Extended relationship guide


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 1:59 pm 
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Okay it seems like from time to time the forum topics always manage to make me angry enough to make a rant but this time I'll try to avoid ranting all together and just talk about how to behave in relationships because clearly many guys have absolutely no idea here. Some topics make me want to cry and I also want to punch some of the KJs in the face for the clearly stupid advice they give.

Now let's start with this MEGA post, shall we?

First of all, let's see what needs to be provided in a relationship to be working.

1) Topmost important thing: YOU MUST BE HAPPY

It's just common sense but guys somehow seem to always forget about this. The point of a relationship is to make both parties happier and if this doesn't stand then something went terribly wrong...

What NOT TO do:

-Neglecting your friends for your girlfriend
-Neglecting your family for your girlfriend
-Neglecting your hobbies/studies/work etc. for your girlfriend.

Sure sometimes you will want to prefer your girlfriend over other important things because else she will feel you neglect her and it's not good but you can't just skip on your entire life because of her. It will kill you. You will become very insecure and start taking up beta behaviour.

What TO do:

-Find a balance in your time schedule. Spend as much time with your girlfriend as it is possible, but make sure you also have time for friends, and all other things that are important to you in your life.

2) Next very important thing: Sex.

No sex means the relationship is close to its end. Except for very special cases where sex wasn't there initially. This could happen with young virgin girls, and overly religious girls. Contrary to the community's belief there are still woman out there who wait with sex until marriage. Yes, they are very rare, but there are.
Well anyway, back to sex, even in these rare cases a sexual vibe should always be present because that's the sign of attraction between you two. No sexual vibe means the relationship is technically over.

There are also some other very important aspects of sex.

a) Leading.

Most of the time when you're having sex you should be leading. Move your girl around. Switch positions. Hold her hand down to the bed. There are lots of ways to do this. Don't just lay there and watch her ride you. You don't like it when the girl is just lying there like a branch doing nothing while you do her, do you?

b) Giving and expecting pleasure.

This has never been an issue for me, though I see this as a common problem. For me, pleasuring women is the thing that makes the happiest. Looking at their faces, hearing their screams, and feeling all the energy they let out when they cum is priceless for me. And because I always treated them so well in bed they never had a problem going down on me either. The point is to make the sex as good for both of you as it is possible. As long as this is working, there could hardly be an important issue with the relationship. But this works reverse too. You can not make this work if there are other problems that threathen the relationship. You need to first solve them, if it is not too late.

c) Variety.

Always doing the same thing over and over again will become borig. Switch positions. Switch places(kitchen, bathroom, note: make sure you don't get caught if you do it in public). Get some roleplay done. Do some fantasies. By just putting a little effort in it, it is really easy to keep the sex interesting. You can change anything you want as long as it affects the experience. One time you want to start it slowly and gently with lots of foreplay in the bedroom, lights off. The other time you just grab her in the kitchen, kiss her hard, start undressing her, tear her panties off and destroy her pussy. Always make her wonder when, where, and how you're going to fuck her next. The more she thinks about you fucking her, the better it is.

Summary:

How NOT TO behave:

-Be submissive(exception is roleplay)
-Ask for things(example: Would you go down on me?)
-Be predictable
-Be selfish

How TO behave:

-Be leading, dominant
-DO things(example: Go down on her then put your dick in her face and say "Suck it!")
-Be unpredictable(she should feel you could fuck her anywhere, anytime, anyhow)
-Make sure the sex is awesome for both of you.

3) Providing emotions.

First of all, the strongest way to provide emotions is with sex, but I talk about this because many guys seem to forget that the relationship doesn't only take place in the bedroom and if your daily life is boring, it will get to you in the sex in no time too.

Women need to experience a variety of emotions to stay interested in a relationship. The most important of these are:

a) A feeling of being desired.

Your girl needs to know that you want her. That she drives you crazy. It is NOT needy as long as you remain a leader. This is a very common mistake. The girl starts acting distant and in response the guy goes NC for a week when the girl only needed the guy to express his desire. Of course he's doing the opposite because he doesn't understand his gf and the relationship will end in a trainwreck. I'll probably repeat this line a few times in this and the next section but it's important. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND. They always signal their needs in one or another way.

