This got me thinking: when extremely hot girls (who usually have loads of options) tell us they "love" us. I really don't think it's true- I think it means that they enjoy the good FEELINGS they are experiencing when with/apart from us (they are just unable to make that distinction). Whereas for us, it is the FEAR of "losing them" that we are FEELING. Either way, none of it is the "true unconditional love" a mother/father have for their children. I only believe this "true unconditional love" is formed after a man/woman conceives a child that bonds them much more strongly to each other; in other words, romantic love is a flawed concept.

When we feel we are "in love" with a girl, and become more clingy/needy/develop "oneitis" etc, we are really experiencing the emotion of FEAR of losing her- it's that simple. The reason we experience this fear is because we subconsciously believe that we don't have any better/other options, so the "love" we feel is just desperation to hold onto that person- for fear of losing them. The "in love" feeling is also usually a result of a neurochemical addiction that occurs in the brain when we bond sexually to a new partner that is designed (by evolution) to keep us bonded together longer so that we will have a child and stay together raising that child- it is nature's pair-bonding mechanism.

I believe the solution is simple: whenever we feel ourselves becoming too attached to one woman, we start to distance ourselves from her (which will make her become more attached as a result). Such distancing should involve: not contacting them (letting them initiate contact with us) and acting indifferent around them (treating them like just "another fuck").

We should also "flirt" with other women around them (yes, seriously) or even talk about other women who we find "cute" around them etc. This will usually make them extremely jealous.

The combination of remaining unavailable/challenging and making them jealous (having other sexual options) signals the following to her subconsciously:

1. This is a "high value" man (he has lots of options and knows it)
2. He is confident/sure of himself so he will be a good potential provider for her/her offspring
3. She knows she has to work to keep his attention- he is a "wild gazelle" roaming free in the wild who needs tamed (normally equating to "pussy whipped").

All of these signals combined seriously accelerate AND increase the woman's sexual attraction for us. Even if they complain about us being "players" or playing "hard to get" etc, DO NOT listen to them and allow yourself to commit or become attached too quickly as this will REVERSE her attraction. This is sadly the truth. As long as we remain a challenge/distant, the woman's "sex drive" will be at its "peak" in the relationship- as soon as we commit, her attraction/sex drive plummets. This is sadly the reason why sex becomes "boring" (for the woman) after a couple get married.

I believe the main difference between a "beta" man and an "alpha" man is that an "alpha" man allows himself to open up and to experience the feelings of being "in love" (as it will inevitably happen due to the bair-bonding mechanisms of the brain), but does not allow himself to give into the temptation (like a drug addict) and become too attached/needy/clingy etc. He has superior self-control to the "beta" man, who also experiences the "in love" chemical addiction/feelings, but also allows himself to "fall in love" (lose control and become too attached too quickly).

Thus, the solution is to ALWAYS maintain a distance until the woman becomes attached to us FIRST- then we can allow ourselves to open up, but only slightly- we still remain a challenge and emotionally unavailable as believe it or not THIS IS EXACTLY what keeps her sexually attracted to us- unbelievable and "fucked up" I know, but it is nature's way of keeping a woman sexually invested in a man until he is ready to commit to her (when the sexual investment plummets) and is the reason why women are so sexually drawn to "jerks"/"bad boys" (guys who don't commit). We always keep the woman investing HIGHER in the relationship than us until the point of commitment (where there is usually no going back e.g "marriage") as this is HER JOB anyway and always has been since the dawn of time.

Men should also BEGIN to realize and understand that there is no "perfect woman" or "soulmate" out there for us. This is more "bullshit" fed to us by the media and social conditioning. So why then should we commit to "one woman"? when we can have sex with hundreds, if not thousands of beautiful, sexy women??. Exactly, we shouldn't and as long as we maintain this "abundance" mentality with woman we will never be hurt (if she decides to break it off) and will never be needy (have "oneitis"). It is the ultimate solution to women and relationships- remain the emotionally distant, but oversexed "bad boy" and we will always get what we want from them, REGARDLESS of what they "say"- as its usually 90% "bullshit" and the OPPOSITE of what they want.

Do you chase and beg your friends, parents and sister to show you care? It's not natural, so why would you do that to a girl you're dating with?

