Hello everyone,

My name is Alex.
I came upon this site by chance, more searching for tips on overcoming my natural and unnatural shyness and fear. I'm really glad I did as I can see a lot of topics and advice being passed around which is not only great for being a PUA but for having a fulfilling life.

I guess I should start with my background (I wont go too far back.) I have isolated myself since high school. If it did not have to do with school work I was unavailable. If it had to do with other people aside from family I was also not available. I had major fears of doing anything in public (walking, talking, eating, shopping.) In my eyes everyone was constantly judging me. If I heard laughing I would always think it was directed towards me. I'm fairly certain all this stemmed from issues with certain members of my family which were abusive. Eventually this kind of died down, in college I was able to talk to a couple older guys in my class which helped me a little bit but still the conversations were largely about school and rarely about normal things.

Getting a job is where things changed. Being forced out into the real world, making phone calls and talking with people gradually became less troublesome. All of a sudden I now (as of the last couple weeks) actually feel as though I have a need to be social (the thought of continuing on as I was makes my heart hurt.) So now here I am, 20 years old, pretty much no friends, getting my looks in order (new clothes, more frequent hygiene stuff) and I have ordered a few different books which should help me improve my mental state.

I hope to make this a great journey, one that may not seem possible or like it could ever really happen to me right now. It is an amazing thing to turn something from being completely impossible and not being able to ever see yourself accomplish it, to something which is regular, easy, and stress free. I have done this with hobbies in the past and with working out. For example when I started doing pull ups I had to do negatives until I could get one down. Going from there it felt almost surreal being able to do 15. (maybe that's a crappy example, but oh well)

I'm finding it difficult to come up with places to hang out and meet people. Today I decided to wander around the mall and get some cologne.. Ended up checking some people out, a couple gave me that second glance eye contact, another was slightly more obvious and gave me a smile after I did (while making eye contact for a brief moment) What I find odd is that thinking back about this experience is that these girls seem as though they are way above my level. Another surreal moment if you will.

One of the biggest things affecting me right now is that it could not get any worse from where I was. This has allowed me to not fear things which would have made me mentally shut down in the past. Even playing loud music in my own car used to bug me (what will other people think of me?!?!) I've been working on this by blasting the strangest music I can stand haha. I don't want to go into all the things that bugged me but as a general rule of thumb if it made anyone notice me or anything I was doing whatsoever it bothered me greatly.

I should also mention I'm from Washington state, open to any and all constructive criticism. Also open to hanging out with just about anyone.

I'm so excited for this wave of change and what the future has to offer.

Thanks,
-Alex

Hey Alex, what part of Washington do you live in? I'll PM you.