Hey man this is my first day here, and yours is the first topic that I read. I really hope that everything here is as informative, helpful and well written as your topic bro. I especially liked the part at the beginning about picturing yourself as the man in a perfect situation with beautiful women everywhere to increase confidence and how you focus on letting people know that nobody is better than them but make it clear on how not to be cocky.


Much love

good post nice of you to find the time and type these all out

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Three Types of Players:
1) Those who doesn't know whats happening
2) Those who watch what happens
3) Those who make it happen

Poetic, I joined this forum because of you... just wanted to show you some love. I happen to be in a relationship right now, but I think your topics (this one and body language) are applicable to any man, and I've turned some friends onto this as well.

Its like there is this proverbial nail for human interaction, and you keep slamming that thing with a sledge-hammer!

I'm reading your blog too. +1 awesome points for you, bud.

Thanks for all the love guys, appreciate the respect and gratitude. Post any questions you might have, I'll answer them as best I can.

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Always Leave on a Good Note

There are some lessons you learn from your own actions, and some lessons you learn from others. This is a lesson I will never forget and because of this I always leave on a good note.

My Dad is a joker, a dominant alpha male. He works construction as a foreman sometimes for framing sometimes for concrete. In those environments you sometimes have to suppress other peoples alphaness because of the role you play as a leader. One time he said to his cousin one of his comments joking around as we were leaving. Not a hurtful but a comment none the less.

A few months later his cousin passed on. He looked at me with a shameful face, something I see rarely from my Dad, the last thing I said to him was bla bla. This hurt him so much. He had insulted him jokingly as the last thing he said to him. My Dad looked at me and said "I guess it is true you never know when someone is going to die."

This for me hit me deep. A realization that you just never know what life has to offer or when death will come. Since this point I have begun strive to make every interaction with me a good one. One where they I always end on a good note.

Every interaction with the person you are with now may be their last with you. Things happen and although it is rare, it is something that happens. Always act as if this may be your last interaction with someone. With this mentality you will be liked everywhere you go. You will get invitations to go to stay at friend's houses in Florida, Illinois, Alaska, Maryland, etc. You will be welcome everywhere.

Always leave on a good note, remember they have to remember you as good. Their last interaction will always be how they remember so always, always leave on a good note.

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You Don't Know

There is one comment that everyone says, but it is a terrible statement. "I know", this is terrible. "I know how you feel" is even worse. People seem to have this idea that we know, it is really just our arrogance as a species. We are never as smart as we think, there was a study where people who graded themselves in the top 25% of performers in a work environment, when they went over these people they were more likely to fall in the bottom third then top 25%. Meaning the people who felt the least reason to improve needed the most improvement.

You don't know what they know. They may not know and that is fine, they don't know what you know. If you can at all avoid using the phrase "I know". After all we always hate a know it all. Oh he knows it all, I have a friend like this.

Girls are physically attracted to him, they think he is hot, but he is a "know it all". He has other issues, but it is hard to hold a conversation with a "know it all". When ever you say "Oh you can't do it like this", his answer is "I know", even worse he may have already been doing it wrong but he does "know" the right way. To me it makes him look foolish, like a dumb ass really.

The proper statement may be "I understand". When someone is having a bad day and they tell me about it, my statement is a lot of times "That has never happened to me so I can't say I know how you feel, but I certainly understand how you feel".

When it is something basic like you need to do this, a better rebuttal maybe it will be done. Instead of saying "I know I need to do it", sounds annoyed, you can say "it will be done". Sounds a lot better.

I know can make you look like an idiot more often for the simple arrogance of the statement. If you are using the phrase "I know..." a lot you probably come across as a "know it all" who is consistently proven wrong. How can you "know" everything, get rid of the statement and it will change every conversation dramatically.

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i agree with this thread totally

Be Polite and Generous

There are not enough people who say sir, miss, mam. Or hold the door open for that extra second to let the next person in a place. Just be more Generous in public. Generous with smiles. Generous with openness. Be Generous guys. and be Polite. I don't care what it is people do to peacock using nothing but behavior. So they are loud and obnoxious to get attention, people don't realize that walking up and giving a stranger a polite salutation is different these days.

You guys will be welcomed with a lot more love if you show some manners. It is pretty simple. You can still joke with strangers and say sir, miss or mam. They will appreciate the respect you give them. Everywhere you go people will be Generous to you and everywhere you go people will be Polite, you get what you give.

