Okay,

So I am guessing that a soft next is that you ignore her and you only reply to her when she contacts you? (because that is what I am doing)

The reason why I am so confused is that I am just not initiating contact with her, and I only reply when she messages me. This leads me to believe that everything is okay because I am playing it light and funny with her when I do talk. Basically what I am doing is just cutting down communication between me and her which makes me miss her more. I don't think this is making her miss me more, is it?

By the way, to wake up to 28 messages on SPAM isn't a lot really, she writes things single lined, for an example:

heyyy
today i woke up and just chilled
basically didnt do much
ill tell you about my day in a second
...


We use to message each other a lot more and she use to send me audinotes every single day (now I get none). - Should I be messaging her at all, or I am doing it right in just replying to her when she messages me.

I don't know what I am doing. I just want someone to give me some rules. What is a soft next, and am I basically performing a soft next?

I see that a soft next is 3 days of no contact (just looked it up), then I return and act as if nothing has happened. For me as I am in a long distance relationship I am not performing a soft next right now am I? I am just cutting down the contact and keeping it light and funny. What do you think?

I just want it like it was before and I am willing to do what it takes, I just dont know if this is the right way to go about it. Am I doing it right by not messaging her during the day and only message her when I reply to her.


Also when I message her, is it okay to call her babe, beautiful. If she says "I love you", I was thinking of replying "I luv u 2"

What do you guys think of all this

I feel like I am failing because what I am doing is not soft next, but in between that. I dont initiate, but I talk to her when she talks to me. Will this still work

Just keep following the advice you have been given, by BOTH myself and others here. No contact means NO CONTACT. So what if she said she "knows what you are up to"? So fucking what. It still makes her panties wet, believe me. Don't verbalise or acknowledge it at all. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep being distant, keep soft nexting her, keep being light and playful. Just don't stop. The key is repetition.

She is finally "getting than you have gotten it"; in other words, that you are starting to understand what keeps her attracted/interested in you in the first place- Push and pull. Too much pull is bad, but too much push is NEVER bad. Trust me.

Don't worry that she is verbalising it- women verbalise their FEELINGS all the time, just don't acknowledge it. Make a joke about it e.g in reply to her "I know what you're doing", you say "Yeah you know that I am kicking ass right??". Don't say "I'm sorry I feel you have been distancing yourself, so I'm doing the same"...that is fucking ATTRACTION SUICIDE. Don't apologise for being THE MAN in the relationship and keeping her "on her toes" and begging for more.
It's not absolutely imperative that you send her nothing....just don't make it sound needy/emotional. Keep ALL contact light and playful. Push and pull is key as kller said. You should push, then pull, push then pull. In other words, Push FIRST, pull SECOND. Don't pull too much. Push MORE than you pull- about 70% push, 30% pull. This means initiate contact once/twice a week AT most (not at the EXACT same time/day or amount, which will make it obvious), but keep it light and playful then BACK OFF (soft next). You want to give her the impression that you are "too busy" to contact her all the time and that you have a LIFE outside contacting her.
Your questions are beginning to get irritating because you are NOT letting our advice sink in and taking your OWN initiative or being proactive in applying it, using your OWN brain. If this sounds harsh- it was intended to.

If she says "I love you" go all Han Solo on her ass and say "I know."

But in all seriousness, don't be all mushy and don't bring up anything about feelings and stuff she might talk to her gay best friend about.

I woke up to a voice message saying that we haven't spoken much lately and she wants to SPAM. She is even moving work aside for me.

Only 3 messages woken up to today (2 audio notes).

Any advice on the SPAM call, what to do and not to do. Its in 2 hours

Be fun, upbeat and engaging, maybe tease her a little. Don't go on about feelings and all that stuff.

So we ended up skyping and at the beginning it was good. We spoke a bit and we caught up and she realized we hadn't talked much lately. I acted cool calm and shit... at the beginning.

