This is just a casual rant. Here is the problem:

As I scroll through relationship related topics there are certainly a great number of them being associated with the followings:

-girlfriend behaving bitchy
-girlfriend refusing sex
-girlfriend doing other things you don't want.

And what are the responses? Some of them include:
-RUN!!
-Leave while you can...
-Show her who's boss! (aka play stupid games)

You know, in my country there's a saying. And I find it really true especially for my generation. It goes like this:
"Back in the days when something went wrong we used to fix it, not throw it away."

So what the problem is, and what people should understand is that most(not all...) relationship problems come down to these factors:

-Lack of communication
-Lack of balls
-Lack of frame control(These are pretty much related btw...)
-Lack of consistency(playing games...)
-Being too predictable and/or taking her for granted.

Look, I'm not saying all relationships could be saved. Some people just weren't meant to be. If your expectations from a relationship and your girlfriend's expectations differ too much, then probably you're better off on your own. You can't expect anyone to change their own desires. But this mentallity that your girlfriend is doing something you don't like, and instead of talking about it you just start playing stupid games, like making her jealous, or just leave her for good because you sure as hell are an alpha dog, and can find another pretty face any time you want is just PLAIN WRONG.

Then again here's this little community misbelief: "But if I say that it bothers me that we don't have sex, then I'm needy because I show her that I'm depending on her too much"

Okay... you shouldn't just say: "Babe, I need more sex." Just when you're turned down ask her what's wrong. Not in an offensive way. In a way that you really care. "I'm just not in the mood" is not an acceptable answer. It is, for once in a while, but not 5 days a week. You should pay attention to your girlfriend and find out what's the cause of this because no sex means the relationship is DYING! She may not tell you, but she will always send you signals. She might talk about how her friend's boyfriend took her out on a romantic date... BINGO, she needs that you care about her more. She might talk about his brother doing a lot of housework at home... BINGO, she wants you to help her out more at home. etc. etc... the most important thing is to PAY ATTENTION.

Other problems are just needed to be talked about. Say your girlfriend blames you for things that you are not responsible for. This means you have a weak frame. Don't get into a fight! Fights don't solve anything. Talk calmly, but strongly. Say that it's just not your responsibility. Make her explain how it is your fault, but don't get your voice up because she will just become even more bitchy, start crying about how you never understand her, and will never ever tell you what's her real problem.

So in conclusion: regarding most problems talking about it is the best solution. Good communication is basic in a healthy relationship.

Regarding the other mistakes, just a few words:

1) Lack of balls

Well, grow a pair. If you just let your girl play with your head, and you don't say a word you will be used and/or cheated in no time.

2) Playing games

Playing stupid games don't solve the problem of not having the balls to state what's the problem. If you act like an immature whiny little fucker, be sure that you will be treated like one.

3) Being too predictable/taking her for granted

Okay why would I talk about these two together? Because being too predictable is usually the consequence of taking her for granted. She's your girlfriend, and she might love you now, but... sorry to tell you: Feelings may change as time goes by. If you don't remain interesting she can choose to leave any time. Well this applies to you too. In the case when your girlfriend is becoming really boring, and you've tried to spice things up and she just doesn't seem to even want to do anything about this, feel free to leave, as I've said you can't match with everyone. That would pretty much go against evolution.

4) Lack of frame control

You're the man in the relationship. That means you're the leader. That doesn't mean everything is meant to happen like you want it. That's despotism, not leadership. It means that you're the one to bring up decisions, problems, solutions, dates, holidays etc. Being a man is not just telling her around what to do, it comes with lots of responsibility. If you can't take responsibility for your actions you will not be appreciated as a grown up man. Of course, you should definitely ask her opinion about these topics, but you should be the one to bring these up in at least 90% of the time.

Good luck with your girlfriends, and, for your own sake, don't listen to the KJs...

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

Instict Excellent.

I always had success in relationships most of my relationships minimum 1 year to 3 years, I usually get bored and do the dumping. but now I found a girl which I am really happy with, drama free. Been with her almost 7 years (I got a talk all this crap in case she reads my blog, wink wink).

Problem is many dudes learn pick up, but relationship is another type of skill level, which is different from pick up... Some of the things i observe that are conductive to failure are:

1.- Dude gets betasized... She feel in love with a "cool dude" that "cool dude" change to a "needy/pussy dude".

2.- The dude got comfortable and predictable: Out of shape, his ambition and goals disapeared etc...

3.- lack of understanding of women. Most guys including puas do not understand women.

4.- lack of communication.- dudes do not know how to correctly communicate with women, women do not communicate the same as dudes, they are very drama and expressive instead of getting to the point, in other words they act up ( just like a dog). Let me explain, when the dog needs to pee, they don't come to you and communicate "hey dude i need to pee please take me out" they pace back and forth, women have tons of subcommunications they really do not verbally get to the point.

5.- If women are not giving you sex... Is cause she is not happy and you are not getting her... There is the different in between giving her what you think she wants and needs. Instead of you giving her what she really wants and need.

6.- Settling.- You see it on the forum all the time, specially dudes i help and coach, they get that girl and they make her the gf. Instead of getting more girls and screening right.