How NOT TO provide this feeling:

-Act jealous
-Act needy
-Consistently buy her all kinds of expensive things

What else NOT TO do:

-Ignore her for no reason
-Play with her head in a bad way(making her jealous is the perfect example for this. It just never works and always backfires)
-Making her do favours for you without compensation.

How TO provide this feeling:

-Give her mind blowing orgasms
-Appreciate her personality traits and her body
-Say intimate things in bed
-Take her out occasionally and do exciting things.
-Introduce her to your friends. Later when you've been together for a while, your parents.
-Make, or buy small things that remind her of you, or something you did together occasionally(not 24/7)
-Very rarely(anniversary, birthday) go over the top with being romantic(still don't be needy)
-Be proud of her in public(hold her hands or her hips, peck her on the lips or cheeks, dance with her when you're out clubbing etc...)
-Be a gentleman overall, be Satan's curse in the bedroom.

b) A feeling of having the best possible mate.

Your girl always need to feel that you're the best she could ever find and that no other guy can compare to you. It's a bit tricky to do this.

How NOT TO try achieving this:

-"I'm the best you'll ever have"(This is rude and arrogant)
-Brag about your achievements to her
-Ignore or degrade her achievements
-Make her feel inferior.

What else NOT TO do:

-"You deserve so much better than me"(says the opposite)
-Making her feel like she's generally better than you(sooner or later she will believe it)

How TO try achieving this:

-Bring value to her life(aka have an interesting life yourself which is worthy of being part of)
-Always make her see that you never have enough and you improve yourself in some aspect of your life EVERY DAY
-Get her involved in some of your activities, hobbies.
-Ask for her help if you need it and then thank her.
-Fulfill all other criteria mentioned

c) A feeling of trust and being trusted.

Your woman needs to feel you trust her. It's the #1 reason why women start acting bitchy, when their partner is not trusting them. You also need to behave like you're trustworthy. Sure, you need to be a bit misterious, and nonpredictable but that doesn't mean she can never know where you are or what are you doing. It will get suspicious even if you're not doing anything wrong. She will become very insecure and hurt if you don't realize the problem. Typical behaviour is that she starts critisizing everything new you're doing like "You never ate sushi before. Why did you start it now?" etc...

How NOT TO achieve this:

-Be predictable
-"You know you can trust me baby"(No she doesn't. and this just doesn't help)
-Let her do anything she wants without feedback(sometimes it's not you, it's her)

What else NOT TO do:

-Stay out late always without ever mentioning what you're doing
-Act jealous.

How TO achieve this:

-Let her live her life as long as she's not doing anything suspicious.
-If you come home late make sure you let her know what happened.
-Don't cheat(pretty obvious, I know)

d) A feeling of safety

Your girl wants to feel safe with you. She needs to know that if shit happens you know how to handle it and can protect her.

How NOT TO achieve this:

-Acting needy
-Being predictable(it provides a fake feeling of safety which backfires)

What else NOT TO do:

-Being agressive(with her it's completely unacceptable. if you do it with other people she will wonder if she does anything wrong you will act the same with her)
-Not caring to extreme extents(if your girlfriend is being mocked, it's your duty as a man to stand up for her)

How TO achieve this:

-Always stay strong and calm.
-Don't lose your cool and your frame.
-Be understanding and supporting.
-Always stand up for your girlfriend if she needs you.
-Make sure she trusts you and she feels that you trust her too.

e) A feeling of variety

If you're boring your girl will get bored and will look for other, more exciting opportunities. This could be very dangerous because then every guy becomes a threath since all of them have something you don't: They're not you, thus they provide variety. Sooner or later there will be signals and guys usually misinterpret it, starts acting needy and jealous and only make it worse.

How NOT TO achieve variety:

-Do completely insane things(I mean really completely insane. Once I told a guy he needs to be more unpredictable and he took a shit in front of the front door of his gf. Not cool...)

