Hi guys,

I'm in my early thirties, from Florida. I'm ashamed to say that I've been studying PUA for more than a year, but it's become clear to me that my case is harder to crack than I thought. And so I'm going to start posting in this forum.

My two problems are approach anxiety and failure to escalate. I'll illustrate that latter issue with a short story that will make you want to strangle me. Here goes:

There was a girl at work. Beautiful face, and a terrific body, although she dressed pretty modestly. Just out of college. Whenever our eyes met, I looked away, AFC-style. It took a loooong time for me to say hi and introduce myself. I'm talking months. Stalled it out, right?

I thought so, which is why I figured I'd get blown out when I asked her out for coffee. In the nervous way I asked, she seemed kinda sketched out, but she said yes. While we were out, she was using all kinds of innuendo. You know, making sexual references and jokes. Another opportunity to escalate, but I just let them pass. Got her number, and then a few days later I left her a message, and she never called back. Are you surprised? Me neither.

A short time later, we happened to be at the same nightclub. She came up to me, kissed me on the cheek and let her hand come to rest on my upper chest. (My lack of sex allows me lots of time to exercise.) Again, I panicked and just turned away from her. At other points in the night, she'd sneak up behind me and grab my butt. Again, I choked.

There were other nights like this. One where we went out in a small group, got tons of IOIs but again I didn't make a move.

I left that job and I haven't seen this girl for maybe six months. Had a convincing pretext to phone her a few months ago, but she never returned the call. It's done for.

Mind you, this girl wasn't soulmate material. I'm not hung up on her. In fact, I've had similar interactions with probably a dozen different girls like this in the past year.

The reason this girl is a perfect illustration for paralysis with women is that today I learned that shortly before I met her, this girl was a Playboy Coed of the Month.

Seriously, if you can't respond to the overtures of a Playboy model, what kind of man are you?? It's pathetic.

But honestly, it helps to put it out there. I have a problem, and I need to fix it fast.

[[Out of respect for her, I'm not going to give her name (neither the modeling name, nor the real name, because they're different); and so if you don't believe me, fine. ]]

Anyway, I'm hoping to meet a wing here, but if that doesn't work I'll fly solo and maybe launch a field journal.

Feel free to critique my performance and to recommend strategies for improving my game. I should say that I've become MUCH better at escalating in the past year, but the approach anxiety is still the main obstacle.

Welcome.

You should hit the chat room if you're wanting more personal tailored help, there's a few of us in there all the time, more than willing to give feedback/advice.

hey welcome im new too. and its a problem we can all over come. I am as well is looking for a wing. if u have anymore stories or tips hit me up!

Hey brother - we all suffer from AA, but what you have going on is a bit deeper.

There's a serious confidence problem going on.

Realizing your full potential takes some inner game work and realizing that you deserve hot women is a mindset that in my experience takes some introspection and personal development work.

If you have a belief inside that subconsciously says "I'm not good enough for her" or "there's no way she'd be interested in me" then you're done. Working on inner game and knowing that she's lucky to spend time with you is a key belief. But you have to believe it so deep in your inner-core that it's real. It's who you are. Not a bunch of lines from books. It's a transformation.

I'd say for starters talk to as many PEOPLE as possible man. Just say "how's it going" or "hi" to everyone you see. Girls, guys - doesn't matter. Just get used to that first. You're not gonna' die if they ignore you. Good luck brotha'!

Yeah, in terms of big picture, it's most definitely an inner game thing. But really, everything's inner game. And I don't think any of us have the luxury of saying, "I'm going to get my inner game squared away first, THEN I'm going to go out and try to meet women."

For me, learning PUA skills has done wonders to boost my confidence and improve my inner game. The story I tell above happened a year ago, and I've come a long way since. The reason it stings is that I just found out the girl I was after was Playboy material. It sucks to lose a 10 (at least in the looks dept), especially when she gave me so many chances to prove I wasn't a wuss.

But whatever. The real lesson, I think, is that my game doesn't have to be perfect in order to get the girl. With this one, and with others, I fuck up the initial encounter, and then the next time I feel this intense pressure to rally, and that just creates more anxiety...

Hey, don't say I didn't warn you guys! If it's frustrating to hear this story, imagine how I feel!

VERY good point sir. I just had a similar thing happen. My buddy says you only get 1 shot at an elephant. Make it count. Anyway, I kicked myself for a couple days and moved on...It's easy to get wrapped up in your head. Even the best get shot down and rejected. I feel a lot better knowing that. I look at it as kind of fun when I get shot down - it's something my friends and I can joke around about. Really, it's the only way to get better.

Yes, I'm physically attractive, but that's only because for years my strategy was to work out like crazy, buy cool clothes, and then wait for girls to hit on me. Which they did, actually, because when I'm out, my body language is solid, too. But the moment she approaches, I'm the same awkward short kid I was in junior high. And she loses interest.... FAST.

But thanks for the feedback and the encouragement. I'm going to read those links in great detail. I'd definitely like to start a journal soon.