A Novice Leading A Group: My First Openers

Novace

Someone with no experience leading a group? Why would I try something like this? Because I wanted to Wink

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Destination: Mall
Topic: The Approach and Opening
Exercise: Talk to girls you don't know that are walking by.

Today I led a group of 3 friends into the wilderness, having absolutely no experience in the field myself. Apparently I haven't quite gotten over my AA, and here's how it went...

After circling the mall a few times (with one particular friend stating that we were only walking, I wouldn't do it, wasting time, blah blah blah), I finally built up enough courage within myself to just say "Hey" to a girl.

With this sudden burst of energy, I walked straight toward the next attractive girl I saw and said "Hey" while holding eye contact. To my response she gave me the "Who the fuck are you, and who do you think you're talking to?" look that so many people fear (my friends even pointed this out to me, "I told you so" they said). However, the funny thing about this was I wasn't even phased; in fact, I was actually impressed with finally talking to a girl and getting past AA for the first time in a while and that I even talked to a girl. It gave me an even GREATER build-up of energy.

Being extremely analytical about everything and following the idea that "there is no such thing as a bitch, it's only where you messed up playing the game", within the next few minutes I realized what I had done wrong: I approached her from the front: A DEFINATE no-no. I feel it was probably seen as intimidating and/or aggressive, therefore getting the look mentioned above. So, I did as all intellegent people do: I critiqued and changed my approach.

My friends were beginning to lose any moral they previously had (next to none), and told me: "There's girls, go talk to them." They full-heartedly believe I wouldn't, but I guess my leadership gene kicked in and I knew what I had to do and I followed the voice in my head saying "fuck it" as I mentioned in previous posts.

These girls (2 set) had already passed us, so a side approach would be impossible if I didn't have such long legs that covered a lot of ground very quickly. I walked on the opposite side of mall traffic they were following and passed them, then acted as if I were looking for someone, and stopped a little bit in front of them. Now, it was a side approach: in fact, they came to me due to this little feat I managed to do. They were right in front of me and I followed that voice again, "fuck it".

I said: "Excuse me," (as they turned to look at my face, giving me their full attention) "I need a woman's opinion on something and I have to get back with my friends, but do you think it'd look good if I dyed my hair blonde?"

To my great appreciation they both gave me respones "No."

"Why?"

I got more responses, "It just wouldn't." Or something to that respect.

"Would it make me look emo or something?"

"No, it just wouldn't look good."

So I took this, and just said "Alright, thanks." With a smile and walked away (I KNOW this isn't the procedure to pick up, but I'm just going for getting over AA and opening.)

When I returned to where my friends were, I looked around and they were gone... I knew exactly what they'd done, gotten scared and ditched because they didn't think I'd do it and were shocked. So, I found them in a vitamin store (wtf? lol) and got them to follow me again.

As we walked out of this place, slightly up our path we ran into a set of 3 and I approached them, unphased and keeping eye contact. I used the same opener, recieved similar responses, and ignored a "target" I found attractive (knowing this would have to be done once I get use to opening). The target gave me a lot of IOIs within our short conversation (I believe 30-45 seconds), and I mean a LOT, I counted 5 or 6 after I payed more attention to her in my peripherals towards the end of the conversation. I said "Alright, thanks." and continued walking. I believe I should've thrown in a neg to the target because she was being "quiet" and less opinionated compared to the group. I was thinking something like "Does she ever have an opinion?" or something to that effect during the conversation.

I opened up about three more sets of 2 as we walked around the mall and my encouraged my friends to even just say "hi", or use a simple opener like I had.

After a lot of convincing, a good friend of mine finally decided to try it. He used the "Expensive Shirt" opener and got extremely similar results to my second attempt (he followed my advice and appraoched from around a 45 degree angle). I was so proud of him and further encouraged him, causing him to do it to use this on a set of 2 that walked by with similar results.

After seeing my friend do it, an aquantance I had just met today that we brought along decided to try it with a good success (got the girl's attention, she stopped walking, and talked.)

I know I have a LONG way to go (going to advance into the next step on Saturday), but do you think this is a good start for me, as well as an alright start for becoming a group leader to raise confidence (the whole show how easy approaching is to raise moral kinda deal) and encourage people to do it?

