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JSmooth
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Joined: 20 Oct 2007
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 Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 3:38 pm Post subject: ONLINE DATING QUESTION ~ ASK J SMOOTH!!! |
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Ladies and Gentleman,
After repeated emails, PM's, IM's, chat conversations, and talking to a few moderators I have decided to start my own "ASK" thread. This thread is a little different from the others in that this thread is very specific to ONLINE GAME. Feel free to ask just about any question you like about Online Sarging.
My background: I have been meeting girls online for 8 years, and I have worked as an Online Sales Consultant. I have met numerous women online even before I was PUA and closed them. I am here to help you!
First, I have some basic ground rules for the thread. These will not only help me but also make life a little easier all the way around.
1. Please do not post 20-30 minutes of Instant Messaging conversation. I will not read a page long of IM's back and forth. Please summarize your conversation, and if you must, then include a specific log of you two talking.
2. I love to write but I'm not you're personal writer. I will answer all kinds of "How do I..." questions, but please take my responses and put them in your own words. If you do not, when you meet the girl she will notice there are incongruencies very quickly. The way I say things might not work for you, so take the concept and then write your own response please. 
3. Ask anything you want but let's make sure it's related.
4. If I don't immediately know the answer, I'll tell you and research some possible solutions and then get back to you. Don't be offended if I don't get right back to you. I am online typically more during the work week, and will make every effort to answer you in a timely manner.
5. If you have a private matter, I encourage you to post it on the thread so others can help, but if you don't want to post on the thread feel free to PM me!
6. Have fun & Ask away!
THANKS EVERYONE!!!  |
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joebazooka
PUA Forum Enthusiast
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 57
Location: Nashville (at the moment)
Reputation: 12.8
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| Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 6:14 pm Post subject: |
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Alright J i got 2 question that i can think of and should be pretty easy to answer.
1.) Are online dating sites 18+ and if so are there a fare amount of 18-21s? (i guess thats 2 questions)
2.) How reliable are the peoples looks and so forth. Like how often if any do you come across someone that says there one thing but end up being something else? Ex. Hey im 21, single female, blonde, blue eyes, slim. Meet the person and they have Black hair, brown eyes, not so slim and maybe a dude. 
Thx and advance and awsome idea for a Ask thread! |
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JSmooth
PUA Forum Leader
Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 2447
Location: Nashville
Reputation: 278
votes: 25
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| Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 8:39 pm Post subject: |
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| joebazooka wrote: | Alright J i got 2 question that i can think of and should be pretty easy to answer.
1.) Are online dating sites 18+ and if so are there a fare amount of 18-21s? (i guess thats 2 questions)
2.) How reliable are the peoples looks and so forth. Like how often if any do you come across someone that says there one thing but end up being something else? Ex. Hey im 21, single female, blonde, blue eyes, slim. Meet the person and they have Black hair, brown eyes, not so slim and maybe a dude.
Thx and advance and awsome idea for a Ask thread! |
Great questions JB! To answer your questions the dating sites are 18+ since you can enter into legal agreements at age 18. It has been 5-8 yrs since I was that age, and then it wasn't as popular so I'm not sure. However, I will did a quick check on Yahoo Personals, and searched by body types that I know you like, 18-21, it gave me 122 results with pictures. It's been my observation that there are a good group of college age people online 18-24. Some sites are better than others though.
Well luckily most of the dating sites strongly encourage people to post photos. People are pretty honest because they know when they meet in person it won't help to lie. Although people fib about their weight. I see a lot of girls that say they are "a few extra pounds" which is apparently a wide definition. To me a few means 5-10 lbs extra, but to some means 20+.
Typically, as rule of them I don't talk to a girl unless I get a photo. Now I have received "face only" pictures that looked good but when I got on the date I was disappointed. Now I ask for multiple photos since I provide multiple photos on my online profiles.
When in doubt it's just an hour of your life you can't get back!  |
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chazman0426
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Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Posts: 42
Location: College
Reputation: 9.5
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| Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 4:26 am Post subject: |
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Hey J, it's chaz. I'm about 3 months into reading about PUA with some moderate success, mostly it's been a major improvement in confidence since I have a general jhist of what to do. Anyway I was wondering if you could give me some quick basic tips for tomorrow if your around.
