I'm finally tapering off anti-depressants after 14 years and my sex drive is still in tact! My painful lack of confidence when confronted with attractive women is so much more painful and frustrating now. It's even more pathetic because I'm a good looking guy and get checked out all the time with countless opportunities to meet women. Every time I see a beautiful woman now, instead of feeling good, I'm reminded yet again of how I don't know what to do. They're practically begging me to come talk to them but all I can do is sit there like a statue and it's actually uncomfortable because they know I want to talk to them, but I just look and don't move so it's weird. I just started reading 'The Game' and it's definitely inspiring. I've decided to make it a high priority to learn how to successfully pick up women. This is my first post on a pick up artist forum.

Welcome Rhythm. As a starting point i'd read the mystery method, if you've not already. That'll give you a good foundation.

I used to have the exact some problem. Good looking guy, where's the confidence? The thing is, although looks are a good DHV, you can't rely on them.

Seems to me you have one major problem. You're afraid to look bad. You have a fear of loss. You paralyze yourself as a defensive mechanism, in order to retain what you currently have.

You stop yourself entering this situation, in case it takes away something you have. Most likely the comfort, security and safety of the current situation.

I've recently gone through the same barricade. It's painful at first. But so satisfying once you're through.

You need to change your frame. Your the shit. The sun shines out your arse.

If this girl doesn't see it, her loss. You don't care. You do this every day. She's the millionth girl you've spoken to today.

Your only speaking to her because it's more interesting that sitting on your own. If she's boring/bitchy/less interesting, your gonna find someone more fun until she enters your frame.

Your screening her to see if she's WORTH talking to. If not, exit, neg, turn away whatever.

As mystery quotes, be desireless, be excellent.

You are the prize.

Now get out there and game.

Wolfus

Thanks for the welcome, Wolfus. As I write this, I'm at a cafe and have already disappointed a woman that was staring at me because I just didn't know what to do. Her douchy bf was gone for an extended time and started texting someone else when he got back to the table. She opened a novel and looked miserable. I'm currently reading The Game and as soon as I'm done with that, I'll read the mystery method. Thanks for the encouragement.

I signed up at 2am and spelled Rhythm wrong and didn't capitalize it. Is there a way to change your username on here? ...ok, that was easy.

How hard was it to get the balls to attack this problem head on? I have a similar problem but it's not so much the fear of loss but more the fear of success. Ironic, I know, but achieving your goals can sometimes be very daunting for certain perfectionists because they fear that it wont be as they imagined it when they finnally succeed, or the fear of the changes they will have to make in their lifesyles if they succeed. It really puts the lid on your chances to achieve your maximum potential in life.

To the OP, try and pinpoint the different times you exhibit self-sabataging behavior and seriously investigate their rationality under the microscope. Analyze the underlying reasons why you choose to miss out on all those opportunites with hot chicks and write them down. Once you face down your fears dead on, they tend to shrink and then you can move on and laught at them. But you gotta plan a strategy with paper and pen on what you need to do to solve the problem. I wish you the best of luck getting off those drugs mate. If it gets too hard just substitue weed for the pills. Much healthier and effective alternative and very helpful when you want to dig into your subconscious mind for answers. I went through 6 months of anti-depressants as well during university and I swear they were some of the hardest and most addictive drugs I've ever done. And I've been around.

It took me months, but I'm finally totally off the anti-depressants. Last dose about 10 days ago, but it's finally out of my system. It would be interesting to know how anti-depressants affect a guys game. Definitely it affects your drive, not just sex drive, but drive in general. But for sex, it's much more difficult to get an erection and even if you OD on Viagra, it doesn't matter. You have a diamond cutter going, but the sensitivity is about like a finger. And it's incredibly difficult to have an orgasm. You basically have to be turned on 10X as much as otherwise to have an orgasm.

Well, I got a haircut yesterday and a manicure today at a place my (female) roommate suggested. Nice.

