what's up guys, just thought i'd introduce myself and basically write my life story in regards to pickup. You could say I haven't been completely horrible with women in my past but i'm kind of screwed up now. k here it goes:

I'm 19 gonna be 20 in may 12..
i have had sex with 3 girls a total of 5 times
one was an ug, the other had an alright body and not so good face, and the other was like a 4 or a 5 but i liked her.
i have number closed strangers from the street a couple times (feeling extremely nervous) before and after i found the community.. ive been to third base when i was 13.. oh and three ugs gave me head too, ive also kissed about like 20 girls or so (maybe less)

lets catch you up to speed, i am two years out of high school.. my senior year i was fairly social though had a case of one itis and havent gotten laid in almost three years, i also fear women (literally fear) because i liked this girl when i was 16 and was talking to her and her boyfriend found out and literally went looking for me and did assault me with his buddy, also another girl had an extremely jealous boyfriend (and violent) and after i had sex with her i felt extremely paranoid and stressed thinking he was gonna come after me (thats the 4 i mentioned in the beginning)...

anyway recently ive been talking to girls on chatrooms (good cuz they cant see me; im fairly insecure cuz i barely socialize and have bad acne and feel unattractive), some social networking (though i feel those girls are really shallow,and my limiting beliefs are not helping)...ive been fairly depressed since out of highschool (mind you i have a history of smoking pot and using other stuff from time to time), no job, no friends, talk on msn sometimes, but no real sarging..

i dont know if im completely fucked up, and just fantasizing being successful with women or in life in general, im a complete loser at the moment, don't even know if i should attempt this?

anyway ive been immersing myself in a lot of pickup videos and stuff, ( i remember when i first found MM about three to four years ago and found it very interesting).. but idk if i am just deluding myself? will i ever get the guts to actually try this stuff?

if any of you read this and can comprehend what i wrote, be honest and recommend what should i do..

peace, no lies im completely honest.