7.- Lack of boundaries and leadership from the start. They let the girl step all over them, and they leave it up to the girl to make the decisions.

8.- Provider frame instead of lover frame. They went into the relationship with the provider nice guy frame, instead of the sexual, bad boy frame.

9.- Lack of Secret society status. At all times the girls needs to know that you have the skills set to go and get other women if things do not work out.

10.- Lack of constant self actualization from the dudes part. Getting stuck in life, no improving or working on being constantly better.

Here is a sample of a recent conflict I had with my girlfriend over another girl, I met her at a club, I was not interested in her, but I can understand how my girlfriend reading her texts could feel cheated and mislead. I nickname my gf/wife.

wife: If you cant explain one or two txt mesgs that 'Look' suspicious, ur not worth it 7:13 PM

wife: I am leaving now. 7:13 PM
Me: okay i am busy 7:13 PM
wife: Its over I dont care anymore, not worth it to me anymore. Go f##### urself. 7:12 PM
Me: okay i am busy 7:12 PM


First she is not gonna not care anymore after 7 years over 1 text message, what she is really saying is "dude i trust you and i do not check your phone, and let you do what you want, why the fuck you are going behind my back cheating".

^ All of that are valid points and she is right, but the truth is as bad as it looks that is not the reality. So I just explain to her that I teach guys how to seduce women at clubs and I have to practice what I preach base on the field instead of kjoking. But I am not really cheating I am fishing the fish, and releasing it back into the water.

Me: But i love you! You have all i want and need i do not need anybody else, get that through you head.. I flirt to get insights on game, nothing else, not interested in any girl and i swear on your mom. 9:44 AM

^ here I reassure her that she is the one and I do not want or need anybody else, which for now is the truth. Then I fuck with her swearing on her mom instead of my mom, lol (push/pull).

Most dudes face on similar scenario but have fucked everything up and broken up for no reason.

_________________
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Can not agree more. I'll just reflect to the points you made...
Major problem. I think this is pretty much associated with the fact that dudes take their girlfriend for granted. I'd committed this mistake once and it took me a while to figure it out what I did wrong.
Same thing. He already got the girl so doesn't feel motivated to improve. Big mistake. You should improve for your own good, not to get in girls' pants.
This is basically the main cause of why I've written this topic.
I like your example. Good explenation.
Indeed, it's this simple. If you don't get sex then you're doing something wrong in 99.99% of the cases. The remaining is associated with health problems(side effect of the pill: may reduce sex drive dramatically, as well as some diseases, but that's just not my point) And this is why you should always pay attention to your girlfriend and how she reacts. Pay extremely close attention to the topics she brings up after you've been turned down from sex.
No matter how many times I'm telling guys they just don't seem to understand. They meet one girl she's interested in them, and they're all like: We click so much, it's like we were meant to be from the beginning. Yeah well how do you know if you haven't met any other chick at all? Lack of experience working at its best.

If I get into a serious relationship my boundaries are clear. I demonstrate my expectation, and choose a girl that fits. Of course I need time to know this so it will take several dates before I would get into a relationship with a girl.

Friends with benefits doesn't really go with me because the girls always get hurt sooner or later. Even if I'm clear with that it's nothing serious, most of them are not strong enough emotionally to not fall for me, and then I have no other chance than dumping them before I really hurt them. I used to have a rule that no friends with benefits if I'm the only guy fucking them, but then the sorry ass pussies fell for the girls sooner or later and fucked up big time. I have outplayed them without intention, and the girls fell for me again.

Thankfully these don't really concern me right now as I've a girlfriend who I'm really happy with.
Yeah this mainly comes down to the "lack of balls" and "lack of frame control" problems.
There's also the other side of this coin. I consider myself as a kind person(not using the "nice guy" term because of its bad reputation) But that doesn't mean I'm not a sexual guy. I just don't fuck around with people. I always give what I get, and I expect the same. In other words, I expect sex for sex. Not more, not less. Regarding relationships it's the same thing. I'm loyal, consider myself a good lover. I tend to be quite spontaneous, and I like exciting stuff. Going to restaurants for boring dinners might be nice for anniversaries or something like that. Girls need romance. But a date is not casual with me, and I'm sure to spice that boring dinner up with something. The point is that I expect the same from my girl. Loyality, good lover, adventurous and good humour. If a naked guitarist shows up during our dinner and starts singing the Titanic theme I want her to laugh. (Okay that was pretty exaggarated, but you get the point) If she doesn't have it, I'm not starting a relationship. It would be irresponsible and a waste of time.
Yes, and Yes. You need to make sure your girl knows she is the single most important woman in your life, but if she fucks up you can find anotherone. Jealousy won't help to stop her from cheating. The fact that if she cheats she's dumped for sure will help. The other problem with this is guys misunderstand this... Brag about how they picked up chicks before her, and stuff like that. And then I ask "WTF is your problem? How would you feel if your girl talked about how and how many guys fucked her before you?" Girls notice sings. By being an attractive man you will always have female interest around you, and your girlfriend will notice this. You just shouldn't brag about it, it's weak. But if you don't mention she will understand that it's just how you are, and it's natural for you that girls are interested in you. This is fucking attractive.
Why would a girl stay with a guy who doesn't want to get better? There's just no point for her. She will know instantly that at some point you will just become a boring puppet she could play with because you have absolutely no intention of standing out, and achieving something in life.

