Hello all,

I'm 3/4 of the way through reading The Game. I need serious help getting started with this journey. Hopefully you all can relate to my plight and give me useful advice:

I'll try to keep this as concise and organized as possible. I'll make a summary at the bottom if you want to skip ahead (in red), but I'd greatly appreciate it if you read my story.

Background: In highschool/jr. high I had bad acne, and thus never got a girlfriend (had any confidence) until after I graduated.
In college I kept my high school mentality and the only girls I hooked up (about once a year) were controlling, chubby (or just plain ugly) girls who made the first move on me at parties. Of the few girls I did date, the longest relationship I've had lasted a month.

Despite every opportunity, I am still too scared to make a move on a stranger. I have no idea how to talk to women and have a huge fear of rejection. Even girls I feel that I am leagues above physically, somehow end up being in control of the relationship. The only women I do a good job of flirting with are my friends' girlfriends. Stupidly, I find myself getting frustrated when they show their boyfriends more attention than me. It's pretty pathetic.

About me: I'm not ugly. Mid 20s. A solid 6/10. I have a lucrative job, am in a band, in great shape, cook well, can be funny on occasion. I've always been shy.

I've spent the last couple of years learning skills to compensate for my inability to hit on girls. What I ultimately ended up learning is that you can have every attractive skill in the world- a 6 pack, you name it, but if you're awkward or weak around women, it will get you no where. On paper, I'm the perfect catch. In reality, my ugly friends with no discernible skills or future are getting way more girls than me. Women who know me would probably call me "the nicest guy" (that they would never fuck).

My goals: Right now, I just want the ability to open a set and be able to create a conversation out of thin air with a stranger. I often see 5s or 6s making eyes at me from across the room, but I have no idea how to engage.

Since I've started reading this book I've tried to start sarging. 2 nights ago I went to a bar with my friends. It was very crowded and I was too intimidated to even try talking to any girls. I basically clung to my friends all night.

Tonight I went out determined to actually hit on a girl. I sat down at the bar next to a cute girl on my left. I turned and smiled at her as soon as I sat down. She smiled back which I picked up as an IOI. I told her she looked familiar. She said she thought I was familiar as well. She asked if I was in some random class she was in last semester, I said yes (a lie). She looked contempt that she recognized me and waited for me to re-open the conversation. I had nothing . The bar tender came up, I ordered a shot, and she went back to talking to her friends.

I tried to re-open the conversation later by asking her for a lighter to smoke (I saw her smoking earlier). I was hoping she'd smoke with me, but she lent me the lighter without as much as a smile. When I came back from smoking she was gone.

There are 3 things I need help with at this point:
1. I need help overcoming my debilitating fear of talking to strangers.
2. I need material. Canned is fine. I don't care if it doesn't work. My brain just seems to shut off when I get nervous. Maybe if I gain some experience, I will be able to better think on my feet.
3. I need confidence. Telling me to work out, or learn skills aren't going to help, since I already do. Despite all that I know, when I try to approach a girl at a bar or at the grocery store, I feel like vomiting and have serious trouble maintaining eye contact. I have severe social anxiety that I don't know how to control.

Thanks for any advice in advance. This AFC needs some serious help.

I'll number the answers to your questions....

1. The odds of getting murdered are 1 in 18000 in the average human beings life time. Even if you talk to 2 new people a day from the ages of 20-40, you would still not interact with enough people to reach those odds. Really, what is there to be afraid of?

2. Learning routines is good to start. However, what is important is that you understand the MEANING behind the routines and what they are implying. Don't just memorize a bunch of different pick up lines or openers or whatever and expect to become successful... you will sound like a robot. What you are actually saying only has to do with about 10% of your ability to be successful. Your body language, tonality, appearance, and overall demeanor are what the other 90% consist of. Learning to do things the RIGHT way is actually pretty easy... its fixing the things that you have been doing wrong forever that will take time to change.

3. The "confidence" thing always cracks me up... Here, say you are riding a 'Busa going 150 miles per hour on the express way and your helmet flies off.... Would you want CONFIDENCE? (a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective.) Or COMPETENCE? (A healthy fear of the bike and a knowledge of its capabilities)... Once you develop more of a personal understanding of what you are doing, you will be able to calibrate every single move and be completely aware of your actions so you don't APPEAR nervous... I've been involved in pick up for over 4 years now and I STILL sometimes FEEL nervous when I approach... But I know how to control it so it will go un-noticed. I'm human. We all are. Its a natural feeling for guys. Don't try and get rid of the feeling... just learn how to control it and you will APPEAR more confident. Your true "confidence" will come from the inside.

Hope this helps brotha