This will be a wall of text about me and how I have ended up where I am.
I am 25 years old, had never dated until this year. I grew up without parents, I missed the uhm... mother-child bond, female touch, so I was and still am uncomfortable with touching. Sometimes the thought of sex scares me a bit and I get nervous. At the thought alone. Kissing is sometimes overwhelming for me, I forget to breath, and knees start to shake. Hugging is not comfortable either.
I was extremely shy, introvert, apathetic until i graduated high school. Then I entered a college to study economics. I moved to another city, had my own apartment there. I hoped I would open up, make new friends, date, have parties. You know, the normal stuff a first year college student wants. It did not happen. I did not make friends, I did not make good contact with my course-mates, became depressed and spent most of the time watching Tv or playing video games, alone at home. What hurt me the most was my inability to socially interact with people - I could not make friends, I made bad impressions on teachers. Let's not speak about girls, because there is nothing to speak of. I was in a class with 80 students (50 of them being female), and most other classes also had more females than men. Whatever.
My grades dropped from excellent to failed in most classes. I quit, entered another University in my home town. Switched to studying programming. I thought that it would fit me. I hoped I could limit my interaction with people to a bare minimum, sit at a desk, become workaholic and live my life like that.
During studies I met my best friend and he dragged me to a few parties. It was a positive change. He was and still is disastrous with women though, same as me.
3 years in college went fast, I graduated with bachelor's degree in Computer Science. I was very focused on grades, went out rarely, did not even try to date.
When I graduated I got a good job, focused on that, started partying a little bit more. Then I re-entered the University to get my masters degree, have been combining that with my full-time work since then.
I started making some positive changes in my life only this year. I have been going to nightclubs and parties at my friends house a few times a month. This way I have met a few women, kissed a few, had a few dates, met new people in general.
Right now I have an extremely busy period - I have buried myself in activities. What I have going on at the moment:
apartment repairs. These will end in 2 weeks or faster. Then I will have a nice, cozy apartment. It is not big, but definitely enough for now. 39 square meters (419.79 square feet). And a balcony
Driving school. Planning to finish this in December or January.
writing my diploma/qualification work in University, will be done in January.
full-time work as programmer
Sports dance lessons, once a week.
Guitar lessons once a week.
Vocal lessons once a week.
Gym, three times a week.
Last three are hobbies. I have a decent singing voice and I want to be able to play guitar and sing. I entered dance lessons to make me more comfortable with women and touching. I don't have a permanent partner, I dance with whoever is available.
In gym I have a training plan and a goal to improve my health and physique. Right now I am a bit too thin.
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Back to women, ok...
The only time I have had sex was in September, this year (2014) and I ... well, I paid a hooker. Funny thing is, I still think about myself as a virgin more often than not. Doing what I did is kind of like cheating and I am still to have my first 'normal' sex.
I am trying to be honest. I will be posting some questions on the forum and giving a link to this post, so people know my situation and can offer better advice.
I know that I am actually good looking. Tall, slim. I get quite a few women approach me, but I am just so confused every time that happens, it's ridiculous. Also, whenever I or someone else asks random women to rate my looks, I never get less than 8. The nose is a bit big but that does not seem to be a problem to most people.
This summer I was on a bus. It was empty. In a bus stop a young and pretty woman got in, looked at me, smiled and sat right next to me. On an empty bus. I did not do anything, I was confused and afraid... I hope I have not scarred her for life.
I am a tough case, I know... now you do as well
Have any questions, let me know and I will answer.
Next things on my list are doing the newbie challenge (telling hi to random women) and getting my hands on "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Will start from here.
Regards,
awexe.
CHAT