Respect

That bit about Respect is very important. We talked about people give what you give them. If you give Respect you get Respect. So be very Respectful of everyone and you will have that Social Proof of being Respected everywhere you go. How do you think that looks when everywhere you go people Know and Respect you?

Raise Your Brows

This is something that works very well. Pretty simple doesn't need much more. Walk around and right as your about to smile raise your eye brows. It appears far more welcoming and people love it. Somebody smiles at you raise your eye brows for split second then smile. You will notice a huge change in how people greet you too.

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Ok, here, at this point, I'm finally going to call bull. I'm on my 4th re-read of this thread, trying to absorb, trying to remember what I consider valuable, and for awhile I was trying to decide what to say. I re-read because I didn't want to be unfair. I really appreciate your willingness to share your perspective with people, especially at such length. But it's very clear to me from the psychological and managerial theory I've looked at, that you're a specific kind of person. "Charisma" and being "The Man" are not for everybody. You excel at treating people with kindness; kindness, however, is not the only way to communicate with, motivate, and inspire people.

In your statements on Leadership you described people as either sheep, wolves, or Shepherds. You forgot the Fools. Those who will not be led, nor preyed upon, nor co-opted. The court jesters who tell the emperor he is wearing no clothes. Not you - you have plenty of clothes. But you do project a rather skewed sense of everyone going "in one direction" to better themselves. It just doesn't fit any reality or cross-section of people I've dealt with in my life. People with your orientations towards others are rare for a reason: the world is generally too painful and angst-ridden for everyone to arrive at this, with any kind of intellectual honesty. I've met people like yourself, who spend a lot of time accessing all kinds of people, who make lots of people feel good. But are you Salvador Dali? Are you Marcel Duchamp? Are you John Lennon? No, you are not. There are people who rip apart the world, who destroy it, then recreate it, who cause chaos in the social harmony and yet produce arguably "better things" in the long run because of it.

Why do I step up and fight you on this, when everyone else is so nice and reflective and giving back to you the mostly positive emotions you've generously offered others? Because I know there are people out there who have not found themselves, who don't know themselves, who are going to torture themselves because they don't live up to your standards of what is "the best" a person can be. What you are saying is not basically true. You have lain out a path, not the path. People who have a gut instinct that something is just not right here, should listen to it.

Humanity has to embrace its Jungian Shadow to be psychologically healthy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_%28psychology%29 Some people are exceptional at it. Don't discount what does not appeal to you personally. Keep quiet on your opinions? HECK NO. Make them known. Decide for others, in the Existential sense, if they are important enough. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existentialism Choose, and take responsibility for those choices. You do no less when you share your opinions in such a long thread.

I have mentioned that some of these tactics will be difficult to work with. I definitely agree that I have a special type of personality that makes some of these things work, but I also think you can use most of these within your own character.

Kindness is not the only way to communicate, motivate, or inspire a person, but it is the best way. A dictatorship works too. Stalin, Hitler, they all didn't use kindness but fear and force (which really is just fear). Now look at Manson, would you say he was good guy? Believe it or not he inspired people by making people feel good. Charisma and dictatorship are entirely the opposite, though they succeed at the same thing and that is influencing people. Note: Don't ever confuse kindness with weakness, they are not the same thing. For me it is stronger to be kind then it is to be an asshole.

Why do you think you can become a ladies man? Why can't you become good with people in general?

If you would have met me as a 22 year old manager you would know a different me. A 22 year old with arrogance who was an asshole that came from a constructions site. You know how I talked? Dominant. There wasn't please, there wasn't thank you, there was only NOW. That was my opinion of how things should be done. People work a lot harder for me now that I have learned to be a diplomat at work. You can be successful by being an asshole. To me a truly confident person doesn’t have to be an asshole, arrogance and cockiness to me is insecurity at its finest. You can motivate someone negatively, I am someone who is negatively motivated, so I agree. However, the majority of people won't work if they are pissed they will be spiteful. Wouldn't you be? Being nice and making everyone feel better will make you far more memorable, liked, and missed.

I am not reciting stuff I knew before. I am reciting stuff I have read. Go read some books on this stuff. I am not out making it up, this isn't my material.
I see no difference between a fool and a sheep. A sheep is nothing but a fool. Those of you who feel different are sheep looking to distinguish yourself as differently. Perhaps it is foolish for me to consider the jesters sheep as well, but they do as the king becks and calls for, laugh, joke, and humiliate themselves for someone elses entertainment (perhaps I am a foolish sheep).