What else NOT TO do:

-Getting lost in the daily routines.
-Making your relationship look like you're a pensionary couple.
-Being overly predictable.

How TO achieve variety:

-Go out and do active things together as much as possible
-Spice up sex
-Invite friends over
-Stay misterious, always making her wonder what you're gonna do next

f) A feeling of being understood

Your girl needs to feel that you understand and care about her feelings. To her, this means that if anything happens she can count on you. This has more to do with communication so I'll talk about this explicitly in that section.

4) Communication

This is a big one. And many guys fail with properly communicating with their girl. As a result the girl will feel the guy does not understand, or even worse that he doesn't care about her feelings. This is when things start going in a downward spiral. The girl will start to behave strangely, the guy will be clueless, and in return the girl will feel even worse and from this point there's no stopping. Girl goes mad starts acting completely irrational and the guy just crumbles. I have seen this scenario happen on these forum boards at least a few dozens of times. So let's get into this.

The very first pick-up principle is that woman are more emotional than rational yet this fact is somehow completely ignored by many many guys when they're trying to communicate with their girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, rational arguments are completely fine when you're arguing about something like "Which house to buy?" or anything other that really needs rational thinking to make a decision. But when it's about emotional situation you need to use your rational thinking in another way. To be explicit, you need to use it as a woman and rationalize things backwards. It's not so hard as it seems, because men do this backward rationalization too, just not as often as women.

The most important thing is to ALWAYS PAY ATTENTIONT TO YOUR GIRL. She will signal you any problem she has and you have to pick up on these ASAP.

Typical is this:

"What's the problem, honey?"
"Nothing"

And the guy knows there's a problem, yet he's unable to crack the code.

There are several ways to get past this, I'll try to list the most useful ones that I use.

First of all, look for signs. The problem might not be related to you at all. She could have a really bad day and just don't want to talk about it to get herself even more upset. The other case is that the problem is related to you, and in this case there're always very clear signs about it. Start thinking about what you did recently and recall anything that could have even remotely caused her to feel blue. If you have found something, think it over again making sure you're not just trying to get out of the problem with making the first thing that came to your mind the cause of it. If you identified the problem you can proceed to tell her: "Look babe, I can imagine that /this and that/ made you feel bad. It wasn't my intention, I was just overloaded at the moment and didn't pay close attention to you. Let's go out and eat something, because it won't get any better if we just sit here at home in silence". Any good girlfriend will appreciate that you take the responsibility for your actions and that you want to make it up for her.

Second thing is if your search was unsuccessful, or you're not sure enough about the cause you should never ask:

"What's the problem?" "What's wrong?" or anything like that. It turns on the "Nothing" answer immediately whether it's true or not.

"I see you're not feeling good today, and I don't like that. Tell me what made you feel sad, I'll listen and see what I can do about it"

At this point they either tell you the problem or say "You can not do anything about it". If it's the latter it's time to grab your balls...

"Let me decide about that. If you don't tell me then of course I can't do anything, but only if you briefly described it I think I'd be able to cheer you up."

If they still don't crack then time for the secret weapon:

"Too bad. I had a little surprise for you, but you don't seem like you'd want it now so probably some other time"

See this is the point. You're evoking emotions. One of the strongest of them actually: curiousity. She will start wondering what is that surprise. Yeah you probably didn't plan anything, but now you do. Take her out and do something together that will make her feel relieved. Sports are excellent for this. I usually come up with some silly game that will make her so involved that she forgets about being sad. It either solves the problem all in all, or will make her say a big thank you explaining why she felt bad. Yeah of course more complex and deeper problems will not go away this easily, then you have to show support and care.

Now that's about finding out her problems, now how to explain your problems.

The most common are: lack of sex and strange and/or disrespectful behaviour.

By the way these are already warning signs, so she's either too immature for a relationship or you fucked up something big time. I recommend you always assume the second one first, and then if you did your best to make it up and still no change, then it's definitely the first one. In which case, sadly, you will have to find a new girlfriend. Relationships require two people to work, you can't do it all alone. Sometimes it's just better for both of you to take different paths. Well anyway, more on that later. Now let's focus on how to properly present your problems to your girlfriend.

