New guy to the forum but not new to the game. What's up to all and first off -- thanks for setting this up.

Alright -- long story short, was in a couple of long term relationships, wasn't ready to settle down even though I'm now about 40. Back in the game and not so much rusty as I am kind of impatient. Girls have been telling me all my life that I could get more action if I would just go for it, but I've always been a little hesitant to make the approach (unless I've been drinking).

I'm pretty good with the ladies, a short guy (around 5' 6") but relatively cute according to a lot of females that I've known. My problem tends to be that I'm a little too giving and I don't challenge the girls I'm attracted to. Example: just met this girl a few weeks ago at a club, made some good convo, did the number close, then hit her up the next day (I don't tend to do the waiting thing, but that's something I'm gonna adjust).

She didn't hit me back after about a couple of days so I texted her and she hit me back a little while later and apologized. Went out to meet her with some friends at a bar she told me about (another mistake in retrospect -- should have took her somewhere new) and she was there with a few other guys and girls. She and this other guy were getting kind of close so I decided to play it cool and read the situation. Didn't get to talk to her much and by the end of the night, I was definitely in the friend zone.

Decided to be direct and just texted her asking her out a couple of days later. Didn't hear back from her, so I just told her straight up that she needed to let me know whether she was interested, cause ignoring me wasn't cool. Didn't hear from her for about three days so I cut my losses and decided to chalk it up to experience.

She finally hits me back a couple of days later, tells me that she didn't think we were a good fit, but admits that she shouldn't have left me hanging. I just texted back "cool" cause I was fine with the closure -- I tend not to give females too much leeway on fuck-ups (something else I'll need to adjust). Anyway, I hit the same club next week, see her there with the guy I mentioned earlier and just stroll by a few times not worried about her. Maybe an hour in I go say hello to both of them just to let her know no hard feelings and walk off.

Later that night we meet up again and start dancing together, she's drunk, I'm drunk, I'm feeling that same chemistry we had the first night. The other guy is gone, so that's a plus. She starts wandering and I roll with her for a while, just to see where it goes. I know I could have played it cool and let her come back to me, but I'm still experimenting with this, and my last great sexual experience only happened cause I stayed on target with the chick I wanted for most of the night. Decided to try that tactic again to see where it would take me this time. I laid off of her a few times, came to her a few times, let her come back to me a few times, just to see what worked.

Anyway, we hang for a while and talk some more but she winds up leaving with her friends later that night. Feeling like I'm still in that friend zone with her but I'm not sweating that because I learned from the experience. Still, I'll probably see her again at the club next week and I'll play it a little more casual next time. I figure she's either focusing on that other guy right now, or just not into me enough (yet) to let her guard down around me. Anyway, not texting her and not calling her because I need to let my emotions cool down and put some space between us. I'm a little bit too much of a romantic sometimes, but I know you should only be that way with a female that deserves it.

Whatever the reason for her lack of interest, I know the main problem is that I made it too easy for her -- she was getting hit on all night while we hung out, but she still kept hanging with me for the most part. Probably some friend zone isht, but I'm pushing the kino and seeing where it goes.

That's my basic pattern though -- my problem is that I tend to be too direct with the girl I'm interested in and don't keep their interest as a result. Overall, the experience was a positive -- we're still cool and there's still potential. I'm definitely exploring other options at the club next week but some advice on handling this one -- since she's still in play -- would be appreciated.

Since I already know my problem, I need to know some solutions though. The best one is probably just to keep hitting on different girls when I go out. I'm good with the number close but being in a four year relationship has dulled my game. I don't have a wingman in the area but I tend to do okay on my own. What I need help on is how to deal with chicks after I get the number.

I'll hit the forums but if anyone wants to drop some advice here, I'll definitely check it out.

Anyway, thanks, and good gaming.

Hey Smooth, welcome!
You seem to have a pretty good grasp on what the biggest holes in your game are. There are a tons of articles here, my advice would be not to blindly follow everything you read, but weed out the bad advice or advice that does not match with your style. You did ok in the past, which means your style can't be bad. You can upgrade it with new info by focusing more on the principle behind the tactics and not the tactic itself.
I don't think it's a mistake to get in contact soon after the # close. The iron is wrought while it's hot. Being too direct with showing interest or being too romantic too soon will get you friendzoned, however. Maybe you can focus on being more of a tease, doing some push pull and more kino as soon as the comfort levels are ok to pull it off.
Also try to set day 2 as a solo event for the 2 of you, not in a group or a party. You can even frame it like you'll meet some friends later for drinks, but first you hang alone. Make it fun and take her somewhere unexpected, it can be late afternoon, doesn't have to be in the evening, which will establish more comfort. Go see an exhibition, or go to the zoo, an aquarium, do fun stuff in the park, or hiking etc. Something active. You'll build a lot of comfort fast with fun, active dates and it's a good way to start kino early and not slip into the friend zone. Tease, kino and you'll be ok.

I hope this helped, good luck!

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Thanks for the advice -- the transition from (four year) boyfriend to PUA is interesting. I'm writing a first-person book (loosely based on own adventures) about a character who is doing the same thing so this process is just as much creative as it is personal. The character is a method actor and I'm trying to incorporate some of "his" character into my character as well to see what works best.

I think it might help me to think of all of this like a game of poker, something I'm pretty skilled at. Keep my cards close to my chest, read everyone else at the table as much as possible, play to win but enjoy the game for what it is.

You can't (usually) win every hand, but you can make sure you learn something every time you play.