Hi everyone, my name is Ben and as you may have deduced from the topic title, I need help. I am extremely unsuccessful when it comes to picking up women. I am currently 23 and from the age of about 16 I have tried to engage dozens upon dozens of women in hopes of establishing some sort of relationship to no avail.

I have only had one relationship in my whole life and that was with a desperately insecure and lonely girl my freshman year in college and the relationship was a complete disaster. I was a complete beta, if not, omega male in it (and out of it too probably).

The summary of all this is that I am very depressed (I have actually been diagnosed) and I see no hope for me. I truly feel like my genes have no hope to being passed on to the next generation.

I have come here in complete humility as nothing I have done has ever worked for me. I have tried to talk to many girls and been on dating sites, but I am never able to engage with anyone. Even on the dating site I never get messages back nor initial messages.

I hope to find the skills here which my process of socialization did not equip me with. I am not willing to pay for any services however I am willing to try anything in the field, meet up to wing-man, and will answer any of your questions earnestly.

Hey Ben. Post us your dating profile, I'll get it straightened out for you and we'll get you on some dates.

There are other guys here who are far more capable of explaining how to make those dates successful. Welcome to the forums, chin up, don't be depressed...be awesome.

Hello Ben,

I am quite sure you will find lots of answers and information here.

I do not believe you have a hereditary condition, ALTHOUGH up bringing and conditioning play a major roll!

I would start researching the "Newbe: section.

What is your largest fear?

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

If you type in "paintingasoul" on google it is the first link that will come up on okcupid. I made another thread about it too.

My biggest fear is without a doubt inadequacy and of all the inadequacies that I fear, the one's that cause me the most anguish are those which relate to being incapable intellectually, socially and sexually. O and cockroaches but I don't think you were looking for that.

Profile picture - GONE. Put up 10 more and we'll weed out some. A profile picture has to be catchy as a thumbnail. Yours is all grey...can't see your eyes...lacks interest...etc. Good thing is, you're not a bad looking guy.

Self Summary...why are you talking yourself down in the first paragraph?
Use proper grammar but don't over do the intelligent guy thing with excessive wordiness. Start of with something a little different! Ex. "I'm outgoing yet shy, I love all food but can never choose what I want for dinner, I am an engineer but have a background in psychology, I love to think but much prefer conversations where they just flow."

Doing with my life: ...don't put anything too serious here. Ex. Week Long Spontaneous Adventures, Spending the weekend with Bernie, etc etc etc. Just make it fun.

I'm Really Good At: Using my hands. Mechanical Engineering degree.

People notice: I'm fun loving and enjoy meeting interesting people.

Favorite books, movies, etc.... WHY bother with this section. I don't... BUT...throw a few in there if you want.

Eliminate six things you couldn't do without.

Thinking about: It's actually really good until the last two lines. Bravo. The rest of your profile should read like that.

Typical Friday night. Now you're getting there! Great section.

Private thing: "I'm a secret agent, I once saved a box of abandoned kittens from a burning orphanage, and I'm not likely going to write back to you unless you put some effort in ."

Age Range - Why not go up to 30? Girls are hot at a lot of ages.

Message me if: Eliminate what you have now, and put something more like "if you're a genuinely interesting person and have something to say"

I have to be brutal here Bro,

The picture looks like you may as well just posted a Picture of a rain cloud, it's dark fuzzy and creepy. Find or retake a picture that is bright and happy, doing your favorite activity, like at a party...fake it if you have too.!

Then after the 1st two paragraphs it looks like Eeyore from Christopher Robin wrote the rest!

What I'm good at: Humility? Really?? That screams I'm a pushover wuss bag please ignore me! Your NOT and you know your not! What are your Really good at?

Hopefully the above poster can help you more with that area!

I think you need to lean to overcome your Social Anxiousness
And get that under control 1st

Join a gym, get out from in front of that computer! Volunteer, force your self into social situations.

