A few weeks back a girl I work with and know quite well and who I have had numerous lunch "dates" with (she always said yes to these), have been out drinking with a lot and hung out with a lot basically...recently told me that she wasn't ignoring me and wanted to keep her distance from me for a while because she is "occasionally quite uncomfortable with things I say to her", she said she wasn't mad though, although she refused to tell me what those things were (she told me that I should know! via text)

The thing is that I actually said that Keep My Distance thing first as I was ashamed of some drunken texts and behaviour (I have walked away from her more than once after she pissed me off) I sent her and wanted to get my shit straight) during this week of ugly silence, she would often walk past my desk and in one instance we looked at each other and she put her eyes down to the floor.

During the week of keeping her distance, she did a lot of things she normally wouldn't do (take the long way around to the bathroom etc., be in the kitchen a lot etc. and giving me not very subtle glances), she ended up coming out drinking a few weekends back and it was very awkward, I said hello to her and went and drank with a group of Friends, as I was leaving she yelled out Bye (my name) really loudly and she ended up sending me a text after I left, saying “why are you making it awkward, we can still be around each other right?

I replied back (and in hindsight I should have ignored that text) and just said are you kidding me?, you asked for distance, I respected that and gave it to you, why are you sending me texts like this?

Then I got this message on Facebook a few days later

‘Hi, Just so you know, It was just very recently I started feeling uncomfortable it’s not like it’s been months and months, it’s been a matter of weeks. And I did tell you as soon as I thought it was getting to be a problem.

But as I have said before, I have no on going issues with you as long as we keep our relationship at a friend level. Like we were before. Is that what you want?!’

Why is she asking me if that is what I want? how can it be like it was before with all of this bullshit from her?

For the record I have always said that we are good Friends (I'm in a relationship) and I have never come onto her, there have in all honesty been numerous flirty moments between us though, in fact all of this bullshit all came after she was being extra flirtatious and co-workers were seeing how she was with me.

and why can she not explain this?

I asked her to meet up for coffee so we could have a chat because things were getting weird between us and she told me that she would feel uncomfortable being alone with me.

That really hurt to be honest and I asked her ‘Why would you feel uncomfortable being alone with me?’

She replied “Arghhh I don’t know how to explain it (she used my name here)"

She is still doing a lot of things to get my attention at work, I avoid her if I can and I don’t speak to her any more and I stopped texting her (deleted her number) and e-mailing (we used to e-mail each other a lot and it was often her that asked me if I was going out drinking after work etc) her at work etc, it's been around 5-6 days with out any verbal contact from my side, she has said good morning and goodbye a few times but I don't really acknowledge it and there have been a few looks here and there.

She still looks at me a lot during the day and gets jealous when other girls talk to me.

I have never seen this side to her (we have known each other for almost 3 years), I mean we have fought in the past, but not like this and even though we work together, we just aren't in each other's lives any more.

Is she really uncomfortable with me? (she sat right across from me at a team meeting the other morning and was playing with her hair and looking at me), or is she just uncomfortable with the feelings she has or are these just shit tests?

Why did the uncomfortable thing change from "things I say" to "being uncomfortable alone with me?"

Or is she just an attention seeker?

Really confused and appreciate any advice

This is classic flirting.

She's into you but she doesn't want to be viewed as the girl on the side by your coworkers. All of the irrational behavior stems from that.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

Thanks JackZero, so what do I do? Keep ignoring her? Wait for her to make contact again?
I'm pretty sure that he is using another dude to make me jealous as well.

I'm going away for a few weeks soon, so maybe she might come to her senses and cut all of this HS bullshit, when I return.

What is it that you really want from her? She wants you for more than just friends but you have a girlfriend already. She also doesn't want to have a bad reputation in front of her coworkers.

If you are waiting for her to go back to normal, it'll never happen. She'll end up in the same position of having to protect her reputation.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

I want us to talk about things, this needs to be addressed, I might not be with my girlfriend forever, I just want her to talk to me about things so I can understand, if I'm thinking with my other head lol...then I want something very discreet with her, but as she has told another co-worker things I'm pretty sure she would tell her if something happened.

This sounds like a lot of drama to me. Workplace drama is just so unnecessary since there are so many other women out there that will be willing to be discreet.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

Agreed bro, but how should I be with her at work?, keep ignoring her, just be myself and polite and civil?, I'm also jealous of another guy orbiting around her, but I don't want to show it man.

Girls actually love to sneak around. And they generally don't give a shit that you have a GF, unless she knows your GF. If she doesn't, you should be fine. She just needs to know you can be discreet.

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RSDTyler

She has met her but she doesn't know her well, why won't this girl talk to me?, why does she look at me so much during the day?, why does she have a look on her face that shows she is feeling things?

I might sound like a Female here but we need to talk, I don't understand her at all, this needs to be addressed or it is going to get worse and spill out into the office.

I think she is quite immature and needs to grow some damn balls.

This is the beginning, middle and end of your problems.
That and the fact that you never made a move when this girl was into you.

If she's feeling things for you and you reciprocate, then it's an unstoppable connection between you two! If you don't act and she's afraid she's the only one feeling this way, it makes her feel like a slutty homewrecker, seeking out another girl's boyfriend.

And she keeps telling you exactly how to fix this, and you refuse to listen. She says be normal and act like you did before(when she was into you). All she's wanting when she said she wanted space was to push responsibility for the first move off on you and to make sure no one at work thinks she's causing you to cheat on your girlfriend. All you needed to do is acknowledge it, and then proceed forward as usual. You're listening to her at the wrong times(her excuses), and ignoring her at the wrong times(her desires).

BTW, you need to find out who it was at work that started this drama. Someone said to her after the flirting, something like "are you two together now? You know he has a girlfriend!". Start with fat chicks who seem to have crushes on you. That's the culprit about 4/5 of the time.

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RSDTyler

Great advice bro

Thanks

We had a big chat on Facebook earlier and it seems we are back to being civil again, she explained some things but never told me that she is into me or has feelings for me, I didn't think she would, how do I play it with her now?

I am into her and do want something discreet with her, basically she acted up big time at work today and looked at me so much and did a lot of things to get my attention, I actually asked her to stop it and told her that I didn't need to explain things to her (in short I am saying that other people are seeing her act this way) I came home to messages on my FB from her and went from there.

What is it that you want dude?

From what I see you are playing into the little world that she's designed and you have no direction of your own that you would like to lead her into. You're not being the cause, you are being the effect. She wasn't to be the effect of your cause not the other way around.

What do you want from this situation and why? When you figure that out I can help give you the instruction that you are looking for.

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I want her but need to be very discreet about it, I get your point but like
Versalis stated she was telling me how to fix it and I refused to listen, I took the uncomfortable thing to mean something really bad when it actually wasn't.

I want to be the cause, I want her to chase me, I want her to flirt with me again because it gives me a rush and I love it when she gives me certain looks.

What does she want from me?

tl. dr.

Advice: Don't shit where you eat. Plenty of other girls out there.