Then all of a sudden she started telling me that lately all her friends are telling her that they don't like long distance and that it is better if people break up and when they are in the same country meet up together. I was a bit taken a back and I was like, are you referring this to us, and she was like "no no no not at all" (maybe bringing it up for talks sake, or maybe a thought?). And I was like alright. I said some things to which why I think me and her are unlike any other relationship and she agreed. Later on, she then asked me if I was in a club did I ever think about hooking up with another girl, and I was like.. "uhh no why", she was like, well when I was in the club and the guy was hitting on my I realized how easy it could of been to cheat, and I was wondering if you would cheat and think oh well its just a hook up" (maybe for talks sake or an actual thought?). First of all she knows my position on cheating and hooking up with other girls (strongly against it and always have been because of personal family issues) and she still asked, and i was like, well you know my position on that I wouldn't ever, but it makes me think you have had the thought? And she was like, no not at all I wouldn't do that, I was just wondering. And I was like good cuz nothing worth having comes easy, "You know I wouldn't be in a relationship unless it was with someone special and you know how picky I am".

After I told her the stuff about me taking things less serious, and she even mentioned the thing I said before like "oh when you were talking about the exchange haha I knew what you were doing", and I was like "look i took some time to myself to be more chill and back off and just come back to enjoy each other, and i said that cool?" she said "yeah, i feel a bit more relaxed now".

She then asked me why i was distant lately, and I didn't want to explain it but just keep doing it, but then she was like, "yeah what's the point in even having a boyfriend if we don't talk much, it's not the type of relationship I want to be in" ( I told you). I freaked out inside but remained calm and cool to her, I explained to her that, "i realized I had said too many things and gotten a head of myself, that we wern't on the same page and that I have come back a bit, and that she was a great girl for allowing her to take me to this fantasy land but its time to get back on my feet and i needed some time", and she said ahh "you are good at wording things". I then said, I realize I say a lot of things, and if i say them all i want to give you the opportunity to be able to say them yourself and be affectionate, and I wasn't doing that. And she was like, ahh I knew thats why you were distancing yourself. And I was like, haha you knew why i was distancing? and she was like, haha yes... and i was like, haha and you didnt come forward? and I forgot what she said but after she was like haha "I out playedd youu" as a joke, she is very teasy. And at the time i was laughing but right now im just like wtf is going on.

She said that the weeks are going by slow, and that the more weeks that go by the longer we are away from each other and it is harder. She said all she can think about right now are her exams and doing well.

When I was explaining why I distanced in the middle of it, I stopped and was like haha fuck this, and she was like, what? and i was like no, im not use to doing this, normally its the girl who does this. and as a joke she was like, haha yeahh i am the man in this relationship and i was like, haha uhhh whattt, and she was like "baby im kiddinggg you know i am joking around take it lightly"

She said that she believes there is no such thing as too much affection, i started to say things like I <3 you and miss you and she wouldnt say them back. I tried to act cool, took a picture of my 6 pack leading down to my stomach and said, "body misses you, almost as much as my heart", sent it and then said "too cheezy?", and she said, "haha nopeee". and i was like "right, no such thing as too much affection", which she replied "ya knoww".

I then started asking questions about that guy who hit on her, cuz i saw he liked one of her pictures on facebook just in that moment and she said that they spoke today and yesterday a little bit but they are just friends. I dissed him and said I disrespect guys like that, and he was like, what he didn't do anything wrong, he just hit on me he didn't try to hook up with me. And I said sorry for dissing your friend. She was online on SPAM a lot so I asked her who she is talking to and she said her French friend *****, and I was like, the one who who use to like you!? And she was like, haha yes. "he Use to, he wants to meet up and show me around some clubs cuz im going near his university next year to live".

It ended like this on SPAM:

her: "fuck its 11:30 and i got school tomorrow"
me: well your texting all your guy friends baby no wonder your awake
her: hahah
me: looser
me: <3
her: goodnighttttt
her:
me: goodnightt
her: I (code word for love) ya
her: I like ya too, if thats what your trying to say
me: it is
me: all i gotta sayy

I have 1) Never felt so low in my life, I feel honestly, like... depressed and anxious, loss of appetite, loss of everything. I want the weeks to go by quicker so I can see her
2)I blew my cover, didnt i? I mean, like, FUCK. She is maybe being genuine? Maybe she just wants an honest relationship and she said whats the point in being in a relationship if your distancing and not talking ot me.
3) she said she loves me on SPAM, and miss me, and wants to hold me. That was before all the serioues stuff was said.
4) What do i do, like what the fuck do i do. I can't go on anymore.

