Sorry in advance because this turned into a longer post than intended.

Ok, so I'll tell you guys right now that I'm not new to the pickup community, or even this forum. Some of you might end up guessing the name I used to write under, but for now I'm trying to remain anonymous, so if you guess it, please don't say it where anyone else can see it.

A long time ago I spent a lot of time posting on here helping other people out and in doing so I helped myself. I didn't start out helping people, I came here to help myself, but then me being who I am, I figured stuff out pretty quickly. I learned by getting involved and getting into discussions about situations that I could only think of hypothetically, but most of the time people said my advice was the correct advice and that it helped them a lot. I got a lot of satisfaction from helping other people and learning through teaching, but there was a lot of pressure to know the right answer and not be wrong because people started to call me an mpua or a guru (just so you know I claim to be neither, I merely claim to be a philosopher and a self-taught psychologist).

At some point people started getting shocked when I told them that I didn't consider myself a master and that I just knew what I knew from...well everywhere that I've gotten that knowledge and ability from, which is neither here nor there. Eventually I realised I couldn't grow any further myself without leaving the community completely, so I stopped coming on the forum and I spent over a year just trying to lead my old life.

Now I'm a very vocal person and this is my demon that I've come back to learn how to fight, because it's ruining every aspect of my human interactions. I've learned how to talk effectively, but I haven't mastered the art of shutting up and not pointing out things that no one else seems to care about. I know I talk too much, I understand how it's affecting me, but I don't know how to change being who I am at my core; someone who wants to help people and make things better all the time. When I see a problem or something that can be improved, my mind won't rest until I do so or fail in trying.

I considered this determination, but it seems to be something that most people these days consider to be complaining because things aren't "the way I want it". I don't really care who comes up with the idea, just as long as it's the best idea and we don't settle for less just because we're too lazy or it's always been done a certain way. This attitude has gotten me fired from a few jobs in the past, as well as pissed a lot of people off at jobs that I wasn't fired from, friends, family members...pretty much anyone that I interact with for more that a short period of time.

This has forced me to become somewhat reclusive, even though I crave the company of others and so I go through swing phases and alternately love and hate people around me. Usually if I spend more than a few weeks hanging out with someone I end up thinking that they're inferior to me in many ways. My biggest issue is perceiving people as being stupid and willfully ignorant, which has made me come off as condescending.

I'm tired of ignoring my issues and so I've been dealing with them all head on, which is why I'm being blunt and I'll appreciate the same. I want to be the best person I can be and with this still part of me I never can be.

p.s. Sorry again for writing a book, but at least it's punctuated!