Not so nice was hanging out with this woman last night who had dissed me in the past. I went to hang out with one of my guy friends who also happens to know her and I didn't know she would be there. She is so fucking sexy to me and years ago she gave me the best kiss I've ever had. Huge mistake was telling her that time and again as if that would make her want to do it more. Wrong. Every time I run into her, it's more and more frustrating. I pathetically ask for her number and she says I can't have it because her life is too complicated. It finally dawned on me that the next time I see her I'm going to say, "I've kissed a few girls that are better than you... by a lot."

I've been watching Style's Annihilation Method video and it's inspired confidence. There's definitely a lot of work he wants you to do to be ready for action, but that is exactly the kind of work that I want to do for fun.

I've been practicing building rapport with random women such as the manicurist, who was a hot little Vietnamese woman. Yeah, I know she's paid to be nice, but she was the manager of the place and I felt like if I was moving her into a good place, although I want to go back there for more manicures so I didn't want to fuck things up right away by asking for her phone number, besides I already know I'm seeing her again. OK, not a huge step or anything, but If feel like I'll get there given some study, practice and patience with myself.

I guess I should move out of the intro forum now.

I had exactly the same problem. You've already made the biggest step, realizing you've got a problem.

In actual fact though, the fear of success, is just another form of fear of loss.

Your mind pretty much goes "If I do that, and it's not how I imagined. I'll lose that feeling of comfort, which I get from that thought."

I had this problem whilst trying to set up my business. Essentially I got a feeling of comfort knowing I COULD make a lot of money with the knowledge in my head, if shit ever was to hit the fan.

But because it hadn't, I never got started. In reality, I just didn't want to lose that "safety net", the knowledge, of how to make money gave me.

This is the belief we need to eradicate.

First, Look at the two potential paths. The first is taking action. The second, avoiding action. Then write down in detail, where the path's will both lead. First, in an IDEAL, PERFECT world. The best case essentially.

Secondly, do the same thing. But instead of the best case scenario. We'll look at the worst case scenario. Everything that could go wrong does.

Then, finally look at the realistic outcome. And decide, if you got there, would it be acceptable?

The best case scenario, is where you'll eventually end up, with enough courage and persistence. But you'll likely hit the realistic scenario first, and then have to change your method slightly to hit the upper limit.

And the worst case scenario, is the potential price you have to pay for that success.

Is the juice worth the squeeze? That's the first thing to figure out.

By fully and totally accepting the worst case, as the potential price, we may have to pay. We eliminate a ton of fear right there.

With this new found clarity on the situation, you should be able to summon the courage and motivate to at least take the first few steps.

The next step I found, was to put yourself in the situation you fear, as much as possible, but try and maintain a Zen like, state of calmness. If you meditate, you'll know the state I mean. If you don't, try it, it'll prove useful.

I found through constantly putting myself in the situation I feared. Whilst continuing to remain in the "now", through meditation techniques and a helpful book called "The Power Of Now", by Eckhart Tolle, I could overcome my fear.

Though that is my method, it essentially boils down to Persistence and courage. Never back down, face it till you realise your beliefs are wrong.


Which is also the essence of the "Newbie PUA Challenge".

It can take time, and it can be painful. But you clearly already have the right mindset to tackle this.

And guess what! You already have the two essential ingredients to make this happen. Persistence and Courage.

Everything you ever need will always be inside you. If you ever think otherwise, your getting caught up in the method.

Wolfus.

Firstly, Congratz on getting off the drugs. Epic persistence and courage.

Secondly, I had a very similar experience this weekend as well. I met an old "friend" who i'd DLV'd to on a massive scale.

Pretty much whilst I was an AFC, the only things she'd ever say to me were Shit Tests. And of course, i'd fail the majority of the time.

She's a HB8 on a standard day.

I was arranging a meet with a friend HB9, and she mentions this HB8 is coming along too. Naturally I balance the encounter, by inviting my wing.

My wing's been a natural ever since he got himself into a LTR.

So we meet HB8 & 9, and instantly the HB8 starts throwing shit tests at me. I neg away. We take a trip to the local shops and back, and she's testing the whole way. (Clearly I wasn't DHV'ing enough)

The HB9, joins in with a couple as well. I neg both and the HB9 starts complying, and kinoing me. The HB8 is clearly not done though, and strings 3 shit tests together into a climatic epic test. I neg and remove comfort, and my wing throws a few negs in as well for good measure.