Most common mistakes guy do in these situations:

-Not saying anything, just accepting it and killing them on the inside.
-Getting their ego all up and start acting demandingly ("I have the right to have sex with you." "You don't have the rights to behave like that with me")
-Miscommunicate in a way that the girl will not understand. ("I think we should have more sex" "I don't like the way you acted last time")

So if none of these work then what to do?

Remember what I started with? Women are EMOTIONAL. So when you're communicating your problems you need to put emphasys on emotions. She will understand so much better. Let me illustrate:

"It bothers me that we don't have as much sex anymore"-->This is bad. It doesn't get to the emotional root of the problem. This won't make the girl understand it. It's only natural for her that you don't have so much sex because for some reason she doesn't desire you so much anymore.

"I feel like we became a bit distant.(Seems familiar from girls to anyone? Not a coincidence) You know I love you, and I know you love me. I want to work this out before it's too late"

^At this point she is engaged emotionally so she will start talking about her own emotions. Pay VERY CLOSE attention to what she's saying because between the lines there will be written EXACTLY why she thinks this is happening. It's hard to explain this theoritically. I will use an example about how to read between the lines. This is parts of a facebook conversation between me and my girlfriend. I noticed that she doesn't pay close attention to me many times. She's more involved with her animes and mangas despite that the sex is awesome.

Quote:

Me: I feel like something is not going exactly on the right track. It seems like our relationship is a big happy train which I love to ride but something is just constantly trying to put it off track.

This kind of vague drawing is gold. It really makes women open up

Her: I don't exactly know what you're talking about but I had some strange feelings lately too.

Me: I know, In fact, I noticed your feelings sooner than mine started to appear, that's why I want to talk about this in the first place.

Now to get to finding the problem

Her: I love you honey. I think all we need is to pay more attention to each other. We became a bit distant lately I think.

BINGO. Since our sex life was awesome, she just needs more quality time spent together for sure

Me: You might be right. Now that I think of it. When was the last time we went out for a dinner?

Her: Mmmmm last week, I think.

Me: Pretty bad, isn't it? It doesn't matter that we have sex everyday we meet, if that's all we're doing. Let's go out tomorrow!

Her: Can't. I have to help out mom with the grandpa {her grandfather is terminal and needs constant nursing}

Me: Okay well I'm also free on Friday.

Her: Seems fine to me. Where are we going?

Me: You really thought I'd just tell you? It will be surprise.

Her: Aaaaaargh now I will think about this all week long.

Me: I'm glad you're expecting it so much. Well "all week" is only 3 days anyway.

Her: Way more than enough for me to go insane in my work.

Me: Well I was planning on going to take you to an asylum anyway. Seems like the surprise is gone :(

Her: WHAT???

Me: Lol, just kidding...

Me: You woudln't be allowed even in a mental hospital.

Her: ...

Me: You know I'm just messing with you, I love you sweety.

Her: Yeah... sure...

Lol I know she's not really hurt, she's just playing it, so I get into the game. This is also big thing. To differentiate between real trouble, and not real.

Me: Oh my God!

Her: ??

Me: What have I done?!?!

Her: ??????????

Me: I have made my baby upset. :( I'm a bad bad person. My mommy is not proud of me. Everyone will hate me.

Her: LOL, you're an idiot.

Me: :D At least, I'm your idiot.

Her: <3

(...)

Me: Love you babe, have to go study. Talk to you tomorrow xoxo

Her: Love you too honey, Sweet dreams ;) xoxo



Notice that once the problem was identified and I found a solution there was no point in dwelling on it any further. I changed the topic and started to play a little in a bantering way.

