Hey all, I'm pretty upset right now and don't know what to do. I came here because my ex boyfriend used to use "game" and even though I was never familiar with it, I knew that a lot of how he treated me was because he was involved with PUA. (He treated me very well!)

My ex and I were going out for almost a year..it was the most amazing year of my life. He was everything I ever wanted in a man, he was perfect, and he understood and complemented me. He brought out the best in me. The last couple of months of our relationship were rocky and I thought he was pulling away but he insisted it was because of school/exams. He stopped being the super romantic, dedicated guy he once was and kind of became lazy careless in our relationship. Naturally, I began to nag and be incredibly passive aggressive (which can be REALLY scary and upsetting.) I also didn't like a lot of the people who he began to hang out with and even though I never blatantly said so, I would silently punish him for days.

I realize this sounds really bad, but besides these recent petty obstacles our relationship was unparalleled - we were so amazing together. I thought he was my soulmate. I still think he is. I know the way I acted was completely inexcusable. We have both been under a LOT of pressure lately and I didn't even realize what I was doing.

Last week he broke up with me in the middle of our date, very suddenly. We were having a normal date and he pulled over in a parking lot and broke my heart. I never wanted that to happen despite our small problems. I had traveled two hours to see him and I was devastated. To top it all off, we're in the middle of FINALS WEEK!! We were crying together for an hour as he told me how unhappy he has been the past week and how he thinks I'm not right for him.

I literally begged and cried for him to come back but he wouldn't listen. He even started getting angry and yelling at me to leave. I was pretty hysterical. I spent the next two days crying non stop and sleeping. I still haven't eaten and this happened 5 days ago. I can barely drink water without gagging. Each day is a bit easier with the help of my friends. I can finally look at the situation in a calm way. I texted him two days ago asking how his exams went and he never answered -I figured he was busy studying/packing his dorm/going home/whatever. I know he needs time and I've decided to have NO contact with him whatsoever even though every fiber of my being is begging me to call him.

We both loved each other very much but I think he has an easier time moving on and letting go - he's very positive and care free and I know him well enough to assume he hasn't shed another tear over me. Thats basically the only thing stopping me from crying-the fact that he's fine. But even though he is fine, will he ever contact me again? He was such a big part of my life, he was everything to me, and the thought of losing him is so painful. I just want to be his friend, though I know it would be difficult. I'm leaving in a month for the summer and will be away for two months and I'm so scared that by the time I'm back, we'll be strangers.

To top it all off, I just got a phone call from my ex's friends girlfriend, who goes through her bf's faceboook and found a chat between my ex and her boyfriend. My ex basically said next year he's going to be f*cking every girl in site and he can't wait to get a piece of the freshmen. He's even planning on going to his sister's college and getting with girls there.

WTF!!! I'm sitting here 5 days into the break up and I still can't eat without puking and he's already planning to get laid? Then I remembered PUA and the whole philosophy that there are thousands of other girls out there...it makes my entire relationship with him less precious/validated knowing that less than a week after he broke up with me, he's on to the next girl!

I don't know what to do...I've never been through so much pain over someone before. Nobody has ever been worth it like he is...I just want him back in my life, I want to go back in time and fix everything. Will he ever talk to me again? Is there ever a chance of getting him back?



Please help me and I do apologize for my rambling.

This thorny subject might be better for the more tenured guys on this board, but let me take a shot:

You've written a really long message, but you've managed to avoid stating explicitly what you want us to do for you. So we have to guess?

A) Do you want us to hit on you, giving you a little reminder that you're desirable and that you'll meet a new guy?
B) Do you want us to tell you that your ex is a jerk to validate what you're feeling right now?
C) Do you want us to simply comfort you? To tell you everything's going to turn out just fine?

Maybe a little of all those? OK, but I'll put my money on...

D) You want us to give you The Code. The secret Jujitsu / Jedi mind meld formula that will allow you to claw yourself back into the good graces of your ex.

Which would make one helluva romantic comedy plot, I admit. But I'm pretty sure that this game-reverse formula doesn't exist. And even if it did, it wouldn't be very ethical for us to give it to you. We're not hearing his side of the story. For all we know you shagged his best friend and ran over his dog.

