Frame Control, Defining Reality, and Being High-Value


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 5:41 am 
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Get some popcorn or something and get ready for an absurdly long post. Do you have to use the bathroom? Do it now. Don't wait until later.

Okay, here goes.

I'm in a strange situation right now. What's strange about it is that it's Saturday night and I have made a conscious decision to stay indoors and go to sleep early. Why? 'cause I have to be up early tomorrow morning to work on a paper for school, which is due Monday. But while I'm here, I want to get this fun little thought onto the interwebs before I forget it amidst a haze of school-related stuff.

We all know that we're supposed to be high-value. We all know that we're supposed to be alpha. A lot of us even have an idea of what those words actually mean, and even have an idea of how to act in order to achieve that coveted state of Alphaness.

But do you actually feel "Alpha?" Is what you're supposed to be projecting on the outside resonating on the inside? In short, are you congruent?

Do you have approach anxiety? Do you think alphas have approach anxiety? Do you get upset when a girl says something mean? Do you think an alpha does? Do you think you need techniques to talk to girls? Do you think alphas think they need to rely on anything but themselves to talk to girls?

When an alpha sees a girl he thinks is attractive, do you think he feels anything other than attraction for the girl and his own feet moving across the floor as he walks over to talk to her? Does he have to consciously obey a three-second rule? Does this guy even think about approaching before he does it? Or does he suddenly find himself in set, talking to the girl, knowing that he's going to bed her come hell or high water?

I'm not asking whether you do what an alpha does. I'm asking whether you feel what an alpha feels. If you do, awesome. You can stop reading now. If not, let's crack open the hood and get to work.

THE MINDSET OF AN ALPHA

Imagine that you're a celebrity. You're a really popular, non-controversial celebrity. A lot of people know who you are, and they all think you're awesome. Whenever you walk into any public place, everyone knows who you are. They all hope that you'll grace them with your attention. And they'll all fall squarely into your frame when you talk to them.

Let me repeat that: THEY WILL FALL INTO YOUR FRAME.

You get to decide the tone of the interaction. YOU. Is it going to be happy and friendly? Bitter and sarcastic? Nervous and standoffish? You're an alpha, dude. Everyone around you is going to follow your lead. Whatever you feel, they will feel.

So, Mr. super-popular celebrity, how would you prefer to interact with your fans? If you're like me, you want everyone around you to be happy. Why not? If you get to pick a dominant emotion, why not happiness?

Hooray! You are happy celebrity man! You are happy and so is everyone around you! Everyone is your friend!



But wait, what's this? Someone is not happy! It's some guy, and he's tooling on you! He's talking about how much you suck! What do you do about this?

Answer: nothing. You ignore him. He's trying to break the dominant emotion that YOU'VE set up. He can only do that if people are paying attention to him. And people will only pay attention to him if YOU are paying attention to him.

Are you going to let that guy become the new alpha? Are you going to let him define the dominant emotion?

Answer: not just no, but HELL NO! You're going to keep the party going! You're going to cut him out of your reality so that the party can keep moving! Your adoring public wants to be happy, and therefore, they need YOU to be happy. You have a responsibility to lead by example. You can't let the party die. So forget that guy, it's time to party!

LOL WUT

This mental exercise has been an exercise in frame control. I don't know what everyone around here thinks frame control is, but I used to think it was controlling the flow of a conversation so that the group is talking about what you want to talk about, meaning that you can't let anyone else change the subject or anything.

Maybe it was actually interpreted in that way at one point, I dunno. But the way that I interpret frame control nowadays is that you're controlling the dominant emotion of an interaction. You're not doing that just for the sake of doing it, for "being alpha," either. You're doing it because you want the dominant emotion to be a certain emotion, and that's that.

Let me reiterate: you maintain the dominant emotion because you like that emotion. Not just to demonstrate to the group that you can do it. If someone else wants to talk about a happy subject, you LET them. Everyone gets a turn. You vibe with them (read Tyler Durden's venerable Vibing article for more on this). You let the group impress you, you let them help you maintain the dominant emotion that you want the group to feel, and if someone tries to break that awesome emotion, THEN you step in and reassert it by changing the subject or simply ignoring the person trying to change the emotion.

That's frame control. That's all it is. It is maintaining your own state when others are trying to break it.

Guy says something to tool on you? Cut him out of the group. Don't even react to him. If he asks you a question in an attempt to lower your value, don't even try to think up a witty response. Just pretend he doesn't exist. Keep talking, keep the good emotions running. He will be ostracized for trying to break the happy vibe and will need to change his own state if he wants back in.

Did your target just hit you with a congruence test? Plow. Keep the emotion up. Act like she's kidding. "Ha ha, you're so adorable." This is a significantly less harsh tack to take than cutting her out of the group; you're paying the courtesy of acting like what she said was a joke, and she'd better not fuck up again, because you'll cut people out of your fun reality if they try to fuck with it too much. Girls pick up on these kinds of social cues. And they really respect a guy who can hold the frame when everyone around him is trying to break it.

THE WAY OF SMOKE: CONGRUENCE TESTS, AMOGS, AND GENERAL HOSTILITY

Anyone who sees me in set with an AMOG will probably notice that I don't react to the AMOGs. AT ALL. I don't tool them back, I don't try to befriend them once they're already being dicks to me, I don't do ANYTHING. I ignore them and talk to everyone else. Even if they're standing right next to me talking shit. Onlookers may wonder if I even know they're there.

I couldn't always do this. I used to be genuinely worried that something someone said to me lowered my value and that I had to get it back. The truth was, the very fact that I was worried was what was lowering my value. I also got pissed off. "That motherfucker said WHAT? I've got to show him who's boss." Both of these were wrong. The AMOG would throw a rock at my frame and hit my ego, which was made of glass.