I've known this HB for 5 or 6 years since middle school but we haven't seen each other for like 2 years because I moved away but we've kept in touch off and on. We know each other pretty well but haven't talked or caught up in a while. She told me she had a crush on me in middle school like a year ago online and I told her the same so she knows how I feel.
We agreed to meet tomorrow since i'm in town. At first she said we'll watch movies but now she's saying she may take me out with friends. So any big tips. I'm kinda nervous but I know I can be confident, it just takes getting in that mood. I was wondering if there are any good C&F routines I should run in this paticular situation, anything for girls you've known for a while sorta but haven't spoken to or seen in a long time? I know A1 and A2 are out but I guess I should just start with A3 and try and move through C1 and C2? Any tips? |
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JSmooth
PUA Forum Leader
Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 2447
Location: Nashville
Reputation: 278
votes: 25
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| Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 2:45 pm Post subject: |
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| chazman0426 wrote: | Hey J, it's chaz. I'm about 3 months into reading about PUA with some moderate success, mostly it's been a major improvement in confidence since I have a general jhist of what to do. Anyway I was wondering if you could give me some quick basic tips for tomorrow if your around.
I've known this HB for 5 or 6 years since middle school but we haven't seen each other for like 2 years because I moved away but we've kept in touch off and on. We know each other pretty well but haven't talked or caught up in a while. She told me she had a crush on me in middle school like a year ago online and I told her the same so she knows how I feel.
We agreed to meet tomorrow since i'm in town. At first she said we'll watch movies but now she's saying she may take me out with friends. So any big tips. I'm kinda nervous but I know I can be confident, it just takes getting in that mood. I was wondering if there are any good C&F routines I should run in this paticular situation, anything for girls you've known for a while sorta but haven't spoken to or seen in a long time? I know A1 and A2 are out but I guess I should just start with A3 and try and move through C1 and C2? Any tips? |
This isn't exactly Online Sarging related, but I'll answer you because I want to see you get helped. You have been away from each other for a few years and you obviously have previous comfort built if she's hanging out with you again. As for where to start when you see each other, it's A2. I have this same problem with meeting people online. Mostly online I can only build comfort, so when I meet in person I have to go back to A2 and work my way back.
So, if she's with friends the ignore her for a little bit, and through a few "light" negs her way. Nothing over the top just be the prize! Don't spend very long doing that just enough. Then move right to A3 when she's talking about all the stuff she's into now. BAIT-HOOK-RELEASE with her statements, and go back into Comfort with here you were. Absolutely, do not forget to kino escalate from the moment you reunite be the touchy guy.
Outside of that you know at one time she had feelings for you. She knows at one time you felt the same way. She could be involved with someone now but your best chance is just to follow the process and see what happens. Spark those old flames!!!
GOOD LUCK  |
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chazman0426
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Joined: 30 Jan 2008
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Location: College
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| Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Oh shoot I must have overlooked the "online sarging" part I'm sorry. But thanks for your response, it really helped. I'll probably be back sooner or later for online sarging related stuff since I facebook a lot of people and girls ask me to facebook them all the time. Thanks for helping me with the irrelevent you rock! |
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JSmooth
PUA Forum Leader
Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 2447
Location: Nashville
Reputation: 278
votes: 25
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| Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 6:19 pm Post subject: |
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| chazman0426 wrote: | | Oh shoot I must have overlooked the "online sarging" part I'm sorry. But thanks for your response, it really helped. I'll probably be back sooner or later for online sarging related stuff since I facebook a lot of people and girls ask me to facebook them all the time. Thanks for helping me with the irrelevent you rock! |
No worries man, I'll be here when you come back! |
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Roads
PUA Forum Leader
Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 1541
Location: NE
Reputation: 149.9
votes: 13
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| Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 8:33 pm Post subject: |
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Hi J,
1) How much detail do you go into about yourself and your current state of personal and professional affairs when you make first, second, and third (if at all) contact online with the girl.
2) How do you usually start conversations in IM once you have set up a time with the girl via the dating site?
3) What are three ways in which the online interaction between you and the woman is different from face to face meetings. |
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JSmooth
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Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 2447
Location: Nashville
Reputation: 278
votes: 25
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| Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 10:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Roads wrote: | Hi J,
1) How much detail do you go into about yourself and your current state of personal and professional affairs when you make first, second, and third (if at all) contact online with the girl.