You talk about people who rip apart their own world and destroy it, not ours. Why on earth does it matter to you? Honestly, I need to understand why these people hold more value in this world then you hold yourself. How many billions do you think never hear of any of those guys? I’d bet upwards of 5 billion people don’t know who any of those guys are. How do you feel about that? They have done nothing for their world just like they have done nothing for yours, however perceive the value they gave your particular world how you’d like.

What has John Lennon created that was better? An album? I love the Beatles. Huge fan but for you to mention things in accordance with him ripping things apart and recreating it is quite the statement. He influenced the world the music, through social proof nothing more, a part of the first boy band. What about the guy who built your house? The guys who built the school you went to? The guys who built the university you are going to? One guy influences with music but I'll bet over 5 billion people have no idea who the hell Lennon is. So what world could you possibly be talking about? Who do you think influenced your life more? The guys who built those building you were educated in or a guy who sang a song? Think about that for a second. Some guy you have never met, heard of, nameless, has likely influenced Your life more than some guy who sang a song and created a “world”. Who created more of your world? The guy who painted your house or Salvador Dali?

I am quite happy with your disagreement. I understand your points. Some people do not have the confidence to be this person. There is something I want to add. We are all this person within one of our worlds (circles). Within our friends we are this funny guy, for some of us at work we are this person with confidence. Some of us it may be video games, but we all have a world we feel confident in. A person confident in a bar won’t always be confident on a golf course. You are trying to bring that confidence, that character, that guy who is already “The Man” to be this confident you in all your worlds. For me it is effortless to be who I am. For you it is effortless to be who you are. However is it effortless to be confident in all of your “worlds”?

I agree that every person needs self-enlightenment. Getting laid won’t make you happy, I have said it before and I will repeat it again. Getting good with girls/people won’t ever make you this amazing being where your world is complete. That is horse radish. Nobody can make you happy but yourself. I will however say that you choose to be happy, you choose to be sad. You can’t convince me otherwise because this is something I have found to be true. It won’t just be true for me.

Have you ever heard the statement “if you keep doing what you already do you will get what you have already got”? Some things don’t feel right. Walking up to a girl for a lot of these girls is not gut instinct, in fact for some it goes against their gut. Do you wish them to follow? What about the guy who has the gut instinct to run away from his problems? Should he continue on his everlasting journey of running from problems? How about the guy who gets pissed off about every little thing and loses control to the point where he acts like a little kid and throws things? You seem to put things into a right or wrong for one person. Of course there are different things that will work for me that will work for you. I have managed to add all these elements to my life.

My opinion doesn't matter enough to me for me to care to advertise it. Why do I need to share it? If it satisfies you to do so go ahead. If you want to be known as an opinionated asshole you will choose to do so. I however am not talking about small things such as what you like or what not. I am talking politics and religion, I am a hard person to argue with so I understand. You need not accept my thoughts. I can hardly expect anyone to accept all of them, I hope that there is disagreement. I believe in individuality and not conformity.

Thanks, this is looking to be a fun conversation. Continue, I'd be very happy with a perspective change in this thread.[/quote]

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Something for you to learn about then.
Even if that were true in John Lennon's case, 1 billion ain't chump change.
Apparently you are unaware of John Lennon's history as a Vietnam War protester. Those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it. When you watch historical news footage, and look at all those people marching and carrying signs, those are people who gave their opinions. Do you think Gandhi or Lech Walesa stayed in their own world? How do you think the Berlin Wall actually fell?
I don't have any problem with "Charisma" as a healthy ingredient to add to one's life. I am against looking at oneself negatively, destroying what little self-image one has, simply because someone else defines "being kind" as the best thing a person can be. Most of the martyrs who freed millions of people from bondage, seriously pissed people off as they did so.

wow this is a goldmine.. exactly what i was looking for. THANK YOU SOO MUCH!

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I have seen the promised land

Perhaps you are true but if you can explain to me how on earth a fool isn't a sheep, I'd like to understand. Explain to me how someone is a part of the masses and follows is any different? A sheep is a fool. I would appreciate an elaboration, I am always open to learning.