No more. Guy talks shit, his rock hits smoke. It passes right through and lands harmlessly on the other side of the smoke. You can't even tell a rock was thrown by looking at the smoke. That's what it's like when an AMOG tools on a guy with a dissolved ego.

Example.

This past Halloween, I dressed up as a five-popped-collar douchebag. I had on five shirts with five popped collars. At one point during the night, a girl managed to steal one of my shirts. Don't ask.

As I was on my way out of the venue, I saw a girl that I thought, in my drunken haze, was someone else. So I went up, gave her a huge hug, and asked her how she'd been. Then I realized that the girl wasn't who I thought she was.

And she had four dudes with her, including her boyfriend.

Oh well, fuck it. I'm already in set.

She took the opportunity to congruence-test me on the most obvious thing she could spot: my clothing.

Girl, in bitchy, accusatory tone: "I just have one question for you. Why are you wearing four shirts?"

By the way, if there's value to peacocking, it's this: congruence tests become extremely predictable.

What did I do? Did I try to logically explain my clothing and qualify myself to this girl? Did I try to bow out gracefully and say something to apologize for what I was wearing? FUCK NO. I maintained my happy fun vibe by giving her a response that, while totally logical, completely failed to answer the gist of her question.

Me: "Well, I WAS wearing FIVE shirts earlier, but she" *pointing to girl that stole my shirt earlier* "stole one of them. Hence, four shirts."

Girl laughs, test passed. I start vibing with her, and the guys, including her boyfriend, don't say a WORD. They couldn't. The girl was having fun. They didn't want to end up being the guy that fucked that up.

And I eventually left anyway, because as good as I am, I don't think I'm good enough yet to pull a girl right out from under her boyfriend's nose. Plus I was tired, which was why I was leaving in the first place.

For more on getting rid of your ego, which will result in you being able to maintain your state in the face of adversity, I recommend Eckhart Tolle. But now it's time for me to go to sleep. I will continue this later.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 8:42 am 
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Good post man. Tolle has good shit too. I understand what good frame control looks and feels like. My question is, with the dissolving of the ego, how does one balance their appearance and superficial goals or activities they may have; driving a nice car, keeping your haircut clean, eating at nice restaurants, drinking top shelf liquor??

I guess it comes down to what it is you value and why.. I just feel like I care about certain things which are somehow ego driven when stripped to their core. I feel like everyone must have their self-established "style," but how are these separated, or I guess brought together? How do you bring ultimate congruency between both the style and the ego?

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 6:08 pm 
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Swoop wrote:
Good post man. Tolle has good shit too. I understand what good frame control looks and feels like. My question is, with the dissolving of the ego, how does one balance their appearance and superficial goals or activities they may have; driving a nice car, keeping your haircut clean, eating at nice restaurants, drinking top shelf liquor??


When your ego starts to dissolve, your priorities change. As far back as I can remember, I used to be a huge paper chaser (got my block on fire, remaining a G until the moment I expire). I was all about dolla dolla billz. I wanted a top-of-the-line car, a huge house, and five-star everything. I sacrificed my social life in college and law school to push myself as hard as I could to get that stuff. I even dumped my college girlfriend so I'd have more time to study in law school.

Now that I'm on the verge of taking the bar exam... I don't really care that much about that stuff anymore. The novelty of a brand-new BMW will wear out quickly. I don't drink anywhere NEAR as much as I used to. And I've got better things to do with my time than be in the office eighty hours a week. Nowadays, I want to make enough money to live a nice, decent, middle-class lifestyle, and I don't want to work any more than is necessary to get that. I want the rest of the week off.

Quote:
I guess it comes down to what it is you value and why.. I just feel like I care about certain things which are somehow ego driven when stripped to their core. I feel like everyone must have their self-established "style," but how are these separated, or I guess brought together? How do you bring ultimate congruency between both the style and the ego?


I still look DAMN good, but it's not to impress chicks. I'm not maintaining my appearance from a place of trying for other people's acceptance. I'm doing it because I want to take care of myself, and because I want to look like what *I* think looks good. I want to look like my core.

I can't really say much about this right now because I've got that paper to work on. >_<


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 9:29 pm 
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great post.
it's very thorough and it helped change my outlook on some things.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 9:51 pm 
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5star.
I liked.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:47 am 
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Continuing...

A CRITIQUE OF PICKUP

I've seen a ton of focus all over the PUA world on being "higher value" by being cocky, demeaning people, and generally acting like a jerk. To be sure, there's a lot of material on this subject, so it's going to be the majority of what you read about.

As such, people tend to put waaaaay more cockiness into their game than they need to.

Aspiring pooahs are told to walk into a place like they own it, don't take shit from anyone, etc. And they almost inevitably take it too far.

They're told not to be friendly to a girl until she's "earned" it. Disqualification, takeaways, negs, etc.

I've seen and heard of guys responding to compliments with busting on a girl. I've done it myself. And I've found myself needing to open up a new set soon after.

I've heard of guys busting on girls who open them. If there's a more inappropriate time to bust on a girl, I don't know what it is.

Even David DeAngelo has stated that sometimes he wishes he never said the words "cocky funny." Likewise, Herbal has responded to criticism of the neg by pointing out that a neg is, at most, three seconds of an entire hours-long interaction.

My game didn't really take off until I dropped most of the cockiness, ball-busting, etc. from my repertoire and just started being friendly. It worked awesome for me because I'm congruent with it. I want my interactions to have a friendly vibe. I want positivity and happy flowers floating on the breeze when I'm in a set.