5 Clear Steps to Overcoming Social Anxiety



1.Take care of Yourself

When you’re alone and completely out of balance, the best place to start is base camp.

Get plenty of sleep at night. Get out of bed in the morning. WORKOUT Shower. Dress. Treat yourself to hearty, healthy food.

Maybe your mind isn’t working with you, but at least your body will remain healthy.

Try doing the things you used to enjoy, such as reading or taking a walk in the park. Going back to basics and doing normal things outside! Is tremendously important to keep you grounded.

2. Talk

Open up. Share your fears.

Now, this may seem very counter-intuitive when you’re in the middle of a choking sea of awfulness, but the only way out is to admit you’re terrified.

Try thinking of a friend or family member that you trust. Call them, go over to their place – do whatever is necessary to get to speak to them, and tell them exactly how you feel.

This is a difficult step to take, but once you try it, you’ll be surprised at how many people have experienced episodes like this.

If they care at all about you, they will listen and support you, even if they don’t completely understand your irrational fears.

3. Write

If talking about your social anxiety in person is still a bridge too far, start with writing about it (if you’re not much of a writer, substitute “writing” for “painting”, “singing” or any other activity that lets you express your feelings directly to another person).

Write about your fears on this blog, send an e-mail to a friend or family member or chat with them. Speak from the heart and be as honest as you possibly can.

Many people will relate to your words. You will see you’re not alone, and that will give you strength.

4. Get Angry

The emotions that come with fear can vary by the hour.

One minute you might feel very sad, the next minute you may become frustrated with your fruitless efforts, time-wasting and seeing how everybody else seems to find life so easy.

Use those moments of deep frustration and anger to give yourself a good old kick in the ass!

It might just be the little push you need to act, and once that’s over, you’ll feel relieved. At least you’ll have done something useful that day.

5. Party!

Yep, you’re reading this correctly.

If the opportunity arises and a friend asks you over for a barbecue or party. Even though you feel like SHIT: do it anyway.

Trust the person who invites you and try to forget about the things that keep you awake at night.

A change of environment, being with other people, a class or activity where socialization is a must!

Every small step counts. Every smile you manage to get on your face is proof that you can do it.

You can do this Bro

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Firstly welcome to the forum LustfulAFC

As somebody is already helping you with your online dating profile I'll try my best to help you with life stuff.

I know you say you've been diagnosed with having depression, is this down to self esteem or is it a more underlying issue (family/financial etc.)?

To be seen as an attractive potential mate for women you firstly need to feel happy in your own skin if you are to willing to start to succeed.

I know this may come across as a bit extreme but I want to ensure I cover as much as I can so some steps may be irrelevant but I'll start with some basic foundations.

1. First off, ensure that you're eating and sleeping well and make sure you drink plenty of water, I know how I felt when I had a bereavement in my family which I took pretty badly and it seemed like a vicious circle of events that would never end, I knew I had to break these habits if I was to physically survive, let alone to start to feel any better.

2. Also try taking pride in your appearance, it's demonstrates that your respecting your body and show to others that you respect yourself - If you look good on the outside you will start to feel better on the inside and that will also help reassure you that you have purpose.

3. Socialise with people, even if it is just a 'hi' with a smile to a couple or a few strangers as you pass in the street or a general chat with the assistant when buying groceries or offering your seat to a stranger on a crowded bus/train or another small selfless deed. Do whatever you need to do to get that feel-good sensation and satisfaction you did something good for somebody or made their day a little better. This will be a big confidence boost.

4. Ensure you make time for your friends - if you don't have many friends or new to the area, join a social group or club, you're bound to meet people there who you at least share a common interest with.

This covers the basics, I consider these normal everyday things, so I'd like to hope that to some degree all the above is already happening and you are ready to jump to step 5.

5. I suggest you check out these videos to start projecting yourself as a better person, not just for women but in general - this has been a huge step alone into boosting my own confidence alpha-body-language-video-series-vt1394 ... highlight= so if you can spare half an hour or watch a couple a night and take a few notes.

