The power of listening.



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 Post subject: The power of listening.
PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 4:29 pm 
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In the daytime in particular you don't have the luxury of sexually charged environments. So your conversation skills are more important.

Active listening is vital. It does a number of things.

First of all active listening works like this. When the other person is talking. Stop thinking about anything. Clear your mind and focus on what she is saying and her body language. Then do something so that she knows you heard her and that you understood.

Mirroring is good here. By simply repeating back what she said or the main point of it. Asking an open ended question about the topic is also great, but don't rely on asking questions too much. For one it shows too much interest. For another it comes off as needy. Finally it contributes to you looking like you have nothing to say or add to the conversation.

Taking what she said and making a statement about how you feel about what she said is a strong way to mirror. This is expanded mirroring where you add your own insights into the mix. You can also tell a story, use a c&f line based off the context of what she said, make a cold read, use an off handed shaping comment. The list goes on...You know all the stuff we have in our toolbags, and if you don't you should invest some time in learning a few.

But listening doesn't just give you jumping points on what to say... It increases social rapport with the person. They start to like you automatically. At least a little more than they did before.

I used to run a game where all I did was talk 10% of the time. While maintaining attractive body language and ton I would get the girl to say something. Then sit back and ask open ended questions and mirror back parts of the last thing she said. Then I just monitored that the conversation stayed on things she liked.

I literally never talked about myself, and when they asked a question about me I'd just talk about something that was related to something she said and then mirror and open end question again. All while building kino.

It was too easy. It actually began to get uninteresting so I stopped using the style. But if you want something easy, and you don't feel like doing loads of talking go for it.

Walk around in the daytime then ask a girl an open ended question, or make some off handed statement that won't end in her making a yes/no statement. Listen, and mirror/open-ended question. She'll be sucked into a never ending conversation that she'll love. I've never once had a girl call me out on it. When they realize they know little about me and start asking questions it just builds more attraction.

Then just maintain attractive body language (alternating positive and negative signals) and give her a high five, or hand shake when she makes her first qualifying statement that's meant to impress you. After the high five you can actually get her number if you like, but I usually try to take it as far as I can.

The only drawback of this style is that it gets boring for me. I used this back when I was first starting out when I didn't like to talk. The the landmine is that you can fall into the friend zone if you don't use proper body-language and kino escalation.

Listening is actually much more powerful that this, but this post is already a bit long. I'll expand further into it at a later date. I use it in conjunction with other pick-up stuff like future pacing, flirtation models, and connection building paradigms and more. Listening is foundation though.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 4:51 pm 
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Starboy wrote:
t was too easy. It actually began to get uninteresting so I stopped using the style. But if you want something easy, and you don't feel like doing loads of talking go for it.
Yesterday your claim was that you wanted to increase your closing rate and be faster at closing. Now you're saying that you had a method that was too easy so you walked away from it. The more you post, the less sense you make.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 5:02 pm 
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It was too easy. It got boring sitting there listening and mirroring. My mind starts wondering and the girls become uninteresting. Plus it also only works with girls who are already somewhat interested in you.

Developing actual conversation skills is much more powerful and an interactive dynamic but there is a learning curve.

This is for guys who need to just get started. DJ_Z told me that there are actual people who study game for years without talking to women...wtf?

So here's a little skill where you do barely any talking that works.

- Inspired by combining Paul Jenka with Dale Carnegie.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 5:09 pm 
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Starboy wrote:
It was too easy. It got boring sitting there listening and mirroring. My mind starts wondering and the girls become uninteresting. Plus it also only works with girls who are already somewhat interested in you.
So it only works on women that are already somewhat interested in you, but at the same time it increases social rapport and they start to like you automatically? Help me understand this...if a person started to like you automatically, wouldn't that make them interested in you?


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 5:22 pm 
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Because rapport and attraction are not like light switches. It's more like a dimmer switch. Or a percentage.

The level of interest goes from her thinking "he's sort of interesting let's see where this goes."

To "I really like this guy."

Both are intuitive feelings that the woman has.

But like I said. This style isn't really interactive and get's extremely boring (for me, not the girl, they love to prattle on about their lives and good experiences) and I began to lose interest in dating women. It's like watching the same movie over and over again.

So Now I use a more dynamic style that keeps me entertained along with the girl, which is also flexible enough to sometimes pull in girls who have no initial interest, but that's not what the post is about.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 5:35 pm 
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Starboy wrote:
So Now I use a more dynamic style that keeps me entertained along with the girl, which is also flexible enough to sometimes pull in girls who have no initial interest, but that's not what the post is about.
Write about your dynamic style because the original topic seems to be more of a time waster if it eventually becomes boring. If it only works when the girl is somewhat interested in the first place, then just about anything will work to pull them in as long as you don't do something unattractive. So you may as well skip it and do something that's fun since you're not really at risk of losing the girl who is already into you.

The dynamic style would be a better read since it is flexible enough to sometimes pull girls who have no initial interest.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 6:10 pm 
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I have no idea what you're saying here. What's an example of thes convos?


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 6:57 pm 
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I just keep wishing I had like an app to have the two old guys in the balcony on the Muppet show roast this thread.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 7:01 pm 
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DJ_Z wrote:
I just keep wishing I had like an app to have the two old guys in the balcony on the Muppet show roast this thread.
Image


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 7:15 pm 
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OP I highly recommend you reread things you write...out loud

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 8:29 pm 
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So Neo thanks for saying that.

Let me see if I can clarify it for you I'll pull something from one of my pick-ups.

I was sitting on the train going to work. A girl sat down next to me. I said good morning, where are you headed?

I cleared my mind and listened:

She said work.

I used an open ended question based off of what she said. "What do you do for a living?"

She started to explain what she did.

I smiled and repeated the job title back to her.

She smiled said Yeah then began to elaborate on her job duties and the work environment.

Then I listened for another subject to mirror back at her one that she appeared to like when she mentioned it. I took a job duty she said and simply repeated it to her.

Then she began to talk about that duty in more detail. Then I smiled again and elicited a high five from her complimenting her ability to do whatever that was she just explained to me. Followed by another open ended question how did she end up in that sort of work.

She got into the story all the while feeding me more subjects to mirror back or ask open ended questions on. I took note of subjects (nouns or whatever) that I didn't expand on and when things on the current thread started to reach an end point I introduced one of the other subjects.

Then I simply asked for the number and she gave it to me, and I got off the train.

I had several go-to things to spark the pattern. What do you do for a living. Where do you live? Where are you originally from? Tell me about your family. Do you like to travel? What hobbies do you like? What sports do you like?

I just walked around life doing my normal life routine running this simple thing collecting numbers and following up setting dates. On the date I'd do the same thing while escalating touch and bouncing venues closer to my place and then giving her a reason to come upstairs (other than sex) when we found ourselves in-front of my apartment complex.

Dale Carnegie's Six Ways to make people like you:

Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile
Remember a person's name
Be a good listener, encourage people to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of other people's interests.
Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.

And then balance that with attractive body language and kino escalation.

I did the same thing over and over and over again. It got boring. But this is something easy for the beginner to run.

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This is what I live for.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 11:41 pm 
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And you didn't fuck her.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2017 8:59 pm 
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Reminded me of Carnegie, like Starboy said. I think listening is 101. If you don't show interest and be attentive, it's already a lost game.


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