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I've made a mistake, but can't see where.
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Author:  Caligula_Belgium [ Sat Jul 17, 2010 11:25 am ]
Post subject:  I've made a mistake, but can't see where.
Met this cute HB9 last week through a mutual friend. The three of us spent the day together at a music festival. I didn't go for her because there's quite a large age difference. Plus I was starting to think that our mutual friend has got a crush on me (not vice versa). At the end of the night all their other friends tried to couple me and the mutual friend. The end of the night I was telling about how I fancy the HB (so she'll hopefully take the hint).

Few days later the HB added me on facebook, where I used the poke-routine. All in all looking well, she kept the convo going and was really funny in her responses. She gave me TONS of IOI's, I #closed her and she started texting me while we we're still sending fb messages. Another huge amount of IOI's through messages. But then once of a sudden she stopped.

She was on a hike and texted she probably was going to die during a night activity. I made fun of it a bit. Later on I texted is she had died already? She answered at 00:30am, but I was working and answered at 2:00 am. Some sweet message about her not wanting to die ... She texted back instantly: "good night!"

I was kinda pissed because of this short answer. And didn't answer. Didn't hear for her for couple of days and then I texted: "what kind of trouble are you causing?" answer: "Me? Trouble? Never! Why?" I took it as a negative repsonse (dunno why, prob. because she seemed to be taking it seriously) and answered: "Just out of sheer interest :)"

Didn't hear from her since.

Now I wonder what I did to cause her behavioural change (seeing I have full responsibility over the convo) and how to take it from here.
Author:  Herne [ Sun Jul 18, 2010 2:26 am ]
Post subject: 
probably the same reason they deliberately misinterpret what we say to them to pick a fight and create drama =attention,

sad,weird and pathetic but its something they need to do
Author:  jurupa [ Sun Jul 18, 2010 4:44 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I've made a mistake, but can't see where.
Quote:
I've made a mistake, but can't see where.
I saw two mistakes actually.

Mistake #1:
Quote:
I didn't go for her because there's quite a large age difference. Plus I was starting to think that our mutual friend has got a crush on me (not vice versa).
You held your self back when there was no need to.

Mistake #2:
Quote:
I was kinda pissed because of this short answer. And didn't answer. Didn't hear for her for couple of days and then I texted: "what kind of trouble are you causing?" answer: "Me? Trouble? Never! Why?" I took it as a negative repsonse (dunno why, prob. because she seemed to be taking it seriously) and answered: "Just out of sheer interest :)"
You got mad over nothing and in turned you misinterpreted what she said in a pissed off mindset.

Some more advice for you. You are NEVER going to be able to close every single girl you game. You are going to loose some. Best to toss this one up to a lost and move on.
Author:  HeadLock [ Mon Jul 19, 2010 8:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
sounds to me like she may have started losing interest a bit, its happened to me quite a few times. I'll get the #, text, whatever, then after a while just lose interest. sometimes me, other times her. my suggestion is that if you like a girl and she fb msgs and texts you, strike while the irons hot... ask her when you can let her take you out? this is especially true for an HB9, because I'm sure shes got plenty of other options she can drop texts too... know what I mean?
Author:  ~Finesse [ Mon Jul 19, 2010 9:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Firstly, everything sounded good. I've done the same thing myself... Mistake = Not stepping up and making a more confident overt suggestion.

Minor mistake = texting so much. Nothing wrong with this, everything got built up so much, you either wanna space it out, or make the next step. You didn't make the next step. (refer to mistake number 1 :P)



In regards to this...
Quote:
"what kind of trouble are you causing?" answer: "Me? Trouble? Never! Why?" I took it as a negative repsonse
Did you steal that line from me? I used to use it a lot, and shared it to a few.

Either way...

1. it's a useful line, use it.
2. a lot of the time girls will respond VERy similar to how your one just did.
i. this is good, because it's a response.
ii. Every answer, is a good answer (:

When my girls answer like that, I respond with "ohhh, okay, What kinda trouble have you been avoiding then? ;)" or any other kinda shit.

You don't know why you took it negativley? I do... You were expecting a certain response, you were hoping she'd respond a certain way, probably by telling you what she's been up to. This is something you'll have to stop... because...