6. Once you have the above sorted, I'd refine and start to build on step 3 and progress into what is known as 'The Newbie Mission' the-newbie-mission-vt41556.html and start piecing all of the above together in the first real step to becoming a RAFC or PUA.

First off, I would like to thank everyone for their feedback. I will replying to each of you in order.

It's interesting that you say I'm not bad looking because I have always blamed my looks for the reason why I can not attract women.

I am open-minded and receptive to your analysis, but I always felt the type of self-summary and doing with my life things you suggest to be so overplayed. It feels like everyone writes the same kind of thing. I felt mine was a bit more original and honest. Am I wrong in thinking that?

Could you explain the principal behind what I am writing? Like what should I be trying to express that I am not or could be doing better?

I thought the humility line was a way of being ironic, mysterious, funny and evading narcissism. I guess it comes across badly?

Your social anxiety tips are very useful. I have already been starting to take care of my body better. I have changed my eating habits and my exercise habits to a lesser extent and I have been losing weight steadily.

Most of your suggestions I have been implementing but I have a question about 5. How do you go out with others and do things if you have a limited social circle and thus limited knowledge of social gatherings?

There are unfortunately a lot of negative things going on in my life right now. None of them really get my down as much as women because none of them make me feel inadequate. The rest are either circumstances beyond my control which I have learned to accept or I know I am doing the most I can to change them.

I read through your suggestions and I have immense difficulty with taking pride in my appearance. I view myself as really ugly. I am working on gaining a better physique but how can I gain confidence in the interim?

You mention to socialize with random people but that has been one of my biggest caveats. I have always needed some reason to feel comfortable talking to someone. I feel if I walk up to someone and say hi, they will know my intentions are odd or bad and judge me harshly for it. How do I deal with this?

As for the 5 which I couldnt quote cause of the, I will be sure to follow up on them soon.

[quote="Hammerofdawn"]Firstly welcome to the forum LustfulAFC

As somebody is already helping you with your online dating profile I'll try my best to help you with life stuff.

I know you say you've been diagnosed with having depression, is this down to self esteem or is it a more underlying issue (family/financial etc.)?

To be seen as an attractive potential mate for women you firstly need to feel happy in your own skin if you are to willing to start to succeed.

I know this may come across as a bit extreme but I want to ensure I cover as much as I can so some steps may be irrelevant but I'll start with some basic foundations.

1. First off, ensure that you're eating and sleeping well and make sure you drink plenty of water, I know how I felt when I had a bereavement in my family which I took pretty badly and it seemed like a vicious circle of events that would never end, I knew I had to break these habits if I was to physically survive, let alone to start to feel any better.

2. Also try taking pride in your appearance, it's demonstrates that your respecting your body and show to others that you respect yourself - If you look good on the outside you will start to feel better on the inside and that will also help reassure you that you have purpose.

3. Socialise with people, even if it is just a 'hi' with a smile to a couple or a few strangers as you pass in the street or a general chat with the assistant when buying groceries or offering your seat to a stranger on a crowded bus/train or another small selfless deed. Do whatever you need to do to get that feel-good sensation and satisfaction you did something good for somebody or made their day a little better. This will be a big confidence boost.

4. Ensure you make time for your friends - if you don't have many friends or new to the area, join a social group or club, you're bound to meet people there who you at least share a common interest with.

This covers the basics, I consider these normal everyday things, so I'd like to hope that to some degree all the above is already happening and you are ready to jump to step 5.

/quote]

I can tell you what worked for me.

1. Go out every week at least 1 or 2 times (more if possible) and approach as many girls as possible.

2. Do not drink alcohol, do not use drugs. You can drink water instead, it is free and keeps you hydrated.

3. If you do not know what to say, you can use routines and other tactics they will give you confidence. (This looks like a pretty good guide chiefs-guide-to-outer-game-vt75887.html )

4. Dress good. And good doesn't mean expensive!!! Search some info about style, colors.

5. Get good haircut (I don't say that the one you have is bad, but you can experment with it)

6. Join the gym. Heavy lifting and eating a lot of animal protein (you can buy some zinc supplements too) will increase your testosterone levels. Increased testosterone levels can make women horny.