My game suffered earlier because having too much cockiness, or being incongruent with it, comes off as extremely low-value. Go overboard with the disses and you come off looking like a socially retarded misanthrope, not a high-value cool guy. Even if you're congruent, you're congruent with a low-value identity.

I got to thinking a while ago about the naturals I know. One thing they all have in common is that I've NEVER seen one of them neg. Ever. If they're hitting on a girl, they're locked onto her like a bear trap. The flirty vibe is clear, present, and obvious. And woe to the man who interrupts it.

I've seen them ball-bust ON OCCASION. And when they do, it's extremely playful. Like it's a joke and everyone knows that they don't really mean it. They're really, really heavy on the "F" in their CF balance. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that they're joking with a tiny bit of making fun of the girl in it. It's nowhere near 50/50. And they use it very, very sparingly. The vast majority of their pickups are super-friendly.

I think that the overemphasis on disqualification, and indirect game in general, stems from a fear of putting your actual personality on the line with the possibility that you may be rejected.

I think that the distaste for direct openers comes from a belief, in the people learning pickup, that they themselves are low value, and that there is therefore no way that a girl would ever respond positively to a direct opener from them.

I think that fear of rejection in general is a result of people letting other people define their realities for them.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FRIEND ZONE AND BEING NEEDY?

Being needy and being friendly are two entirely different things. It's totally possible to be nice to someone you've just met and not be needy. I do it all the time. I come with a happy, friendly vibe that everyone wants to be a part of.

Being friendly to seek approval is needy. Being UNfriendly to "raise your value" is needy. Needy people depend on others' reactions.

Naturals don't.

They're friendly because they're friendly. They like people. So they want to be nice to people. They don't seek approval from people because they know their vibe will carry them. They know they're already high value. So they act like magnanimous celebrities, spreading their happiness and friendliness and smiles wherever they go.

If the people they're talking to don't like that, they either ignore them or move on to greener pastures.

BUT I JUST LEARNED THIS COOL TECHNIQUE, AND...

Fine. Use it if you want. Just make sure you don't shoot yourself in the foot and fuck up the vibe with it.

Because that's what really makes you attractive in a social setting: your ability to set and maintain a vibe. Preferably one that people want to be a part of.

That's what makes an alpha, remember?

The dude that produces the vibe that everyone else wants to be in.

Fuck DHVs. Fuck "raising your value." The only DHV you need is the ability to take a *bleh* night on the town for a group of people and turn it into an awesome happy fun time. That's how you "demonstrate value:" by bringing value.

ALRIGHT, TELL ME ABOUT DIRECT OPENERS.

The way I first got into direct game was via Flawless Natural. Yeah, yeah, shameless RSD plug here. Whatever. It revolutionized my game.

You CAN walk directly up to your target, bypassing the rest of the group, and tell her that she's cute and that you want to meet her.

You CAN then turn to the rest of the group, introduce yourself, and ask them if it's okay with them if you hit on their friend. Like, openly. No equivocation.

You CAN do this. It's not hard. In fact, it's a lot easier than trying to game a girl up by hiding behind a bunch of indirect openers, false time constraints, false disqualifications, negs, and takeaways. Pretending is hard. Doing what you actually want to do isn't.

All you need is the understanding - not the belief, not the knowledge, but the fully-internalized understanding that it WILL work.

You've got to understand that you're going to make the girl's DECADE when you come out of nowhere and tastefully start hitting on her.

You've got to understand that nobody in that group is going to stop you.

And you've got to understand that even if you accidentally pop open the girlfriend of one of the dudes in the set, nobody's going to give you shit for it. Apologize, congratulate the guy on a nice catch, and roll out. The girl will get validation from being opened, and the boyfriend will get validation from you thinking his girlfriend is hot and then "surrendering" to him when you find out she's with him.

Even with a failed approach, everyone comes away happier.

'NOTHER MENTAL EXERCISE

Imagine that you're out with your cherish. That's "girlfriend" for you non-RSD people, or "LTR" for you Mystery Method people.

Guy rolls up and drops that direct opener on your girlfriend. She's frozen, deer-in-headlights style.

Guy turns to your group and asks if it's okay. You or someone else mentions that he just hit on your girlfriend.

Guy: "Oh. OH! Wow, I'm sorry, dude. My bad. Y'all have a good night. Nice catch, by the way."

Are you gonna pick a fight with that guy?

Didn't think so. Neither will any dude in field.

When I come back, more on direct game and how to develop your inner game so that you can do it (although, for serious, if you're reading this, you can probably do it right now).


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 11:11 am 
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Keep this up, I like it.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 11:00 pm 
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HOW CAN DIRECT GAME POSSIBLY WORK?

I know! It's weird, huh? The idea of direct game contradicts damn-near everything you probably already know about pickup! Don't girls get hit with direct openers all the time? Isn't a guy who opens directly portraying himself as low-value? Won't you get blown out?

Nope, nope, and probably not.

In my time in the New Orleans bar scene, I've seen a lot of pickups. I've seen a lot of failures and a lot of successes. I've seen a lot of openers, I've seen a lot of blowouts, and I've seen a lot of pulls. Not just stuff that I was involved in, either; on occasion, if I decide that I'm having a lousy night, I'll kick back and people-watch. I'll check out the guys checking out the girls and see what the other dudes are doing.

And your average AFC comes in with one of two openers: indirect/lame and direct/cheesy. The first one is WAY more common.

That's right. Most AFCs use indirect game. They were using it long before most people had ever heard of an opinion opener. They were using it back when NLP was the cutting edge of pickup technology.

