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Beating a Negative Self-Image
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Author:  ZEGlass [ Fri Feb 27, 2009 12:38 am ]
Post subject:  Beating a Negative Self-Image
I can get myself psyched up for a short period of time and go out feeling good but I'm having a lot of trouble with my inner game, nonetheless, because I struggle with a negative self-image.

My coach has advised me that by going out and faking it for a little while, I'll get some people around me and that will help me feel high-value so that I can DHV more confidently the rest of the evening.

That may be partially correct, but I've had a hard time impressing on him the depth of the problem. I don't feel low-value just because I have few friends or because I've not had much romantic success in the past couple of years. That's part of it, but I'm struggling in other areas too. I'm not very satisfied with my job and I don't feel like I'm as successful as a man my age should be. These things are all interconnected. Having friends would make it easier to socialize; having a girlfriend would help motivate me to be more ambitious; being successful would help me to feel more confident in social situations.

I obviously don't expect answers to all of these problems. This is an attraction forum, so let's focus on my social and romantic success. How can I be confident and sincere about DHV when I feel so LV because of the deficiencies in the other areas of my life?
Author:  LEPRECHAUN [ Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating a Negative Self-Image
Quote:
I can get myself psyched up for a short period of time and go out feeling good but I'm having a lot of trouble with my inner game, nonetheless, because I struggle with a negative self-image.
The way that I combated this situation in my own life was I got a girl friend
"a friend" to help me get clothes that made me look better..

She also helped me out with my hairstyle, and a lot of other issues.. It's
nice to have a girl "friend" to talk to, to help you out in these areas.

By having her play "dress up" with me, she molded me into someone that
I liked being, and eventually in grew on me and I was able to start fixing
myself up for the better.

By doing all this shit, it made me have a positive self-image of myself
because of all the attention and compliments that I started getting from
girls and *cough* gay guys.

Now when you get a compliment from gay guys (not hitting on you) just
complimenting your style as a straight man, it DOES boost your ego even
though the compliments came from a gay guy.
Quote:
My coach has advised me that by going out and faking it for a little while, I'll get some people around me and that will help me feel high-value so that I can DHV more confidently the rest of the evening.
He's right to a degree. I have also heard the same thing from others
before I got the nerve (old AFC days) to talk to girls in order JUST TO BE
FRIENDS with them so I could get their advice and go out and be seen
with them. (Social Value Builder BIG TIME)...

FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT!!!
Quote:
That's part of it, but I'm struggling in other areas too. I'm not very satisfied with my job and I don't feel like I'm as successful as a man my age should be.
Many people in life have different degrees of success. If you can, get into
a night school or something in order to further your education.

Seeing how you said your "coach" I am assuming that you are in school
still... you may not be... just look into schools like:

- ITT
- MIT
- MTI
- or other "private" colleges that allow financial aid.
Quote:
Having friends would make it easier to socialize
If you want more friends. Just go and start a conversation with some other
guys. You will then meet their friends, and their friends, etc. etc.

And then you will have a social circle whom you can party up with and shit.
Quote:
having a girlfriend would help motivate me to be more ambitious
You should be ambitious on your own. No one needs a woman to motivate
them. We all have mothers for this.
Quote:
being successful would help me to feel more confident in social situations.
So what if you don't have the greatest job ever. If you dress like you are
successful, then people will assume that you are.

Just like all the job coaches say, "Dress for the job that you want."

In other words, If you want that office job managing the entire marketing
group... dress for the part... get a suit that fits you.
Quote:
How can I be confident and sincere about DHV when I feel so LV because of the deficiencies in the other areas of my life?
If you think you are confident, then you will be. If you keep telling yourself
that you are not confident, then guess what... you won't be.

Just tell yourself positive thoughts on a daily basis. Talk yourself up all
the time... don't talk yourself down.

I think that Cocky and Funny would help you out a lot with confidence...

COCKY AND FUNNY : cocky-amp-funny-explained-vt40326.html
Author:  ZEGlass [ Fri Feb 27, 2009 5:39 am ]
Post subject: 
Leprechaun,

Thank you for the excellent and thorough response. I appreciate it. You've inadvertently touched upon a point that I probably should hold closer to my heart. Objectively speaking, my life doesn't suck at all. What sucks is how I look at my life. After I wrote this post, I started thinking about it. I suppose this kind of constituted a "negative thinking exercise" so I went to my journal and started writing up a comparable "positive thinking exercise." So far, it's helping.

To touch upon some of the specific points that you made, and trying to apply a more positive perspective.

My job pays well, I'm reasonably good at what I do, and it's at least related to my degree. Resenting the job for not being quite what I thought I'd be doing when I graduated is, perhaps, rather juvenile. I don't have to love my job, but I don't have to cast myself as a failure for having a job that I don't love.

I dress well. I have my own sense of style and, while it may not earn compliments at all times, I usually feel pretty good about what I'm wearing and how I look.

I DO have a few friends, mostly through work. I just need to tighten those friendships. To wit, a lot of people from work may be joining me at the Minnesota Roller Derby tomorrow. I have the ability to become more of a leader and less of a follower in that social group. The only thing anybody else ever suggests is happy hour after work. If I suggest something even as novel as bowling, I'll be a hero.
Author:  mrcoffee999888 [ Fri Feb 27, 2009 6:57 am ]
Post subject: 
This may sound off topic but I promise, it's not.

I think ethically speaking, that NLP is wrong to use But I would honestly check out a LOT of Ross Jeffries stuff. Deals a lot with inner game. And though i think NLP is unethical to use on girls, I believe it's VERY powerful to use on yourself. A lot of info is given on inner game. I.e. envisioning yourself as 40 feet tall and emotionally untouchable. and I've had to struggle with this same issue all my life. Not sure why, in retrospect, I'm not bad looking, and my track record with girls isn't that bad, but for some reason that aspect of my game seems to always a be a problem, and NLP really was a powerful staple of my game litterally just on myself. Deangelo also has some good material on this subject. Change your avatar if it's a serious problem, and reframe yourself (I know... easier said than done :-p) but remember it's all about your frame.
Author:  expat_of_love [ Sat Feb 28, 2009 1:07 am ]
Post subject: 
Almost all PUA's are depressed. It comes from their issue with "desire". Desire is what creates guilt, fear, and negativity. Nothing wrong with liking girls, but they will never give you the contentment and satisfaction that you want. Trust me, you can be with your dream girl and still feel lonely and lacking. I know exactly that feeling!

How did I free myself from that world. Simple, I quit trying to reach for goals. I quit trying period! That doesn't mean that you become a lifeless bum. Actually, it means you begin to live. You begin to accomplish things you thought were impossible in the past. Kinda like the athlete who just goes out and relaxes without the worry of winning or losing. They call it the zone. When an athlete wants something too much he usually ends up falling on his face. Think of the great basketball shooters. They don't aim at the basket. They simply go with the flow. It is all a very natural rhythm for them. If they miss a few shots they still approach the game in the same manner as they would if they would have knocked down those same shots. The greatest ball players have the same stroke going 0 for 10 as they do 10 for 10.

Here is a great way to get into the mindset I am talking about. Focus on RIGHT NOW. That is it. Bury the past and burn the future. Just total concentration on the task at hand. Clean something. Turn off the tunes and tv. Just totally focus on cleaning. The sensations and the process. Don't judge and just find a nice consistent rhythm. Trust me, it can be very relaxing. Many housewives actually love cleaning for this very reason. You can do the same with yard work. Don't think about the results. Just become part of the process. Eventually you can apply this to everything. Including girls.

The more you fight and struggle the more you will hate yourself. Remember that!
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