| Why timing is the key
From a young age, women are shown by Disney movies that they should want a prince charming. The romantic moment that every AFC thinks women want - the ring in the champagne, the midnight declaration of love in the rain etc.
The thing is, most rAFC's think women DONT want this. I would argue that they are just as wrong as the men who think that is all they want.
In the same way, AFC's think the friends zone is impossible to avoid and that they will get slapped if they go in for a kiss to early.
The thing is, AFC's are not missing anything:
Women want you to approach them, they want you to flirt, they want you to kiss, they want you to seduce and they even want you to do that big romantic show of your love. But as with all things, there is a time and a place!
This is why timing is the key to success and in this post I will evaluate too soon, too late and just right for each aspect of the interaction:
The approach
Too early: when you go up to her when it is clear she is busy. An example of this is when she walks into a bar and is just saying hello to her friends. Sure, if your approach is good it will work but she is more interested in getting her position in the group and catching up on the gossip.
Too late: She has been giving you looks for half an hour, playing with her hair and even brushed past you. The whole time you just looked nervous and pretended to not notice her. After an hour you have finally drunk enough to get the courage to go and say hi, unfortunately what you actually say is "heyyyy your pwettyy hot" in a drunk slur!
Just right: You made eye contact, smiled at her and she gave you a smile back. You walk over and say hi.
The k-close
Too early: You have just said hi, spoken for about a min and half way through her telling you about that cool necklace you asked about and you just grab her and kiss her.
Too late: You have been talking for a few weeks and have been out together a few times. You have made no effort to get physical and she assumes you are either not interested or just a friend.
Just right: You notice she is showing signs of interest, you have naturally increased the escalation and have reduced the distance between the two of you. A sure fire way is that you see her triangularly gazing (eye, lips, eye).
The "are we in a relationship"
Too early: Half way through the day 2. Basically before you could possibly know what she is actually like - it shows you just want someone, not her.
Too late: She has asked to keep some basics at your house (tooth brush etc) and you have given each other a spare key. Every time she brings up the subject of your relationship you avoid it because even though you are having a great time - you still don't want commitment and won't just be honest with her.
Just right: This is a tough one, it is basically the point you realise you know her and enjoy being around her. She will also give you signs, I personally find its the point when it isn't strange for you to cuddle on the sofa watching Saturday night tv together.
The big romantic gesture
Too early: A month into the relationship you ask her to marry you. You haven't met her friends, family and don't even know where she grew up. You get the idea, it is similar to the are we in a relationship question to early. Telling a girl you love her is something that in my opinion should never be said too early or you just becomes something you say because you think you should. We have all met a guy who has told a girl he loved her after a week or something - we all know how that ends up.
Too late: She broke up with you six months ago and you realise now she was the one for you (fyi, she wasn't you just haven't got back on your feet). So, you decide (probably while drunk) you should go to her house with a classical orchestra and tell her how your life hasn't been the same without her and that you knew that you should have been together forever. There are two ways this will turn out - you stayed friends and she just doesn't see you like that anymore. You haven't spoken to her in all that time and she is majorly freaked out/embarrassed.
Just right: You know what she is like and what she likes. You are comfortable around her and don't feel you NEED to tell her to stay together or anything like that. You should have that feeling that you have both been dying to say it but you have both been cool about it - this is the perfect time. This is the point when you know you could simply take her out to a movie and then get a KFC and you would have a great time but instead, you go to a nice Italian place in the evening and then go for a walk along the beach and after sitting on the sand talking about random stuff you just look at her and tell her. That is the sort of moment that she will tell ALL her friends about and remember for the rest of her life.
To me, while each of these situations are different there are common themes to the timing:
Too early: You are rushing into things. You don't know her enough. You are not comfortable around each other. It doesn't just happen/ the situation feels forced.
Too late: Fear stopped you taking the right opportunity. You wanted to wait for the "perfect" time rather than the taking a good opportunity. You over thought it.
Just right: WHEN IT JUST FEELS RIGHT.
Anyways - as always these are my opinions and I hope to get some good discussion going from this! I haven't by any means done every situation as many have very common themes (a k-close, f-close etc)
I am going to attempt to be posting some more stuff up as I have more free time again.
Madals
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