In case anyone is wondering, I'm 26 and have been in the bar scene since I was 18, which means that I've been barhopping since about 2000.

Anyway, back to what AFCs do. Most of them DON'T compliment on the opener, or even in the first ten minutes. In fact, most of them don't express any interest in the girl at all. Not verbally, anyway. Their body language tells a different story: forced smile, stiff body language, fidgeting, etc. But they don't "supplicate" except for maybe the occasional drink-buying.

And the reason why they're AFCs that don't pull is because they create a lame vibe by being incongruent, holding an emotionally dead conversation, and basically leaving the entire interaction in limbo. Neither the girl nor the AFC is willing to move things forward. The girl might even be attracted to the dude (by the way, attraction is insanely easy to get. It's nowhere near as complicated as it's been made to seem), but he's not confident enough to believe it.

Eventually, the girl gets bored or the guy gets disheartened because the girl isn't jumping his jock, and the interaction stales out. Forget number exchange; the guy doesn't even try.

That's your average AFC game. The guy chats the girl up, but the vibe stays lame.

As for cheesy/direct, this one is a LOT rarer, and I don't think that most of the guys who do this are even seriously opening. I think they're just screwing around. I'm sure you know what this looks like: "hey, baby, wanna come back to my place?" etc. Or a dude holla'ing at a girl from his car and then speeding off. This isn't even an opener. It's just drunk guys dicking around.

REAL-LIFE EXAMPLE OF LAME INDIRECT

One night, I had bounced a girl from a cozy, hole-in-the-wall Lower Decatur bar to Republic, which is probably the biggest nightclub within the city limits of New Orleans. It was my first time there, and let me tell you, it's easy for a newbie to feel intimidated there. The guys there are RIPPED and their chests are WAXED and they have expensive clothes and the girls are turbo hotties.

My girl, on the other hand, was a Bohemian Lower Decatur gothy artist chick. She couldn't stop making fun of the dudes in there. Knowing that I wouldn't be losing her to any of the MASSIVE MACK-DADDY AMOGS in the place, I decided to hit the bathroom.

Me: "Hey, try not to get hit on while I'm gone." :wink:

I came back and she had a smile on her face. Some dude had come up to her while I was in the bathroom. It went like this.

Dude: Hey, what's up?
Girl: Not much.
...
Dude ejects.

Seriously. That was it.

This scene was repeated a few times that night. The ripped, hair-gelled dudes in Republic were coming at my girl with the lamest of possible lame game. I actually caught one of them in the act once. I blew him out by clawing my girl, smiling, and introducing myself to the dude and shaking his hand. THAT'S IT. No tooling, no tech, nothing. He apologized and left immediately.

This dude was probably the biggest player in the club that night. He got as far as "So what do you do?"

COMPARING AFC GAME TO PUA GAME

You all have read me dissing on indirect game a lot, but let me clear something up: I am NOT saying, nor have I EVER said, that indirect game doesn't or can't work. It sure as hell can. Even those AFCs who are too terrified to express interest in the girl do get numbers on occasion and actually land themselves girlfriends.

Likewise, PUA-style indirect game does, can, and has worked. An opinion opener won't get you blown out (well, not until recently when pickup went mainstream). And if you're going to come in indirect, a neg or false disqualifier is necessary to keep the group from thinking that you're trying to sneak in to snatch the hottie. Etc.

So that's AFC indirect versus PUA indirect.

AFC direct game isn't even "game." It's drunken jackass douchebaggery.

Natural direct game is totally, totally different.

WHY DIRECT GAME DOESN'T NOT WORK (NOTE THE DOUBLE NEGATIVE)

First of all, a guy coming in with a good direct opener isn't doing what the drunk pranksters are doing. He's actually serious about hooking up with the girl. So forget the idea that girls get hit with direct openers "all the time." They don't. Not like this, anyway.

Are you expressing interest right off the bat with direct game? Yeah, that's the point. Isn't this low-value? Nope. Not if you obviously aren't afraid to do it. Not if you aren't "giving your power" away with it (David D students will understand that). And not if the girl won't feel like a slut for hooking up with you when you do it. Let's go over these one at a time.

Not afraid to do it: you don't come in with a direct opener and be wussy about it. You can't have your eyes pointed at the floor, your voice barely audible, your feet shuffling, and generally look like the lovable loser in some lame-ass romantic comedy. NO. You aren't afraid if the entire world watches you open this girl. What you're doing is totally normal.

Not giving your power away: you aren't complimenting a girl to get her to like you. You aren't seeking a reaction from the girl. You are stating your intent and your desire. This is NOT SUPPLICATION.

Not making the girl feel like a slut: this one is pretty goddamn big. Why don't girls hook up with guys who go cheeseball? Because if she does, she feels like a slut. You aren't some greasy sleazebag who's creeping the girl out. Nope. You're actually doing this *tastefully*. That's why the classic direct opener, "hey, I thought you were adorable and I just had to meet you. My name's X," works. The girl won't feel like a slut if she talks to you after that.

WHY DIRECT GAME *DOES* WORK

Two reasons: balls and vibe.

Balls: you aren't afraid to drop this bomb on a girl. You don't try to sneak into a conversation sideways. You aren't "just stopping by to ask for an opinion." You don't need a false time constraint to make the group tolerate you for an additional thirty seconds. Nor are you "just talking to her" like an AFC "to see if something happens." NO. Things are happening because you're MAKING them happen. You know that you could get rejected doing this and you're doing it anyway. You live in YOUR reality. YOU make the rules.