One explanation is our inflated ego. The natural way is to wait for someone to show some affection and care towards you before you return the same. It's called an eye for an eye. That's the natural way to do things, but our ego says we must artificially speed up the nature process, even if we have to chase and beg for it.

A clinically sane girl know she's getting a good guy with an Alpha attitude, because he shows care by listening to her needs and reciprocating them via "ACTIONS", not words. When you reciprocate via words, you are her girlfriend. Male Alphas typically get acknowledgement through actions of others either through respect and appreciation. Sometimes, a beta male may get offended that he's expecting some thank yous or kudos from these guys and got none. Beta male thought they are bunch of jerks, but really the proper way to return it is through actionable favors. Besides, these Alpha males probably think, yeah you're a beta male acting Alpha by expecting something back. Alphas don't need and seek validation from anyone, because they are true Alphas.

A good alpha male always love himself first and does not seek validation from others. They are giving and not selfish.

Jerks does not seek validation from others but does not love themselves. They are selfish.

A Beta male does not know how to love himself yet, so he seeks validation from others to fill in this void.

Good alpha and jerks share similar traits, meaning they don't look for attention approval, so girls go nuts on this trait. But the commonality ends here. A good alpha guy always get the girls because they take good care of their girls through viable actions. When males do not seek for attention from others, obviously they are not looking for thank yous or kudos. They are looking at how you could show them your thanks through your own viable actions. Doing favors and being respectable are appreciation traits Alpha male understand.

If "back-sliding" means that you forget your alpha ways and revert into a beta: That's exactly my problem in *every* LTR I had to date. For this alone I would quote you for truth. But the problem is harassing me.

I start out as a shining knight, who genuinely cares about his woman and shows her his "love" through protection, care and wit. But with the time (18 months-2years) comes the carelessness, I begin to turn into a non-caring partner who can't be arsed to show high value, because he's got the girl and every else is going OK. How can a beta with an alpha coating change into a true alpha? Or rahter: what are the coated-beta's obstacles to true alphahood?

Hey Guys,

Things are improving, already in one day.

I didnt mention her at all during my day (When she was asleep). I fell asleep and woke up to 28 messages about her day, and her even saying "hey you know you can tell me about your day too right?"

Everytime we spoke, i keep it light and funny. I havent spoken about feelings since, except I MAY of fucked up a little bit (not big deal) when we were talking about my exchange next year, and she was asking what i think about it, and i was like "yeah if its meant to be its meant to be. Cant be too serious about things, ill enjoy whats coming my way. Looks like good things", which she replied, "I see what you are doing" (Yes I was referring to our relationship). I asked what do you mean , and then i changed topic. Before she left she said' "if you arent too busy tell me about your day"

After this she said I miss you, which i ignored, and she said she messes falling asleep next to me. I ignored it and mentioned a jokey teasy name I call her (whcih i have now overused) and didnt reply to any of it.

Should i off, and now that she is asleep, should i message her during my day. I am nervous if I back off, she will be like honestly fuck this. She is that type of girl.

What you guys think

Don't slip back to what you were doing before! Even if you think things are sweet again.

Sounds like she is really starting to get the "message"- pun intended with the 28 messages.
You handled that well with "what"...she was testing you for sure.
Good work! KEEP IT UP!!! Don't slide back to "betatude" just because it is beginning to "soften her up" and make her want your cock. The "name calling" is also alpha, because it shows now that you are not as easily impressed by her displays of affection- she knows now that she has to work MUCH harder to earn your affections back because you have shown that you have taken it away from her (and she now knows this); whereas before, she took it for granted.
NO!! Do NOT message her, let her keep coming back for more. It sounds like she is becoming insanely clingy (a good thing), which also means she wants your dick in her mouth even more.

She is not that kind of girl- no girl backs off even more from a guy who continues to withdraw from her (in her mind she subconsciously knows you are a guy who "gets" it), especially if she is as hot (with as many options) as you told us. You will be on her mind MUCH more than the other clingy/beta guys- trust me. Just keep it up.

Judging by what you've said about her OP, this seems like a salvageable situation for sure. You absolutely HAVE to implement the things recommended in this topic though!

