| Brainstorm Blog
Why does negging work?
A) It sets me apart from the pack, I'm guessing most guys don't START OFF with a neg, and probably use it later on as a way to pick up lost grown after she already realized she didn't want them.
B) It shows confidence, either from willing to lose her or because it shows we aren't impressed. Ironically, if she simply knew that we were setting ourselves apart from the pack (in the same way a unique present is meant to), then maybe she would realize it isn't that big a deal.
But isn't negative, a negative thing? Is it "acting," and not genuine? The reason this is important is not only for good karma but because, if we aren't genuine, the relationship will eventually fail.
I might as well say that I'm in this for a relationship, and validation, not casual sex. Casual sex of course gives me validation, but I can't have sex without an emotional connection, I just can't really get hard enough. It's like I'm scared of it.
So let's break apart the psychology of a neg:
It makes her question her value, and can make her feel insecure, or basically magnify an insecurity that is already there.
It's not our fault the insecurity is there, but our goal has to be altruistic, as well as self serving.
I think the only way to both help her and ourselves, is to basically do something with that insecurity that helps her.
And really ask ourselves, would she be better of with me?
And then ask: Is there a better way to help her with her insecurity, than to neg her?
Then finally ask: Is there a better way to help her with her insecurity as well as achieve my needs, than to neg her?
As a professional masters in counseling trainee, obviously I realize that negging and playing on intimacy, sex, and body image as a way to get someone to express their emotional neediness, is not the only way to make this happen.
In fact, if we look at that statement, we can further conclude that this whole process is about getting them to "open up." This can be done the classic way of finding their common interests (match and facebook is great for this) and talking about them (since things they enjoy make them feel good, and you caused it).
But, we have to demonstrate value as well, and negging
A) gets them to open up in some fashion but also
B) demonstrates our value in the same token.
Where as common interest talk doesn't demonstrate value.
The thing is, we actually need to have value. An illusion doesn't do much good except saying we are "good illusionists."
It's ONE good thing, but we will need several others.
A) We will need something to give us social rapport with people (illusionist is fine haha)
B) We will need some way of embracing physical capability with her, dancing, sex, etc...
C) Intellectual stimulation
D) Emotional Support (The friend stuff that stems from the emotional neediness we in fact are talking about bringing out via a neg).
E) Stuff for her to brag about to her friends and fam
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Separate topic, deflecting from our own weaknesses if brought out to early
For example, I don't really like bars. I don't yet know how to win over the people in there, I don't really know how to express my crazy self without seeming weird.
Actually I'm going to pause right there. That's huge. I need to work on that.
How can I connect, and open up the people at the bar.
I made a list of 25 of my interests. Psychology is one, so personality tests are great, but honestly, that stuff is weird. If someone came up to my group trying to give us personality tests, I wouldn't like it.
Anyway, I should write down y 25 interests, and write down 3 stories and 3 interesting facts about each.
I think I'd feel pretty natural going up to a girl, group, etc.., and saying some interesting fact.
"Hey, did you know that bees have sex while flying backwards? Did you know that when a bee loses it's tail that it dies, unless it has sex within 5 seconds?"
Some dumb shit like that.
Wow this helped a lot. I need to blog more often. Where the heck do you blog around here with this sort of writing?
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