Honestly, I think that you're idealizing the relationship and, hard though it may be, you have to accept that you guys weren't meant to last. So buck up, trouper. Put on your hottest outfit, go to a night club, and if a guy comes up asking you whether you think David Bowie is hot, then congratulations, you've just met another one among our ranks.

I feel for you girl, but when you mentioned some of the things you did, I really can understand he was fed up. I can tell you from personal experience there's probably nothing you can do to get him back now. Nagging and silent SPAM kill attraction big time. He was probably really unhappy lately.
The thing about getting with other girls, it's just the way it is. Most guys rebound like that (correct me if I'm wrong, guys). Don't take it personal or as a sign he didn't care for you. I know it hurts, but it's just the way it is.
The best thing you can do is realize there will come another guy to sweep you off your feet and your ex is not all that special as you now feel. This will take some time, but you'll get there. Don't contact him, just let this be and after the summer you'll see how things develop. You'll be in a totally different place emotionally and maybe then you can be friends again.
The food thing, try eating some soups and liquid stuff if you can get it down. Your body will start accepting solid food when it gets really hungry, in the meantime drink some juices and smoothies and eat soups.
When you get really emotional, just try to acknowledge the emotions you're feeling and imagine them passing through you, it can help reduce the time these emotional breakdowns last, this really helped my friend get over her ex. It's ok to be angry at him. It's a normal feeling that comes after sadness. Try to do more sports and enjoy some outdoor activities after your finals, it will lift your mood. Take it one day at a time and really really soon, a lot sooner than you think, you'll be ok.
That's the best advice I can give you. I know you don't wanna forget about him, but that's the best thing you can do for yourself right now. Good luck!

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Hey so I'm new to this PUA stuff but throughout reading your post it sounded like you were describing the kind of guy I am. I'm sure your ex and I would have gotten along since I think I know what he's up to and probably share the same thoughts. I've been in a relationship for four years and lately I've been putting my girlfriend into your situation. Basically, to make things short, I told my girlfriend I love her so much but I just wish she came in a different time in my life. I'm twenty one and I see the attraction females have towards me and sometimes I get curious and my friends totally tell me I should go for it but deep down I truly care for my gf, so I don't. Trust me though he will definitely come back! I guarantee you. Give him his space and he'll realize that he had it good with you and those other girls are just flings and will eventually get him no where. I'm certain he still thinks about you day and night as well, he's just at a different mind set right now and he's trying to discover who he truly is and what he wants. Over all just give it time.

It's true, women and men are different.

I think (at least this is what I noticed) that women find it really hard to break up after a long term relationships, not because they can't get over loving the man, but becouse they are alot more about memories, comfort, safety and connection.

For example I have a friend (girl) who's in a relationship with her BF for about 4 years now. She told me that they rarely have sex and that she really hates him for not being a true man (he's a bit of a pussy), but she won't leave him, because she thinks that he is the only one who understands her.

While with men it's like this...usually we have a few really giant crushes or maybe even relationships, with girls we really like and love, and would do anything for them to be happy (most of the times we would do too much, if you know what I mean) and those relationships turn into disasters for us, because girl cheats on us, or leaves us. So when us guys finally get the MOJO (they become beeter with women), we tend to enjoy that as much as possible and we sometimes forget that we are dealing with people (and not just numbers). It's only when we find the right balance between the MOJO(and our sexual needs) and feelings, we can keep a long term relationship.

Now, why did he break up with you? It may very well be the fact that he wants to enjoy his youth and that he needs some space so that he gets the MOJO/feelings balance in order.

NOTE: I don't know if any of the things I had jut written make much sense, because I'm not very good at writting this things down.

NOW THE ADVICE: I think that yes, you should wait a little so that the whole thing chills out a little and when this hot lava of feelings inside you gets a little colder, when you begin to think strait again, you should contact him and be persistant on keeping the friendship going. I can't guarantee that you'll be with him ever again, but the thing with men is (and you see this in lots of movies and tv shows and it's true) that there can be a lot of women in his life, but there is always ALWAYS that one. The one they can't get out of their mind for the rest of their lives.