Thanks Breezy,

So you believe that this could be saved?

The thing is, I think she is smarter than most girls. She will catch on to what I am doing. She is the type of girl who will be like, okay you aren't messaging me, then why will I message you back. I mean, we are in a relationship, why wouldn't I message her? (that is going to be her mentality). You guys seem awfully convinced that she will want it more and more if I back off and yet I don't because I feel like I have to maintain a good healthy relationship (right now I feel like I am not).

I am all over the place, although I am not showing it. I feel it. She is smart you see, when I subtly messaged me being less serious, she said, "I know what you are doing ", she didn't push anymore than this, I changed topic, but you see she didn't push anymore to see if I am loosing interest and being less serious, she is so chill that she takes things as it comes.

By distance shouldn't I be doing special things to keep her satisfied.

Also, during my days when she is asleep, as I have said I gave her messages to wake up. I WAS ABOUT TO send her a light message for her to wake up to but I read this and I didn't. Are you sure I should send her ABSOLUTELY NOTHING? Not even a voice note saying whats up with me about my day. How come this is absolutely imperative that I send her nothing. (I am writing things down in a book that are important that's why I ask).

Please excuse my questions, its because I want to understand as much as I can.

Out of curiosity, in this situation: What is the difference between me right now going stone cold contact on her, no reply to her, not nothing. And Me not initiating contact with her, not messaging her first, not giving her anything to wake up to, but when she messages me, remaining light and funny.

The reason why I feel bad is because, she always gives me messages to wake up to the thing is, the messages have changed so much from the 10 audionotes she use to send me about her day and missing me, to just a few lines - The point is, she always gives me messages to wake up to, i just feel rude not replying. Because of this, she will just say -- fuck it and not try

The thing is, she always gave me messages to wake up to you know. Always... they just changed from being really affectionate and cute audio notes (what I loved) to being shorter and less meaningful text messages. But she always has given me messages to open up to even when I was beta. This is why i feel like I should message her things to wake up to?

What do you think. I am really 50/50 on this one. I think messaging her a joke or something funny about my day could go a long way?

You cannot be serious? Come on dude, you have nearly fucked this up so many times and yet there is still somehow a shred of hope in there.

The same advice has been reiterated SO MANY TIMES. Just heed it for the love of God!

Give her the gift of missing you! You don't have to go No contact, but live a life besides sitting on SPAM or waiting for your phone to buzz!

How can you still be questioning the help you've been given?!

Go ahead, send her 20 audio notes telling her you love her more than life itself, smother her with affection and overbearing text messages and put your actual life on hold for this girl. See what happens.

Thats not what Im asking man, I m just saying there is a big difference between her receiving NOTHING from me in the morning, and her receiving a few things from me. I have written down everything said in the forum and I am following it, I am just asking is it better to give her absolutely nothing, until she messages me each time. Surely she will pick that up and get fed up, and because she is fed up of just contacting me each time, end it

If I were in your situation, she certainly wouldn't getting something EVERY morning. Some days you're just too busy.

Also,

If I don't message her, I leave a whole for someone else to come in and take my place. As soon as guy shows interest in her, and is decent looking and is exciting, she will literally start thinking okay if he isn't messaging me then it's his loss. Don't you see why I am nervous to do never message her first?

Buddy, women don't just move on when when a guy stops contacting them for a while. Its called a SOFT NEXT. It is the the MOST effective relationship management tool there is. It skyrockets her attraction, makes her more compliant, makes her affraid to lose you etc. The problem is that most guys are too needy and too scared to use it. She left you 28 messages? Holy shit. You guys have WAY too much contact! Just because you are long distance doesnt mean you should be in contact costantly! Its not healthy. It signifies to her that you have nothing better to do.

If you don't contact her and she says "fuck it" and moves on, that means she was ALREADY LOST. She had already moved on. If she is at that point there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to bring her back (other than radio silence!!). You literally have nothing to lose by not responding to her.

As in all healthy relationships, she SHOULD be asking you to contact her more. She SHOULD be getting upset because you don't repond to her texts etc. My LTR tells me all the time she wants to see me/talk to me more etc does that mean she is ready to jump the first guy that comes along being all needy like you? NO.