2) How do you usually start conversations in IM once you have set up a time with the girl via the dating site?
3) What are three ways in which the online interaction between you and the woman is different from face to face meetings. |
Hi Roads,
All great questions...
1) I don't give details about my present relationship status or personal affairs until I'm 1 on 1 and can make a judgement call about whether I want to reveal that information. However, I do set expectations about what I want in a relationship over email or chat very quickly. I am pretty vague about what I do but will tell them the industry I'm involved in. This boils down to what you are comfortable with personally.
I figure the goal is for her to learn about me. As you and I know what I do for money is not who I am. Thus, I relay my personality talking about my hobbies and things through DHV stories.
2) It depends on what's been said in email. I ask some pretty tough questions and take the frame of a 10 quickly. I will say things like, "Why would someone like to date you?" It's a great question to get her to qualify. Then I expand on her responses and go through bait-hook-release to build attraction. As I mentioned before I use DHV story telling as well. "You'll never guess what happened to me...(DHV Story)..."
3) Well there are some obvious differences. One a woman can't see your body language, facial expressions, or hear your voice so when you neg, it's important to use emoticons to show you're being fun and playful . Otherwise, when you neg it could be perceived as you being a jerk.
Another big difference is that you will typically have to ask more questions, since you don't have much situational to talk about, if you did if you were in a venue. I try to tell stories, and get my target to tell stories back.
Lastly, you have to be fairly trusting because you've never met this person and you're telling them details about your life, before you ever meet them. Obviously this is to make them comfortable with the idea of meeting you.
One huge difference I want to point out is the ability to quickly end up in the "Let's Just Be Friends Zone." You are building so much comfort and getting to know your target. However, you aren't there to kino escalate. So if you don't quickly move from online to in person you could easily become a good online friend that's like her big brother. That's why it's important when you get face to face, you go back to A2 and work your way back to comfort so you've built attraction in person as well as online. |
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Paramour
Member of PUA Forum
Joined: 14 Dec 2007
Posts: 151
Reputation: 30.1
votes: 4
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| Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 8:41 pm Post subject: |
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Dear J,
I have a roundabout experience to share and gain some perspective on. When you meet someone from a mutual site and you two have much in common, you talk everyday either through email,IM, even phone. The only problem is the geographical location. Now over a, lets say 2-3 months time span, you two have built up some attraction and comfort through words.
When you meet face to face the whole dynamic changes from the other person's perception of what that person has built up in their mind. Now the other person is basically being an asshole while the other doesn't know why they are being scrutinized. How does one go about moving on from this supposed one-itis? |
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JSmooth
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Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 2447
Location: Nashville
Reputation: 278
votes: 25
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| Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 12:09 am Post subject: |
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| Paramour wrote: | Dear J,
I have a roundabout experience to share and gain some perspective on. When you meet someone from a mutual site and you two have much in common, you talk everyday either through email,IM, even phone. The only problem is the geographical location. Now over a, lets say 2-3 months time span, you two have built up some attraction and comfort through words.
When you meet face to face the whole dynamic changes from the other person's perception of what that person has built up in their mind. Now the other person is basically being an asshole while the other doesn't know why they are being scrutinized. How does one go about moving on from this supposed one-itis? |
From talking to you, I can certainly understand that you have built up several expectations for this guy after talking to him so long. When he hasn't met all those expectations you have in your mind, I can see how you'd scrutinize him. You start to see how they aren't measuring up to what you expected. It's a very hard mindset to get out of. Especially since you are at the point you have one-itis about this target.
I understand that you changed your mind about the guy and now you are not interested. He still wants a relationship and you don't. I understand you've tried several things to get rid of him. It's also my understanding that this guy is calling, texting, and emailing you. Since you've come out and told him you don't like him, you've tried to be nice. Yet still, he wants some sort of justification for why you don't like him.
I really hate the, "Why don't you like me?" questions. You don't want to be rude but in some cases its best to be blunt about what you like and don't like. When you get someone like that, about the only thing you can do is tell them the blunt truth.
