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zige
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Joined: 15 May 2009
Posts: 18
Location: NY
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 Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 2:41 pm Post subject: Sexual Performance Anxiety |
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Since we are all friends here, time for full disclosure. I need some help so I'll be completely honest.
I've been seeing a girl romantically for about 2 weeks. We've been friends for almost a year. It's kinda fuzzy since we had a make out session a few months ago. We've slept next to each other several times in a short 2 week span. We are fun together.
Here's the problem. I can't keep an erection when we start to get intamate. Now, it's been at least 18 months since I was with a girl. I've fallen into a pattern of masterbation that is far removed from how she is in bed.
We've gotten close, we kind of had sex once and have gotten each other off (I'm awesome with my hands she says) but no real sex.
Her: Sexually agressive. Not the worst I've seen but close. Wants to dominate.
Me: More romantic and slow I guess. I like to dominate in bed too and I like more submissive girls.
Also, over the past 18 months, I've fallen into this pattern of only liking bondage porn. I was not like that with my exces. Maybe I just need to tie her up? She did say she'd try it. I don't know maybe we are not sexually compatable. It's killing me. I'm trying to change in a hurry and it might drive me nuts. |
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spinstill
PUA Forum Enthusiast
Joined: 18 Sep 2009
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 5:27 am Post subject: Re: Sexual Performance Anxiety |
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| zige wrote: | Since we are all friends here, time for full disclosure. I need some help so I'll be completely honest.
I've been seeing a girl romantically for about 2 weeks. We've been friends for almost a year. It's kinda fuzzy since we had a make out session a few months ago. We've slept next to each other several times in a short 2 week span. We are fun together.
Here's the problem. I can't keep an erection when we start to get intamate. Now, it's been at least 18 months since I was with a girl. I've fallen into a pattern of masterbation that is far removed from how she is in bed.
We've gotten close, we kind of had sex once and have gotten each other off (I'm awesome with my hands she says) but no real sex.
Her: Sexually agressive. Not the worst I've seen but close. Wants to dominate.
Me: More romantic and slow I guess. I like to dominate in bed too and I like more submissive girls.
Also, over the past 18 months, I've fallen into this pattern of only liking bondage porn. I was not like that with my exces. Maybe I just need to tie her up? She did say she'd try it. I don't know maybe we are not sexually compatable. It's killing me. I'm trying to change in a hurry and it might drive me nuts. |
Don't worry about the sexual compatibility stuff. your worrying is the reason your having problems. Youre taking something emotional and passionate, and trying to put logic into it. Just let go of all that and get into the moment.
I used to have horrible performance anxiety in the beginning then I just forgot about that, and it seems like the less I think the better it is.
another thing is I realized as time goes on and the girl gets more attached and used to regular sex shes willing to experiment more and cater to what turns you on |
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Forever-Endeavor
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Joined: 22 Feb 2009
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Location: NH
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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I went through the same exact thing, Ive been seeing this girl for a few months now and we had alot of attraction towards eachother right off the bat. The first few times we got intimate with foreplay i started to get performance anxiety and just couldn't get it up.
Now before that I hadn't been with a girl for about 14 months and fell into the internet porn and masturbation daily. Once you get used to a certain thing and you pick and choose what turns you on, when it comes time to get the real thing its tough, especially after a year plus of no sex.
Anyways it was really bothering me so I tried to think of anything I could to stop the anxiety. I had her sleep over my place for a few nights so i could just relax and get comfortable, i took deep breaths and tried to just focus on her as we started making out and getting back into foreplay, finally after calming myself down and thinking its not a big deal I was able to get an erection and bang the shit out of her. Ever since that night we have been having amazing sex and everything is great between us.
Its just hard to get back into the groove after not having sex for so long, and picking and choosing what turns you on (internet porn). If she is as crazy about sex as you say she is, im willing to bet she will try anything for you to get you turned on. After that it shouldnt be an issue for you. Hope this helps |
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zige
New to PUA Forum
Joined: 15 May 2009
Posts: 18
Location: NY
Reputation: 16.1
votes: 2
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 10:09 pm Post subject: Thanks |
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Thanks guys.
She's been demonstrating good patience, and the concept that next time we see each other we don't have to worry about sex is setting in. I think when I'm not worried about it it will happen.
I feel better knowing that someone else has had pretty much the same problem. |
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spinstill
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Joined: 18 Sep 2009
Posts: 56
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votes: 1
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:51 am Post subject: |
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another thing I realized is that if I think about about foreplay as leading up to sex when I'm nervous it creates alot of suspense.
It helps when during foreplay you do stuff and kind of think "if we have sex cool, if not no big deal"
don't think just because your in foreplay you have to have sex, realistically it always leads to it, but if you don't build suspense it gets easier |
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