| Excuses. Many of them. I have kept myself away from women because of a plethora of excuses. "I'm too tired to go out;" "I don't have a wing;" "I have to work in the morning;" "I haven't read David Deangelo's book yet;" "I have an exam next Monday;" "I want to look at fantasy football articles instead..."
I have so many more; I am done with the excuses. It's over. It was a [not so] great streak while it lasted and it has got to stop. I kid you not, I put up a sign on my door in my bedroom that says, "NO MORE EXCUSES." It's over. Screw the excuses. If I don't hookup with a chick it is not going to be because I stayed home and watched my old movies I have seen 50 times.
My friends call me "Big D" or "Double D" or, get this, "David." I like "Big D" because of the connotation and the implicit suggestion around women. What's with the "big" part of my moniker? I am 6'4"--taller than all of my friends (and 98% of the population)
About me:
-I recently graduated from college and I am an undeclared graduate student.
-I live, and attend school, in Lincoln, NE.
-I am 25 years old, 6'4," and I weight 185lbs (currently trying to gain muscle).
-I live by myself and I am rarely home (either working or at school)
-I haven't had cable in three years and I don't get most current movie references.
-I haven't gone out to hang out with friends in a social SPAM (bar, club, coffee house) in 8+ months. (actually, I just went out this weekend...i will get to that later).
-I have three guitars; one acoustic; two electrics (Fender Strat, Epiphone Les Paul). This prompted me to go out and buy a purple guitar necklace. Why Purple? I have back stories of my mother messing with me because of my colorblindness. It also gives me conversation to look into a woman's eyes deeply. "Yeah, I am colorblind, I probably can't even guess the color of your eyes..."
Back story with women:
-Captain of the varsity basketball team in high school (I could easily get women without trying). Problem, because of my upbringing I didn't party, I didn't have sex, and was pretty boring outside of basketball.
-I have had three relationships in the past. All of which lasted longer than six months.
-I have never had sex; only oral.
-I have had a problem with one-itis. Every time I get interested in a chick I don't think about other women as potential dating prospects.
-I have only dated women that my friends have hooked me up with. Thus, it didn't take any sarging. I have never sarged (other than this past weekend, I will get to that in a moment).
Why am I here:
-I am tired of not being with women.
-Because of childhood development I have been conditioned to only be with one chick and to ask their damn permission for things and it is killing my hook-up potential; I have been put in the "friend zone" so much it makes me want to spew
-I am making a lifestyle change. I am shedding the skin of my old self and molting into "Big D 2.0."
What have I read/watched:
-The Game. A friend suggested I read it because it changed his life and I have seen the impact.
-Various articles or youtube videos by Strauss, Mystery, Gambler, Lyons, David Wygant (Sp?), Ross Jeffries
I like Ross Jeffries stuff but it is to difficult to master. I need to start at square one. I started investigated NLP about two months ago and I said to myself, "I am not going out until I figure this out. This shyt is gold." Screw that, I am done trying to master it...for now.
I am naturally a sarcastic person and I am also naturally cocky/funny...except around women. When I see an attractive woman I suddenly transform into the prototype being my parents indoctrinated me to be. Or if I do show my cocky/funny self and they get offended I say "I'm sorry" or "I was just teasing." Phuck! I lose my sense of self-consciousness and I try to show them all of my good qualities. I get boring, I talk about silly topics and they get bored as I watch them hookup with some other guy. Phuck!
This last weekend, on Saturday night, I went downtown. My goal was to talk to AT LEAST three women. Well, I accomplished that goal but I had no lines, I just went into cold to see where I was starting. This is what happened:
I meet an old friend downtown. He introduces me to his friends, there are four guys, one married (Tosh), one in a long term relationship (Brian), a chubby ginger (Ryan), and a shorter guy who just got out of a three year relationship (Pete). Josh is the only guy that I knew before that night.
We chill outside around a fire pit at a local bar. Calm, relaxing SPAM. It is 11pm. After a half-hour of talking, getting my social self going, I say "Let's change the venue." I am pretty good at being the leader of any group. They debate about it and I say, "I'm going to Iguanas, let's go." I get up, Pete stands up and we take a few steps and I turn to look over my shoulder as everyone else gets up to follow me.
We head to destination two. I stop to take a piss at the restaurant and everyone goes past to find a table. I meet up with them and right when I get there a four set is sitting right next to us and they ask Ryan to snap a photo of them. He jumps at the opportunity to talk to four women HB 8/9s. He grabs the camera and I rush in between him and the HBs. I stand sideways between them and say, "You know I am going to photobomb you, right." Then I turn my back to them and I tell Ryan to pretend not to know how to take a photo.
HB9 (leader of the group) slaps my ass and says "Don't be a jerk." I turn my head and say, "Hey, you touch it you buy it." She doesn't have a response. I can't think of anything to say as I turn around to face the four set. Ryan snaps a photo of them (he didn't listen to me and snapped a good photo).
I turn around to my table and grab my drink then I take a seat across from the HB leader. "How is the night going?" I ask the group. HB leader says, "I don't like you." I turn to the HB9 on my side and say, "Is she always this mean?"
"She is never mean."
"Really, I think she isn't being very nice to me," I respond.
My mind goes blank and I can't think of anything to say. So, I say, "Well, I tell you what, I am here to be social and to meet new people. I just wanted to be friendly. I can tell you aren't in a friendly move. If you change your mind and want to be friendly, I will be right over there (I point to where I will be)." I get up, and walk away.
I didn't address everyone in the group so I know I made plenty of mistakes here.
It did not deter me though. I sit with my group for a few moments as I lean back in the seat next to them and I don't look at them at all while all of my friends keep looking back at them. "Guys, stop giving them attention." "Well they are yelling and hollering, what do you expect me to do," says Tosh. "Ignore them," I respond. They don't listen to me and keep looking over as I don't even give them a glace. Then, three guys come walking towards the HBs and they start hollering some more and get up...I am guessing three of them had boyfriends and one of them didn't...not sure because I didn't look at them anymore.
We sit and chill for a bit and I say, "I am going to walk around." I get up and walk to the other part of the bar, turn the corner and there are two HB9s playing fuseball by themselves. I look at the blond and say, "I bet you are losing." She says, "yeah." I respond, "here let me help, I will play keeper." So I defend her goal for here. Tosh comes around and plays for the other chick. They score on me and the blonde says, "You suck."
"Hey, this isn't my day job. If you would score we wouldn't be losing."
We play some more as I run out of things to say and the game ends.
"We are leaving," The blonde announces.
"Why?" I ask. "We are going dancing."
"I get it, so you don't want to be friends with us. I see how it is."
"Come with us! But, I should tell you now, I have a boyfriend."
After she said that my dumba$$ indoctrinated self becomes immediately disinterested. Even though the brunette was really attractive, I seemed to have checked out of the situation. Looking back, I should have gone dancing. Instead, we parted ways. I hope I don't make that mistake again in the future.
I have to go to work now, but I will login later tonight. For those reading this, could you offer me advice? Like I said, no more excuses. I am going out every weekend and I will tell people my progress. I feel like I need a lot of help. I have both ears open. Thanks guys. Much appreciated.
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I can't control the past, only the way I perceive it.
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