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Should I offer to help after two dates?
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Author:  Onoma [ Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Should I offer to help after two dates?
Kind of asked this in another thread, but guessing people didn't get past the first couple posts... So if you want the long version go ahead and read this thread: kiss-closed-after-a-year-then-lukewarm- ... 88847.html

If not, the short version is had two dates with a girl over a year ago. She said she wasn't attracted to me and friend zoned me. Ran into her a couple months ago and we ended up getting together again, and this time the second "date" ended with a little making out.

Texted her to set up plans for weekend and she hits me with wanting to wait until after she's moved until we see each other again, except for a game in three weeks she's asked me to. Basically she said she needs the time to make sure she gets everything packed.

I made some jokes and kept it light... but I'm wondering:

Should I offer to help her pack in order to spend some time with her between now and then?

That was my first instinct, but I feel like that's my old AFC instinct which got me used pretty badly by my last girlfriend... so kinda want to get some opinions here.
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I offer to help after two dates?
Hey man,

I say wait out the 3 weeks.

Offering to help is over-eager.

My 2 cents.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Mon Mar 16, 2015 11:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I offer to help after two dates?
Don't offer unless she asks. Boundaries.
Author:  bartm [ Mon Mar 16, 2015 11:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I offer to help after two dates?
yes, you should offer to help her pack....if your goal is to get friendzoned.
Author:  Onoma [ Mon Mar 16, 2015 11:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I offer to help after two dates?
Quote:
Hey man,

I say wait out the 3 weeks.

Offering to help is over-eager.

My 2 cents.
Yep, that's what I was afraid of... thanks again!
Author:  n2thevoid [ Mon Mar 16, 2015 11:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I offer to help after two dates?
Doesn't mean you're predestined for friend zone, at all actually. It's more to do with over extending yourself to somebody you hardly know. It could be construed as too much too soon, or expecting something in return (not to say that's your intent). We don't really live in a 'helping' society, so lending help to a girl may be construed as "what does he expect in return?" or simply "he's a nice guy". I'm not worried about helping others, IF it's coming out of the right energy (e.g. a 'gift' w/o expecting anything back). IF on the other hand its coming out of a "please like me!" energy, then most women will intuit that (and often take advantage of it - and can you blame them really? Who wouldn't like somebody who'll help them out with things?!). When in doubt just do nothing, unless the person explicitly asks for help.
Author:  Onoma [ Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I offer to help after two dates?
Quote:
Doesn't mean you're predestined for friend zone, at all actually.
Well... she did already friend zone me once. ;)


I'm not entirely sure this is coming from the right energy, so going to "do nothing." Not that I was expecting her to "return the favor" but I did think we were getting close to bringing her back to my place, so I think part of me wanted to get her packed sooner so we could get back to the dating. That seems like a thin line though...


So should I be texting her at all? Or just wait until I hear from her?

I'm thinking maybe next week something like "Hey need a break from packing? XXX is happening tomorrow..."
Author:  neo87 [ Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I offer to help after two dates?
You should probably keep this girl on the back burner and not expect anything. I mean, 3 weeks to pack?! She doesn't have an evening free?! Could work out but it sounds like she's killing any momentum. Never met someone who was moving that couldn't go out for weeks because of it. So wait, but don't expect to hear from her. Find other girls in the meantime.
Author:  R.C [ Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I offer to help after two dates?
Wait out the 3 weeks.
Author:  Onoma [ Tue Mar 17, 2015 2:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I offer to help after two dates?
Quote:
You should probably keep this girl on the back burner and not expect anything. I mean, 3 weeks to pack?! She doesn't have an evening free?! Could work out but it sounds like she's killing any momentum. Never met someone who was moving that couldn't go out for weeks because of it. So wait, but don't expect to hear from her. Find other girls in the meantime.
I wonder if I painted myself into a corner on that... Originally when she asked me to wait I was trying to make Friday or Saturday plans, so it's possible she just meant she wanted to keep her weekends free for packing. I joked about not seeing her for a month and she went along with the joke,so maybe she was thinking we'd just continue getting together on weekdays...

It does seem odd that she went from kissing me to asking to wait a few weeks. Also her job is forcing overtime right now...

I know some people who just suck at packing. Like my ex, whose stuff is still in my upstairs apartment 4 months after she moved out of state.

I can do no contact, I'm just worried that will come off like I only want to talk to her if we're moving towards sex.

Funny thing is... There's another girl I'm interested, but she just had surgery so she's also unavailable for three weeks...
Author:  neo87 [ Tue Mar 17, 2015 3:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I offer to help after two dates?
It sounds like you're too invested. She kissed you. Doesn't mean there's enough interest for her to come back and date in 3 weeks. Hence I said don't expect much. Maybe it can take weeks to pack but if she can't find an evening free or a couple hours its not as big a deal to her. When a girl really likes you, she knows there's a chance things will fizzle due to her moving so she will find a way to at least keep the momentum going. Not trying to be pessimistic, just don't worry about it and game other girls. Since she's already friend zoned you before its not gonna be hard for her to let things fizzle. Maybe someone else can give you better advice here. You're in the sticky situation of waiting so you don't come off to needy but you risk things just fizzling again or you push a meet up and push her away. Either way continue gaming.
Author:  Onoma [ Sun Mar 29, 2015 5:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I offer to help after two dates?
So the game she had invited me to is coming up this weekend. I haven't contacted her, nor have I heard from her.

Should I hit her up Wednesday/Thursday and just ask if we're still on for the game? Maybe just prefix it with "I'm trying to plan my weekend...?"

Or should I just wait to hear from her?

For the record I'm somewhat inclined to believe her about wanting to make sure she got packed... if only because she was brutally honest with me last year.

I'm also not sure I'm " too invested." Maybe more just confused... I know a kiss doesn't necessarily mean much, but it makes no sense for her to initiate it if she wasn't attracted now. I wasn't pushing for it, and was sitting there expecting this to go on as more of a friendship thing.

Anyway, next steps?
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