Well it looks like @Bobsaggett and I have a little growing to do together. Honestly I believe by certain actions that she "loves" me, but maybe it's just not the definition of love that I need. Part of it all is that I feel somewhat resentful because I know I am a quality person and that a lot of the behavior she is doing now is the same behaviors she would nag about when I was having trouble finding time for her. Now it feels hypocritical but I want to be able to address the situation without being a jackal. Also, just as much of it appears to be my own enemy image of her which makes it seem like many of her behaviors are "evil" or "wrong". Therefore I can't recognize her positive behaviors as easily. For now I want to work on the meditative process, good communication, and understanding my own needs. I've considered the ability to "let her go" and I began the process the day I first watch NVC but realized it was more of "giving up" feeling that sprung from hopelessness than an abundance mindset. However, I have started to realize I am finding my needs elsewhere and maybe asking her to meet these needs is unrealistic, as she does meet other important ones.

You don't have to give up, but try to move to a position where let's say if it doesn't work out you're OK with that (doesn't mean you can't be sad, but understand that you'll live) you will give off a different vibe and you'll start moving from dependant to independent.


But yeah, I don't know shit so don't put your money on me haha

Sounds like a good way forward.

I call B.S. You guys take N2's advice to medidate and communicate better and understand yourself and pervert it so you can continue to COPE with these unhappy relationships.

You should never say this about your gf:
But no...yall will watch some videos and pull out of it "well, even though it FEELS like she makes her gf a priority and not me, she shows me in other ways I'm a priority." Ask yourself, "what other ways?" "Oh...she shows me in some ways I dont see or understand."

What is this girl doing for you NOW
What is she showing you NOW

If you gotta QUESTION WHETHER YOUR GF LOVES YOU, time to walk. Jeez, yall talk about these women like they're ZEUS or something and even though you cant see them love you, you gotta have faith.

Simple. Your gf talks to her new friend. She doesnt talk to you. That means she doesnt care about talking to you.

ITS NOT FUCKING DIFFICULT.

Is she talking to you in some other way? Is she communicating with you psychically?

If she's busy and finding time for a friend, then there is something wrong with your relationship. Its not your needs. Its none of that.

If you text your GF, and she doesnt respond but is on FB, well, she doesnt see talking to you as a priority. Now, you can talk to her and be sensitive, and let her give you some BS, but it's just that simple. The signs are there.

Both you and the B guy need to accept your relationships are dying. Sure, medidate and improve yourself, but to be calm with the thought of being alone...Not to forget that you're in unhappy relationships.

And guess what, the fact that both of you can not accept that your relationships are unhappy, the fact that both of you are seeking these "prizes" before your own needs and happiness, further dooms your relationships. Because guess what again, neither of your chicks cares enough to talk to you. They arent afraid of you leaving. Neither of them care if you leave, if they did, busy or not they'd act like it.

Both of you, ask your chicks for a break and see if they dont jump on it.

Huh. I guess I've been waiting for someone to come to that. Well I think you make some good points that our needs aren't being met and we are frustrated by it and the signs lead up to our girlfriends are obviously not as invested as we would like. Do you have any other advice to improve the quality other than to ask for a break to prove your point?

We will see where things go from here and I'll update later. Honestly I understand the points made, and I don't want to be in denial. What I do know is that we are improving, and that is enough for me to stay in this for now. I also know that she's been making some bigger commitments to me and commitments I highly doubt that she would make if we were near our end. I think N2's advice is working for me because even though your point of making it just a coping device warrants weight, it has improved my mindset which has improved her behavior and I t has also made the coping process much easier because her behavior has improved and my needs are more apparent to me. So for that reason I believe continuing to work on my own problems and negativity will allow me to see this relationship differently. And when I do see this differently, perhaps this relationship will be in a different place also. I have to work out this issue of mine because it's recurring as a pattern on my end to begin to catastrophize. I can't vouch for BobSaggett but I know that I'm not nearly as unhappy as I was originally and that I believe the majority of my unhappiness is from not expressing my needs or overthinking. Even though it's easy to say that I don't take priority over the new friend, I can both understand why since we spend every night together and she realistically knows she can talk with me when she isn't as busy, and that I shouldn't always take that as a bad sign. Also I haven't expressed how I feel about it and so I don't know if her behavior would change. Today she seems more responsive than lately. From my end I probably shouldn't be texting her as much. I'm willing to see how things evolve as this relationship continues to improve for my own sake and my own curiosity. If at the end of all this I end up alone at least I knew I grew and improved myself.

"Medidate"?

Nothing to do with his needs? I beg to differ. His needs are at the heart of this, they aren't being met. If he has, for example, a need to be heard, connection, respect etc... then yes this is all about his needs.

I think what's happening is you don't know what NVC is about and you're frustrated because you feel they're not taking a more 'level headed'/practical approach (in your mind).

Nah, its not your advice I think is wrong, hence why I said they pervert it.

Im basically saying what you did here: OP, I have no idea now. What is your relationship like? Saying, she is distant is vague and saying you feel her friend is more a priority is different from saying we talk every night, she just doesnt text me in the morning. Give some idea of what the relationship is like. You can say distant, and we take it as that, or you can say how she is distant. I cant tell if she's affectionate, and just doesnt text, or if she's not and you see each other every night.

I expected they'd use it to try to 'fix', but even if these relationships ultimately fail at least they can revisit NVC and use it to help enrich their lives whether with someone new or themselves.

I dont really see why im wrong here. I am not saying I'm going to try to fix something that can't be fixed. I said I'm accepting the fact that it might not work out the way I hoped it would. And that in itself is relief already. What else? I'm really listening and trying to see here.

I honestly doubt 6 pages of advice are needed when the answer is so very obvious.

Why does everyone think they are a special snowflake?

_________________
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My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Love makes blind, so 6 pages might indeed be necessary R.C.

I don't think anyone can specifically say that some red flag signs can automatically lead to what some of you are alluding to. On the rocks, yes. Reversible? As far as today has gone I'd say so.

Love doesn't make anymore blind. People blind themselves when the truth isn't what they want to hear.

Take a headcount in this subforum. See how many threads end in "You guys were right all along" and how many end in "You guys were wrong all along".

Hint: It's all of them for the former and none of them for the latter.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Touche, i'm not going to lie and say this is not true. I hear what you guys are saying, but it will take some time to actually put my actions to it, because if i would do it right just now i would do it for the wrong reasons (not because i believe in it myself). What i CAN say though is that i'm alot more at ease in my head, knowing (and mostly ACCEPT) that whatever happens happens. Just going to focus on ME right now. Does that make sense?