This site is great lol! I hope this will help fix my social retardation I seem to be suffering from lol. Ok well its really not that bad, but I am socially awkward enough that I'm failing miserably with girls.

I have had to overcome serious anxiety and depression issues through sheer force of will due to having a speech impediment or problem of some sort when I was younger. I *think* it went away about when I was 16 or 17, but I'm not positive because I could never hear it myself, and my family acted as if everything was normal. I was never given speech therapy, except when I was so young I can't even remember it, but it obviously failed me. Middle school was horrible for me because other kids mocked me when I would say anything, so I was deadly silent, which was a little better because instead of being asked why I talked weird and mocked for that, I was asked why I never talked and mocked for being "serious."

I had also been homeschooled and put in a tiny church school which might as well have been homeschooling until middleschool too, so I knew no one and had 0 social skills. I had no clue how to socialize with other kids, how to dress, or how to act to fit in decently. So that along with my speech issue made middle school brutally lonely for me.

Later in highschool I kept trying to get a girlfriend but I never succeeded really. One girl told me she wanted to be my girlfriend who was extremely hot, she had actually been a junior miss hawaiin tropic model. But after about a month she broke up with me because I was quiet and didnt talk out of paralyzing fear I was going to do something wrong and she would leave me. I didn't even get to kiss her, again because I was too shy and nervous then, and didn't get to see her outside of school due to my super-ultra-extreme religious family.

Around that time I started learning magic and got my first real job working in a magic shop. I stuck with that for about 6-7 years, and it was great!

Magic was the most amazing thing for me. It honestly changed my life. I had to demonstrate magic tricks to sell them for my job, and that taught me self-confidence and public speaking skill most people do not have. Somehow, it also helped to greatly improve my speech. I think my speech is still not quite normal, but I think its close enough people don't think about it now.

Again, I'm unsure of my speech because I could never hear my problem to begin with. I would kind of slur my speech a little basically, and pronounce a few words wrong, like I pronounced water worter as a kid.

I'm not overly concerned about whether or not my speech is normal though now because I realize if a girl likes me, even if my speech still isn't normal its probably not going to cause her to dislike me.

(Although my 1st and only girlfriend now my ex told me I do speak weird and it bothered her, but she has said a lot so I take that with a grain of salt.)

So I graduated highschool never having been in a relationship and went to college, and continued to try to find a girlfriend. I talked to at least 1 girl that I remember, but failed miserably lol. It was funny looking back at it because I was so nervous approaching a girl then I was barely able to even introduce myself to her, and I didn't have the nerve to ask for her number so I asked her for her myspace lmao. I could tell she wasn't interested after asking though. (Of course she wasn't.)

But for some reason something went right when I approached the girl who became my only girlfriend. She had only been here a few years then and was from Albania, and like me had not had a relationship in highschool. So I think I just got lucky and found an attractive girl who was also desperate. Regardless, we had a great relationship for 2 years, and then it went downhill. She started cheating on me with a guy who dumped her in highschool. He just wasted her time and got her hopes up, and for some reason she apparently didn't care that he did that to her. Me and my ex had been in a long distance relationship for a few months at one point, and were planning to marry when I finished getting my bachelor's. She was going to get a tattoo of 4 aces on her since I do magic, and had a promise ring from me too. But then without explanation she started saying she wanted a break, and eventually I found out it was this ex of her's, but I never did find out what changed her mind about me, or why she would rather be with a guy who dumped her over a guy she was in love with for years. Very strange stuff.

So that whole mess kind of messed with my mind and left me with a complex. Not knowing why she did what she did drives me mad, its just how I am. I can't help it but not knowing why she threw away the years we were together drives me insane.

I moved on and tried talking to girls but I failed with every single one. The best I did was a girl I was an acquantice with. I talked to her over facebook and got her to have coffee with me a couple of times, but then she decided she couldn't date me. She said we "don't have the physical chemistry required for sex," but when I replied something like "so its just my looks then?" she said something like no, its not your looks, we just don't have a spark, that butterfly feeling in your stomach.

I still text her once in awhile now but I didn't for awhile after that.

Recently I have talked to a couple of girls in my math class at college. I talked to one just once for a second, she seemed happy when I spoke to her but we only had a second to talk. The other girl didn't seem as excited the couple of times I spoke to her, but she also seems calmer so it might be her personality.

The last time we spoke Wednesday we only had a second because we were leaving class and going different ways, but I managed to introduce myself at least. I asked her if she is ready for our test tomorrow, she said def not or something like that, so I said I'm sure you'll do fine on it don't worry, but I don't remember what she said to that. Then I asked her if she wanted to meet up sometime to study for it, but she said her friend was coming and staying through the weekend so she can't. I was kind of caught off guard by that for some reason, so there was almost one of those strange pauses in the conversation so I stupidly repeated what I had already said and said well, don't worry I'm sure you'll do fine on our test. I'll see you next week!

And honestly, sadly thats an improvement on my approaches to girls really. I can usually think of good openers and deliver them very well, but after that I go completely blank. I cannot hold a conversation, don't know how long I should, what to say, how to most effectively compliment or tease, or when to ask for a number or whatever. (Although I do manage to get numbers usually for some reason).

I'm just really tired of being rejected by girls. I'm fairly certain my approaches are terrible as far as the conversation goes, so I think thats why I'm always rejected. I'm pretty fit, def above average, and I see girls glance at me once in awhile so I think my looks are at least average. I really doubt looks are my problem, but I need to figure out what it is!