this is a girl I should continue to pursue for LTR or if she should just treat her as a lay or dangerous for a long-term situation. I have dated this girl for almost 4 months now. In the past, I have dated alot of party girls /clubs chix who I find are great for short-term sex but crappy for long-term situations when it comes to loyalty. There are usually very needy and irresponnsible (I know there is no full-proof formula for finding a loyal decent girl but I just want to know if there are any red flags here that should send me packing. I guess, what I am asking is if she is a quality girl or am I wasting my time here if I am looking for LTR)
To simplify analysis, I will summarize in a pros and cons list of this girls traits. The cons are aspects I find might make her less likely to be loyal. (The pros are here for context, I guess)
Pros:
- She's an HB8
- She is not flaky
- She seems emotionally stable and non-impulsive
- She is responsible/organized/achievement-oriented
- She seems to have will-power and be hard-working. She creates schedules and sticks to them
- She is easy-going and laid back. Not high-maintenance
- She seems truthful (Of course, no way to know for sure but I do not feel she is hiding anything but I haven’t caught her in any lies and she claims to be honest. That’s the best I can hope for, I guess)
- She alleges no history of cheating on boyfriends. She says she never would (However, she stresses "boyfriends" so I assume she dates around otherwise)
- She spends most of her free time or days off work with me (We sleep together 4 times a week)
- She slept with me after the 4th date (Is this good or bad? I dunno)
- She never gets visibly jealous when I say I am going out with boys or even hanging with girlfriends of mine (Again, is this good or bad? I dunno)


Cons:
- she's currently a hired gun (Ex-NFL Cheerleader and currently, a bartender/promoter at a bar and some clubs). I say this as a negative because she is flirty at work and allegedly sees this as a way to get tips. (Her regular job is as a yoga instructor but she has taken temporary leave from this job to save up for her own facility)
- She has intiated an exclusivity discussion, saying she is only dating me and we are both supposedly only dating each other, but there has been no official boyfriend/girlfriend confirmation as of yet. Also, I am not certain she introduces me as her boyfriend when we go to parties, bars etc. when I am with her (I have not broached this topic because I want to avoid any neediness perceptions)
-Early when we were dating (up to the first 1 month and 2 weeks), she described us a friends, even after we were had sex regurlarly. So, intially, I treated it as a “friends with benefits situation” which sounded alright to me becuase I had just left a relationship and didnt feel like anything serious. As time went on, ....slowly, she intiated the exclusivity speech about 1 month and 2 weeks in. I didnt mind this either...I like her.
-After 4 months, she hasnt told me she loves me (at least not purposely). Once she let it slip when leaving, but I dont think she meant it. Just a parting gesture. I usually expect a chick to tell me this kind of thing after 4 months. I get alot of "miss u" and "wish you were here" texts but no "I love u".
- She has plenty of male friends and she can be sort of flirtatious with them, at times. However, since we became exclusive and (to make a long story short) I called her on a specific incident where i felt she crossed a line, she doesnt seem to really flirt anymore (at least not really in front of me). Her excuse for flirtiness during the beggining of our relationship was becuase she claimed that she sometimes forgets she is not in "work-mode" and she gets carried away as if she is still promoting. If we go out to a bar or club, she still does however have a tendency to just meet men/women and begin conversations with them randomly. (Btw, this is kind of what I mean by flirting. Not much touching, just talking to males openly and being friendly, maybe too friendly). She will introduce me to these men, as if it is no big deal. I find this behavior wierd becuase I feel like these guys think they are scoring sometimes but often, she is either (if I accept her innocence) just being friendly or (perhaps) just trying to intice them to go to some club party she is promoting. As we have been dating more and more, she has cut back on this alot becuase (I am guessing) she senses I dont like it. (I know it may seem odd or naive, but I do believe that she only talks to these guys for promotion purposes. It's just a gut thing, I cant explain. Anyways, she makes no attempt to hide the behavior from me at all)
- She drinks wine often. Id say three or four times a week. She does not get stammering drunk (at least I dont think) but she does drink regulary. Often, this is with me. She is 25. I cant say I didnt do this same when I was her age. (I’m about 8 years senior)
- I get a general feeling that this girl is not as needy as girls that I typically date. But I cant decipher if this is always good or bad thing. On the one hand, I sort of feel that the fact that she doesnt seem to care who I go out with or where I go might mean she doesnt care much for the relationship. On other hand, I sort of feel maybe this means she is confident and a more balanced girl than the needy women that I typically date. She has told once that whenever she gets jealous in a relationship, she knows it's basically over and its time to go. She's feels that if her intuition senses any jealousy that means the guy she is dating is likely cheating/straying.

Anyways, I know it’s a mouth-full but any advice you can lend on whether I should continue to pursue this girl for LTR would be greatly appreciated. Thanks