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| Should I kick his ass? |
| Yes |
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| No |
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[ 32 ] |
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| Total Votes : 43 |
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new guy4554
New to PUA Forum
Joined: 02 Nov 2009
Posts: 4
Reputation: 1.5  
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 Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 11:49 pm Post subject: Wife had an affair, should I kick the guy’s ass? |
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| My wife of 4 years recently told me she’s been having an affair for several months with a male friend of hers. In fact, she just left me for him. I’ve met him a few times before, guy she used to work with. I’m furious at both of them and really want to kick his ass. We don’t have any kids but I have a great career and my freedom to lose if I get arrested. I think it’s worth the risk anyway; this d-bag ruined my marriage. I don’t know if I’ll be able to respect myself if I don’t kick his ass. He not only hurt me but all of my family and friends and all of her family and friends that we built great relationships with over the years. Do you think I should do it? Also, despite her horrible actions I want her back. Would kicking his ass in anyway help or hurt my chances of getting her back? |
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Tom_"Maybe"
PUA Forum Enthusiast
Joined: 28 Oct 2009
Posts: 95
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Reputation: 26.8
votes: 7
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:16 am Post subject: |
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Have you ever heard of the Lover/Provider mentality in women? It's interesting. It's the fact that women look for two completely different things in a man, and it is rare to meet both criteria.
On one hand of a woman's needs... she is looking for a lover. Someone that gives a girl an amazing emotional roller coaster. Someone that gives a girl everything they could ever need mentally and physically. For example: Great sex, fun light conversation, deep emotional connections (not through similarities), ect.
Then on the other hand a woman looks for more materialistic things from a man. Not until lately in the 20th century did women not so much soulfully sing allegiance to this side of their egotistical needs. They need a provider of good THINGS as well. Things like a nice house, and a nice car, the Picasso painting in the hallway, and everything that shows people around her that she is of high status. THEY NEED A PROVIDER AS MUCH AS A LOVER.
On many occasions you'll find yourself in one of these two categories. And the sad truth is that it is much easier for a lover to become a provider, than for a provider to become a lover.
My guess is that you with the good job landed you as a provider.
If I were you I would just divorce her and move on. There are better women out there, and women that would do many a things to be with you. So I'd just re-enter the game and find yourself someone new. And don't fight the guy... short answer lol. |
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Munroe
PUA Forum Addict
Joined: 31 Oct 2008
Posts: 254
Reputation: 58.6
votes: 3
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:00 am Post subject: Re: Wife had an affair, should I kick the guy’s ass? |
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| new guy4554 wrote: | | My wife of 4 years recently told me she’s been having an affair for several months with a male friend of hers. In fact, she just left me for him. I’ve met him a few times before, guy she used to work with. I’m furious at both of them and really want to kick his ass. We don’t have any kids but I have a great career and my freedom to lose if I get arrested. I think it’s worth the risk anyway; this d-bag ruined my marriage. I don’t know if I’ll be able to respect myself if I don’t kick his ass. He not only hurt me but all of my family and friends and all of her family and friends that we built great relationships with over the years. Do you think I should do it? Also, despite her horrible actions I want her back. Would kicking his ass in anyway help or hurt my chances of getting her back? |
"I think it’s worth the risk anyway; this d-bag ruined my marriage. I don’t know if I’ll be able to respect myself if I don’t kick his ass."
It takes two to tango.
"Would kicking his ass in anyway help or hurt my chances of getting her back?"
It would probably hurt them. They're going to frame you as being a psycho.
"We don’t have any kids but I have a great career and my freedom to lose if I get arrested."
Odds are, if you were to be arrested, it wouldn't bring you any closer to getting her back. You wouldn't gain anything from it in the end, but you could jeopardize your career and your future.
I'm not going to pretend to know how you feel. This isn't a crush, a oneitis, or even a girlfriend. This is a marriage. Its a big, big deal and I know its a tremendous loss for you.
If I were in your shoes, I have no idea what my course of action would be, but I really believe that you shouldn't turn to violence. There is really no value to be gained from it, and there is a lot to lose.
Reconciliation may be possible, but I hope you can find comfort in knowing that a dating future will exist for you if you make a decision to pursue. You aren't going to die alone or anything. I hope for reconciliation, but if it doesn't happen, be happy that there are no children in the marriage.
Don't be alone. Spend time with family and friends. Seek counseling if you need to. Don't rely on the PU forum. Now is not the time to get dating advice from mostly a bunch of teenagers.
I hope things work out for you. Good luck. |
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Brah
Member of PUA Forum
Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Posts: 176
Reputation: 29.6
votes: 2
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:05 am Post subject: |
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Once a cheater, always a cheater. You can never trust her again. Yes, the guy is a total douchebag and deserves to get his teeth knocked in. But it's also her fault. Don't take it too hard on yourself, some women are just cheaters and don't have the loyalty it takes to make it in marriage (they tend to be pretty selfish women).
Just move on. Be the better man. Going out and meet new women/people is the best way to get over her.
Also, take the stylelife challenge. I've become a huge fan! |
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sweed123
New to PUA Forum
Joined: 03 Nov 2009
Posts: 3
Reputation: 0.3
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:42 am Post subject: |
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Don't...
Your here now... Be the prize... once you truely become the prize you will not want her... but infact once you gain it all and she see's the change in you she mayb want you back...
