I guess this is one of the posts with a long-story-cut-short section at the bottom.
Okay, the situation is like this: I have a long distance thing with a wonderful girl. She is very fun, self-confident, smart, loving and a lot of more traits that i love about her. Appearance-wise i'd rate her a 7.
Last summer when she was home for vacation (she goes to a college abroad), after being just friends for a long time, there is a spark of attraction, the circumstances and the time were really in out favor, and we end up really having a great time together falling in love.
So when the vacation finished, i was devastated, but i ofc also knew she was gonna go back anyway. We didnt know if we should break up because of bad the circumstances and give it a shot way later, maybe 4,5 years later.
Well, so she goes back, but we end up chatting for hours and hours on end every day for like 2months. As time passes, obviously she starts feeling that having a bf over messenger isnt the right thing for her. She felt her life lacked a good relationship. She was open to me about this and i understood. So after a little while, she starts going out with this guy.
He isn't as great as I am she told me, but she still really enjoys "having fun time with a cute guy".
I came to terms with this situation, and anyway, i had to accept i cant give her what she wants and i cant put shackles on her, plus she's being honest with me so thats always a good thing. Feelings for me didnt cease though, and we continued having conversations on chat without any problems. It was really okay.
So in Jan came the time for her winter vacation and she came back.
Well ofc i met her immediately, and we had a cute little reunion, but no kissing, just hugging, because now she's in a relationship.
We agreed it was for the best if we didnt do anything further than that.
Basically there were 2 options:
1. Just hang out with me and be like friends despite all the feelings we have for each other until the end of vacation
2. Have an affair and give ourselves into the moment, because we really love each other
We at first went with option 1 obviously, and i met her everyday. We hung out at her place, and had the greatest time, but there was always the border between us in how far we can go.
This wall was little by little cracked more and more, and we kissed, lay arms in arms for long times, enjoying being together finally.
Then we would separate out bodies and rechant again that we mustnt go down this road.
Okay, now comes the 'big event'. Yesterday I came over to her place, and i was just feeling like being sweet. I picked up a muffin for her before coming to her place, and a guitar pick (she loves that kinda stuff) and also brought my guitar cuz she asked me to teach her a bit.
Well she was really happy bout the muffin, and the pick and i played even a song for her. It felt really nice and the atmosphere was just great.
So we played a bit of guitar and lied on her bed, hugging, talking, making jokes and all that. One kiss leads to another and we get really hot and horny. Funny thing was, she didnt shave her legs on purpose cuz she didnt want to have sex, so that was supposed to be her emergency brake.
Well as she was getting horny, she decided to have sex. a conscious decision, and went to the bathroom to shave her legs XD.
And then we have really great sex. It was awesome.
In the evening we texted a bit, and now she was getting guilty feelings.
She says that she cheated on her bf who really cares about her, and she's hating herself. But i mustnt feel guilty because i didnt do anything to hurt somebody and obviously i dont give a f*** about the other guy.
but she does and now she's having regrets.
So now we are theoretically in option 2 with the affair, but she isn't exactly chilled about it. I feel guilty myself though. I couldnt hold my horses and my feelings back enough to protect her from this hard situation where she is beating herself up, hating herself for 'being a whore' as she said herself.
I really want to make her feel good again, and help her deal with the guilty feelings, and thats what i ask of you guys, what ways are there to help her help herself?
Ok for all those who don't have the time to read my little novel up there:
I am in a long distance open relationship with a great girl. she has a bf at her uni, and came back for vacation. We decided we shouldnt have sex because of her bf and anyway i can't give her the relationship she'd want with me right now.
after hanging out a lot, feelings got stronger and as of yesterday, we couldnt hold back anymore and had sex. it was great sex, but in the evening she got guilty feelings. she says i'm not the one guilty but its her and her alone. she hates herself and this makes me feel bad, specially because i knew before we had sex that this would happen.
What ways are there to help her deal with the guilty feelings?