Hi All,

I'm Goldenchyld, 28 years old, located on a small island in the Mediterranean. I first became aware of the game around 7 years ago, after a traumatic breakup. I got up to speed enough to go on a decent run before getting into another long-term relationship.

Over the past 6 months I have been doing a lot of work on my own personal and emotional development and have seen a lot of positive results in my professional life (I'm a pro gambler turned entrepreneur). This has seen me take on a lot of behaviors that are very new to me: meditation/prayer/practicing mindfulness and increased my inner confidence to the point that I was finally willing to face my most burdensome fear.

For the past 6 years I have derived the majority of my emotional stability from my relationship with my long-term girlfriend. We spend almost all of our non-work time together and share an extremely intense and deep bond. We have a relationship based on brutal honesty and I have no secrets from her (the knowledge-problem means I cannot say with certainty the other way around, but I'm as confident as is rational to be).

Unfortunately, for the vast majority of my adult life I have only approached, closed and had relationships with women who I wasn't strongly attracted to. This isn't to say I have not been with attractive women, my present girlfriend turns plenty of heads (HB7.5-8 objectively). However I deliberately chose to interact with women who were desirable to others but did not 'intimidate' me. This has had a heavy cost, since now I find myself in a relationship with a person whom I share a deep connection with, but I am left not knowing what it is like to feel sexual satisfaction with a girl I'm strongly attracted to*.

I believe these emotions are due to a combination of {sexual shame/low self-worth/fear of rejection} and I have got to a point in my life where for the first time I feel truly 'worthy' of the women I really desire. I thus ended my relationship with my girlfriend (we are separating and she knows I need some time to sort myself out). I am not ruling out the relationship in the future (she very much wants us to stay together) but if I am in a relationship I want it to come from a place of absolute sincerity. What I mean by this is if I see an HB 9/10 I want to f*ck whilst I am in a relationship I want to remain faithful as a 'choice' and not because, deep-down I believe I have no chance. Presently I cannot do this.

Onto my present skill-set:

My positive skills regarding 'game' are:

1) I'm confident approaching women in the day in most environments- my entire adult life I always chat to everyone I meet, and I come from a place of making others' lives better rather than need for approval.

2) I'm a 'natural' as regards conversation: I have a huge wealth of knowledge gathered from 1000s of books and real-life experiences. I know how to capture emotions and weave a story, I also know how to listen and engage with a new person.

3) My confidence is founded on success in a few areas of my life. I am passionate about my work, am constantly improving myself and, having lifted for 7 years, am in really good physical condition.

My negative attributes regarding 'game' are:

1) My skill-set evaporates around women I am really attracted to unless they show a LOT of IOIs. I'd be too harsh on myself if I said I had never had a connection with an HB9 (never with a 10) but it's fair to say that I have actively avoided 90%+ of the women I have been mostly strongly attracted to. This is sad, and I no longer mean that in a 'lol, loser..' way. It's genuinely sad for me to have missed out on the experience of engaging with women I am really attracted to. Some of those women would/will have enjoyed spending time with me too.

2) I'm horrific at sexual escalation, although I suspect this is mostly from lack of practice based on beliefs that I am now challenging. I'm following NoFap (25 days so far) in order to open up my natural drive.

3) I have a very limited social life. My girlfriend has been my social life for the past two years. To be fair, we have emigrated multiple times whilst living together, so I have made it as hard as possible. I have also made an effort to make new friends over the last 6 months and I get invited to hang out with people fairly frequently. I am starting to initiate socially now, but it is the huge hole in my 'have a complete life'.

I have been really open here since:
a) I am practicing not being ashamed of my emotions
b) It enables others who can empathize with some part of my story to connect with me
c) I am looking for a coach

My immediate-term goals are as follows:

1) To f*ck a girl who I am strongly attracted to (HB9+)
2) To come from a place of sincere abundance (Have at least 5 attractive girls in my life who are DTF)

I'll be extremely grateful to anyone who can help me along the way. If you read this far then thank you and enjoy your day.

Don't give up on yourself,

Goldenchyld

*To be blunt, no girl I've been with has ever made me c*me. At one point I was so distressed that I wondered if I might be gay! Now I realize that avoiding women you are attracted to is repressing your sexuality in another way.

Good shit! Welcome Back!

Let us know if you want to come to Chicago!