Vibe: flirtatious, right off the bat. You don't languish in chodey neutral conversation land with the girl wondering when you're going to man up and ask for her number. You don't bring that weaksauce vibe. You bring the fun, flirty vibe that girls WANT when they get hit on.

It all comes back to vibe.

A STUNNING REVELATION

This should be obvious. It should have been obvious to me before I figured it out, but it wasn't. Ready? Here it comes...

Girls like to flirt.

That's right, they LOVE IT. Girls like sex, we know that. But they also LOVE the chase. For a girl, foreplay effectively starts when the guy starts communicating with her, verbally or nonverbally.

Girls like to flirt, and they like the flirty vibe A LOT. It means that a guy's interested in her, she could potentially have sex with him, and she won't be a slut if she does because there won't be any social consequences (either because she's got peer group approval or nobody's going to know about it... read http://www.bristollair.com/outer-game/s ... se-it.html for more).

EDIT: Read http://www.bristollair.com/inner-game/n ... ciety.html for even more, and it's somewhat more on-point.

Even if the interaction doesn't go all the way to sex, the girl still enjoys the flirting. It's the female equivalent of getting a lap dance.

When girls feel that "flirty vibe," that's when they go into fifth gear. Their emotions spike all over the place. They're attracted to the guy, he's attracted to her, and the dance is underway.

It all comes back to the vibe.

Break time. I didn't get to the inner game stuff this time... OR DID I??? Heh, yeah, I kinda did. I hope I shifted your perspective a little bit with this. But when I come back, it'll be all about the VIBE.

Because it always comes back to the vibe.

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http://www.bristollair.com/outer-game/s ... ibing.html <- Tyler Durden on Vibing
frame-control-defining-reality-and-bei-vt34530.html


Last edited by Stormy on Wed Dec 17, 2008 12:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 9:25 pm 
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honestly this has been one of the most inspirational posts, bc i consider my self and for the most part a natural never really had any problems what so ever just got into this when there was a string of bad relationships usually the girl breaking up with me, but honestly man thank u for this post ive been waiting for a pua like this who doesnt use gambits, or tricks (which do work sometimes) but like u said its all about congruence and inner game which if was i was working on before i even knew others worked on it.

KEEP UP THE POSTING :)


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industrial_62 wrote:
honestly this has been one of the most inspirational posts, bc i consider my self and for the most part a natural never really had any problems what so ever just got into this when there was a string of bad relationships usually the girl breaking up with me, but honestly man thank u for this post ive been waiting for a pua like this who doesnt use gambits, or tricks (which do work sometimes) but like u said its all about congruence and inner game which if was i was working on before i even knew others worked on it.

KEEP UP THE POSTING :)


Heh. Thanks. But I've gotta give credit where credit is due; I'm not the first guy to talk about this stuff. Not by damn sight. Like I said, I was heavily inspired by Flawless Natural, and dudes like Zan, David D, and Juggler have been teaching this forever. I'm just giving you all my take on it.

THE GOLDEN RULE OF NATURAL GAME

Pickup has a lot of rules. A lot of these rules are "number one rules" or "the first thing you should know." PUAs apparently aren't very good at prioritizing. :P

But seriously, the Golden Rule of Natural Game, as articulated by Alex~ of RSD, is this: "Whatever you feel, she feels."

So, you want that vibe that I've been talking about? You want an interaction to be flirtatious? Guess what: no set of lines or routines is going to do that. As some other Most Important Rule articulated by - umm... someone, I forgot who - states, this game is not logical. It is emotional.

That's right, EMOTIONS. Those weird feelings inside of us guys that we try to ignore most of the time in favor of our logical minds. Those things that we try to suppress in favor of a flowchart or IOI count.

Girls live in their emotions in the same way that fish live in water. It is their reality. Their desire to do the sex with guys is linked so tightly with their emotions that there's practically no difference between the two. Same goes for guys, by the way: your desire to sleep with girls is primarily an emotional one.

Primarily.

There are certain instances where your drive to sleep with a girl is NOT emotional. This is where things can go horribly, horribly wrong.

EGO VERSUS INTENT

Why are you studying pickup? Why are you out in the field talking to people you don't know? It's because you eventually want to get close to a girl or several girls, right? Maybe you want to sleep with them. Maybe you want a relationship with one of them.

But why do you want that?

Look inside and be honest with yourself about this. Are you doing this because you want more notches on your bedpost? Are you doing this because you want to "be an MPUA?" As in, for the title of "Master Pickup Artist?" (I've gotta stop with these digs on Mystery, it's unbecoming) For the adoration and respect of your lair-mates? The guys on this board? Your friends? To catch the attention of a pickup company so you can become an instructor? Are you doing this for approval and status?

If you are, then in the immortal words of Anonymous,

Image

All of the reasons listed above are ego reasons. That's right, the ego. That evil, evil fucker inside your head that will mess you up any chance it gets. Your ego NEEDS approval. It NEEDS people to like you. It NEEDS you to not get blown out, because that would mean that people disapprove of you. Therefore, it will explode any doubt you may have about a set going well before you go in and give you AA. It will convince you that the girl won't approve if you try to kiss her and give you escalation anxiety. It will try to convince you that you will fail. And it NEEDS you to listen to it in order for it to survive.

The ego is needy, isn't it?

And if you let it run your shit, YOU will be needy. And you can't have that.

EDIT: ego-problems-fucking-read-this-vt30361.html <- Chief on this subject.

HOW DO I GET RID OF THAT BASTARD?

Tolle. Also, by simply drowning it out with stuff you DO want going on in your head. Speaking of which, enough about this negative crap. Let's talk about where you should be. In fact, fuck it. I'm gonna get you there RIGHT NOW.

