Field Report 5 – Mar – 2009
Got LJBF’ed What did I do wrong/How to part ways?
So I met a HB 8 at my campus. I had to do an assignment and her table she was sitting at (two fixed chairs facing opposite one another). So I looked around and there were no free spots anywhere so I saw her and she smiled so I smiled back said hi went and sat down across form her.
To show some sort of disinterest that I wasn’t hitting on her, I didn’t talk to her for the first few minutes, I completely ignored her and did my school work. I used a situational opener about starbucks, mind you it was shitty but I got her talking, I quickly transitioned into another opener that I have about relationships, “Jealous girlfriend routine” and we just continued talking. I ended up getting some IOI’s, I DHV’ed by telling her about her eye movements and how it corresponds to what type of learner you are, and she was visibly hooked. (she was playing with her hair, scratching her neck, had glazed over and when I stopped talking she said “so” and continued the conversation.
I gave some back using the Bait/Hook/Reel/Release method, and I she was further hooked. (sidenote. I find that you only release if what you said is too strong for the conversation, Ie you do something AFCish like call her beautiful, you can release her to take it back and not make things weird)
I was gonna do Kino, but seeing as I couldn’t really get around to do anything that I would normally do (evolution phase shift routine) I decided to do some light kino with her hands, (took her hands and maintained EC and lowered them,) she didn’t lower them with me so I told her what it meant (trust) and that she had more work to do (neg). Anyway I went into qualification, I started small but I think I might have lost it when I went too big hoops. I asked her “Name three things about herself that makes people want to get to know you better” she kinda paused and didn’t say anything. It looked like she didn’t know what to say so I asked “never been asked that before eh?” and she said no she hadn’t and that I’d half to ask her friends for that answer.
I said “you know what is really rare is three things, good energy, personality and humor…two out of three is a good start” she laughed. Anyway I had an exam to write and I number closed her. I seeded the conversation with the cube which I would do on the phone and I then left. We found out that we were both out of town on the weekend and that next Wednesday would be the only time.

I played some text game with her, I got responses each time and then I call her when I said I would. We had a good convo, she was really impressed by the cube, we talked. I threw in DHV stories and got her talking There was only one awkward pause (I think I might have lost it there) when I was qualifying her on the phone, but I kept talking and then she said she had to go to class and I hung up.

My new sticking point is phone/text game. I’ve read some stuff but here is what happened:

So I played some more text game with her and got responses.
My question here is if a girl texts you right away, do you text back or what? Do you wait what do you do? I was texting her back in approximately the time she took to respond in order to be seen as not needy.

Anyway today I got this message (I met her Monday, and I didn’t text her at all Wednesday)

Hey (Real name here),

I know this might sound way out of the blue, but i dont think I can make it one Wednesday. I just got out of a year long relationship and I really need time to be by myself. So even if you intentions were the most innocent. I really need to focus on school and my friends and myself right now. Thanks, Have a nice day.

HB


I know I’ve just been LJBF’ed or whatever, and I’m gonna take this as a learning experience and just move on.
Thing is
A) I don’t want to burn bridges.
B) I want to find out where I went wrong
C) I want to keep this as awkward/AFC free as possible

I was thinking as a response
“That is out of the blue. I’m in a similar situation, but do whatever you need to do. It was nice meeting you
(Real name here)”

Any good or too AFCish? What would you write?

Anyway I’ve started Hypnotica’s Deep Phone Seduction and I’ll see how that pans out.

Thanks;

The_Musterion

I'm far from a master and wouldn't even call myself a PUA. But to me it seems you STALE. It sounds as if it wasn't your fault because you were both going out of town but if I had to guess I would say you gave her too much time to think about it.

If I were you I would let her know you are interested in more then friends and say something like "Well if you ever find yourself needing some time out away from school give me a call." Just don't qualify yourself as a friend to her and maybe it might lead somewhere.

I say you just plough on with this one and even if you don't get further than being friends, being friends with a HB has it's perks, i.e. pivot (whether she knows it or not).
Just say to her something along the lines of "Hey, if you don't want to get involved that's your choice and I respect that, doesn't mean we can't stay friends though. I'm gonna be hanging out at *insert venue* on *insert day, perhaps Wednesday* anyway so if you wanna tag along and have some fun give me a call.
*Name*"

Something like that, just show that you respect her wanting space and that you aren't gonna force her to hang out if she doesn't want to etc. Either she will or won't, if she does then great, escalate (perhaps a bit slower though) if she doesn't then you get exactly the same result as if you had cut all ties with her. You have nothing to lose here, text back "fish sandwich" if you want lol.

Musterion

_________________
"My toughest opponent is always myself"
Musterion's Journal

"Hey, if you don't want to get involved that's your choice and I respect that, doesn't mean we can't stay friends though. I'm gonna be hanging out at *insert venue* on *insert day, perhaps Wednesday* anyway so if you wanna tag along and have some fun give me a call.
*Name*"

I will try that. Does the fact she deleted me from facebook make any difference?

dont fall for her shit dude. you got to be more aggressive. a good response i would use would be: "well hey, ur loss, not mine " something like that.

My first impression was that she realized that she liked you a lot and was trying to push you away. A lot of girls do that self sabotage and break relationships off before the girl has a chance to get emotionally involved.

The part about her deleting you on Facebook is strange though.

I would text her back with something like "Don't let your last relationship sabotage this one. It's a lot easier to run away from someone you like than to become invested in them."

hope this helps!

holy fuck man she deleted u on facebook?

Abort!!

Ok, first of all, show no more interest. Period. You don't even wanna be friends with her at this point, just be neutral.

I know you don't wanna burn bridges, but if she deleted you on facebook, and this was obvious to you, I would ask her wtf?

"Hey, I got ur text, thats cool, um why the hell did u delete me on facebook? Ur weird."

Reverse this shit on her. Because honestly, shes the one being weird here man, not you.

_________________
some will rob you with a six-gun, some with a fountain pen...

ok to give an update:
I followed one guys advice and gave a response, pushed this set as far as I could go because....hey I have NOTHING to loose, and maybe next time this happens I will try something different that will get them to have a better response.
Anyway, I sent this on march 7th (two days after she sent me that message)

Yeah that was way out of the blue, we just met!
but hey, if you don't want to get involved that's your choice and I respect that, doesn't mean we can't stay friends though. I'm gonna be hanging out at Club Nixne on Friday with some friends, anyway so if you wanna tag along and have some fun give me a call.
Jordan

I wanted to try and flip it on her that she was the one moving to fast, then give her a chance for redemption, if she doesn't take the bait (its this friday I was talking about) than it doesn't matter, I have enough friends and see you later.

Although I have a sneaking suspicion that I was sabotaged by my Ex-Girlfriends best friend (they cheerleader together) she has a history of coming up to me in a club (we frequent the same club) and trying to sabotage my sets. I haven't done anything to this girl, it all started because of a class we took together where we had to discuss. She said that she didn't me because I disagreed with her. (I did it in the nicest most diplomatic way, and I mean everyone else in the class had a problem with her, not me)

Anyway I think that might be an explanation.

Would t be worth it to send anything else at this point or what?


If not. Lesson learned, I'll try something different next time this happens.


The_Musterion

someone burned you... thats why she cut relations...

I am going to hope that some of the quote above was joking or slight sarcasm I don't find it a big deal that she deleted you from facebook. Facebook means nothing in 'real life'.

She could be being legit about getting out of a recent relationship, and another guy is not what she needs/wants right now, regardless of attraction built.

Don't throw yourself at her but when you do happen to see her, there is nothing wrong with flirting.