So in another thread, Chief basically kicked my weak-ass inner game in the nads:
Here's the thing. I was sexually abused in kindergarten. These days, I have trouble with sex. As in I have trouble feeling sexual, and can lose an erection based on the slightest distraction. Maintaining a sexual frame? I have trouble with that sometimes even during sex.

I can perform when comfortable, and I've had a girlfriend for the last 3 years who says I'm good in bed. But I don't have this sexual confidence. Honestly, when I read things saying I should have a seductive look by thinking about sex I don't even think I can. If I can barely maintain a sexual vibe during actual sex, how can I do it on the dance floor or in a bar?

So how big of a handicap is this? How can I work around it?

(I know I need to resolve the underlying issues, and you guys can't help with that... but I'm worried about my prospects of actually f-closing when I can't even manage a seductive look. )

Hey man, brave topic to bring up. Kudos for showing how big your kahones are here!

Anything to do with pua takes effort, realising you need help, and asking for it.

I don't know for sure, however it may help if you immerse yourself in different sexual methods or philosophies. Increasing your interest and knowledge may help your focus. Think in terms of tantric sex or even just the karma sutra stuff to get started.

I'm no specialist here, just my thoughts bro.

Good luck!

_________________
wisdom is knowing what to do next virtue is doing it
Translation - Thought without action is pointless!

I'd like to echo the previous poster by saying that you are brave to post such a personal issue here. I guess that's what these kinds of forums really are for, for men to be upfront about their issues related to sex and dating.

Resolving the underlying issues is, of course, the best way to resolve the topical issues as well. I'm a strong advocate of fixing things from the inside-out instead of that "fake it til you make it" shit. Unfortunately there aren't that many resources that can men who experienced sexual trauma feel comfortable with their sexuality again, as far as I know (I could be wrong).

I'm not going to pretend to be some sort of psychiatric professional. Definitely take the issue up with the appropriate specialists. I can tell you, however, that there are at least two shorter-term solutions that you can implement in the meantime:
1. The most popular method of creating sexual tension among PUAs is to use sexual state without addressing sex directly. The reverse - having absolutely no sexual state while verbally sexually framing - can have the same sexual tension-building effect.
2. Fractionation: Can't maintain a consistent sexual state? That would probably work to your advantage anyway as long as you're not suffering throughout the whole ordeal. Inconsistency of your sexual state projection would build more sexual tension anyway since states become stronger as they are re-introduced after being taken away.

I was probably too quick to use the word "handicap" because everyone is different and seduction, as an art, can be molded and personalized to suit any different kind of person out there. Don't think of yourself as broken or anything like that; you truly are enough. Your true self is attractive and seductive as hell and there's definitely more than one way to let that shine through. You are more than capable of resolving your underlying issues in a healthy way, especially with the help of the appropriate specialists.

Did you not read some of my responses in that same thread? Being good in bed is important but it is NOT a necessity. Many couples are together and happy despite having sexual problems, and if you perform badly the first time it will have almost NO impact (yes, NO IMPACT) on whether or not you can see the woman again.

Don't let performance anxiety get in the way of going for it and sleeping with women. I've had some embarrassing performances along with plenty of great ones and I can tell you as I posted in that other thread, it was NEVER an issue w/seeing the girl again. If it persists in a relationship it could become an issue, but many people have these issues and still do fine. So, yea, it is good to be good in bed, but it is NOT a necessity. Hopefully that gives you at least some confidence to overcome your issues. And I'm not just saying the above to make you feel better, it is TRUE.

_________________
http://www.joshsway.com -- dating, online dating, fitness, fashion, and more...

I'm not into it myself but ever thought of having a dildo in your side drawer at the ready and maybe other sex toys some of the more adventurous women would be into? If a woman -- who is into it -- sees this kinda stuff she's going to be intrigued but not everyone is like that, infact most of the women i've been with haven't and those that did were wild, like batshit crazy.

Of course, go seek a professional to help you. It will take time but you'll need to sort it out from there. PUA won't be a fix for anything like that. Perhaps seek a psychoanalyst? Might be the best option for you!

If it fits your style or you're okay with things like this, you might want to try some monster cocking techniques.



I was thinking of having a silver belt buckle customized like this where I can put a cellphone and pull it out. The biggest game changers that this forum taught me either directly or indirectly from mediocre to awesome are seductive eye contact and having peacocking items near your cock.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

what the fuck?? You never cease to amaze me...

_________________
http://www.joshsway.com -- dating, online dating, fitness, fashion, and more...

I did, and it helped a little but right now I'm more worried about the actual pickup part. I've had a girlfriend for three years, so I know that in a longish term sense it's ok.
Good to know. I have a LOT of anxiety about a new partner...

Agreed in principal, but inside-out is slow... also I think having more sex will help me get more comfortable with it. Stupid vicious cycles...
This sounds useful, but I'm not always good being verbally sexual. Know where I could find some tips on that?
Also good, but I generally have trouble getting into a sexual state at all... especially when I'm out dealing with approach anxiety, self-consciousness, etc. Working on that too, and then maybe I'll get to this point.
Well, that was a trigger... but I think the worry had been building up a bit. A LOT of the stuff on the boards lately is about how you need to maintain a sexual frame, which leads to looking seductive. I haven't been sure I can...
I'll try to remember that... thanks for the help!