SO WHAT SHOULD I BE FEELING?

In a word, horny. Start this video up and then let it play. Listen to it as you're reading. THIS IS IMPORTANT. It'll help you get into the headspace that you need to be in.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IU_sDIYjn0Y[/youtube]

You should be in this whole pickup thing because you want that girl you're looking at when you're out. Not for status or approval or to prove to yourself that you're a player. NO. You should want her. You want to ravish her. You want to throw her against a wall, pin her arms above her head, and make out with her.

You want to look into her shy, beckoning eyes, staring into yours expectantly. You want to feel her lips with yours, to caress her tongue with yours. You want to smell her sweet perfume, and you want to smell her delicious womanly sweat building up under it, as her passion builds and she sheds the sweet little good-girl image that she had only minutes before. As she closes her pretty eyes and her desire for you begins to completely take over.

You want to hear her coo as you unbutton her blouse. You want to feel the heat from her body on your lips as you kiss her exposed flesh. You want to move up to her neck and see her eyes closed and her mouth open ever so slightly as she lets the pleasure you're giving her swirl though her body. You want to hear her gentle moan as you tease her ear with your tongue.

You want to unclasp her bra and see her perfect breasts heave in time with her breath. You want to see her taut nipples vie for your attention. You want to take one into your mouth and swirl your tongue around it, then pull away with gentle suction, leaving it wet from being in your mouth. You want to kneel down in front of her, lift her skirt up, kiss the insides of her thighs, and smell her delicious womanhood beckoning you. You want to move her panties out of the way and tease her clit with your tongue.

You want to bring her over to the couch, pull her panties off, and lick a perfect circle from where her thigh meets her outer pussy lips, around the top of her clit, over to where her other thigh meets her pussy, down below her pussy across the flesh between her cunt and her cute little asshole, and then back around to where you started. You want to smell her juices flowing out of her as she gets ready to have you inside of her. You want to taste her as you suck on her pussy lips. As you kiss her clit. As you push your tongue inside of her. As you feel her getting wetter. As the juices from your mouth mingle with the juices from inside of her.

You want to turn her around after that, lift her skirt up, and push your body into hers. You want to feel her body invite you in. You want to feel her pussy lips part and wrap around you as you slide into her. You want to feel the warmth of the inside of her body as it wraps around yours. You want to feel the inside of her beautiful body as you slide in for that first time. You want to feel her grip you with her femininity. You want to feel her wanting more of you.

Then you want to grab her by the hips and fuck her. You want to hear her moan as you thrust yourself into her. You want to see the perfect curve of her bare back and the sweat glistening and dripping down her body as she sticks her ass out further in order to get you deeper inside of her.

You want to lead her by the hand to your bed. You want to devour every inch of that girl's body. You want to penetrate her and feel her wrap her legs around your back. You want to hear her high, breathy, feminine sighs and moans and squeals of pleasure, right in your ear, as you push deeper into her soft, wet, warm body. You want to feel her cunt constricting around your cock as she cums. You want to feel her trying to make you cum. And you want to release yourself into her body.

THAT'S what you should be feeling.

THAT WAS FUCKING HOT.

Thanks. That's the idea. This is the headspace you need to be in. And if that song I had you put on is still playing right now, then you read the last couple of paragraphs too fucking fast. You just glanced over them. You didn't experience them. And you're probably not in the headspace you need to be in yet. Go back and re-read it, slowly. And pause to experience it this time. Keep reading over the parts you really like until the song is over and you're ready to get the fuck away from your computer and pull a cute girl back to your place and give her the time of her life.

OKAY, BACK TO THE THEORY BIT

Those girls that you see when you're out, in their short little dresses that end just above their nipples and just below their asses, WANT you to feel what you're feeling right now. They're deliberately tapping into the emotions of all the guys around them. They want a guy to come up and talk to them, and they want that guy to be consumed by them. They don't want a guy who's talking to them to brag to his friends later. They want a guy who finds them so irresistible, so enticing, that he can't stop himself from walking up to her.

They want all of your attention focused on them, at that point in time.

They want your mind in the NOW. Not in the future when you're going to write your FR, but RIGHT THEN AND THERE when you're in the "just met you in a club" stage of foreplay.

When both of you feel that, that's when the flirty vibe wakes up and comes out to play.

And whatever you feel, she feels.

SO I SHOULD JUST OPEN GIRLS BY CAVEMANNING THEM?

Umm... not quite.

See, girls don't want to be thought of as sluts. If a guy walked up to a girl in a club, pulled down her pants, and started banging away right there, then the girl would probably think of herself as a slut if she just let him. And didn't scream and call the police. In fact, she'd probably just be feeling all-around bad, to put it mildly. There are exceptions at certain types of, shall we say, "parties," and if the vibe of the entire venue is just THAT on, then yeah, you can actually get away with this. I have. It was hot. :D

But by and large, that's not the case. You need to let the vibe take over. Whatever you feel, the girl feels, yes yes. But you need to give her a chance to actually feel it first. You need to get her into an emotional state where she's feeling receptive. You need to bathe her in that pool of emotion. You need to give her a taste and let her desire build.

And that's why you have to talk to girls first instead of just banging them. :P

But anyway, that's where the coveted flirty vibe starts. It starts with you. It starts inside of you. You need to open up your emotions and let that desire flood you. Then you need to release it and let it smolder off of your body like a sweet cologne. And then you need to beam it at the girl you want through your words, through your eyes, through your smile, and through your touch.

"Hey, I'm me. I just thought you were adorable and I had to meet you."