I've been in this exact situation before a few times unfortunately where the person does not take a hint. Right or Wrong, what I did was I talked to them until I made sure they completed understood that I had no interest. There is no need to string them along. At this point I would probably be rude and get my point across, and freeze them out.
With this frame of mind you told me that still after ignoring him for 3-4 days he still doesn't get the hint at all. Being nice, blunt, cold, and even bitchy didn't work for you.
You could tell him that you are now romantically involved with someone else and he doesn't have a shot at getting back. I hate lying as much as you do but at this point he needs to get over it completely. We have to convince his mind that he doesn't have a shot at getting with you. I would say something like, "I met a really great guy we have something special, and I'm romantic with him. You need to move on! We're getting serious." It might break his little heart but at this point he's damn near a stalker. |
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Juice24
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Joined: 26 Dec 2007
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| Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 12:26 am Post subject: |
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Hey J,
Whats the best kind of openers to get a girl to respond on myspace.
2nd, Does page design.. pictures and about me stuff.. go into consideration.
3rd Building attraction online has been tough for me... as it is with being social.. i just never seem to say the right things. What could I do to change this? |
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JSmooth
PUA Forum Leader
Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 2447
Location: Nashville
Reputation: 278
votes: 25
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| Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 1:15 am Post subject: |
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| Juice24 wrote: | Hey J,
Whats the best kind of openers to get a girl to respond on myspace.
2nd, Does page design.. pictures and about me stuff.. go into consideration.
3rd Building attraction online has been tough for me... as it is with being social.. i just never seem to say the right things. What could I do to change this? |
1.) In my opinion I think direct openers are the best you can use when online. I find being direct and to the point with my online targets is the best course of action. Women greatly appreciate when you are direct about what you want and do not have a hidden agenda.
I know other guys have tried using opinion openers with limited success. I'm not a big fan of these because why are you asking her for an opinion on myspace? You have no connection to her whatsoever. Its not like you're in person.
I know others have used negs as openers like is that your real hair? I have heard of success stories with these type of openers, however, its not personally my style.
2.) Yes, all the information on your page can and will be used against you in the court of love. She will likely read most of the posts, and will definately look at your pictures. Page layout in my opinion says a lot about a person's personality. For example on my personal myspace I have striper theme that is fun and flashy. That conveys my outgoing, flashy, sexual natured personality. You can view it if you click my homepage link at the bottom.
3.) It is very difficult to build attraction online because a lot of your tools like body language, vocal tonality, verbal pace, etc. is taken away from you. It's hard to ignore a target and talk to her friend on the Internet. You can still through some light negs and use push-pull tactics to make yourself the prize. Really the online game is about generating comfort. Comfort with talking to you, and eventually comfortable enough to meet you. Then when you meet you go back to attract phase to work your magic, kino esclatate, then move back into where you left off with comfort.
Things you can do online like you would in person to change this include: using light negs during instant message or email conversation. Using bait-hook-release tactics when on IM or over the phone to create attraction. Of course telling DHV stories over email and IM to flip the attraction switches: Leader of Men, Preselection by Women, Protector of Loved Ones, Willingness to Emote, and Non-Neediness. |
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Juice24
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Joined: 26 Dec 2007
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| Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 2:09 am Post subject: |
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| I mean ive got some replies back when im like "Your the cuties chic Ive seen" Etc. but those are all afc.. but im still confused about direct could u give me some pointers. |
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JSmooth
PUA Forum Leader
Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 2447
Location: Nashville
Reputation: 278
votes: 25
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| Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 4:20 am Post subject: |
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| Juice24 wrote: | | I mean ive got some replies back when im like "Your the cuties chic Ive seen" Etc. but those are all afc.. but im still confused about direct could u give me some pointers. |
Direct openers are just that, they are direct and to the point. Unlike an opinion opener where you are not showing interest in the target. A direct opener you can show interest immediately. An example of a direct opener might be, "You're attractive, but do you have any personality?" You are expressing interest in your target, but making her want to qualify to you at the same time.
The idea is to provoke a response from your target. You want to use a question. When you use a statement such as, "You are the cutest chick I've seen." She doesn't need to respond. When I say, "You're attractive, but do you have any personality?" She is inclined to defend herself and thus start a converstation. So when possible, use questions. |
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