Yes, yes I know. This problem was too easy to solve right? Well yeah... I always get into the problem as soon as it manifests so usually it is easily solved in the early stages. That's what your goals should also be. Lure out and solve any problem as soon as you know something is up. It takes practise and a good understanding of women to be really good at relationships. That's why I always advocate that guys should only get into LTRs when they already have very solid game. Yes, when I started the game I only wanted a girlfriend too. But it's only common sense, that keeping a girl is a lot harder than getting one. I needed to improve myself a lot before I jumped into the world of LTRs, and even with that experience it took a few gfs before I arrived at the level I am.

So now you hopefully have an understanding of how to properly communicate with your girlfriend and I will end this part here.

Next critical point: When to break up?

It can happen that the relationship doesn't seem to work no matter what. There are three main causes each with spectecular signs:

1) You don't match.

Some people are just way too different to be able to maintain a relationship. If your arguments are caused by very different views and perception of the world itself then it could be really hard to keep the relationship happy. You must put things on a scale whether it's even worth trying anymore or not. When this happens I don't recommend just simply giving up, but trying out a few things. Trying to be more tolerant and encouraging your girlfriend to do the same for example. But if after a couple of attempts it doesn't get any better then it is completely futile to torture yourselves and it's best for the both of you to find more compatible partners.

2) You're not happy in the relationship.

Eventhough it would seem like, I don't want to put all responsibility on men in the relationship. I still think we have more than women because we can affect their emotions more effectively than they can ours, but there are just spoiled women out there who are not worth it. Who no matter how good of a boyfriend you are will just want to use you and will suck the life out of you. If you feel like you're not happy and the cause of it is your girlfriend and any attempts to communicate this with her(PROPERLY!!) won't get any results it is damn good time to find a new girl who is worthy of your time and feelings.

3) You can not make your girlfriend happy.

Whether it's because she doesn't want to be happy, or that you're not yet ready for a relationship there's no point continuing it. If you can't identify the problems of your girlfriend, or you're unable to handle them then the relationship will end anyway. If your best efforts bounce of a wall and she doesn't even let you make her happy, then it's time to find someone who appreciates herself more because sooner or later this will get you frustrated. Or it probably already does. And it's not healthy. Find a girl who welcomes being a good boyfriend.

How to break up?

It's not an easy thing to do. Once you're committed to break off a relationship she's going to get hurt, no matter how you do it. So the goal is to inflict the least amount of harm possible. Don't use catchy phrases like "It's not you, it's me" or anything like that. Keep up your manliness. State your reasons clearly but respectfully. An example

"I don't think we should continue this relationship anymore. It's clear that it is just not working no matter how hard we try. It may hurt, but I truly believe that it's for the better. I loved you and I do hope you loved me too, but I want to move on with my life and find someone with whom I can be really happy, and I wish the same for you"

What to do after the break-up?

First of all and most importantly:

DON'T TRY AND DON'T LET HER TRY TO GET BACK TOGETHER!!!.

The relationship probably ended for a very good reason and for that reason it would fail again. You only hurt both of you if you allow this to happen.

Regarding staying friends and things like that... If the relationship ended just because you were incompatible, it is possible to stay friends. I have an ex who's become a very good friend of mine. Her new boyfriend is also like a bro for me. BUT... keep in mind that this WILL hurt you. I know. I thought I was emotionally indestructible but I had a VERY HARD time to make this friendship work. And back then I already had a somewhat solid inner game. Not that I regret it, it made me way more stronger in the long run, but it's not an easy path to take. If the relationship ended for not that reason, then it is not only close to impossible, but also I don't really see the point of it to stay friends.

Some people like making their exes FWBs but I'm strongly against that. It'll almost always get nasty in the long run.

Final thoughts.

Note that to the "Dont's" almost everywhere I added "Acting needy" and "Being predictable" and this is for a reason. Because this is just the deadly triad of the relationship: Bad communication, neediness, and being predictable.

I have covered communication, and neediness should be obvious. As long as you don't just care about keeping your girlfriend, but also keeping both of you happy then you're not needy regardless of how many flowers you buy and dates you pay for.

