it seems i cant cross the line of respect to other people i always care for their feelings and afraid they might think of me as a bad person . they always make the first move to break the ice

true being a good person is not bad

i have this bad ass friend he teases girls to suck his balls, sluts, and whatever you can think of
but he knows when to say it right. it somehow works even girls with quiet personality cant resist
they even call him back.

it seems my mind filters the things not to say and to say like before the words come out it becomes a thought
whether to say it or not i am totally aware of it. all i want is to be free

i have a psychiatrist doctor and is useless as fuck my parents just wasted their money spendin
actually i used self help development books and articles to recover my self from my past depression
on the internet shes just there to update my life and diagnose the dose my meds

what her response is always predictable and mainstream to the society about my concerns

i need help on methods or steps how to overcome this anxiety thanks!

Google "The Red Pill."

I'm guessing your Mother was the dominant member of your family circle.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Wow, my mom was dominant too. I am Googling redbill now haha.

This part of the forum is about shyness and anxiety, and it is in precisely the right part of the forum that you posted this message. Beccuse you are not too nice, too polite, or too good; you are just shy.

"it seems my mind filters the things not to say and to say like before the words come out it becomes a thought whether to say it or not i am totally aware of it."
Indeed, because this is exactly what shyness feels like. Take it from me, I am quite shy.

But shyness, like any other fear, can be faced and overcome. Easily in fact, probably more easily than many other fears. The key is not in analyzing your situations more carefully with or without people on this forrum, but about going out and talking to people. Reframe your fear as excitement and realize that the worst you could end up as is... embarrassed. So "swallow your pride, it is not poison."

You say all you want is to be free. You can be, your filter is self-imposed.

Being a nice guy in the form you explained it is bad because you let other peoples perceptions prevent you for living your own life. And no only that, but you also allow people to use you for emotional come ups. That in turn will bring you down into a state of depression, if you let other suck your energy without requiring them to provide anything. Your presence, words, and time all have to be seen as valuable. Put a price on them. A high price.

The question you are asking lays a lot deeper than some quick advice on a forum.

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Warning, essay alert!

To summarise: don't be a nice guy...be a great guy

For example, does the guy walking around the bar acting douchey and pushing people out of his way get perceived as an alpha male? Or does the guy that stops and talks to everyone, (selectively) buys a few people some drinks and just contributes to a positive vibe in general command the respect and attention he deserves?

I'll let you dwell on that.

Just don't be 'nice' in a kind of needy way, e.g. "I'll buy you flowers...can we go on a date if I pay for it?" Be 'nice' in a way that CONTRIBUTES VALUE. This is how true alphas are perceived.

You don't want to be that shy nerdy guy...you want to be the next JFK, the next Martin Luther King, etc., etc. Read Dale Carnegie "How to Win Friends and Influence People", and not just the start. Read it start to finish, and see how positive people in business and politics win the admiration and influence of the people around them by remembering the simple fact that their ego is not the only ego that needs gratification!

Remember the SOFTEN acronym for open body language:

Smile
Open body language (don't cross arms!)
Forward (i.e. LEAN forwards to demonstrate interest)
Touch (e.g. a friendly gentle but firm squeeze is the best way to shake a man's hand: no death grip, and no limp fish either! if you have to squeeze past someone in a crowded space, touch them on the arm gently. walk around in a warm/friendly but definitive manner)
Eyes (make direct eye contact often, or if not eye contact look somewhere on the face - the nose, the mouth, the forehead, etc.)
Nod (ok, this isn't my favourite one because you don't want to look like a nodding dog constantly and blindly in agreement. but it's good to nod time to time)

Dale Carnegie principles

BECOME A FRIENDLIER PERSON
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
4. Become genuinely interested in other people.
5. Smile.
6. Remember that a person's name is to that person the most important sound in any language.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
8. Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
9. Make the other person feel important - and do so sincerely.
10 The only way to get the best of an argument is to
avoid it.
WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
11. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
12. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
13. Begin in a friendly way.
14. Get the other person saying, "Yes, yes" immediately.
15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
17. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
18. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
19. Appeal to the nobler motives.
20. Dramatize your ideas.
BE A LEADER
21. Throw down a challenge.
22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
23. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
26. Let the other person save face.
27. Praise the slightest and every improvement. Be "lavish in your praise."
28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Ok, so that's a lot to take on board. But take these principles with you and practice them in your daily life, not just with girls but people in general. Get creative, see how many different ways you can apply them and which situations are 'the exception to the rule'. Help old people cross the road, remember the name of that guy that always sells you the newspaper, spare some change for a homeless man once in a while, talk to the cleaner - nobody ever does!, do some voluntary work for your community. Just make sure nobody takes advantage! After that, come back and tell me that it doesn't work work and that you haven't been successful in getting people's respect.

