Hey Black Phantom... I know we've never really interacted much on the forum but I have always admired you brother. I too went through some serious changes last year. I understand what you're saying.
Last year I had a girl Break up with me after 20 months, but 8 months or so earlier (and really even earlier) than that I had my own questions in the relationship I was in but I've always understood relationships are a lot of work and never really thought much of the hardship as that too me is part of a relationship.
I had the girl break up with me say some pretty rough stuff to me. I was shattered following the depression and because I didn't keep up on my own confidence routines like meditation/mindfulness, exercising, doing things I loved doing, I lost my way and she "fell out of love with me".... the truth was quite a bit deeper than that.
By the end of the relationship I felt inadequate in several ways from my weight to my height to my confidence to just me overall.
I fell into a deep depression where I was destroyed following the break up, like I truly was hurt and wasn't myself anymore. I literally cried, at first I lied to myself and tried to find and improve myself to "get her back" but the reality was as fucked up as it was that was the best thing that could have happened to me.
It took me nearly 7 months to recover from the depression... just recover I didn't realize how depressed I was for 4 plus months. My moods were volatile, I hated my life, hated me, list goes on.
I literally went and did a full lifestyle change... I changed how I woke up in the morning, I changed from warm showers back to cold showers, I changed to going for a walk which in turn turned into a run every morning. I changed jobs. I changed the vitamins I took, vegetables I ate, the list just keeps going.
The fact is that break up was the best thing that could have happened to me last year, and I still miss what I had with her at times, but the reality is we weren't meant to be together long term, she didn't let me be me... she wasn't into me, she was into some perception she had of me.
Now after a year I'm finally back to being me more, not quite all there but I'm out doing my thing again, dressing my style again, working on myself daily again, doing things I am passionate about, doing videos for guys again, doing blogs again. I took a trip around the mount to get to the top but I did finally get my way up there.
It gets easier my friend, just takes time, the pain isn't quite over sir... but I do want to say you need to keep making these videos and posts, I too pushed my way away from the community last year during my depression even took down my website which was sad.... lost a lot of blogs along the way a lot of great articles that people enjoyed.
You love helping people it's part of your confidence and part of your purpose in this life my friend, don't stop doing it because believe it or not if you lose this you lose doing this you are losing a part of you... you lose something you love doing for yourself.
I too am not really pick up orientated I believe in doing more for yourself and taking care of yourself then doing other actions along the way to gain skills such as understanding more about women, accepting your masculine side, letting you be you, and learning to be the best you that you can be... and really only ever competing with yourself.
I know you're are the confidence guy here, I do alright and have worked diligently to improve myself and my life but sometimes we need someone else to pop in and help us out!
Good luck Black Phantom... I know you will work it out my friend.
Just another guy from back in the day.
Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com