About being mysterious. It's not as hard as it seems. You just need to be a little creative and always play your cards right. When you're planning to do something, always make her wonder what it's going to be. "It's a secret" "It's going to be a surprise" "I can not tell you or else I will have to kill you" among other fun lines work great to always make her wonder about your next move. Meanwhile of course your "next moves" should have a mass variety in them because if not, then she could just guess it without even asking. Do as many different activities as it is possible. Do different sports. Play basketball, valleyball, pool, cho-cho, card games, chess, ping-pong, cycling, running, swimming. It is better than to only just take her to play one sport because for one it is less predictable and the other things is that she will have more experience with you and thus it will strengthen your connection. When it comes to dates, go to theathre, movies, at home, wall-climbing, hitch-hiking, sea coast, fishing lake, viewpoints, observatories, tropciaria, 4 star hotels, mostels in the middle of nowhere. In this modern world, the possibilities are endless...

In many cases when seeking the cause of the problems it might be that you started taking up beta behaviour and she is losing attraction. If this is the case then DON'T try to act all alpha with going NC or anything like that. It's stupid. You're punishing her when she did nothing wrong, it was your sorry ass who couldn't behave like a man. Apologizing in this case won't help either because it only takes away more value from you. Apologize for something you did, not for something you are. That problem can only be solved by changing the way you behave. Grow back your pair, and treat your girlfriend like a man, and she will assume you just had a bad period.

Any comments about how "this guide is needy" will only clearly identify the poster to be a complete KJ who never had a good, working relationship, so don't even try.

Paying attention to your girl's feelings is not needy, it is necessary. And as I have said earlier, you should expect the same from your girlfriend too. That's how this thing becomes a win-win for you two.

If you want to critisize, feel free but then base your arguments on strong points. I'm not perfect. This guide is not perfect. If you have anything constructive to add, you're very free to do so.

Thanks for reading this guide, and I hope you found it useful. If you have any questions, or particular relationship problems with which you need help with feel free to PM me.

Peace,

In$tinct.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 2:43 pm 
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Fantastic post, this should be stickied. Will be reading through this the next time I start a relationship, hopefully it will prevent the same mistakes and failures that have marred my previous ones.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 3:44 pm 
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Perfect guide!
Should be made sticky


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 11:26 pm 
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This guide is needy.































Ok ok , jokes aside , the post is excellent.


Most of these things are somewhat common sense , but this is crucial. As crucial as crucial gets:

Quote:
you need to use your rational thinking in another way. To be explicit, you need to use it as a woman and rationalize things backwards.




Women rarely get into a fight led by their brain ,but rather their emotions. Men do the exact opposite. That's why we always complain that "She's being so irrational".

Once you learn how to rationalize properly , you'll get to a whole new level.



Excellent excellent post.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 2:04 am 
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Really good post, literally describes every kind of relationship


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 9:41 am 
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This MUST BE stickied and every single "how to get her back" guy should read this before even posting here for relationship advice.

The best relationship post I've read here so far.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 11:27 pm 
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Great Guide! Lots of useful information. Thanks for taking the time to put it all together.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:45 am 
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Cheers for the post, I saved the link.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 8:56 pm 
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Great real life post.Thank you.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 10:16 am 
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Really good post! I am sure that some of the mentioned posts you are talking about, came from mere...

Anyway, it is nice to have this post to go to, everytime i see something going wrong..

Me and my girlfriend broke things up last night, we have both agreed that this would be for the best, and we have known this for a long time. We have been together for 1 year, and broke things up, as a result of me forgetting about every other aspect of my life (friends, hobbies, family ect.)
the break-up was not a usual one, we agreed that we would not kiss with others at least in the next month, and that we then would have a chat about things... I should also mention that the reason we broke up was that i was constantly sad, and wanted to know every little thing she was doing.... Not that this was pushing her away (it might have though) but she wanted me to be happy... We both agreed that if we wanted to have a really ltr with kids maybe, we needed time apart, so i could find my self again... once this is done, we will meet again... and we both agreed we don't want anyone else, and think we are the best out there for each other...


the most important things that went wrong was, i gave up my life, but also that i stopped trying to improve myself constantly... And the problem is that i don't know how to do it, when im not out gaming..

also she loved to get drunk, and i am really bad at drinking my self, i almost can't get drunk before i am out puking...

