Online Dating Order of Operations
No matter how hard you try to make it into one, dating is and will forever be an art, not a science. There are no universal truths in dating. However, like most arts, there are rules of thumb. Even if there's an exception to these rules, the rules are still pretty damned useful by and large. And that's what
The Online Order of Operations is. A rule. A Guideline. It's what streamlined my approach to online dating and maximized the number of girls I met on any given week. It's a ladder of trust you provide for a girl who has never met you and build to fit inside a week, or even a day. Using it, I typically met women within a few hours of them sending me a instant message. It's essentially this:
Private Message or Two on Dating Site > Instant Message conversation > Phone Call > Live Meeting
Let's take a good look at each step, shall we?
Private Message or Two
Since many times online encounters go straight to instant messaging this is an optional step and not always in play, but in cases it is prevalent it is very important. Given the choice, you want to skip this step. But if you can't...
Spend a message being charming, funny, inquisitive, and generally wonderful. If she responds well to that, ask her if she has an IM screename cause hey, you'd like to get to know her. It's too soon for her to take much initiative, so don't give her yours and expect her to send you a message. Ask for hers and make a move whenever you see her online. I've never been sensitive about messaging too soon or waiting too long. IM whenever you like; this shouldn't make a difference.
Note: Do not ask for her phone number here. Do not use the Personable Guy line here. DO NOT ASK TO MEET HER FROM HERE!* Climb the ladder of trust!
Ok, I've gotten away with doing this when my connection was down, and I actually ended up meeting my girlfriend...but breaking these rules will hurt your odds.
Instant Message Conversation
This step should last somewhere between one and two hours, either all at once or broken up. You should be very engaging here, this is the part where you really win her over and prove you're good for conversation! If you've made it past an hour with her and you're not getting any negative vibes from her, it's a good bet that she's into you enough for you to move into the next step. Remember that "Personable Guy" line I was telling you about before? That goes here:
You: I'm enjoying this conversation, but can we move this over onto the phone? I know I have my profile here online but I'm really a Personable Guy and find it hard to get a sense of who someone is just by reading their writing. Why don't you call me? My number is XXX-XXX-XXXX.
Her: Mmm...I don't know. I'm not sure about trading my phone number with people over the internet...
You: Yeah, I understand, but we're really not going to get to know each other any better by sitting here in front of our monitors. I mean, the chances of me being a 300 pound underwear sniffing sea pirate really don't decrease with extra time spent sending messages.
Her: Hahaha. I guess you have a point. Ok.
You: *phone rings*
Phone Call
Congratulations! You sir, are in like Flynn, as they so often say. While your anxieties will be running the most high during this part, it is actually the easiest step of them all. If a girl has come this far with you, she'll forgive a little awkwardness on your part and will probably meet you even if you're totally fucking goofy. Trust me. For some reason if a girl is willing to speak with you on the phone she'll figure you're also worthwhile and trustworthy enough for a live meeting. All you have to do is stay on the phone and be a competent human being (albeit one with a sense of humor) for 10-20 minutes. That's it.
Now because this part is almost always awkward, I
highly suggest you have some topics of conversation to talk about. Don't have any? Well, go to
http://www.fark.com and/or
http://www.digg.com and grab something interesting from there. Write them down. Or don't. Try focusing on her if you have enough information about her. Whatever you do, between 10 and 20 minutes, you'll want to ask her out. Why not?
If she has the time to talk to you that means she is available!
But how?
The Live Meeting
The first meeting should be, or at least begin as, something akin to a coffee date. What you have here are two people meeting each other for the first time. This is pretty weird for both people, and both people might want to bail out, or not find their head as a part of some guy/girls collection in a freezer. So here's what you say
You: "Hey listen, I gotta go [insert reason here] but in bit I'd really like to go grab a cappuccino. You should join me."
Her: "Oh yeah? When are you leaving? Cause I have this thing I need to take care of."
You: "Whenever. I have a few chores around the house I need to tackle but I don't have anything on my schedule tying me down tonight. I was just looking to get out later. Why don't I tackle my laundry, and you call me back when you know when you can get out of dodge?"
Her: "Ok!"
You: "And bring something interesting! For show and tell. I want to be entertained."
Her: *laughs* ooooook.
You: "You laugh. I'm brining a statue my Grandpa left me. You'll love it. I'll see you then!"
Personally, I like caffeine. It is by far my favorite drug. And I like cafes. But screw this cafe. You and your drink ARE NOT the real goal here. If you and the girl hit it off, you're going to drop the location like so many hot potatoes and go for a walk, visit the movie set behind the local film school, go into the woods and stumble upon Narnia, go to a restaurant, see a band, crash some local apartments swimming pool, visit another part of town, kill each other's fiances....whatever! The ball is in you're court from here. Enjoy and good luck. You've gone from first contact to a live meeting within two hours. Why should anything stop you now?