epicness. Feel free to take notes bros. BTW, i'm none other than two2fly

Two days ago I awoke to the sound of tha phone ringing. I shook my head, immediately clearing my OE and grape smirdoff hangover. Stood up, stretched, walked to the fridge and grabbed another smirdoff. Smashed that shit on my granite counter and threw it back. Boom. The glass cut into my lip and I look in the mirror admiring my battle wound. The phone rings and I pick it up slowly, allowing tha caller to hear nothing but my steady breathing. "Hello?" I immediately recognize the voice of the 7.5 (9.5 on the mpuaforum scale) from the other night. Wiping my bloody lip away with my hand, I clear my throat and prepare to go hunting (for a bitch).

Reaching for another drink i say into tha phone, "....yo ". She says "oh hey twofly! this is..." i stop listening to her as i catch my reflection in tha mirror. fuck i look great. i am a greek god, the pecs of zeus in fact. Putting in my bluetooth so i can do my morning push ups, I hear, "Tappin?! are you there?" I reply, "....yo". She says, "yea...so are you busy tonig-...why are u breathing so hard??" "i'm fuckin another bitch right now, what do u care?" She laughs and says, "no really?" At this time my pecs are on fire and I can't help but let out an animalistic moan as i pump out my 100th consecutive pushup. "AAAARRRRGHHHHHH. YEAAAAAAAA BITCH!!!!. yo...whatd u say?" I reach for my protein shake and in the midst of gulping it down, some liquid rolls from my check, down my chest, and into my perfectly carved abs, like a dry ravine being filled with water. I become erect.

Rummaging thae cabinets for the nearest shamwow I look over bronzed skin and dap it dry. 7.5 is still talking, I am not listening. Not bothering to hear what she has to say I interrupt and say, "...yo...we're going to Club Ecstascy tonight" She excitedly replies, "alright! can you pick me up?" So i get directions to her place then prepare for tha day ahead of me. 45 minutes later i'm leaving tha tanning salon when I see 7.5 walking in. oh fuck. I don’t wanna spend tha day with this whore. thinking fast i dip out tha back entrance, hop in my mercury cougar I jet. On the way home I think “oh shit, I need some shampoo” So I roll up to tha local Kroger, swing by tha beer isle and pick up a 6pack of smirdoff, pound one in tha store and some fag in an apron bothers me by saying, “excuse me sir, you can’t drink that in here.” I don’t bother looking at him and say “shut up pussy” and down tha rest of it. I swagger over to tha shampoo isle and grab some Matrix Biolage, it’s tha most expensive shit they got so I figure it’ll get the job done.

Realizing I just don’t have time for a Brazilian body wax today, I had to do tha next best thing. Standing naked in front of the mirror, I grab my new 3.3oz Burberry Brit cologne off tha shelf. I gingerly unscrew the top of tha bottle and proceed to unload tha entire contents all over my body, being careful to avoid my neck and head. I grab my zippo lighter off the counter and light my index finger. The fire spreads quickly, singeing all of tha unwanted hair. Soon my entire body is engulfed. I stand in front of the mirror and slowly raise my hands above my head, so the fire can spread to my armpits. I leap into the shower to quench tha flames. My tanned skin is perfect. And buying the Matrix Biolage shampoo was definitely a sick good idea; it felt like I was showering under a rainfall in costa rica.