It lead to me, not liking when she is drunk, and i can't tell, if it is a result of me giving op my own life, or i just don't want a girl who likes getting drunk (what do you think?)

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 1:04 pm 
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Good post. I agree with everything except being submissive sexually, even for roleplay.

Always be dominant. Only masculine women find submissive men sexually attractive.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 2:54 pm 
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@Hunter_Foxe

Thanks. This could be debated, of course I'm not talking about every roleplay, just the fews where by definition(because of the roles you choose) you should be submissive. I did a "woman police officer catches me smoking weed" roleplay once with my gf and she liked it a lot though I was of course submissive and she is not at all masculine, and of course usually I dominate in bed.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 3:03 pm 
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Valdemar1 wrote:
Really good post! I am sure that some of the mentioned posts you are talking about, came from mere...

Anyway, it is nice to have this post to go to, everytime i see something going wrong..

Me and my girlfriend broke things up last night, we have both agreed that this would be for the best, and we have known this for a long time. We have been together for 1 year, and broke things up, as a result of me forgetting about every other aspect of my life (friends, hobbies, family ect.)
the break-up was not a usual one, we agreed that we would not kiss with others at least in the next month, and that we then would have a chat about things... I should also mention that the reason we broke up was that i was constantly sad, and wanted to know every little thing she was doing.... Not that this was pushing her away (it might have though) but she wanted me to be happy... We both agreed that if we wanted to have a really ltr with kids maybe, we needed time apart, so i could find my self again... once this is done, we will meet again... and we both agreed we don't want anyone else, and think we are the best out there for each other...


the most important things that went wrong was, i gave up my life, but also that i stopped trying to improve myself constantly... And the problem is that i don't know how to do it, when im not out gaming..

also she loved to get drunk, and i am really bad at drinking my self, i almost can't get drunk before i am out puking...

It lead to me, not liking when she is drunk, and i can't tell, if it is a result of me giving op my own life, or i just don't want a girl who likes getting drunk (what do you think?)


Have you told her that you were not fancy with getting drunk? I'm sure this issue could be solved easily. There are lots of possible choices:

1) She drinks and you don't (if you can put up with this)
2) She accepts you don't like drinking and will only do it when she's not with you.
3) She drinks and you do some other stuff(recommend weed. Almost the same effect, more healthy, less addictive, and you shouldn't be puking, if you do then you got some really bad stuff)

The key is to find a compromise which benefits both of you, or hurt either party the least possible.

Also don't commit your entire life to gaming because then you will have this issue of not being able to improve it when you're in a ltr. I myself play chess. And I'm always making myself better at it. Last time I played at a simul and I drew to a score of 3-3 with an international master. Needless to say, my girlfriend was quite amused. So just find something that you excell in and improve on that. Also, always focus on the weakest parts of your life. If you don't have a job, try getting one, if you don't study well, put more energy into studying, if you can't cook, learn it. etc... the possibilities in this modern world, are just endless for improving yourself. With all the possible literature on basically anything, and the internet, and lots of courses about well... everything, it shouldn't be hard.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 3:14 pm 
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In$tinct wrote:

Have you told her that you were not fancy with getting drunk? I'm sure this issue could be solved easily. There are lots of possible choices:

1) She drinks and you don't (if you can put up with this)
2) She accepts you don't like drinking and will only do it when she's not with you.
3) She drinks and you do some other stuff(recommend weed. Almost the same effect, more healthy, less addictive, and you shouldn't be puking, if you do then you got some really bad stuff)

The key is to find a compromise which benefits both of you, or hurt either party the least possible.

Also don't commit your entire life to gaming because then you will have this issue of not being able to improve it when you're in a ltr. I myself play chess. And I'm always making myself better at it. Last time I played at a simul and I drew to a score of 3-3 with an international master. Needless to say, my girlfriend was quite amused. So just find something that you excell in and improve on that. Also, always focus on the weakest parts of your life. If you don't have a job, try getting one, if you don't study well, put more energy into studying, if you can't cook, learn it. etc... the possibilities in this modern world, are just endless for improving yourself. With all the possible literature on basically anything, and the internet, and lots of courses about well... everything, it shouldn't be hard.