_________________
http://www.makeherchaseyou.com/ <- Free 10-Day Bootcamp from Herbal
http://www.bristollair.com/outer-game/s ... ibing.html <- Tyler Durden on Vibing
frame-control-defining-reality-and-bei-vt34530.html


Last edited by Stormy on Thu Dec 18, 2008 8:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 17, 2008 3:26 am 
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i bookmarked this page and have been checking up on it every now and then to see if you post something new. your posts are just inspiring.

i hate reading long posts, but your post is definitely totally worth it.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 17, 2008 8:42 pm 
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haha this post just keeps getting better and better


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 17, 2008 10:06 pm 
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Bejeebus wrote:
i bookmarked this page and have been checking up on it every now and then to see if you post something new. your posts are just inspiring.

i hate reading long posts, but your post is definitely totally worth it.


Thanks, dawg. You know you can just do a thread setup thing where you get email notification when a reply is posted, right? That'll save you a little time.

Also, I totally welcome all comments up in here. I appreciate the positive feedback, but if you've got a cool reframe of something I'm saying, or you want to add something to a part that I didn't flesh out enough, or if you just flat-out disagree with something, hit me with it. Your experience is just as valid as mine.

THE LEARNING PROCESS

I figured out a while back that the process of becoming more attractive is more a process of shedding, of discarding, than a process of adding. Note, by the way, that learning game is not about learning how to attract, as in something you actively and consciously do. Wait... you know what? Screw it. I'll come back to the learning process later. Let's just talk about attraction right now.

ATTRACTION

Guess what: girls like you.

If you're in a day-to-day environment with a lot of girls (I'm thinking college here), a given percentage of them have a crush on you. Right now. They might be single, have boyfriends, be a cheerleader, volunteer in the library, or be that hippie girl that comes to class high every day. There's no telling.

And by "there's no telling," I mean "there is absolutely no logically deducible reason why girl x or girl y likes you." Maybe you remind her of a guy she used to have a crush on. Maybe you remind her of a guy that she used to hate because he was mean to her little brother or something, but you're nicer than he is, so her emotions are being pulled in two different directions when she sees you. Maybe she likes the way you carry yourself. Maybe you gave a presentation in class on something she liked, and she felt like she had some rapport with you.

It could be absolutely anything.

And the "caliber" of girls that have crushes on you is likely to have no relation whatsoever to the amount of "game" you have. If only two girls have crushes on you, it might be the one with a serious hygiene problem and an eating disorder AND the one that has a modeling career ahead of her and is only going to college because her parents wanted her to. Really, as your attractiveness improves, the only thing that will change on this front is the number of girls you create emotional spikes in, and therefore the number that will be attracted to you, all up and down the spectrum.

Girls that have admitted crushes on me (usually after I started hitting on them myself) include a gothy artsy chick (the one from Republic), a sweet little virginal anime fangirl (actually, there were two of those, one more virginal than the other), a BDSM-practicing barfly, an Italian-as-olive-oil barista who had just gotten engaged before she met me, a forty-year-old stripper who still looks DAMN good for her age, and a career-centered West Coast girl with a very intense and very well-hidden flirty streak.

I can't think of any one thing that all of these girls have in common that would cause them to be attracted to me. Except that they all knew me for a period of time and ended up liking me a lot.

But you really, really shouldn't be thinking about this when you're out and about. Forget about making girls attracted to you and just focus on the vibe. Trying to get people attracted to you is reaction-seeking and needy, and you don't play dat. Remember? You should be out and about having the best time you can and bringing other people into it. Thoughts about theory have no place in the field. This game is emotional, not logical.

Your "attraction game" is not something you do in the first phase of an approach, in order to make yourself more attractive in the eyes of the people you're talking to. It's something that you do to yourself over the course of your entire learning process to make yourself more like what you want to be.

THE LEARNING PROCESS, TAKE TWO

When it comes down to it, I think that the biggest difference between the results that a natural gets and the results that an AFC gets is that the natural "goes for it" more. He gets shot down more, for sure, but he also pulls more. Any given dude, in his present state, could walk up to at least half a dozen girls that know him (who have crushes on him), get a day2 (I'm playing this conservatively because of variables in the girls' ASDs), and pull home after the day2. And that's just girls that know him. That doesn't include cold approaches. Nor does it include girls that know him who just haven't been in a position to feel his vibe yet.

But the AFC isn't going for it. He's languishing in chode hell, not approaching, not showing interest in girls because his ego is afraid that he'll be rejected, and generally not making it happen. Not taking action is the only reason why this guy isn't pulling.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhmcJ7Zg5ko[/youtube]

Why does a natural go for it and an AFC doesn't? Because the natural doesn't give a shit. If a girl blows him off, his ego isn't hurt at all. He knows that he just hasn't opened the girl that's going to go with him that night yet.

YET.

He'll take a blowout, shrug his shoulders, and keep approaching. Maybe this next girl has been eyeing him up while he wasn't looking. Hell, maybe even one of the girls who blew him out is kicking herself for congruence-testing him too hard and blowing her value in the process and will come back to talk to him later. It happens.

Those of you familiar with inner game stuff know what this mindset is: the abundance mindset.

HOW TO GET THE ABUNDANCE MINDSET

Like I said earlier, becoming more attractive is primarily a process of shedding, not of adding. Scarcity mindset, the opposite of abundance mindset, is a result of mental dead weight holding guys back. It is NOT a result "not having enough" of something good. It's a result of having too much bad stuff.

I'm not going to get into where this bad stuff comes from; that's covered far more thoroughly in Blueprint than I could ever cover it. So, for that matter, is how to get rid of it. But I can give you some highlights.