1. Every answer is a good answer
2. You'll feel crap everytime you try to 'set up' a response and it doesnt go your way.




Just some advice I thought would be useful to you. ;)



Love

~Finesse
Author:  Kalel [ Tue Jul 20, 2010 9:08 am ]
Post subject: 
When you started showing too much interest, it made it seem too serious and her natural instinct was to pull away in order to keep thing simple and uncomplicated. Don't send any texts or messages for a bit, and eventually she will come back to you when the fear of losing you sets in.
Author:  Caligula_Belgium [ Tue Jul 20, 2010 3:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
"what kind of trouble are you causing?" answer: "Me? Trouble? Never! Why?" I took it as a negative repsonse
Did you steal that line from me? I used to use it a lot, and shared it to a few.
I got it from the thread with text openers.
(list-of-text-messages-game-vt21175.html)
Quote:
2. You'll feel crap everytime you try to 'set up' a response and it doesnt go your way.
Fact! Thanks for the insight. I never thought of it this way. Or maybe I didn't want to think of it that way :)
Author:  Caligula_Belgium [ Tue Jul 20, 2010 3:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I've made a mistake, but can't see where.
Quote:
Some more advice for you. You are NEVER going to be able to close every single girl you game. You are going to loose some. Best to toss this one up to a lost and move on.
Not something I love to hear/admit but you're right! I do hate the fact that I wasn't able to pull it off. But I'll try to take out as much experience as possible out of it.
Quote:
sounds to me like she may have started losing interest a bit, its happened to me quite a few times. I'll get the #, text, whatever, then after a while just lose interest. sometimes me, other times her. my suggestion is that if you like a girl and she fb msgs and texts you, strike while the irons hot... ask her when you can let her take you out? this is especially true for an HB9, because I'm sure shes got plenty of other options she can drop texts too... know what I mean?
True, I tried to keep it low profile, but i might have overdone it too fast.
Quote:
When you started showing too much interest, it made it seem too serious and her natural instinct was to pull away in order to keep thing simple and uncomplicated. Don't send any texts or messages for a bit, and eventually she will come back to you when the fear of losing you sets in.
She did actually. The same night I posted this thread she texted, commenting on a facebook status i put on. (IOI?) We texted throughout the day. Funny light convo, I "made her day", she said. I tried to get together in real life by asking her to teach me a double, gymnastic flip (she does gymanstics) but she said she wasn't up for it. After she said no the convo started dying out, but I had to go and work so had to break it up as well (should've broken up before though).
Author:  DboTheHero [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 1:10 am ]
Post subject: 
I personally think that the 'air of mystery' aspect of game can be overlooked too often. Give them too much, such as texting and facebook and lots of contact, and the mystery about you is gone, and you seem interested and so attainable. Girls, hot girls, like a challenge, and something unknown. So cut down on the texts and occasionally take a while to reply or not at all. And for Facebook, either keep your profile simple or don't accept the friend requests. Don't delete her now though, that would just be rude :P start giving her less and she'll give you more.

~Deebo
Author:  JimD [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 1:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I've made a mistake, but can't see where.
Quote:
I was kinda pissed because of this short answer. And didn't answer. Didn't hear for her for couple of days and then I texted: "what kind of trouble are you causing?" answer: "Me? Trouble? Never! Why?" I took it as a negative repsonse (dunno why, prob. because she seemed to be taking it seriously) and answered: "Just out of sheer interest :)"

Didn't hear from her since.
Basically, you turned into a wuss, by letting her control your emotions, and it showed through your last response.

You've got to be able to see her in person again, and reignite the attraction she had for you.

And if you get that chance again, stay in control! Don't turn into a wuss.
Author:  Lilac [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 1:57 am ]
Post subject: 
I agree with Finesse in that I believe that a major problem was that you held back because of the age issue. Don't really consider it an issue, it's just another variable that one has to control when trying to game.
Author:  foxratpig [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 3:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I've made a mistake, but can't see where.
Quote:
She was on a hike and texted she probably was going to die during a night activity. I made fun of it a bit. Later on I texted is she had died already? She answered at 00:30am, but I was working and answered at 2:00 am. Some sweet message about her not wanting to die ... She texted back instantly: "good night!"
Now this quote sounds a bit random so I'm not 100% sure, but personally I believe this is where it all went awry. You were being cocky/funny with each other and she suddenly wanted to be serious for a moment - death is (unsurprisingly) a big thing for most people. This was your opportunity to build comfort and rapport, but instead you ragged her out. The evidence is in the curt "good night!" (plus you texted her at 2am... wait until the next day!!) Next time, try recalibrating to a more sombre/deep mood, and see how it goes. :)

(sorry dudes, but I think the age issue is irrelevant or at least barely relevant here - if anything if you are significantly older, she was looking to you for protection/assurance - although feel free to correct and flame me if I'm wrong!)
Author:  Caligula_Belgium [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 5:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I've made a mistake, but can't see where.
Quote:
start giving her less and she'll give you more.
~Deebo
I'm not opening convo with her anymore. And if she does (which she has done two times this week) I'll keep the convo going, but try to break it off at its peek.
Quote:
You've got to be able to see her in person again, and reignite the attraction she had for you. And if you get that chance again, stay in control! Don't turn into a wuss.
Actually while negging or CF I tend to keep it light. She's quite (I don't know how to say it in English: a big mouth?) She speaks her mind directly. That's what I like about her. But I'm affraid of going all the way and coming of to rude.

