Hey guys,
I hung out with a girl 4 weeks ago and mentioned it was a date. Later, she had mentioned to me, over text, that she was seening someone but she really liked hanging out with me and is really confused. So..... so save face, i hung out with her the next week so if we ever ran into eachother, it wouldnt be ackward. WE WENT FOR AN HOUR WALK!!
We've hung out a couple days ago and she mentioned that she wasnt seeing anyone anymore. We both also agreed that seriously seening someone is over rated. I think she wants to be friends with benefits!

What should i do!?!?!?! Im meeting her today.

Thanks to everyone who is helping!

P.

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Nobody pisses you off.... You piss yourself off!

I learned this in high school when I asked a girl to "hang out" (low-value activity) and said it would be a date. She immediately understood my intentions and said it would not be a date, which took anything physical off the table (because if I make a move now it would be outside the parameters that were agreed on.)

Try not to pose things as dates, because if you do a date is those nice little things where you kiss the girl at the end after walking her to the door.

First, this will not seem spontaneous, as it is what is expected in a date. This lessens the excitement of the kiss.

Second, a girl thinks "one date, if I do anything on the first date other than kiss then that is low value of me." Doing more may leave her with buyer's remorse.

Third, if something happens, and you are not getting IOIs to go for the kiss, then either you just got rejected and she knows it because you called it a date or she is upset you did not make a move when you called it a date. This is a lose-lose situation.

When she mentioned seeing someone seriously was overrated, I think she meant that dating, or just hanging out without a plan, or even hanging out alone when there has not been enough comfort building put too much pressure on her to "perform" and agree to prearranged details.

And despite all this, she is still hanging out with you!

This may mean that she is confused why someone like you who seems high value is already putting the pressure on to make the relationship more serious than all the spontaneous fun things you could be doing.

I suggest you invite a friend, preferably a girl who you have known for a long time and know you would have fun with no matter what happens with the other girl, to come over to hang out with the two of you. And pay more attention to her than the other girl. Also, find ways to work in old stories about your friendship to demonstrate your value.

This will send her the message that I, too, do not want anything serious and that I have something to do outside of you.

If getting a friend over is not possible, then try to do something you would be doing by yourself anyways. I like to teach girls how to play video games, because that says to them "I am going to do something I like to do, and show you why it should be fun for you, too." Invite them into your life, instead of the other way around.

Remember, this girl's only confusion is why a high value male like you is doing low value things. Show her your time and excitement is more important than hers, and that you are inviting her into your life. If she finds you exciting, she'll want to figure out where that confidence comes from. And she will no longer be confused

Alright, so i hung out with her last night. We went for a movie and dinner, then decided to be spontaneous and go clubbing. She invited her cousin becuase it was her birthday and a friend. So it was the four of us. After the night was over, i went back to her place and i felt as if the sexual tension was high. We talked about the first kiss being the hardest part of starting something, and we talked alot about sex.

Should i go in for the initial makeout and take things from there, or just keep her as a friend?

HELP!?!?!

P.

Ps. im pretty sure i already messed it up but its good to know where i did lol

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Quote:
Nobody pisses you off.... You piss yourself off!

She the kiss stuff you talked about probably means she's ready to be kissed. Spending a dinner, a movie and going clubbing means you spent more than enough time with her that she should have been comfortable. I never spend that much time even with my best friends.

You, though, should make a move soon. She's waiting for you to gone in with confidence. When you think she wants to kiss you and, more importantly, when YOU feel it's time there are two routes to go.

You can do the Mystery/Style "Do you want to kiss me?" And if she says yes, kiss, if she says maybe, this means yes and say "let's find out " and if she says no, say "I did not say you could it just looked like you had something on your mind."

From what I am hearing from you, this will be no good because it seems she has already made it clear she has feelings for you. While you were talking about the first kiss, her impression may have been "Hard?!?! Is it really hard to kiss me?"

I would say, for this situation, a real passionate, SPONTANEOUS, kiss would work well, since your conversations have taken some of the spontaneity out of the situation. Grab her by the neck and underneath each ear, say "I can't wait a second longer to do this." If she pulls her head back, kiss her on the forehead or the cheek, that way there has been no rejection and you do not look like you are forcing yourself on her. If she stays still or leans forward into you, go for the kiss on the lips, but make sure you are the one ending the kiss instead of her.

Then tell her, "before this goes any further, I wanted to make sure we are on the same page." This shows you have the expectation that it WILL go further and she should, too. Then say to her, "I am dating other people (if you are, always be honest.)" Or "I want to keep my options open. Do you mind that I see (or am interested) in other girls?" I have used this somewhere around 10 times, and have never had one girl say no. They all say yes.

If she does say "no," which I would imagine in some situations were the girl was more serious about the guy would be the case, this shows you that she is interested in being your girlfriend.

Say to her, after she says no and if you are interested in a relationship, "Do you talk to any of your ex boyfriends?" If she says yes, then tell her "Well, I have to keep my options open." Do not ask her to stop talking to her exe's, she will tell you she has once the validation you give her matters more than her exe's validation.

Good luck, it seems like you are on the right track.

So you talked about kissing and sex, but you didnt do either? mmm friend zone....

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My Journey:viewtopic.php?f=22&t=192265

Hey guys,
I just thought i should mention that this girl i have been hangout with wants to become friends with benefits. I think i figured out the perfect way to handle this type of situation.
Maintain friendship, maintain open communication (talk alot about sex), and when you hang out, do something non-sexual (I did batting cages)

Hope this helps anyone.

P.

_________________
Quote:
Nobody pisses you off.... You piss yourself off!

Mate.. I had FWB for a long time. Eventually It got into a relationship.

The one thing I learned from it was - Do not take her out on dates. Do not pretend to want anything but sex. Don't waste time going to the cinema etc.

The only reason you should do any of that is if you actually want a relationship.

Look at it this way - You're getting exactly what you want, sex. You should be happy.

If your not you probably want to date this girl. The that's when you actual go places, do things, and build attraction beyond how many times you can make her cum.

Best of luck though buddy.. It's fucking fun

Eh, I am more with Pdawg on this one. I had anywhere from 3 to 6 LTMRs going my senior year of college, and the only one that lasted (granted, it did term into a real relationship) was the one where I invested more time into going out on dates.

In my experience, the whole friends with benefits thing works w/o the dating part for a month to 2 months, but the girls tend to get quickly bored. Sex is emotional, and if there is no emotional connection beyond the bedroom it gets old fast.