I feel like my best shot is to say you know I have been doing a lot of thinking, I have tried many ways to reach out to you and tell you what is on my mind. I have been giving my all in this relationship and its like you don t have to feel like you need to prove anything to me, its like im just there for you to message whenever you want. This isn't the girl I fell in love with, the girl who excited me and me and everyday needed to know she needed to work for my love.

But i dont want to send it in case she hooks up with another guy, also i don't want to loose her, who knows if i will ever get her back if I break up with her.

Is this me, I mean like is she basically thinking about doing those things that she brought up, even though when I asked her she said no to everyone one of them.

I am not hungry, I am not eating, I am not sleeping, I think about this, and I dont know what to do.

strike one
strike 2 and 3. You're out, no longer a challenge
strike 4
strike 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10
strike 10^2
Good god...
.....
should go without saying that one does not apologize for dissing a guy who is trying to fuck his girlfriend.
Game. Set. Match. She is shit-testing the shit out of you. At this point, she is shitting all over you.

Take this as a lesson learned. You cradled yourself into a ball and rolled into the palm of her hand and she knows it.

Initiate no contact immediately. Read 10 books on inner game. Get an app on your phone that locates lost balls, because you will need them in a few months when you've hopefully recovered from this enough to bang some other chicks. You'll grow from this, trust me. Use this experience to make you better.

Okay, looks like you're starting to get it and you're slowly improving. No need to beat yourself up. This is a shit test. She WANTS you to freak out because she sees you've been distancing yourself. She wants that reassurance. Don't give it to her, she doesn't deserve it. And it was a crappy thing to say anyway. What kind of girlfriend says that? You should have humoured her in return saying like "yeah I wouldn't wanna be in that kind of relationship either."

Same thing with the whole cheating thing. She was looking for reassurance... Not that she was looking to cheat on you.

You have no reason to panic. Just keep playing your cards correctly.

Oh, and about that guy. Play him off like you don't care about him. It's okay to get jealous inside. But don't show it. Just picture a fat acne kid. Next.

_________________
Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

Your answers differ. ^^

Next her and move on, please. For your own sake.

You're not eating or sleeping over a girl who is in a different country or whatever.

Also, just because she says she hasn't ever hooked up with anyone doesn't mean shit. In my LDR, we never agreed to exclusivity, we just agreed not to tell each other unless we found someone we genuinely wanted to be with.

Yes, our answers differ. He showed you what you did wrong in a perfect world. But if I compare you from the start of the thread, to where you are now, you've improved and I'm trying to show you that with continued effort, you can eventually get to perfection. Don't let everyone here beat you up. She's still saying she loves you, she's still sending you cute messages, isn't she?

_________________
Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

Hey man,

Yeah she is.

I just feel like this is over, is it?

Should I continue to ignore her and back off or should I message her jokingly during my day?

This girl is the best girl I have yet to have found and I don't honestly know what to think about it all. The thought of her hooking up with another guy makes me feel so sick.

At the start of the thread maybe I have improved, but when I look at it where I was before exactly a month and a half ago, maybe even just a month, this girl was fucking into me bad. This all changed in a month.



I just want to know what I can do to get her attraction again. Flyswatter, thanks man you are keeping me relaxed, maybe this is all in my head. but from an outside point of view, does this look like it is going to end?

I need to see her soon, i need this to go by quick.

YOU NEED NOTHING, before you met her you were perfectly fine. If you got a hot good looking girl, go get another one. Plus, it takes time, stop trying to rush everything. The more you do not care, the better everything will become. Either you move on, or she is now the one chasing you.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I just don't.

I dont think attraction can be gained over the phone 9,000 miles away from each other, can it? If I back off, attraction can?


If I was to tell her, its done, lets meet up when I am back. How would I do it? (My last resort)