I tried to meet up with her in a casual way, but she refused. I'm pretty sure if I see her I can pull it off again. It'd be for the best if I could meet up with the mutual friend and her posse. But she lives (to belgian standars :P ) far away.
And she already declined on meeting up, so I don't know if I should/how I should arrange it.
Quote:
Now this quote sounds a bit random so I'm not 100% sure, but personally I believe this is where it all went awry. You were being cocky/funny with each other and she suddenly wanted to be serious for a moment - death is (unsurprisingly) a big thing for most people. This was your opportunity to build comfort and rapport, but instead you ragged her out. The evidence is in the curt "good night!" (plus you texted her at 2am... wait until the next day!!) Next time, try recalibrating to a more sombre/deep mood, and see how it goes. :)
You might well be right. I took it as some bs she was just texting, and answered as such. But few days later she posted something on her fb that the game they were playing got creepy because there were people running around the property, breaking things, who weren't supposed to be there. So she might've been scared. I answered: "You can't die! If you do I win a forfait game (5-0, keeping score in giving burns :) ) and I don't like winning that easily." Probably not the answer she wanted to hear :D

But during that day I texted some "sweeter" things instead of CF, but she kept responding quite seriously, so I don't know if I should try them again.

Plus she never uses smileys, so I never know if she's joking or not.
Author:  Visionxxxxxx [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 8:50 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Plus she never uses smileys, so I never know if she's joking or not.
and it works a treat doesnt it? you are bamboozled by this.

Slightly off main point of post but...

Most guys overuse smileys, try and lay off the smileys! A well structured comment with the right timing conveys everything perfectly without the need for a smiley. Have you noticed how great comedians rarely laugh or even smile at there own jokes immediately after putting it out there? It makes it a lot more effective. Not using smileys also leaves some mystery to you as youre not some happy go lucky chump that has to make sure she knows youre joking by smiling every fucking message.

ps. "Just out of sheer interest Smile" ...that was horribly boring and does not encourage a response from her at all.
Author:  DiplomATA [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 9:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Judging from what I've heard here are my thoughts:

I do strongly believe that the main fault you made was let the time bridge between seeing her back then and meeting her again become to big! When she met you, you were there, something she could look at and touch probably... as time passed by, she lost that memories and feelings and you just simply became a ghost that was texting her from time to time... I guess that was the problem!
Furthermore I don't know if it's true or not (might be mistaking on that part but might be another reason!) but you might have stepped into what I call the 'Puppy Trap'! You probably have started the phone/FB-conversation too often and let her made you her puppy!
Quote:
When you started showing too much interest, it made it seem too serious and her natural instinct was to pull away in order to keep thing simple and uncomplicated.
Kalel basically hit the nail on the head, just one thing I am not quite congruent with:
'it made it seem too serious and her natural instinct...'
I'm not sure if it was the problem that it was too serious! Correct me if I am wrong, but for me it seemed that the girl was really interested and I hardly believe there's a chance to make things too serious! As a matter of fact I DO believe that it was too much, but out of another reason: You lost value by reinitiating conversation on and on and not actually going for a date or something similar! That might have triggered some kind of 'He's a coward that only talks big but doesn't have the guts in the end'-feeling in her! What women basically (yes, I know, there are others too, but BASICALLY) want is commitment! If you talk about commitment but don't commit, well, she'll look elsewhere for someone who does!

So, to sum it up: I believe you played it well, but left out the chance to make the next step! She was interested until you lost value by starting conversation again and again and not advancing to the next step - e.g. meeting her in real life again (and once again: that is my theory, correct me if I'm wrong!). And by the time she got negged on and on (and probably too brutal?) she might have gotten the feeling that you were just cliché idiot that is bragging about how many girls he has boned and is just going for the one-night-stands etc., with her on the other hand maybe trying to find someone for a long-term-relationship!

Oh yeah and always keep in mind: If you blew it this time, you'll know it next time! The more you game, the more you improve! :)

- DiplomATA -
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