Hello everyone
I'm a 26 year old guy(Not that attractive, would give myself 7 or 7.5 over a scale of 10. I'm athletic due to daily training though), who just started reading the book by Neil Strauss "The Game"
and I have to say I'm totally amazed...I've a long way till I finish it (actually, I didn't even want to read it right now in the first place...I just wanted to have a look and before I knew it, the book got all my attention...my other book will need to wait for a while before I turn back to it : P) but it was such a good experience for me, because there are some stuff inside which I've tried myself(and worked for me) and no one taught them to me, but whenever I try to share these stuff with my friends, I get some skepticism.
So, I have to admit that I don't have so many people around me to talk about these things and that's why I'm so glad I found this forum.
And since that I don't talk about these stuff a lot in my life, I want to open myself to you guys if you don't mind...I warn you though, it may turn into a TL;DR thread so...sorry if you get bored
Also, want to say sorry to mods, because maybe some of the parts of my message maybe fit for other parts of the forum, but I want to get all these out of my chest here as a noobie. So I hope you can be understanding : ))
I've always had great respect for women and my father always told me to "not play with a girls feelings and never break a girls heart" which to this day, I still try my best not doing it.
I was never popular in college or high school. (not even primary school
)
I was thin and nerdy, and even though I wasn't "ugly" I was more "cute" and even though I had the desire to be alpha, I'd end up being beta in most situations.
However, I used to have a good friend, which wasn't a really very attractive guy at all but still, he always had many girls around him and he was very confident around girls too. So he gave me some advice about how I should act confident and be a little "sassy" around the girls...Well he didn't teach me so much but even the being confident part helped me to get a little bit more comfortable around the girls. I did have some chance getting something here and there and then, I met the love of my life when I was 19 and we got engaged when I was 22.(I know...pretty early)
(I also started training (martial arts and fitness) in this period of my life. Which helped me a lot in later periods.)
I loved her...REALLY loved her...Damn, even though I totally got over it and I'm going on with my life, I still sometimes look back and remember the good times, innocent feelings...
I also gave up a lot from my life for her. She had a history of cheating once and I totally didn't mind.
She was also jealous. SOO jealous. and we fought a lot too.
My parents also warned me against her but I ended up fighting with them instead of listening what they told me...
Don't want to give you a headache about these, I better cut short. But what I mean is, I felt like I sacrificed a lot (especially from my dignity) but still I was in love and was really serious about this girl.
The thing happened later was that I planned to go to another country for a year. And we planned that we were gonna get marry when I came back.
Don't want to get into the details but her jealousy showed itself soon and she dumped me in 2 weeks for not spending enough time with her on msn. Shortly after she found a new guy.
Damn, that was hard...I remember crying a lot...
Anyways, some time passed and I kinda got over it.
But I started to lose my respect for girls...and was a little pissed against them.
I mean, if THAT GIRL could do this to me, then how was I going to trust any other?
A year after, I was a mess. I started to go to clubs, drink a lot and try to find girls to sleep with.
Nobody really taught me anything so what I first did was just try to get close to a girl dancing and try to seduce her or something. If it doesn't work out go to another one and repeat.
Even though I made out with many girls and slept with a good number of them(considering how inexperienced I was)
But when I was all playing around and all, it felt more like i was doing it to forget my pain...
And I also realized that, I wasn't really good at getting girls or something. I was already going for drunk, slutty ones which wasn't that much of an accomplishment imo.
So I kinda slowed down after a while. Started to think about how I can actually get girls, without the help of drinks, without the help of dance floor etc.
I felt like if i can figure this thing out, it can also help me to improve myself in many aspects of my life.
Maybe it sounds stupid to you guys, but I feel like there is nothing like the self confidence boost that getting a desired girl can give you...And this motivation can help you with your work, with sports, with anything...
I started to analyze what works and what doesn't for me.
First thing I've learnt: be confident. or at least ACT confident if you feel you're not.
Then I started to realize some other things. Like not paying too much attention to the girl you like. I WAS giving attention but I was always like I'm can leave anytime for someone else. Also I didn't like praising the girls or be a TOTAL gentleman etc.
This wasn't something I figured by a method or something though. I was just mad to girls. And I just wanted to avoid spoiling them any way possible cuz they don't deserve it...it's ironic how it HELPED me to get girls : ))
And a few more stuff like trying to touch and get more touching, step by step trying to make her comfortable with it BUT also don't make her feel I am really that interested in it...for example, i put my arm around her for a while and suddenly push her a little to get my hand back to make some hand gestures while i'm talking and not instantly putting it back (I actually like touching people when I talk...but If it's a girl I'm interested in, I use it in a way that my touching should feel safe, strong and comfortable but at the same time not that kind, sometimes rude...i don't know how to explain this...)
anyways...don't want to talk too much about these stuff because since I haven't been taught, they may be wrong and I don't want to influence anybody in the wrong way. I'm here to LEARN : ))
So, my point is, this way or another, I kind of built something for myself...Which "kind of" worked for me till now.
Till now I got 40+ girls (42 or 43...lets say 42...I once wrote it all down which was a pain in the a**. I don't want to do it again -_- also only about 3-4 of them are before my fiancee)
But again, maybe %40 of those were from internet, but not from "dating" sites. I don't like them for some reason. I feel like if it's a dating site, the girl will already be knowing what to expect from you and now you have to spend a lot of money for her first -_-
I prefer just finding a casual girl and talk a little first, trying to get a meeting and THEN trying to seduce her somehow(without letting her know what I'm really trying to do)
So, my point is, I kind of developed something that worked for me SOMEHOW in these 3,5 years.
But my problem is that I cannot be a "hunter"
I'd call myself a "fisher" : ))
I only can get girls and be very confident and comfortable around them ONLY if I see an interest from THEM. They smile to me, or look at me for a long time or I don't know....anything....
Once I get their attention then we start talking, something I do works somehow
(not all the time of course...just enough)
But I never can go and "create" the attention for myself.
So I want to improve myself on this issue. I'd like to be able to go into someone that I don't know and start a conversation.
Or let's say (this also happens to me a lot) I sometimes see a girl looking at me and I look back to her. Then she smiles at me and I smile back....then?
Then I turn my head...don't know what to talk, what to do.
Just to make clear, I know I just said I CAN do something If I have the attention. But it is mostly in places that people already socialize with each other and have an opinion about who is whom etc.
(Like a gym, a group activity...)
But I feel helpless in situations like both me and the girl are TOTAL strangers to each other...(like a cafe, on street, in subway, in a pub)
I want to improve myself on this.
Well...I don't want to sound weird but, I am not even THAT into sex. Of course I do and enjoy it, don't get me wrong, but I sometimes prefer my training or MB over it. Or I get bored after 15-20th minutes : ))
And I can also live without it. I don't CRAVE for girls...that's what I mean.
BUT, I feel like, If I can have this ability, If I KNOW that I can make it happen (and did make it happen) it will make me a happier and more complete man. I also think it will help me a lot with my career too, since I often meet some people I don't know for business.
So, I'm open to learn : )) I'm very glad I found this forum and I'm looking forward to spend more and more time here.
Also, sorry again, I know I whined and btched a lot, but it feels so good to let these out of my chest. Please be understanding : ))
Thank y'all!
CHAT