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So there has been other attempts at my pick up which have not been documented because I have not been very good about the up keep. So I am going to try and start this again. I think it’ll help me better my game. So I've been trying to go out and practice a day or 2 days a week (Usually only one). Unfortunately, I usually go out alone. This is due to not having a good group of single guys to game with. Also others not being able to keep up the frequency of going out. As in the following.
First, I arrived at the bar/club (it’s a restaurant at day and a club at night on weekend) around 11 pm. I go straight to the bar and order a drink. I see a girl on the left and a guy on the right. I ask him how's he's doing and then ask her how she's doing. Then I ask her a canned opinion opener (Friend still in love with ex; has pictures) she's talking and responding as she walks away; I try following up but can see she's trying to leave with a male friend. The guy say's "that was a good try". Honestly I think that fucked with my head the rest of the night. He said it sympathetically.
For the most part I spend the rest of the night trying to go to the bathroom on side and the bar on the other side of the club. I try to see if anyone catches my eye or I catch someone else's. That doesn't work. After a while I get a little frustrated, and go outside. I talk to some guy handing out cigarettes. His cousin's come up and are drunk. I talk to them for a bit but have trouble keeping their attention. In retrospect, I think I lost a lot of confidence at that point, and my body language was displaying that.
I try to let go of my outcomes a bit and approach two hot blondes. (I am Pakistani so I feel like my game would have to be very tight before I can pull that). But I try anyway. I am next to them on my phone. I ask the cuter one another canned opener. I say "can I ask you something, do you think drunk I love you' s count. I am texting my friend and she says they do while I say they don’t'. She goes in to give her opinion. Then I say; look if I took you on a date and hit you up later and said Iove you; that doesn't count. She then says "My boyfriend says he loves me all the time. Drunk or sober. I say, " well see he's in a relationship with you so you know he means it. My friends is getting it from a guy she just meant. She was yeah I don't think so. I ask her name and said it was nice to meet you. I don't think I had much of a chance going in. But I should have just treated it as an opportunity to make a new friend. I think I had about 3 or 4 drinks and was less reactive which may have affected me wimping out at the end.
All in all. I still believe I need more work. I think I'll try bars, as I've been sticking exclusively with clubs. But I feel like it'd be a nice change of pace. I am also working up the courage to do a bit of day game.
Areas to Improve:
Along with all the helpful information I've received such as learning to escalate; I think I need to work on my confidence. I am also the type of person who doesn't plan out what to say beforehand or have an idea; I tend to lag in the conversation and it really brings my value down. But I'll try to keep approaching until the anxiety subsides. I think the alcohol makes it worse so I'll refrain myself to a drink or none. My problem is I need a task or reason to go to a bar to feel confident being alone. I also need to let go of my outcome more and am hopeful it will improve with experience.
Areas which I do Well:
This story aside, I was able to learn to escalate to with a girl from a previous night who responded well and friends responded well. I am touching her getting her to the dance floor as her friends quickly swoop in. I also have met someone who I did well on a first date, and take her out on dates occasionally. So it's not like it's been a while since I was laid. TMI.
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I ask her a canned opinion opener (Friend still in love with ex; has pictures) she's talking and responding as she walks away; I try following up but can see she's trying to leave with a male friend. The guy say's "that was a good try". Honestly I think that fucked with my head the rest of the night. He said it sympathetically.
If you got that reply your DELIVERY of the opener was off.
Sigh.
The delivery of what you say (e.g. enthusiasm, body language, eye contact) is 100X more important than the actual words you're saying.
It didn't seem genuine, or sounded too rehearsed. Most likely you didn't have enough enthusiasm and interest in your delivery and follow up responses.
It also sounds like you're more focused on TALKING, which is horrible in a nightclub/bar/nighttime environment. What you should be focusing here is on kino, and then escalation.
Thanks for the insight man. I don't notice that stuff. Yeah, I kinda figured that opener was to rehearsed. Honestly after talking to her for a bit I should have just transitioned then. I also was nervous so I did lean into her, and didn't exude the level of confidence I know myself to be able to do. I'll try focusing on the girl and the environment. I have a question on changing it to Kino or Escalating. As she was leaving I should have tried to break a bit of report by having my body language showing I was disinterested while folllwing up on that. I feel like I was much more focused on talking. But don't know really the most effective way to open and transition into KINO.
Throw out not wanting to show interest for a second. Forget about breaking rapport
Showing interest is ok, in fact is necessary, when in this type of environment.
The issue is HOW you should that interest.
GENUINE smile. Confident vocal tone. Eye contact. These are three things you should be doing the INSTANT you get into set.
As you open, you kino. No need for transition. Place your hand lightly on the small of her back. You're greeting her - almost like a handshake. Alternatively, you can also place your hand on her arm/shoulder.
This is done in a non-creepy non-touchy feely way. It should feel NATURAL. You aren't feeling her up - you're getting her attention. Interacting with her. Don't be afraid to get close. Talk to her. It doesn't matter much about what. Look at her eyes, her facial expression. You will know IMMEDIATELY whether she's into the moment or not. Move her. Pivot. Touch. Kino. Good responses? Great. Hold that touch a little longer next time. When you talk, get a little closer to her ear.
Whatever you do, don't be afraid of rejection. The second you let that fear show is the second that THEY become uncomfortable. Relax. It's natural. Absolutely natural that you should be next to this person, their body touching yours. Women will pick up on your microexpressions, so just be in the moment. She wants this. In the GENUINE case that she is OBVIOUSLY uncomfortable, step back, and give her some space. Smile, look into her eyes, get her laughing, get her enjoying your presence, then step back in.
That is kino buddy.