As for my friends: I think they're starting to get that I wasn't just screwing with them when I told them about what I've learned from reading recently and are willing to learn (they're also kinda looking up to me now which is a pretty amazing feeling ^^).

I believe our next exercise will be holding a conversation for X amount of minutes, 2-3 sounds like a good start.

Please post any critiques, comments, exercise suggestions, etc. for me to use. I'm going to be leading a bigger group (9 people) Saturday. I've never really been the leader for anything like this before, and I really enjoyed it. Encouraging people to believe in themselves and making them do this for themselves is pretty amazing.

Great thanks,
~ Novace

P.S. Today I turned 18, and I already feel like a new person because of simply walking up to complete strangers and not being afraid.

JSmooth · Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 6:22 pm Post subject:

Not a bad first attempt! In the future don't chase after women who are walking away from you, it's just creepy. Secondly, you should probably put this in the Field Reports section. Anyways, good job getting out there and opening some sets. You are on your way now that you've taken the first steps.

Novace · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 5:02 am Post subject:

Fogell · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 7:32 am Post subject:

I think Im gonna have to steal your excercise to get over my day game AA...because a few weeks ago I was at the mall with some friends and I was telling them about the game, and I wanted to prove to them that it works but my AA completely kicked in and I didnt open a single set...Just approaching some HBs and just saying "hey" is something I should try. Good FR man.

GAMBLER_786 · Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 5:42 pm Post subject: fellas!!!

well im NEW to this specific forum but honestly it seems to me as though if you put in as much energy thinking about it and actually went out in the field and do it .... it will be fine!!!

I mean honestly the longer you leave it the harder it gets and trust me I only started seriously about a year ago and im no teacher or something but I can definately say Ive been thru what u have and especially showing ur mates too (thats a sure amazing thing It will easily give u alpha male status of group) as wen u go out ur gonna be the main man!!! try coffee shops, gadget shops, shoe shops always a winner (women love giving footwear advice) etc etc u know how it goes confidence does not grow without action and infact it diminishes.... so i say its about time u show the world or ur MALL anyhow wat ur about

Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect

Try · Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 12:39 pm Post subject:

It was a good first attempt. The only way to overcome your AA is in field, go out, try different openers and see how they work for you. Thats what you did! Kudos!

It seems like beeing the leader gives you extra motivation, and sefl-confidence, so stick to that.

redmist · Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 2:39 pm Post subject:

That's a good first attempt. It's the only way to get over nerves and anxiety. I like the way you talk about your friends as well, it shows you're not that jealous guy that wants it all to himself. Well played, it'll only get better.

Chief09 · Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 11:51 pm Post subject:

keeep up the good work man

The Visionist · Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:14 am Post subject:

Man, I wish I had that many sets to open in a non noisy enviroment...

Steel · Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:35 pm Post subject:

You opened with a question that had a garaunteed one word answer, yes or no. You can't seriously have been hoping for better results than you got? You need to make your intro longer and more interesting in my opinion.

C Notes · Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 5:15 am Post subject:

Today I had gone out and wanted to approach some girls. I failed the only way you can fail as a PUA, not approach at all. You did a phenomenal job. You're learning to AMOG which is pivotal to getting the most attention in a group. I hate going to the mall to pick up girls, but I'll have to go again (I'm 16). I'll go tommorow and hopefully I can grow the balls to do one approach because I'm very dissapointed in my last attempt, if you can call it that.

C Notes · Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 5:21 am Post subject:

callmecaptain · Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 7:39 am Post subject:

Great man. I've found that when I open sets with my friends present it's more encouraging and exciting.

I wouldn't walk around in a group of 9 though.

I'd stick with 3. That way two can look like they're holding a conversation while you go sarge - as if they're not necessarily with you.

aj15ufmd · Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 8:55 pm Post subject:

Great stuff man. Congrats on approaching. I've been having a lot of trouble with it. But reading your story gives me hope. Its a gradual building process to acquire the necessary confidence.

Musterion · Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 9:52 pm Post subject:

I like the way this exercise is laid out. Gonna have to try it myself. Shame this is a bumped old thread, I'd like to thank the TS for the idea but doesn't look like he comes here anymore (last post in May)

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