We get inside, I maintain frame, DHV and then bam. HB8 is complying, kino'ing me, and an hour later she's giving me a massage, complimenting me, and we end up cuddling.

I don't close, because I want this girl as a pivot. She lives in another city, where i already have a HB8 pivot, and she's incredibly popular, so I want the connections.

Incase you wondered about the HB9, she's already part of my "hot pivot circle"

Anyway, my message is - That's probably the sort of situation you face with this girl. Make sure you pass her shit tests, by negging and removing comfort. And keep DHV'ing until she starts qualifying herself.

About the comment, i wouldn't say it directly. That look's needy and DLV's.

I'd build it into a story like:

"Had a proper beautiful, night out with Toby on saturday. You know when you just go out on the spare of the moment, & don't really expect much? and it just turns into an epic night? Yeah, one of those.

We ended up meeting these thoroughly excellent people, and there was this cute girl. I wasn't too fussed about talking to her if i'm honest, but we got chatting and EVERYTHING she said was interesting. I was a little in awe to be honest

Chatting to her just made my night. Anyway we leave them to go talk to other folk. and continue with our night.

A few cocktails later and after rocking up the dance floor we're pretty much ready to go.

I'm quite content with how amazing our night turned out to be, so we head to the taxi's. But just as i'm about the leave, that interesting girl from earlier appears out of nowhere. And caps off my night with the most amazing kiss i've ever had.

Completely just pushed the night over the top."


That's how you'd want to do. Subtly imply it. Throughout that story she'll be sat thinking:

- He has friends
- He goes out, fun guy
- He's spontaneous
- He meets new people
- He's definitely not needy, he switches groups.
- He's not afraid of the dance floor
- He's a good dancer (implied)
- Hit the "not needy" switch again, at the mention of being content with the night. (You didn't need to leave with a girl to be content)
- The girl from earlier noticed your value and probably made an effort to find you. You must be high value.
- She kissed you, you must be high value
- What? I thought I was the best kiss he'd ever had!?!

If you've passed her shit tests, dhv'd a little, and then dropped that story. She'll easily be qualifying herself.

Then all you need to do is build comfort, kino, dhv a bit more & close.

Wolfus.

I'm about half way through The Game, and I'm starting to find myself observing women's behavior toward me rather that just worrying about the fact that I don't know yet how to make it all happen.

1) At lunch today in a nice little Mexican restaurant near San Francisco General Hospital, there was a Latina 6 who was babysitting two girls who were obviously not hers. She was definitely showing off her breasts to me by stretching way back in my direction. Just to see what would happen I said, "Looks like you've got your hands full." She said something about she and the girls having to have the same meal or something but the interesting thing is that I could tell she was nervous to talk to me! Her voice was kind of shaking and she looked a little lost. I wish I'd had something to follow up with to make her feel more comfortable, but I didn't and she gathered up the girls and left soon after the exchange.

2) After work at a cafe, where I was reading, there was a very cool and energetic jazz group playing. An asian 6, who was there to see the band was sitting on a couch and kept smiling at me. I actually stood up to go sit next to her and say something, but I couldn't think of anything so I sat back down. Oh well.

3) As the cafe was closing the HB7 manager of the cafe walked out to the table next to mine and basically stood there waving her ass in my face while having a conversation with someone at the other end of the cafe. I tried not to look and she finally picked up my empty beer glass and wiped a tiny spot where the glass was. I pointed to the middle of the table and said, "What about this spot?" She quickly leaned in and wiped the spot I pointed to and said, "I can wipe the whole thing if you want." I smiled at her and she went back behind the counter.

I'm lucky in the respect that I'm a good looking guy that gets checked out constantly by women and knowing that I'm good looking has helped me to feel good about myself when it seemed there was nothing else. I am very observant and perceptive to subtle social cues but up until this point, I've been able to do precious little except let women who I usually am not all that attracted to hit on me. I want to talk to and pick up women that I choose to interact with and I have a feeling that a sleeping giant within is going to be awaken.