7. STOP watching porn. Do not masturbate. This will increase your sexual drive. You will be more horny. Which means that women around you will be more horny too. Your testosterone levels will also increase.

8. Learn how to dance. You can watch some videos on youtube, but the best teacher is dancefloor. Simply dance to the rythm, do some spins and get closer. Dancing is very simple, fun and you can go from light kino to heavy make out very quickly.

9. Get a hobby, pick up shouldn't be your main interest.

When you lack of inspiration and motivation...delete the motherfucking porn (I mean it, it is fucking evil man). Additionally you can watch some pua videos for inspiration and motivation.


At the beginning I was misserable nerd who was even afraid to talk with women, make eye contact, touching them was something...I can't even remember.

I didn't become master pua but...

After 8 months of going out I have no problem with talking with women, making strong eye contact, touching them. However this is not the only thing that improved. My physic improved, my style improved. I became much more confident and sociable. Even my friends noticed that I changed to better...

So if you want to improve as a person it will take time and effort.


Good luck!

Your problem is a confidence problem. You're not depressed, your not hopeless. You just don't love yourself. You don't have the deep inner belief to bend reality to your hopes. You think of humility as self-depreciation and accepting reality and submission, and not simply being grounded in your source. Your definition of humility is your problem. Maybe you are an omega, but ain't no shame in that you believe you will be the king. Your in new york and that City is the "The Big Pussy" thats waiting to be fucked. Now go out and get it. The way to build confidence is affirmations: very-important-how-to-overcome-aa-fear- ... 37103.html

I guarantee you this if you went out tonight and had passionate sex with a beautiful girl you would wake up in the morning feeling like you were on top of t he world.

and please change your name. Lustful makes you sound desperate, like you would sacrifice your dignity for a woman and that you don't have self-control


Saying you are lustful just sounds weak minded, like you want something but you aren't willing to pay the price to get it.

Firstly about appearance, I don't mean to come across as belittling but all I mean by it is the basic stuff, general maintenance and hygiene - I say it because I actually was this guy and had no self motivation or confidence during a hard time in my life and I physically needed a boot up my backside.

So clean shaven or groomed facial hair, bath/shower 2-3 times a week, clothes that aren't beat up or dirty and fit reasonably well and a nice deodorant or aftershave (doesn't have to be expensive) in essence just taking a bit more care of yourself.

More towards styling and even into the socialising side of it, the best piece of advice I can offer is get a female opinion or two on what shirts/jeans would work best for you; if you can, take a female friend clothes shopping with you (aslong as they follow fashion to some extent) and don't feel afraid or ashamed to ask a female assistant in the shop to help you out with a 'new look' (they are paid to do their to do their job, not just sweep floors or restock rails, all I'll say is just ensure you watch the price tag, especially if they work on commission). Ultimately its women your out to impress but you should also feel comfortable and feel great in what you wearing and it doesn't have to cost the earth.

The overall theme you want to project to others, is you spent a little time getting ready today/tonight and look well put together, such as a belt that matches your shoes (women usually do this all the time) and add a interesting accessory or two (known as peacocking) such as a bracelet or necklace, these can even serve as conversation points like if someone asks you about that item you could say something like: -

"Do you like it? - My niece brought this back for me from Greece last year, she told me it meant to bring me good luck - I think it might be rubbing off on you... Sooo... is it working? "

*Total example, its 2:30am here* lol

Thank you for your tips. They all seem very sensible even if some don't apply to me.

I am curious, since you allude to it in your message, what the results have been from people who have tried to learn this stuff. Is there a thread or section of the forum where I can hear about the overall changes and results people have had with PUA?