For now build on yourself, through here is a good start hundreds of meterial here. |
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Foxtrot 5
PUA Forum Addict
Joined: 07 Jul 2009
Posts: 221
Location: New York
Reputation: 32.8
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:42 am Post subject: |
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| There's someone better out there. Someone who wont cheat. The ultimate way to get back is to succeed in your career like crazy and get a new, hot girl |
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ONEdayATaTIME
PUA Forum Enthusiast
Joined: 28 Oct 2009
Posts: 36
Reputation: 4.5
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:06 am Post subject: |
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| Brah wrote: | | Once a cheater, always a cheater. ! |
This guy said it. My last relationship began while my now ex-girlfriend started cheating on her boyfriend with me. We hit it off then after 3 years she cheated on me. Now 9 months later, she's shown a recent interest in me (again) to which I'm sure if I were willing I could get her to cheat on her current boyfriend with me...again.
Pursuing is just not worth it, nor is waiting. What happened sucked, kicking his ass is not worth it because she is just as responsible as he. Try and move on at your own pace is the best advice I can give. A few revenge fucks may help too...it helped me. |
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Herne
Member of PUA Forum
Joined: 03 Nov 2009
Posts: 137
Reputation: 20.9
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:15 am Post subject: |
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kicking his ass could boomerang on you--if you really want to hurt a guy let him come out of his house to see the burnt out shell of his car if u want to see him weep--thats him --now her
Dont take her back--ever
And heres what a female friend of mine when she was in a similar scenario 2 u---go have an affair with someone close to her and that she knows very well--best friend,sister ,mother---and make sure ur ex finds out |
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RVAIS
PUA Forum Addict
Joined: 30 May 2009
Posts: 220
Location: Upstate New York
Reputation: 39.9
votes: 1
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:28 am Post subject: |
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| Dont kick his ass kharma will get that bitch in the end, just wait and see. You got off lucky by not having any kids with her. Just rebuild yourself. And no matter what dont take her back. you live you learn. |
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vizzy
Member of PUA Forum
Joined: 16 Oct 2009
Posts: 112
Reputation: 27.5
votes: 3
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:37 am Post subject: |
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It's the womens fault as much as it is the guy's fault...maybe even more her fault.
Kicking his ass wouldn't solve anything, although I do agree it WOULD make you feel better. But what would probably make you feel even better than that would be finding a girl younger and hotter than your ex wife and fucking her, that would make you feel even better IMO.
Your wife cheated on you for 2 months - get over her, she doesn't care about your feelings or anything about you, why should you care about her?
And whatever you do, don't EVER get back with her, she's capable of cheating once, she's capable of doing it again. If for whatever reason she does want to get back with you, get back with her for one night, fuck her then tell her to piss off and throw her out of your house...this is the only situation where I support this kind of behavior, because a cheater deserves no less.
And I'd understand a women cheating after knowing someone for a few months, but 4 years?!?!?! That is fucked up. |
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Habitual Jerk
New to PUA Forum
Joined: 10 Aug 2009
Posts: 7
Location: Baton Rouge
Reputation: 6.4
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:14 am Post subject: |
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Don't kick his ass. If you do that he presses charges and you lose again.
Other the other hand you can go out and get a better girl and piss both of them off.
She's jealous of your new and hotter girl, he's stuck with your sloppy second (who continues cheating btw).
It sounds like you have a good job and I'm not a laywer but I guessing you should come out of a divorce pretty good considering that she was having an affair.
Plus you don't have any kids with her.
This could be a fresh new beginning for you. I know probably isn't all this simple from your perspective but you should strongly consider our advice. We're not under the emotional stress that you most likely are right now.
Just try to stay focused on the positive things that can come out of this. This could be a good time to weed out some bad things in your life... and improve some things. |
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Jon Paul
Member of PUA Forum
Joined: 23 Mar 2009
Posts: 138
Location: UK
Reputation: 30.6
votes: 1
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:36 am Post subject: |
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ye i agree i dnt think kicking his ass would ever help the situation. If you get arrested for it, i can really shaft u.
I say go out an get a hotter girl that would annoy the shit out of her! |
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lucky1990
PUA Forum Enthusiast
Joined: 22 Oct 2009
Posts: 88
Location: Glasgow
Reputation: 15
votes: 1
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:19 pm Post subject: |
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kidding...you'd definitely regret fighting him because he might end up kicking your ass and then who likes like the asshole?
Regards
Lucky |
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Jaybot
PUA Forum Leader
Joined: 11 Sep 2008
Posts: 1679
Location: UK
Reputation: 198.9
votes: 10
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:48 pm Post subject: |
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| It would achieve nothing and repel her, focus more on where you went wrong than her would be my advice. People in happy relationships don't cheat |
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B-J
New to PUA Forum
Joined: 03 Nov 2009
Posts: 8
Reputation: 2.5
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:13 pm Post subject: |
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dude that woman doesn't even deserve your sympathy but i know how you feel since i have been in love and hurt before .
my best advice to you is to get away from her as much as you cant rebuild yourself go out meet new people and just learn from what happen in this life a man have to have a clear idea of what king of value you want from yours friend and relationships.
and don't fight that man since he saw and opportunity with a beautiful woman and took it. she is the one that de-respected your relationship.
peace man and don't ever fight a guy for a girl that has de-respected you. |
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