Hey guys, Im a new member to the forum so this is the only place I could post this

Me and my ex went out for four years - teenage sweethearts, then we havent been together for three years, i just came back from travelling and we met up twice and it went great then she started being really distant even though I was only contacting/texting once or twice a week, now she says too much time has passed and theres a lot of other factors im sure of such as her freinds know i didnt take the break up well at the time it happened and drunkdialled a lot but i have changed since then and she knows that. but i know after we last met up I noticed I was focusing on trying to please her rather than trying to attract her. So i sent her this(below)... do you think I just chased her away? do you think she would show up? Im not killing myself over her if she doesnt show im gona go meet my buddys as a partys going on, but I really want her in my life, I love her. Any feedback would be great guys, much appreciated. I hope my story can give you guys a way to show your skills and philosophy to help me. cheers

I hate to say it dude but you have what we call "Oneitis".
As stated on the web "Oneitis is when a guy falls hard for a girl,
to the point of obsessing over her. It is a disease characterized
by the guy making statements such as “she’s the only one for me”,
“she’s not like that”, and “she’s different from all the other girls...".

. You both met up twice and then she
started distancing herself from you, she was
probably having 2nd thoughts about getting
back into the same relationship with you
again because the spark isn't there
anymore/she thought she was
interested but is pulling out/you
are too needy and she finds that
unattractive...There could be
a number of factors in play
as to why she is distancing
herself from you.
It's been 4 yours of course its been a long time!
When you suddenly sprout out of the blue and
you want to get back together with her what
does that tell her? You don't have the
ability to go out and move on and get
another GF or stay in another
relationship,your desperate for her
affection and run back to her like
a puppy dog. In the comunity,
this is not an attractive quality
for a guy. On the other hand,
if it were that she wanted to
get back to you, well then
that's a different matter.

I have no doubt that you only
pushed her away more by sending
that needy yet "affectionate" text to her.

This is probably the best philosophical related
quote you'll ever read in context to your
entire situation with her...

"If you love something let it go.
If it comes back to you it's yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.”

You see where i'm going with this? If she still had
those same feelings for you she would let you
know. The more you keep on trying to woo
her and show your love for her in this
fashion, the more you will drive her
away. What actually happened
that you broke up with her
in the first place...?

However, If you wan't to REALLY see
if she's still the one for you, go out
and date 10 different girls
and if the spark is still
there in the end then try again
and see what
manifests from there. If not, well then that
answers your question brother...

_________________
'Bitches aint shit' - Chai

thanks my man, i was blind and now i see. I was doing well travelling got with 5 birds in two months. I come back and she wants to meet up and i instantly turned in to a one woman man again - absolutely ridiculous. I told her i wont be there tomorrow and apologized for putting so much pressure on her accepted she doesnt want to see me again and im getting on with my life. whether she cares or not i believe it this time. I really need to get my life sorted. Your advice is much appreciated. Love is fickle with women. I need to work on my inner game im so up and down all the time. do you have anything you would personally recommend that has helped your game a lot, i would really appreciate your opinion again.

yours "affectionately" dex haha

4 years is a long time.....although you guys have a long history.....4 years is along time, and a lot of time...you both have probably grown and changed in those 4 years. therefore, it is likely that neither of you are the same person you were 4 years ago....so instead of trying to jump into the same relationship....you're guna have to get to know one another all over again....she most likely isnt looking for the same shit she was 4 years ago....and youre coming off like you're living in the past...she has moved beyond the past and is now in the present....so you have to treat it as such...............you may have scared her off with that letter....give it some time....and if you still feel the same, let her know you understand it has been a while, and that you want her in your life...and you would love to get to know her again since a lot has happened in those 4 years

yea motown thats what i was sensing, that i was in the past and she was in the present. Im just fed up of lying to myself all the time thinking she wants me when it just aint gona happen. thanks for the advice. I just loved her you know she was a certifed 9/10 and was incredible but not incredible enough to hang around btw she broke up with on valentines day all those years ago. so nuff said. i really hope the pua society can help me better myself - do you have any tips that helped you when you began?

Well...again...4 years can be a long time ago....the way you both handled the break up, for all i know, could have just been high school drama... I know I'm a completely different person than I was in high school... and like I said, both of you are too.. She can probably look back to those days and be like "I cant believe I was like that/did that/said that, etc"....as we call can really...So just give it time..Like I said if she dumped you back in highschool or something, you gotta keep in mind yall was young....very rarely will a relationship from that time period last into adult hood...why? Because when you're young you THINK you know what you want...but in reality, you have no idea. As you get older tho, you begin to realize what you really want....so again, give it time. Dont get hung up on her by means of chasing her and what not....Continue to live your life, meet new people/friends/girls...and what will be, will be...just dont get discouraged..Its something every person alive has gone thru..or has to go thru...just take the time to work on yourself.....You may not be missing HER as much as you're missing the IDEA of "her".

No problem man happy to help and I'm glad my advice could
at least shed some light on your situation The one thing
that I can personally recommend to you is...never lose
sight of what you really desire and what you seek
in the world. No matter what anyone tells you
or what obstacles come your way, just go
for whatever you fucking desire and
make it happen for yourself. I made
a strong conscious decision to
never give up on myself,
no matter how bleak
or dark the times
seemed I still
stood by my own words
and now I can see things are slowly manifesting
infront of me, everytime I go out there and
try I see a new piece of me rising to the
surface and I love it because I know
deep down I am winning and that's all that matters, its that I
am atleast someone who tries everytime instead of just
waiting for a miracle or a moment to happen, I make
my own moments happen and thats the miracle and that's whats
sets me apart from those other guys... Aslong as you try,
you never fail.

"You got a dream... You gotta protect it.
People can't do somethin' themselves,
they wanna tell you you can't do it.
If you want somethin', go get it.
Period."

That's all I can say man. If you want
something, never give up and
just go get it. No matter what...

_________________
'Bitches aint shit' - Chai

im feeling better about my situation already. Im never contacting her again. Im gona start studying this stuff and get a new thread going ready for next weekend. Next weekend im gona go practice daygame and nightgame. i already consider myself quite a good talker and good for a bit of banter but i know i severely lack deliberate game. Theres moments when im sure i know what im doing with girls but getting the actual girl i fancy on the street interests me so much.. i want this! just gota go out there and do it! i'll be back and hopefully with some threads to show what im learning! Approach Anxiety needs to get ended!
thanks once again fellas

just wondering a quick thing tho guys - you said maybe i like the idea of her more - does that work for girls too - do they like the idea and feelings of attraction more than they like a guy? i know guys easily fall into the venus flytrap and get oneitus so do men have like a bear trap? where they can literally make a girl feel so emotional about them they go weak at the knees. Im not saying it to misuse it but im pretty sure my hormones and brain activity aint that different to other men so women must communally be attracted to certain things very powerfully. A bear trap..eh i like that better make one lol

some people are like that....girls/guys get an idea in their head...and sometimes reality is blocked out.......you ever see a couple that is just completely wrong for eachother? chances are they are just infatuated with the idea they are in love...but under the surface, they can't stand eachother........I'm not saying that is the case all of the time..But it does happen..........Another example..abusive relationships... The guy beats the fuck out of the girl...she knows this is wrong..but her IDEA of happiness and love, block out the reality of the situation..and she makes herself believe the guy really loves her and they are really meant to be, even though clearly that is not the case....Again, not all relationships, and not all people are guilty of the IDEA over REALITY..and I am not saying that is whats going on in your situation...I'm just pointing out that it does happen.