To me being known by 1 billion people when chances are over 90% haven't heard 3/4 of his songs matters not. I don't derive my value from from my popularity. Lennon, Dali, Duchamp were The Man more following their deaths then during their lives. I'd rather have 100 people I personally touched at my funeral then millions of people who listened to a song I wrote at my funeral. And guess what some of the most touching people you have ever met will have 1000s, but are they famous? Not by your standards. Do you see my point? I have met some very interesting people but fame wasn't what made them interesting.

So what if a billion people heard of Lennon. Who cares? What value has he added to YOUR life? He spoke against the war? My uncle participated in and was against it, what is your point? You seem to value someones fame, I don't. I find no reason to say "oh shit Megan Fox she is so hot, I should pee my pants." You know how many girls out there are just as gorgeous as her? If you walked around my town with me you'd think I was famous. Who cares? I seriously need to understand why being famous matters.

To me being a protester means nothing, there were 100s of millions back in the day, you are choosing one because he is famous. What is your point? I think you may be missing my point. You know how many others are? I am against being in the middle east you going to pat me on the back? He is famous but other then that he is nothing. Immortal Technique, Sweatshop Union, Left over Crack, Michael Jackson was far more influential then Lennon, still is. Sublime is incredibly influential, can you mention their lead singer? Rage Against the Machine. There are a lot of groups that protest or disagree with things. The list goes on about protesting groups, the point is you show love for him because he is famous no other reason.

What about half the people who were against Vietnam but were drafted to go there? I have family that participated in the Vietnam war. The heroes are not the people who disagreed with the war, the heroes are the men who fought for their country even though they disagreed with it.

I have a lot more love for Martin Luther King, Lincoln Rockwell, or Malcolm X then John Lennon. Hell I love what KRS One represents a lot more then what Lennon did. You see my point? You glorify him because he is famous. I don't. Go look up KRS One's The Gospel of Hip Hop, it is a book on enlightenment quite enjoyable.

You can't compare Gandhi or Walesa to Lennon, Dali, or Duchamp. That is ridiculous. Those guys did way more for our world then any of those artists. How could you possibly compare them and feel justified?

There is always that old saying, "women who behave never made history." So I agree that sometimes you must make waves but stating your opinion has nothing to do with standing up for your beliefs. You seem to think I am saying to get rid of your opinion that is non-sense. I am saying don't go around telling everyone it, because they don't care and you just look very opinionated, people don't care for that. Protesting is not how I would do anything anyways, holding a sign, speaking against something, that does nothing but raise awareness, that is what the sheep are for. If you want to be a leader you will influence in a way that matters.


Edit: What about the pope? There are 1 billion Catholics out there, and even more who know the religion. What say you about him? He holds a lot of power and influence. He has helped the world over in a lot more ways then Lennon, Duchamp, and Dali. Serious question. I'd say the pope will do far more for this world then Lennon ever could.

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I'm not sure what country you're from or if you are a native English speaker. Let's use the word "Jester" instead of "Fool". Do you understand how a Jester is not a sheep? A Jester is someone who pokes fun at others and satirizes them.
Leaving questions of Charisma aside, all 3 were successful and influential while they were still alive.
The difference is they didn't have a big war that got everyone else going. I don't think you understand how fundamentally the culture of the USA changed and fractured because of people like Lennon. I'm not saying he was the most important person, there were many important people, but he was exceedingly influential in what he did. The spearhead of a social movement is a massive sharing of opinion. It is not people sitting back being quiet about their politics or religion. Because they fought so hard, the country became more moderate and future generations had a lot less to fight about. Their opinions became mainstream.
Some fought because they believed, others fought because they were duped. Being part of a military exercise does not make you a hero. I was tight with a fair number of South Vietnamese when I lived in Seattle. Their story is rarely remembered by Americans, it's always about the damn hippies vs. the military industrial complex. America only cares about culture wars, Red vs. Blue states. It doesn't care about the people who actually lived on the battleground.
You spite Lennon because you don't like or appreciate Jesters. They are alien to your ideals of leadership, so you discount their public achievements. People still read the satire of "A Modest Proposal" to this day. http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html
You can certainly compare them. I wouldn't equate them, as they're on a spectrum of social influence. We could play a game of my-social-reformer-is-better-than-your-social-reformer and rate all public figures on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm calling you out on this point. You're a complete hypocrite! You make your opinion abundantly know here. I was wondering if you were going to follow your own advice and ignore my invitation to throw down. I'm pleased you didn't, because you have a lot to offer everybody about your opinions. But to say you believe in keeping opinions to yourself is complete bullshit. You just have a naive model of public life in a democracy.
I think you are not very old. Or have been rather lucky to live in social conditions where nothing was worth fighting for. Or you are apathetic. Or you have not understood the role of the media, the Fourth Estate, in a democracy. Pick one of those options. Which one are you?