I also like your example. Explains proper frame control, communication and paying attention at the same time.

Regards, and respect.

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

I don't really agree with a lot of what was written here.
Guys need to stop catering to women and their needs. The advice given on the relationship forums is perfectly fine, imo. Caring less is more. Why should I have to fix anything? If something is broken, its not because I broke it. If a girl stops giving you sex, find it somewhere else. Stop jumping through hoops to try to appease her so that she gives you the treat for being a good doggie. Its a positive feedback loop and it leads to celibacy and singledom. I've been down that road before. Never. Again.
I no longer try to make a relationships "work".
I no longer try to make a girl stay if she thinks a relationship "isn't working".
If a girl wants a relationship to work, then she can go ahead and make it work. If she doesn't think its going to work, I show her the door, delete her number, and find a new one. (yes I do practice what I preach, and I have done exactly this ever since I learned my lesson a year ago).
Taking a girl for granted has nothing to do with being beta. Being beta and catering to a girl is the exact opposite of taking someone for granted.
You know what happens when I take a girl for granted?
She notices, and she starts worrying that I don't want her anymore, and does everything to get my affection back.
Communication is bad. Talk less. Treating a gf like a best friend is the worst thing you can do. It destroys any and all distance, and before you know it, she'll take YOU for granted.
As for self improvement. I agree entirely. It should never be for women. It should be for yourself, and it should never stop. Love yourself, and you'll notice that women will notice, and they'll love you too.

I guess the reason this irritates me is that blame is being put back on men for not working hard enough in failed relationships. This is completely untrue. Relationships fail because men try too hard, not the other way around.

Here we go again. I state that you should look at how you can make your girlfriend happy, and someone shouts "That's needy". Let me congratulate you for understanding nothing about what I said.

How is giving a woman what she needs jumping through hoops? She doesn't want you to jump through hoops, she wants you to be a man. If you give her that, then are you catering her? LMAO...

Also you really expect only your girl to make the relationship work? Well you must never get hurt, but you sure as hell break hearts every once in a while. It's kind of insecure to be afraid of getting hurt and play distant like that you know. Good luck when you get married with that attitude, I have a great lawyer friend btw if you want to make your future wife's life miserable finantially too.
How old are these girls we are talking about? 17? Real women have more self respect than that, mate. They'll fucking leave you if you don't respect them.
Relationships fail because men try too hard, or don't try at all. Or the two people don't match. End of story, but if you want to remain this deluded, I'm not going to try convincing you anymore, life will teach you anyway...

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

^ How long was your longest relationship? Nobody is advocating to be accommodating, did you read the part about leadership and boundaries. if you are accommodating you are done. Relationship is a mutual partnership, not one sided stuff... By the way this advise is for dudes that are looking ltr, is not for poly or other arrangements...

_________________
Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a dancefloor/club environment, check out my blog and youtube channel:
http://www.dancefloorseduction.com

Dancefloor/Club game youtube channel:
http://www.youtube.com/dancefloorseduction

My longest relationship was 2.5 years of torture. I was with a BPD that would want a breakup every time things got quiet, and came running after me every time I left. Mutual partnerships don't work unless one of the parties is calling the shots. Heywood Jablowme said something very wise in another thread it went something along the lines of "The person less interested in the relationship holds the power in the relationship." By trying to make a relationship in trouble work, you are dooming yourself to failure.
My position is to never generate drama or problems, so if something is wrong, its because the girl made it wrong. If she wants to fix it, she can. If she keeps blaming me or expecting me to do it, I leave. If she really wants the relationship, she'll come running after.

Should be stickied and read by peeps in relationships

@zmbcm1 You're basing your assumptions on ONE girl.
Noone can argue this is true, but if you're not interested at all, you will have all the power but not the relationship.
Wrong. It's not the act of trying to make it work, it's the "HOW" you are trying to work. Are you listenning to the signals your girlfriend is sending why she's not happy(good) or are you trying hard and becoming needy(wrong)
I wasn't talking about drama. Also, if you really don't create problems then yes, it's not your job to fix it. But this just shows that you really didn't understand what I was implying with my post. Guys fuck up because they think once they have the girl, they will always have it. And they take up unattractive behaviour patterns. And their girl will send signals about that, but they fail to notice(instead they think it's some shit test, or any other stupid misbelief like that) which will lead to the doom of the relationship.

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

Got you! the investment should be equal or for us(seducers) higher on her part. Totally agree on the "trying to make it work" when is clearly "not working".... It should be i have problem how can we address the issue and come to a mutual solution. But my point is there is not me vs her type stuff, it is the us.

_________________
Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a dancefloor/club environment, check out my blog and youtube channel:
http://www.dancefloorseduction.com

Dancefloor/Club game youtube channel:
http://www.youtube.com/dancefloorseduction