First, your ego. Get rid of it. Tolle.

Second, believing that you're unattractive. This belief itself is what makes you unattractive. Pygmalion effect all the way. Do some low-key, low-risk, friendly approaches to help yourself get rid of this one.

Third, being judgmental about sex. Just... ditch this one. Seriously. There is no such thing as a slut. Girls put up the amount of resistance that they do because people (guys AND girls) judge them for wanting and having sex. If you project yourself to be one of those guys, then the girl might be attracted to you, but she'll want to make you wait for teh secks because she doesn't want you to judge her as a slut. Don't try to communicate that you aren't judgmental; that's impossible, and if you try it, it smacks of overcompensation. Just don't BE judgmental so that you don't give off the vibe of being judgmental. I linked to http://www.bristollair.com/inner-game/n ... ciety.html earlier, and I'm doing so again because it applies here too. Godfather Soporno has some phat material on this subject also. Watch his videos.

Fourth, if you're feeling hardcore, do a ten-day positivity challenge. This is difficult as a motherfucker, but the benefits are gigantic.

As you work on this stuff, you will get more and more positive reference experiences, and your mind will realize that your previously-held negative beliefs were just plain wrong, as in having no relation to the real world at all, and discard them. Your game will begin to self-correct.

Let me see if I can describe what shedding a belief is like: it's not like when you first got into pickup and started to view all of your interactions through a filter. Rather, it's like your vision of the world clears. Filters that you didn't even know you had, because you're so used to them, fall away. It's like driving fifty miles in a car with a dirty windshield, and then getting out of the car and seeing the world far more clearly than you're used to seeing it.

Discarding, not adding. You're removing barriers between yourself and the rest of the world.

THE TEN-DAY POSITIVITY CHALLENGE

This is a Tony Robbins thing that I learned about from Jlaix. I did one earlier this year. It took me thirty-two days to complete.

Here's what you do: for ten days straight, you are not allowed to entertain any negative thought for more than two minutes. You can't be angry, you can't be scared, you can't be sad. Deal with the negative emotions however you can: reframe them, ignore them and focus on the Now, deal with the real-world situation that's causing the bad emotion, whatever. But if you stay in that negative headspace for more than two minutes, you fail the challenge and have to start over from day one.

This challenge has several purposes: it will help you to realize how often bad thoughts crop up in your mind and how pointless they are, and it will train you to deal with them as they arise. It will eventually shift your "default" mental state to a more positive one than you started with, simply by you getting used to positivity. And I think you know what this will do for the vibe that you bring to your interactions.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to allow yourself to be happy. Can you do it?

Fuck yeah, you can.

CONSISTENCY, NOT PERFECTION

I didn't really understand what this meant until recently. Here's my take on it.

Becoming more attractive is an ongoing process. You aren't moving towards a singular goal that you will then stop at. You are steadily becoming more and more attractive all the time. You won't suddenly become "good enough to start approaching" after enough study. There isn't some benchmark where you're "good enough" to try something out. You don't need to "be a player" to pull a girl within two hours of meeting her.

You are good enough to do all of that already. Yes, RIGHT NOW. Even when you're just starting out, you're good enough to open and not get blown out. You're good enough to get a number. You're good enough to get a makeout. You're good enough to pull.

The only thing that changes as you get better is how often you can go for those things and succeed. And guess what? Even if you're a total newbie, even if you think you suck, you're still good enough to do these things successfully a certain percentage of the time. Yes, even with the "hottest" girls.

Remember? As you become more attractive, the number of girls that are into you will go up, and it will go up all up and down the spectrum. There is no such thing as "good enough to pull a 7" or "good enough to make out with an 8." Hotter girls are not "more difficult." Your ego just makes them seem that way because your ego wants you to think that you suck. That's its job. It can't survive unless you listen to it, and it wants to survive.

At any given point in your progression, there may be a 5 that will blow you out before you even finish your opener and a 9 that will go home with you if you just ask. You won't know until you approach.

You're good enough to get at least something done, right now. So enjoy the rewards of being as good as you are, and know that it's only going to get better.

Consistency, not perfection. You aren't going to pull one hundred percent of the time. You're just going to pull more often. And the only way to pull is to go for it.

HOW TO JUMP-START YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS

Your attractiveness takes a big leap when you do one very simple thing: approach.

Guys will passively attract girls that they're not even interacting with if they accidentally catch the girls' attention in some way. We already know that.

But you can actively get girls attracted to you by approaching and putting your vibe right in front of them, instead of having them accidentally wander into it. By approaching, you give them a chance to be attracted to you that they may not have had otherwise.

And the act of approaching is attractive. It shows initiative. It shows balls. It shows that you aren't constrained by your ego, because you ARE willing to walk up to a girl and talk to her. You're the kind of guy that actually does that. Doing it well only pushes it even further.

A few small steps for a man, a giant leap for his sex life. :wink:

_________________
http://www.makeherchaseyou.com/ <- Free 10-Day Bootcamp from Herbal
http://www.bristollair.com/outer-game/s ... ibing.html <- Tyler Durden on Vibing
frame-control-defining-reality-and-bei-vt34530.html


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 1:49 am 
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This is really good stuff man. Keep it coming! You mentioned Tolle like two or three times.. Can you give us peeps more on your take regarding ego-dissolving? Issues you overcame that some of us probably deal with? Techniques for discovering importance? I know you touched on it, but I'd be interested on a deeper perspective! thanks for your insight too

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 2:29 pm 
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This is just endless WOW.
Its not revolutionary but dont get me wrong, the way you put it across is fantastic. Its a joy to read.
Madals


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