If you are genuinely still finding that that's the case, after say...one month of daily practice, then it's probably time to practice assertiveness. Just go to a shop, order something you don't want, take the receipt then go back the next day and ask for your money back. Get a coffee in starbucks and tell them you didn't want milk. That kinda thing. Just don't get lost in your emotions: tell them calmly in a matter of fact way that XYZ is what you initially requested. Don't get angry or accusatory. But equally, don't pussy out. There's more to assertiveness than what I just said but this is a good starting point.

Oh yeah, and meditation/breathing exercises helps with keeping your cool. So does good posture (yoga and free weights helps with this. plus lifting free weights makes you more manly in general: check out Starting Strength by Rippetoe and Strong Lifts 5 x 5). Live a proactive lifestyle - interesting, attractive life = interesting, attractive person. Simple as.

You apply these principles, I'm telling you, you are on the road to becoming a true alpha.

Ok Red Pill is total bull shit. There's the odd nugget of wisdom, e.g. don't buy girls drinks, social status/confidence is important. But first you have to sift your way through a mountain of whiny men's rights shit. It doesn't help to believe that you are entitled to sex or that the world owes you, I've been there trust me. What it does is to instill a negative mindset, make you think that your efforts with regards to APPROACHING (i.e. not passively pussy footing around waiting for a girl to come to you) and seducing women are hopeless. Then you just sit around like a cry baby masturbating wondering why you're a socially awkward virgin. No good whatsoever.

Please disregard it...orrr if you must, then read it but with an objective frame of mind, considering the alternative points of view: that women don't owe you, that yes women pursue men with STATUS but that they are entitled to their own standards (as much as you are entitled to pursue hot blondes with big boobies). Finally, the qualities women find attractive in men (confidence, charismatic leadership, social communication, optimism) are actually more conducive to reproductive fitness and survival of the species than the qualities men generally find attractive in women. It's actually a GOOD thing that women are so selective. If there's good stuff in the Red Pill Reddit it's because they highlight and articulate that stuff. You've just gotta be careful to separate the wheat from the chaff.

For body language, check out this guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jP1ZbDIABZw

I think what the original poster you were responding to meant to direct you to is this writer named Rollo tomassi. He created this website titled the rational male which is pretty much the bread and butter of the analystical aspects of game. Or to be more specific, the philosophical and analytical aspects of understanding the gender dynamic and why women do what they do. The first step in getting out of you current mental state I would wager is to get the knowledge and build the bedrock that will support the next level of you moving forward.

Im in the same place bud, just a little a head in the game and im still dealing mental issues that are grounded with dealing with women and the construct society has fell into that fucks dudes up.

I was in the same boat as you. I've always been a reliable person and I like the reputation. But eventually it got it if have to where I wanted to please everyone. Best thing I learned was to say no and when to draw a line.

Also dont look up to that friend. Girls aren't the end all be all. I had friends who could bang just about any girl they wanted. I then found it those weren't quality girls and those friends have kids and their life is pretty much over at 20 while I'm just getting started.

But yeah it's little things that build up. Start valuing your happiness before others. Do things for yourself sometimes

They probably do think of you as a bad person, and that other guy as a good person .

After all, someone who's getting sex must be a good person, right?

Aww, don't feel bad, it's just a horror story.

Some good responses for the OP. The 'I used to be a nice guy but now I'm a d-bag and get girls' thread is somewhat common on forums like this. The problem is for the guys who are actually practicing this... some might be getting women but I promise you this - they're not getting quality women. Some attractive women - maybe. But not confident women.

I'm not attracted to women who aren't confident. I used to be able to have sex with them but can't anymore. It's disingenuous to both me and her. I want beautiful, awesome and confident.

And I consider myself a nice guy. I never crossed the d-bag negging jerk line and I'm happy to say I never did. I'm also not a wuss-bag (though I WAS one in my teens and early-20s when I started caring about a girl).

Being nice and polite gets you women... when you're not a wuss-bag. In the words of Adam Gilad - "be a bold man with an edge."

Give a woman respect and absolutely expect the same in return.

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