Well she cutted down her drinking when for my benefit. But she likes getting drunk, and wether i am around or not, i really just don't like the idea of her being drunk (to the point where she is almost stumbling). When we talk about her going out i sort get a weird feeling, like something is completely wrong.. i Think i might overreact as a result of me being insecure...
It is also the things she does when drunk, like dance a bit offensive with her friends, whenever i bring it up, she then says she wants to improve it for me. but it has been going on for quite a while now. again i can't tell if it is me being insecure or her crossing the line that i have.

About improving constantly... i just find it hard, to improve in other areas. the reason is, that when i need to improve in gaming, i need to cross my own comfort line, and when doing that i get a kick out of it.. if i were to improve in studying, it would mean that i just stopped being lazy, and i just don't think that it would have the same effect as improving in gaming have a huge effect in my overall confidence.. so i guess i find it hard to improve in areas that will have the same result as improving in gaming will...

Appreciate your answer a lot!

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 3:56 pm 
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Valdemar1 wrote:
In$tinct wrote:

Have you told her that you were not fancy with getting drunk? I'm sure this issue could be solved easily. There are lots of possible choices:

1) She drinks and you don't (if you can put up with this)
2) She accepts you don't like drinking and will only do it when she's not with you.
3) She drinks and you do some other stuff(recommend weed. Almost the same effect, more healthy, less addictive, and you shouldn't be puking, if you do then you got some really bad stuff)

The key is to find a compromise which benefits both of you, or hurt either party the least possible.

Also don't commit your entire life to gaming because then you will have this issue of not being able to improve it when you're in a ltr. I myself play chess. And I'm always making myself better at it. Last time I played at a simul and I drew to a score of 3-3 with an international master. Needless to say, my girlfriend was quite amused. So just find something that you excell in and improve on that. Also, always focus on the weakest parts of your life. If you don't have a job, try getting one, if you don't study well, put more energy into studying, if you can't cook, learn it. etc... the possibilities in this modern world, are just endless for improving yourself. With all the possible literature on basically anything, and the internet, and lots of courses about well... everything, it shouldn't be hard.


Well she cutted down her drinking when for my benefit. But she likes getting drunk, and wether i am around or not, i really just don't like the idea of her being drunk (to the point where she is almost stumbling). When we talk about her going out i sort get a weird feeling, like something is completely wrong.. i Think i might overreact as a result of me being insecure...
It is also the things she does when drunk, like dance a bit offensive with her friends, whenever i bring it up, she then says she wants to improve it for me. but it has been going on for quite a while now. again i can't tell if it is me being insecure or her crossing the line that i have.

About improving constantly... i just find it hard, to improve in other areas. the reason is, that when i need to improve in gaming, i need to cross my own comfort line, and when doing that i get a kick out of it.. if i were to improve in studying, it would mean that i just stopped being lazy, and i just don't think that it would have the same effect as improving in gaming have a huge effect in my overall confidence.. so i guess i find it hard to improve in areas that will have the same result as improving in gaming will...

Appreciate your answer a lot!


How often does she get drunk? Because to me it seems that she has issues and copes with drinking. Only she can solve them, but it's not acceptable to be drunk when around you at all especially if you are not OK with it.

You should work on yourself by:
- having goals (work promotion, buying a flat, hourse car etc.)
- having friends (ones you can spend quality time with)
- taking up new hobbies (list is endless here)
- getting healthy etc. (hit the gym, go kickboxing, yoga etc.)

The greatest boost for self esteem is when you set yourself a goal, work hard and achieve your goal. No matter what the goal is, doesn't have to be woman. I speak from personal experience.
For example If you set yourself that you are going to finish with good grades and you do it trust me you will be as happy as if you've just picked up a girl.

Picking up girls as a mean to validate yourself is terrible.


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