ey guys,

so far i've read lots about PUA on the internet, saw some documentary on tv and saw video's on various websites on PUA etc.. so far its been a complete info overload and it seems hard to figure out where to start. of course, nobody starts out the same way so here my situation to give u an insight:
i'm 19, have only 2 friends, 1 very close, mainly cuz we're both in the same shitty situation socially and emotionally; no other friends, no social lives, no self-esteem and frequent depression.

my main 2 goals are to get confident and to become more open to others; i want to lose my depressive thought patterns, stop feeling the bad stuff i feel and get the confidence and skill to talk to people effectively, make good conversation and open up in conversation.
my impression is that what all people who are good with women have in common, is that they are confident, i think thats pretty much all a man needs to get more succesful with women, and other men as well.

now my question is this, do you guys have any idea where i could start out to gain more confidence in myself? i have no ambition to sleep with all the hot women on this planet (i think its selfish and possessive). i want to be able to find the guys/girls i want to be friends with, and the girls i'd want to share a reasonable portion of my life with...

hey Gerby1990,

hows it going?

i only just found this site n signed up today!!

i used to get depression back in the day, and be in the same boat. im 21 now and dont really, although i do get times when i feel im gonna crash n burn.

also i used to have no confidence.. i kinda blame it on my home situation and how i was brought up.. but since i went to college and met some cool people i seem to have up'd my confidence, which is good.

one way of havin more confidence is to make sure you look good when you go out, anywhere, i know it sounds funny, but if i dont feel like i am dressed to look good then i loose confidence in myself. just be trimmed.

i also heard somewhere that if you pretend to be confident, then this 'false' confidence can turn into real confidence... dont know if it works, but worth a try.. i usually drink when i go out.. so i get false confidence... but cant really chat game- because i been drinking.


hope som of that helps a bit.. but im sure other people that know what they're talking about will post replies too.

YoungBlood01 out.

ey youngblood,

i hadnt expected such a swift response, thx a lot for that. i have heard about both tactics to gain confidence, but it seems that those are only good for 'going out'. i wonder if theres anything i could do in normal life (@ home) to gain the much needed self-esteem and confidence etc..
nonetheless, i'll reconsider those options next time i've gathered the courage to go in town...
but i have an additional problem. whenever i go out i always set out with a lot of confidence, but it never works out cuz i have like zero experience with it. i seem to be unable to have an honestly good time. hell i cant even have an ok time, cuz i start feeling miserable as soon as i see others have a good time. it seems that i've become so jealous over the years that in order to have a good time, there must be nobody around or something.
now i've heard that the best step is to focus inward instad of outward. that is, not comparing yourself to others, but focus solely on your own. problem is i've been so competitive since i was like 10 years old. it seems to be completely incorporated in my subconscious.
i wonder if theres any way i can change...
so to every1 reading this; any tips, suggestions or even people with similar problems feel free to post.

cheers,
Gerben

Couple of questions:

Do you still live with your parents? Are you still studying or are you working? have you ever done anything stupid/crazy (like hitchhiking to Paris, or skydiving, or development work in Afrika, stuff like that)?

There are many things you can do depending on how far you are willing to go, what kind of person you are. For one thing you can try asking a girl you know if she could help you out with some clothing advise, or actually anything about your apperance. You will notice that you wont like to be dressed by other people, but by doing so you can more easily develop your own (new) style. You could also go out and do a sport (if you're not doing that already). From reading your post I'd consider fitness, or at least a non-team sport (I don't like those anyway, and I can be quite a loner sometimes).

People tend to try out new personalities when we're young, I've always used to be kind of a punker, but I disliked the people in my social group, since I'm a student I tought: hey, new start, lets try out something else.

Anyway, it's all about you, the interests you have the things you like/dislike, and the things you want to like and dislike (that's an option too). Depending on this you can find friends to go out with in a place you like going to, doing things you like and maybe in that community, finding the girl you truly like.

Regards

Welcome Gerby,

I'm actually also from the netherlands, and i'll meet up with some of the other forum members every now and again.
There's a suggestion going on in Meet up & Wing, if your interessted in meeting up just tell me where you've located and we might be able to set something up.

I'm living in Rotterdam but i tend to go out 'sarging' practicly everywhere.

_________________
True communication is communion―the realization of oneness, which is love! ~ Eckhart Tolle

ey kasparov, thx for taking the time to make such an elaborate response. To answer some some of your questions, I live with my pareants again after being on my self for a year being completely depressed. I have started two courses and failed both times, now I'm at my third cours (law study) and as of yet I'm unemployed. As for your question regarding doing anything stupid/crazy then the answer is simple and straight: "no", I have never moved an inch outside my comfortzone.
My clothing style really isn't a problem to me, I'm already dressed in the way of who I want to be: casual with a bit of influence from my inner rocker. In the sport sector I'm already active, doing fitness 3 times a week with a friend (see last post).
i'm doing a home course, so i dont even have any classmates.
all i want in life is making a band, making good music.
i live in the countryside now, with my parents. i moved to the city a year ago but fell into a state of complete depression so i moved back to my parents'. i dont really know any places in town and dont know any people who do. well i do know this guy who hsa similar interests in music and feels like making a band together, but he'sfrom bulgaria and doesnt have any clue what the big city has to offer. so in a way i'm stuck.
they way i feel now is that i should get a job, try to get in contact with some people who know places and see what happens from there, but there seem to be a lack of possibilities for me to find a situation where i can actively improve my self-esteem/social skills.

nonetheless, i thank you for your elaborate comment once again, and somehow it feels like this community has a lot to offer.

cheers,
Gerben