"Sheep." Incredible. Protesters stopped the Vietnam War, you call them "sheep" ? You think the people rioting in Egypt right now are sheep? Maybe you really do. Maybe you think the masses have no opinions of their own and are just cynically manipulated by various leaders. I think otherwise. I think despotic leaders get thrown out of power because people think otherwise.
I am a Secularist. The Pope is not generally on my radar as a world mover. The Catholic Church has lost enormous credibility in the eyes of the masses because of their tendency to bugger altar boys and then cover it up. I don't pay a lot of attention to the Pope's influence on his organization, because the organization is what makes the headlines in the USA, not the Pope.

I had a lot written up, believe it or not I trimmed it up.

You are perhaps right on the jester, that type of jester I see as a leader though, not a separate entity they lead people do they not?

I love John Lennon for the historically great artist he was. Huge fan, I have no spite for Lennon, but his fans with their exaggerated ideas of what he did in this world. I have listened to nothing but Beatles for weeks, I truly love the music they made. John Lennon is not who you think he is. Research his era and what he actually did so we can seriously have this conversation. McCartney was the first of the Beatles to have an anti-war video in '67. The movement began way before Lennon got involved. He strengthened the protest not spear headed it and he didn't get actively involved until 68ish. I think you should go read for a few hours about this before responding.

You don't seem to go against my point, Lennon was a man with a lot of ears to listen. There were plenty of activists since him, and before him that were musicians. He died young, became a Martyr and has since been glorified far beyond what most would have. Look to any recent musicians death to see this. Death always raises the popularity of an artist.

This isn't a pissing contest when it comes to social reform, I was pointing out the fact that the names you mentioned are minuscule compared to the influences of the others. You mention people who were artists, not influential characters through out history. The gentlemen I mentioned have done far more then you realize. There are far stronger characters and activists to be role models then John Lennon.

When it comes to my opinion, as stated most of this stuff isn't stuff I made up. These are things I read and published on here because other people can use them. There are some additions, but all this stuff is not something I invented. So for me to be stating my opinion is a little bogus. Somethings may be my opinion. But you had the choice to read it or dump it. So I never told you my opinion you read it at your personal choice. Do I have some opinion talk yes, but if you met me in person I wouldn't be stating my opinion, this has become a fun conversation.

The Hippie populations in 1968 was estimated at .2% which was the bulk of the anti-war protesters. Hardly the lump sum that would sway a war.

Most people don't know the US were involved in a civil war. Vietnam was a Civil war, we were fighting for South Vietnam's freedom. The plan was to stabilize them and weaponize them and leave.

Bad leaders should get replaced, but that doesn't always happen on time. Stalin killed an estimated 20 million before he was killed. Sometimes the damage is done.

I am not going to get into for or duped. You were likely not alive during the era, have spoke to very few participants and for me to listen to someone with this little experience regarding it would be a round about argument. One not worth having.

A riot is a demonstration of the power of the people to me. I know that isn't the case for others. Sorry about that misunderstanding.

I live a comfortable lifestyle because of those who chose to fight for us. That includes our military buddy. I understand what those people have given us. What you don't seem to realize is we are in our era's "Vietnam War", dehumanizing middle easterners, 20 years over there. Holding high arms over there going on 10 years. Raping women, killing children. Wake up buddy we are in the middle of this now.

The people holding signs are like the fans with a Go Team! sign, sure it is nice to have a support but they aren't exactly scoring points. You see my point?

You are a stereotyper, the Catholic church has had less then 1% of it's priests as pedophilia. The pope is in charge of an organization 1 billion strong. A diplomat of the world, hard to say anyone holds more influence, perhaps the same amount but not more. This was a side bar.

All this aside, if you want to be influential, Charisma is very key. If you want to have the smoothness of so many others and be influential in person you got a set of tips that will work with a lot of characters. If you want people to feel good when they talk to you. Remember you as an intriguing person, and not for a song you wrote. Because you were the man in person not because your social proof(popularity).

If you want to be some guy who influences the entire world, I truly want to say good luck. I hope that works out for you. Me on the other hand, I know I can influence my own personal world in a positive way, so I do.

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