TBC

Teach me your ways guru.

just read my posts bro and you'll be picking up bitches in no time.

top hair removal tips too, never know when that will come in handy.

bringin more game, part 2 bois

I pick up 7.5 around 9:30 and im already buzzin, I just smoked like a handful of leaf and tossed back 4 smirdoffs while my bro was styling my hair for me. I pull into her driveway and lay on the horn until she comes out tha door smiling. She hops in tha front seat and I immediately burn out in reverse, almost hitting a little shithead on his bike. Staring at me she says “do you really need those?” Looking back at her through my David Duval signature oakleys I say, “ya”. She’s speed talking tha whole way there, and I’m just so fucked up I can’t help but laugh at everything she says. My google phone was on tha front dash and it blows up with my sick Ying Yang Twins ringtone, I knew it was my bro hittin me up. Before I can grab it, 7.5 already snatched it and reads the text, “Tappin, Maria is here bro- she looks pissed!” I instantly cut tha wheel and pulled a U turn almost getting T-boned in tha act. 7.5 looks worried and kind of disappointed and says “so…who’s Maria” I can’t help but laugh and look down at my penis while I shake my head and say “oh ughhh, ummm its my sister…” She knew I was lying but didn’t call me out on it.

I figure I can hit up a frat party and make shit happen so we get to one of my boys frat house. I let myself and immediately look for some poppin titties. Out of nowhere some gorilla of a man charges at me screaming, “NO COSTUMMME!!!” with a plastic cup in his hand. He tries his drench me with his beer only I Keanu Reeves myself out of harms way. I hear “AAAAAAH” from behind me and turn around to see 7.5 got soaked instead of me, I start to laugh. Tha large attacker wasn’t able to stop quick enough, he ended up scuffin’ my gleemin white heelies. I look at him enraged and think to myself I’ll deal w/ him later. I take 7.5 by tha hand and say “come on” and we walk upstairs

All tha bedroom doors are locked so I have to end up tearing one of tha locks from tha door manually. With one quick thrust tha lock breaks clean from tha door and 7.5 stares at me in amazement. We walk into the room and I head straight for tha bed. 7.5 says, “what are we doing” and with one fell swoop if tear my Globetrotter breakaway pants and say “I’m going to make all your dreams come true” while I stand there in my compression shorts, letting her stare at tha nuts. Her jaw drops as I take my shirt and compression shorts off, walk over to tha bed nude. I take the white pillow case and produce a makeshift toga man thong, and throw her tha entire bed sheet to change into. I walk over to tha bathroom and look for some baby oil, I want to lube up with so much skin showing. After tearing tha bathroom apart I have to accept they have no oils, so I rush off to tha kitchen and raid tha cabinet. I notice a fresh can of PAM and use it to cover my body in a nice thick oily layer of bronzed perfection. i look like tha male equivalent of a hot brazillian princess, my skin glistening under tha hard light as I continue to spray the Pam on my skin. I grab a towel and wipe the excess off of my chest, while making sure that my penis is dripping with pam (for lube).

Walking back upstairs to see 7.5 a pack of girls come up to me, complimenting me on my shoes. I explain to them how heelies aren’t just shoes and then show off a few tricks in tha hallway upstairs. Showed them tha standard stuff, wall ride to heel clicker, 360 to heel clicker, rodeo to heel clicker. To really make them wet I tell them I’m gonna wall ride tha length of tha entire wall, and start to speed forward. Turns out these German bearings I got put on are hella fast, I’m speeding along the wall and am headed to take a tumble down the stairs. I hear the girls scream in terror as I begin to fly down the stairs. Mid flight I wrap my forearm around some idiot walking up the stairs and he breaks my fall as im crashing down the stairs on top of him. I get up unscathed and find him lying limp. He’s knocked out cold. I put him to sleep with my sheer power and thick muscular crushing mass. It's like a 79 charger versus a Yugo. Boom. Euthanized.

Jogging back up stairs I walk into the bedroom to find 7.5 dressed in her toga. I walk up to her and see backs up and says, “what smells like shit?” I snap back, “suck my dick” She gives me a mischievous look and says, “…ok” and just stands there looking at my glimmering body. I look at her for a second and give her a Degeneration-X, X Pac “suck it” motion. While I’m recieving some C+ dome from 7.5 I get my Axe Bullet deodorant spray from my pants and try to cover up the smell of PAM. I march downstairs ready to fuck up gorilla man’s world.